Beauty for Ashes

Sometimes I really wonder, how many of us really do thank
God for saving us from the pain of sex before marriage.
Especially in the case when 1 + 1 = 3.

I can’t imagine the amount of shame, guilt  and
condemnation that would result from it.
The anguish and sorrows felt.
The judgment from man that is faced.
The total helplessness and sense of filthiness.

Think about the implications.

Sometimes even we, ‘grace’ believers find it very hard to accept it.
It becomes very real when the rubber meets the road.
Is there any hope left?

I was just thinking what the Lord’s answer will be for such a situation.
I was reminded of Psalm 51. David and Bathsheba.

“A broken spirit and a contrite heart, God will not despise.”

Out of the many sons that David had,
the Lord chose Solomon to succeed his father, David.
In the natural, Solomon should not be chosen, he’s a child out of wedlock.
He shouldn’t deserve it and can’t deserve it, even going to the extent of
being in the genealogy of Jesus Christ.

But the Lord chose Solomon.

The Lord can bring out good from what the world despises for His glory.

Psalm 51
The Lord will restore the joy of His salvation
and uphold with His generous Spirit. Amen.

Isaiah 61
To console those who mourn in Zion,
To give them beauty for ashes,
The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;
That they may be called trees of righteousness,
The planting of the Lord that He may be glorified.

Brighter & Brighter

I was so bored today at home.
Where everything else just went boring.
Even games, facebook, etc. became boring.
I was restless.

It was so boring that I decided to just take some walk
to shop & save to get ‘magic clean’ + cloth + sponge,
had my lunch. $2.30 mee sua. Nowadays,
we don’t get lunch at this kind of economic price.

The Lord held back the rain for me.
Started pouring cats and dogs after I reached home.
So I started to clean up the kitchen walls and window grills
as my mum told me. There, my restlessness rested.
At least I could set my hands to some useful work
to ease my mum’s burden. The Lord through me doing it,
though I was tired, but there was rest inside.
After that, I went out for dinner with a friend.

That’s like almost the first week of my holidays.
[Mon] Met up with my friend who came back from aussie on Monday.
[ Tue] Went to grandma’s place to help tidy up stuff on Tues.
[Wed] Washed & hung up the curtains, and had devo in the evening.
[ Thu] Lazed around (supposed to be shopping with aunty, but some things cropped up) and went out to chill with the awesomest people on the planet.
[ Fri  ] Cleaned up the kitchen walls and window grills.
[Today] Checking out food pricing at the super mart for steamboat with CG. Arrow in evening.
[ Sun] Church =)

It was truly a blessed time the night before (Thurs) where
I got to hang out with the ‘awesomest’ people on
the planet, just sharing about life and having fun,
having one heart and mind, that is to see Jesus lifted up.
Seriously awesome feeling when we’re in company of
people who hold the same values and beliefs.
It just gets us fired up and started.

Thank you Lord for blessing me with such wonderful
people around me to do life together. I really enjoyed myself.
It just brings joy to be able to serve together with them.
And it brings greater joy to be a blessing to others.
It’s a grace gift.

There’s one thing which I noticed about me recently.
In the past, it was really really hard for me to really
come down to people’s level, to understand them
and sympathize with them. But I just find this supernatural
strength on the inside, where this compassion is really
not of myself. Having compassion for someone whom
I can’t even talk properly to last time, coz of impatience.

Grace grace. I knew that there’s no turning back once I left.
I’ve come a long way, but it was the Lord who was leading me.
And through it all the He was with me. And now I’m
really enjoying all that He had prepared for me. =)

4th Feb -> (Proverbs 4)
v18 – But the path of the just is like the shining sun,
That shines ever brighter unto the perfect day.

Amen.

iPod nano

Hm.. Don’t know what’s with this iPod craze now.
Just learnt that my cousins got their new iPod Touch 8GB 2 days ago.
And I’m like. WOW. ok.. Coz it’s really really rare that
we’re allowed to buy such expensive stuff.
Family tradition kind of thing.

At first thought.. Wa. So good. I also want.
My eyes did start turning green. hahha.
It’s a green eyed monster situation. lol.
Feels really tempting to buy also.

But I have other things to take into consideration.
1) my iPod nano (1st Gen) is still alive (been about 4 to 5 years)
2) is it a buy-to-impress thing (green eye situation)
3) will i really be happy even after i get the Touch
4) is Apple really that good?
5) don’t want to spend unnecessary money.

Seems like my iPod nano lives forever.
I received it via singtel broadband promotion end of 2004.
It wasn’t much of a use until the end of my poly days 2008
& the start of my uni days when I stepped into NCC,
where I listened my way out of the mess I was in,
and still listening even now.

Praise God for the iPod nano which survives until today,
thus no need to go for an iTouch. Free favours. I don’t want
to pay for it. =p I wouldn’t mind if one drops from heaven on me. lol.

my iPod nano (1st gen) wants to live to a 120.
neither its lights go dim nor it’s battery power abated. Amen.

Cultivating His Presence

I was listening to pastor’s preaching on church web yesterday.

Amazing message preached maybe 2 years ago?
2008 if I’m not wrong.

‘Your blessing is found in the very person of Jesus.‘

The very presence of Jesus is our everything.
He’s the ‘I AM’, not ‘I was’ (past) or ‘I will’ (future).
He is our very PRESENT help in times of trouble.
Jesus is here, NOW.

It’s not about seeking the gifts and the blessings.
It’s about seeking the person. Jesus Himself.

2 Chronicles 26:5
He sought God in the days of Zechariah,
who had understanding in the visions of God;
and as long as he sought the LORD, God made him prosper.

Numbers 18:20-21
Then the LORD said to Aaron: “You shall have no inheritance in their land,
nor shall you have any portion among them;
I am your portion and your inheritance among the children of Israel.
“Behold, I have given the children of Levi all the tithes in Israel
as an inheritance in return for the work which they perform,
the work of the tabernacle of meeting.

Matthew 11:28 (AMP)
Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened,
and I will cause you to rest. [I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls.]

Ruth 3:1
Then Naomi her mother in law said unto her,
My daughter, shall I not seek rest for thee, that it may be well with thee?

Exodus 33:13-14
“Now therefore, I pray, if I have found grace in Your sight,
show me now Your way, that I may know You and that I may find grace in Your sight.
And consider that this nation is Your people.”
And He said, “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.“

It’s all about seeking Him.
His presence is with us and He will cause us to rest.
All we ever need is His presence.
He is my very present help in times of trouble.

In returning and rest you shall be saved;
In quietness and confidence shall be your strength.
(Isaiah 30:15)

The work of righteousness will be peace,
And the effect of righteousness, quietness and assurance forever.
(Isaiah 32:17)

Don’t Fret.

Shared this with a few people,
but just came in to blog about it.
I had been feeling down about my results,
seeing fellow brothers and sisters prosper.
I love them and I’m happy for them,
but I asked God why mine is so average.
Feel so loser.

I chanced upon Psalm 37 and it encouraged me alot.
I’m glad that King David was also human. In Psalm73,
he said that, “But as for me, my feet had almost stumbled;
My steps had nearly slipped. For I was envious of the boastful,
When I saw the prosperity of the wicked.”

David was envious of the prosperity of others. So was I.

Psalm 37
3Trust (lean on, rely on, and be confident) in the Lord and do good; so shall you dwell in the land and feed surely on His faithfulness, and truly you shall be fed. ⁴Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart. ⁵Commit your way to the Lord [roll and repose each care of your load on Him]; trust (lean on, rely on, and be confident) also in Him and He will bring it to pass. ⁶And He will make your uprightness and right standing with God go forth as the light, and your justice and right as [the shining sun of] the noonday. ⁷Be still and rest in the Lord; wait for Him and patiently lean yourself upon Him; fret not yourself because of him who prospers in his way, because of the man who brings wicked devices to pass. ⁸Cease from anger and forsake wrath; fret not yourself–it tends only to evildoing.

Was a timely message especially for this year,
when it’s all about Restful Increase.

Dwell in the land and feed on His faithfulness,
Delight yourself in Him first (Matt 6:33),
and He’ll give you the desires of your heart.
Cast your cares (1 Pet 5:7) on Him, trust Him,
and HE will bring it to pass.

Just, Rest in the Lord;
wait for Him and patiently for Him;
Do not fret because of him who prospers his way.
Cease from anger, and forsake wrath;
Do not fret – it only causes harm.

Proverbs 19:3
The foolishness of a man twist his way,
And his heart frets against the Lord.

The Lord is working…
Don’t fret against Him.
Rest and trust in Him, He will bring it to pass.

Bringing lost sons back to the house.

Yesterday, i bumped into my secondary school friend
she was the one who got depressed under my care in
previous church..

I happened to bump into her while taking a bus abt 2 weeks ago.
And yesterday again, i bumped into her with her family (brother,
father and mother).

She was the one, whose mum I bumped into about half a year
back in July 2009

The time she got depressed, i was talking to her on the phone,
I had overheard her father say to her,
“dont listen to her(me), she’s not qualified to be your shepherd”

Yesterday, when I saw them…
Friend brought up some issues the moment she saw me. Issues I
had talked to her about 2 weeks ago when I bumped into her on
bus. Her parents were there. Her mum said, “Maybe you should meet
her up and talk some sense into her.” They kept telling her on the spot,
“why not you just go to our church and join our church’s youth grp,
 or go and join yiwei”

That’s what her father said. I was quite surprised because we
haven’t been in contact for quite some time. Inviting her to
join me in church is the last thing ever in my mind because
of what happened before, I doubt the parents would trust me,
and it is totally understandable.

From, DONT-LISTEN-TO-HER to GO-JOIN-HER.
I remembered her dad screening every phone call
before he passes the phone to my friend at that point
of time. He didn’t want me to talk to his daughter.

This’ a drastic change in response.

I think as a parent, you’ll be quite mad, maybe never be able
to forgive the person who in some way contributed to the
depression of your kid. But things have changed.

So her family went ahead for dinner while she and I
went to the same MacDonalds to have a chat. Shared
with her what was hot from the oven. Word in season,
pastor’s sharing on Rest and peace.

Afterwards, she told me that, she feels the peace to come
visit arrow. Then I asked her, what about the youth
service she has on saturday? She said, it’s ok.. she’ll come
coz she feels a rest about visiting. I’m stunned also.
In all my years of knowing her, I’ve never seen such
clarity in a decisions before.

She said that, it’s rare that her dad asks her to join me,
but he had been telling her so for quite some time before.

After the whole thing, I felt a release inside. This light feeling.
It’s really God who’s doing the work. It was effortless.
Bumping back to the house of God.

Rest & Reign

Year of Rest & Reign.

We had our very first arrow service, and service of 2010.
Was really amazing. It was an anointing service.
Pastor had all the leaders lay hands on everyone who
wants a fresh anointing for the year of 2010.

Just this very amazing peace came and fell upon me.
A peace and a release on the inside. That securedness within.
Peace that gives you rest and sleep.

A year of overflow it will be, just as David says,
“You anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows.”
Surely goodness and mercy shall pursue me all
the days of my life and I will dwell in the house
of the Lord forever.

Whatever that has not come to past before,
it will in 2010. Amen.

Consider the life of David. (1 Samuel 16)
- When God sent Samuel to anoint a new king to replace Saul.

Samuel went to the house of Jesse.
Jesse had sever sons.
When Samuel first saw Eliab, he said,
“Surely the Lord’s anointed is before Him!”
God said told Samuel not to judge from the outlook.
When Samuel was so sure, based on the outward appearance,
the Lord had not chosen, He looks at the heart.

Where was David when all his brothers were in the house?
An out cast and forgotten by his father. Out of the race,
does not even qualify for kingly appointment in the eyes
of man, even his father.

The Lord was gracious, when people see just a shepherd boy,
The Lord saw a king. The youngest of them all, without any ability.
The Lord anointed David king, and the Lord was with David.

Even when people seem to forget you, the Lord will never forsake you.
People may forget what they promised you or what was prophesied
over you. But the Lord never will.

He remembers us. He remembers the promises that He
makes to us. The callings and purposes of God in our lives
are irrevocable. Same for the life of Joseph.

Totally cast out even by his brothers. Brought to a land,
a stranger, no money, no clothes, no nothing. Forgotten
by man, a nobody. The Lord was with Joseph. The Lord
remembered His promise to Joseph, the dream Joseph
had.

Same thing now. The Lord is with us as He was with Joseph
and David because Jesus died in our place that we may live
His life, as the chosen one and the anointed one. Amen.

The old has gone, and the new has come.

I finally did manage to meet with my ex-shepherd yesterday.
Everything’s changed. She sounded stronger and more passionate.
It’s a spirit thing. I’m really happy (genuinely) for her that she’s in
a place where she’s walking out whatever God has for her.

Also, I caught something from her which I believe God was
trying to get across to me. This thing that has been dragging
me down quite a bit. What she said made me realise the
root of my struggle.

She said to me, “hey, next time when I meet you, I don’t want to
hear about all those things again. I don’t like to be reminded of it.
Don’t go dig up all those things again. The old has gone,
the new has come. That has been my life for the past 6 months.
Let’s talk about the future, what are your plans, your vision,
CHC and NCC.”

What she said was right, it’s really not worth mentioning at all.
The old has gone and the new has come.
I don’t want to let it affect whatever God has for me in the future.
Why let something in the past hold me back from a good future
that I can have.

All this, kind of made me feel stupid, especially sitting under
pastor’s teaching. So much so about the new covenant and
what Jesus had done for me. Yet I’m still clinging on to the old.

Time for some repentance.
Times of newness and refreshing and restoration.
My future’s not determined by my past.
I don’t want to hold on anymore to it.

Goodbye past.

It’s as what Joel Osteen said in his book
as I’ve read abt 1 yr + back. (paraphrase):

You need to completely shut the door of the past behind,
to move on, before that the door of the future will be opened.
Sometimes the place that you’re in is too small and does not
have the capacity to hold your dream. God has to make you
feel so uncomfortable, you have to move out. He uproots you
and plants you in another place where you can grow.

Help me Lord.

The sms.

Well.. Another surprise few days ago.
I would never have expected that someone
from previous church would message me..

In my mind, I thought I would never ever see
them again in my life. I was surprised.
It was my ex-shepherd (mentor).

So I requested for the book which she had given
to me, because I had lent it to her after scales fell off my eyes.
The very book which played an important role in the spark
of the gospel revolution in my life.

Just want to have it back, as a remembrance of
what the Lord has done in me and for me.

It also surprised me to find out that she had shifted to
City Harvest for at least half a year. I really thought that
she was so super loyal to previous church that she will
never ever change church.

Even though in those days, ministry was so technical,
I thank God that this friendship between me and her
did manage to move beyond ministry. Would just call
her anytime and talk. Talk about life and all.

She called me regarding tomorrow’s short catch up,
and I told her, praise God, at least you’re out of there.
And I’m so excited to find out what happened to her
for the past one year. Haven’t contacted her at all.
Never hear her voice for what I believe, a year plus.
She’ll fill me in with the details tomorrow. Excited to
hear from her.

God is amazing. Can’t imagine. We were studying in
the same institution, in the same cg, same core team.
Been through all those rubbish together. hahha.
Certainly been through alot. Now that she’s out for
quite some time, I’m really happy for her actually.
Really truly happy for her.

I don’t know why I feel so happy to hear her voice. haha.
Looking forward to meet her. =)

The Benediction.

All within the blink of an eye,
another 4 weeks of lessons have passed.

‘It is time to pronounce the benediction’
said my psychometrics tutor.

Amazing guy. FULL of the grace and wisdom of God.
Such a waste that he’s going to live in aussie for the
rest of his life. He won’t be in SG anymore.
How I wish he will still be teaching in school.

We’ll see him last on 7th January 2010 for our last tutorial.
Also marks the end of my last semester of yr 3 at school,
and the beginning of yr 4 in march.

In another 2 days, we’ll be having Christmas eve dinner
at home because my cousin and her family flew back from
the states.

Another year to go.
Thank you Lord, it shall be a year of abundance,
it shall be good. According to your will,
let your will be done in my life as it is in heaven.
You’re the God of Abraham Issac and Jacob,
the same, yesterday, today and forever.
What you did for them you can do for me also.
Amen, in Jesus’ name.

Worship

Awesome live worship everyday.
US podcast

Bryan Clif
http://bryanclift.podbean.com/

Last Arrow 2009

It’s been about a 1 and 1/2 years journey here in NC.
And today we had our very last Arrow service of 2009.

How I felt was that, the last Arrow service of 2008,
seems just like yesterday. Really. I don’t know why,
but this year seems faster than any other years.

I still roughly remember what ps ben said in that
last Arrow service of 2008. He said something like,
God is going to increase us. Going up to a whole new
level, something along that line.

And for the past services of 2009 in my view,
the emphasis had been, God having a purpose and
and plan for our lives. The callings and giftings of
God is by grace. It is irrevocable.

I would never have expected that I would end up
in a mega church. That’s so beyond my view.
My idea was so puny. Just wanted to have a home church,
didn’t matter then which and where as long as it is according
to the bible. That’s all. But I got myself into my own trouble.
Yet the Lord delived me. Thank you Jesus.

Never thought God would call me here.
Because He has called, He has also graced me for it.

There had been extremely hard times when I first came in,
lots of struggle, lots of fight to stay on for months.
Hard times that came because I chose the life of grace.

Had struggle with the thoughts that NC’s a ‘rich people’s church’,
will I be able to fit in, and I’ve people who were telling me,
It’s a huge mega church, they have so many talents,
little opportunity that they’ll pick you to serve.

That all wasn’t true. Like what am I down there. 1/20000.
Whichever church we’re at, it’s not abt playing probability
whether you’re chosen or not. The bible clearly states,
you are saved and you are called wherever you are.
It’s just a matter of time, trusting in God’s unmerited favour
and trusting him to put us at the right time and right place.
Don’t have to be envious about other people.
Every increase comes from God.

When I look back, nothing that I had was even worth of
this road that I’m journeying on now. There wasn’t anything
left that I could offer to God. Lost everything else except
this breath of life that I have. I told God, I have nothing left
except this breath of life that He gave. Everything good was
far-fetched. Suicidal hopelessness.

But thank God for pastor prince’s Christ-centred preaching
which was really a major source of my comfort and support
for the extremely dark time I was in. Along the way,
I also chanced upon blogs which really helped to feed me,
which I really believe was God sent. Mal’s and Stan’s =)
Thanks for sharing Christ-centred scripture online and for being a blessing.
Pastor Prince’s sermons and your blogs were an encouragement
to me, to keep me in the faith, believing in the favour of God,
knowing that I’m not the only one going through this.

Those months were hell. I really mean hell. The darkest
moments of life I’ve ever gone through. It would have been
unimaginable without God. And I dare say, if not for the
grace of God, I wouldn’t have pulled through. I know it
can be boring to read this over and over again as I’ve
shared about it in the past. But that’s my testimony,
something that’s burnt deep within me. I’ll never forget.
I’ve never in life cried everyday for 6 months. And my
prayer before sleep would be, “Lord, just let me die.”

If anyone were to get to know me, this will be the one
of the first testimonies that I would share. Because it’s
God who get the glory. I really don’t know how He got
all these things sorted out for me. Just totally amazed.

From a life so torn and worn out by religion,
shattered life, dreams, broken spirit, broken r/s.

That was God’s faithfulness, and His grace towards me.

That I really believe so that the Lord had carried me through it all.

The very first Arrow that I attended, the worship team
was playing this song, “Hide me in the shelter”.

Ever since when they play this song, I’m constantly reminded
of God’s faithfulness, how he preserved me from destruction.
He had me hidden in the shelter of his wings, the shelter of his love,
safe in the secret place. How He has saved me from the pit of destruction.

He did not just save me from the pit. He has also restored to
me the many things I’ve lost, and I still believe is restoring.
He is restoring to me the years that the locust have eaten.

Restored to me,
- a church where I feel home togther with a matching vision in my heart,
- 1 year in the poly cg even though I’m in Uni (as I so regret my past and
complained to God I didnt have chance to be in such a happening new
covenant believing cg while in poly), I believe that 1 full year with the
poly cg was God given.
- good under-shepherds(CGLs, pastors), CGLs who by the grace of God
bother to pray for and serve the people, pastors who preach Jesus.
- my r/s with my mum,
- varsity cg (new cg & direction) whom God sent to walk and stand in faith together,
- the opportunity to serve in cg (which I so wanted),
- an opportunity to serve in ministry,
- quality of friends,

If I have to describe NCC, I would say that, it’s not because
we’re God’s favourite church or what.

NCC’s is just ordinary people who simply come together
and believe in God’s favour to carry us through, through life,
believing in the preaching of the gospel of Jesus Christ
which is the power of God unto salvation.

Quality of life has improved, in terms of stability.
I’m far happier than I was when I came in.
God has caused everything to work out for my good. =)
No matter how big the mess is.
Dektos dektos! It’s not over yet!
Because You’re with me, I’ve no reason to fear.
An awesome 2010 to look forward to. =) It is good.

Promise for Sons.

Was just watching some other podcast
and pondering over Psalm 91.
After the encounter with my tutor,
I’ve really decided to claim God’s word. haha.

This preacher defined ‘dwelling in the secret place
of the most high’, as staying in the right boundaries
that God sets for us, in order to be protected.

I’ve heard pastor preached on this before,
that the secret place of the most high is being in Christ,
the mercy seat between the cherubims.

The preacher said that, in the amplified version,
there’s a note at the bottom. If you do not satisfy
the criteria of the first 2 verses in psalm 91,
you can forget about all the promises stated in there.

So yes, it’s scarey to me. If I were to base it on my
own ability to keep and stay within the boundaries God set.
I won’t be able to do it.

I wanted to be sure that, that secret place was really
the ark, in Christ.

Psalm 91:1-2
Those who dwell in the secret place of the Most High
shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

secret place = covering, hiding place, protection
shadow = protection

A shadow is cast by something that covers it.

I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in Him I will trust.

Psalm 91:4 says
He shall cover you with His feathers,
And under His wings you shall take refuge;
His truth shall be your shield and buckler.

- question is, what wings?

In Psalm 61:4, David said, (reference made to Psalm 91:4)
I will abide in Your tabernacle forever;
I will trust in the shelter of Your wings.

- Where in the tabernacle we find wings?
- Between the wings of the cherubim, covering the mercy seat.

That’s where the secret place is,
the mercy seat which is Christ himself,
By dwelling (sitting) in Christ and resting in Christ.
Now we can claim every promise in Psalm 91. =D

See what the devil tempt Jesus in the Wilderness..

Luke 4:9-11
Then he brought Him to Jerusalem, set Him on the pinnacle of the temple,
and said to Him, “If You are the Son of God, throw Yourself down from here.
For it is written: ‘ He shall give His angels charge over you, To keep you,’
and, ‘ In their hands they shall bear you up, Lest you dash your foot against a stone.’”

Then the devil took Him up into the holy city, set Him on the pinnacle of the temple,
and said to Him, “If You are the Son of God, throw Yourself down.
For it is written: ‘ He shall give His angels charge over you,’ and,
‘ In their hands they shall bear you up, Lest you dash your foot against a stone.’”

The promise of Psalm 91 is only for Sons of God. =)
We are sons of God through faith in Christ. Praise God!

And I asked, what it meant by Psalm 91:3
Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the 1fowler
and from the perilous pestilence.

Psalm 124:6-7
Blessed be the LORD, Who has not given us as prey to their teeth.
Our soul has escaped as a bird from the snare of the fowlers;

- What is ‘snare of the fowler‘?

Then I looked back to the reference column. It says
1 One who catches birds in a trap or snare

That sounds very familiar. In this sermon,
“God-Moment-Gives You Success” – available in podcast

Ecclesiastes 9:11-12
I returned and saw under the sun that -
The race is not to the swift,
Nor the battle to the strong,
Nor bread to the wise,
Nor riches to men of understanding,
Nor favour to men of skill;
But time(eth) and chance happen (pega qara) to them all.

Verse 12
For man also does not know his time:
Like fish taken in a cruel net,
Like birds caught in a snare,
So the sons of men(adam) are snared in an evil time,
When it falls suddenly upon them.

Evil time like now.
If God delivers us from the snare of evil time,
how can this evil time be from God?

God will put us at the right place at the right time. Trust God.

Psalm 91:3 – Surely, He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler.

You have a choice to make.

I was delighted to find out that pastor’s launching
a new book few months ago. Yes, and finally.

Looks like a whole new level.
A different theme from D2R.

And we all received this bookmark from the ushers.
Written on it was a quote from pastor.

“Now you have a choice to make.
To live life based entirely on your own efforts,
or entirely on the unmerited favour of Jesus.”

It totally brought me back to the time when I was in
china in feb/mar 2008 for about a month, allowing
God to speak to me through pastor’s sermons. It was
the most solid time I ever had with God, which far
surpasses the 2 years of ministry I had previously.

Pondering about grace, seeking God about this whole thing.
Scales fell off my eyes. Revelation upon revelation.

And then.. I remembered.

That was the question God post in my mind..
I had to make the decision before I came back to SG.

“You have to choose between, Going with the truth
(gospel of grace) which you know is the truth.
OR sweep this whole the truth under the carpet,
and follow what people say.”

The direction to go was obvious, but fear kept me.
I feared of missing God’s plan for me.
I feared what people would think about me.

But when you experience grace, it’ll just empower
you to do anything for the truth. All I really wanted
was the truth, nothing but the truth.

And I would say that, it is good. God knows his plans for me.
Even now, I know that, there are many people out there
who are seeking and hungry for grace, but because they
have this legalistic mindset, they daren’t come to hear the truth.
I feared of visiting NCC because I wanted to be loyal to my home church.

Against legalistic mindsets:
Visiting other churhes does not mean that we’re not loyal to our home church.
Disagreeing with leaders does not mean that we’re not submissive.
Having a title does not mean anything.
Attending services does not mean that I’m walking with God.
Not everything pastors/leaders say is right.

I would admit that I had been extremely religious.
Religious, not spiritual. Used to spend about at least
12 hours per week on these things which are now
totally insignificant to me. It is nothing compared to
the grace that God has shown to me.

How can all those things that I do be compared to what Jesus has done for me.
Because it’s not about efforts or how much I put in the ministry,
because it’s not about ‘I’ anymore.

Whether is it many years of labour or not, if the product is..
“My church grew because of so much labour I put in”, like it or not,
God calls it filthy rags (sanitary cloths) or straw (hay).
You’ve totally missed the point.

Let me tell you the fastest way to shrink the church.
It’s by self-effort, self-maintainence, the ‘trying’ to love people.
God wants us to build a church that is based on precious stones,
and not straw (wood- human effort).

The fastest way to grow the church is to go by the spirit.
Worry free, and complete reliance in God, being Jesus’
focused, wanting to lift him up to be the centre,
rather than our efforts to keep people from dropping out,
and ‘evangelising’ the way we are doing it in this era,
shoving Jesus down people’s throat.

The reason we’re trying to maintain is because we simply don’t trust God.
And that is pride. Believing that our own hands will help God grow His church.
Is not the church the Bride of Christ? Let him take care of every need.
Let God be God. We’re just his vessels.
The answer is found in resting in the finished work of Christ.

Unless God builds the house, the builders build in vain.
That was what God revealed to me.
This is for those who worry about whether to let go or not.

The statement that pastor quote on the bookmark,
it’s not just a “Pastor-Prince-say-one” kind of thing.

But I really believe that it’s a question which God is
asking many out there, like how he gave me the freedom
to make this decision in feb/mar 2008.

You’ve lived your life in self-effort, trying to make ends meet,
trying to do this and that, but it never seems enough. But good
news, here is My only beloved Son Jesus, who died on the cross
for you. I’ve given him to you, what more will I withold from you?
He’s the very person, full of grace and truth. With Him, you have
everything. Now that you’ve seen Him, and known Him,
His grace and love for you, you are free to make any decision you like.
To continue with life based entirely on your own efforts,
or entirely on the My unmerited favour.

If you truely have met Him and known Him,
He’s irresistable.

Mr. ‘Fat Hope’

Just came in to blog about past few weeks at school.

I’m blessed with good lecturers at school.

When school started 4 weeks ago, we had our first
tutorial for 3107. That was when we first met our
tutor who’s in his 50s.

Tutorial 1
This was how he introduced himself. ‘People call me
fat hope. because as you can see.. and I’m hopelessly
hopeful. Full of hope.’

He jokes alot in class.

And he began his life story, what he did, where he graduated,
where He had lectured.

How many of you believe in miracles? And then he went
on to say that, in lessons, he would normally witness 2
kinds of miracles. The very first one happens after the class
begins.. That’s is, out of body experience, and the second one,
at the end of the lesson, he witnesses many resurrections.

Yea.. We laughed.

He shared about how he went through his JC life,
army life, what he went against the ‘inchek’ over
tainted glasses when the inchek told him to change it.
Because the rule stated, “those in uniform are not
allowed to wear tainted glasses”. But the thing here
is that, he’s not in uniform because of some health
concerns. The inchek wanted to bring this up to
the higher level, and there was nothing they could
do because that is what the rule really says. And the
inchek wanted to get back at him.

After which, he went to take on psych in the very university
in which he’s currently tutoring in. Got his masters in the US
and got himself registered as a psychologist.
He further went on to do his PHD, but his wife to be
told him that if he doesn’t come back to get married,
it’s all over. So he left his PHD course halfway.

He told us that he had attempted PHD 4 times because
he had failed to complete it. He’s also a statistician.
His teacher used to say that he is hopeless in mathematics.

Anyway after that, he went to venture on his ‘first love’,
business. His mum told him, ’son, money don’t grow on trees.’
But he just went on to do whatever he wanted to.
He had the company listed in Hong Kong, afterwhich,
he sold the business off, worth millions.

And he and got this T-shirt printed, ‘money do grow on trees’,
so, with that, he gave one of the shirts to his mum.

He told us, not all things he does for money.
He’s been running a family service centre for 20years.
He doesn’t need money now. If he needs money,
he wouldn’t be lecturing here. Did clinical psy for 2 yrs,
went into counselling, FOC.

At the end, he told us, ‘whatever you are doing, don’t give up’.
He doesn’t despise those who fail.

He used a lot of jokes with ’spiritual jargon’.
Hopefully he’s not the ‘theologian who does not know God’
That was how we derive that he’s a believer.

Tutorial 2
One of our classmates was called by him to answer a question,
‘you, wearing the cross, having it hang round your neck.
It’s not to be hung, it’s to be carried’, he said jokingly.

He was sharing about how we should go about if we
were to go about if we wanna pursue psychology.
Need to know who’s top for what. E.g. Cognitive
Neuroscience, Number 1, Carnegie Mellon. The kind
of people that employers employ, especially in the
civil sector, minimum of 2nd upper Honours from
top 100 uni in the world. Recommended that we go
and try out certain things while we’re in school so
that our resume would not be so blank.

By the end of the tutorial, I felt so gone case and disqualified.

Tutorial 3
Because my mates and I were early in class,
he asked my friend what was her number,
and he messaged her something along this..
and asked her to share (let us see) with the
few of us who wanted to see.

“Be strong and courageous, and do the work.
Do not be afraid or discouraged,
for the LORD God, my God, is with you.”  [1 Chronicles 28:20]

We’re like wow. ok. =)
He gave the entire class his number anyway.

Then he was talking to another of us, next time,
you must find your life partner at the well.
“Whoever find a good wife, finds a treasure, in proverbs,
I thank God I’m not a young man because it’s so
hard to discern for good woman. Nowadays, it’s
even harder to discern a man from a woman” LOL.

Then he said to the class, “many girls make the
mistake of finding the man who loves them the most”

And then, looked to us and said in a lower volume,
” you look for a man..”

One of us replied, “who loves God the most”
He said, “that’s right, find a man who fears God.”

Send your servant to the well like Abraham did.
And she replied, ‘no camels’. Lol. He asked,
how did you know about Abraham? She replied,
“church” And he said, “where’re you from, and
what denomination is that?”, she said, “Anglican”

And I asked him, “where’re you from?”
He said, “make a guess”.

I guessed, “erm.. traditional church? presbyterian?
pentacostal? can’t be charismatic right? (because he
mentioned something about speaking in tongues in
one of his jokes in class, but he did not say anything
against it)”

He replied, “nope, methodist.”

Then I told him, “you don’t seem very religious, which is good”

He said, “yea. it’s not religiousity that gets you to heaven, it’s spirituality”

And he asked where I was from.
I said, “NC”. His reply, “fierce church”
Don’t know what that means but anyway,
he asked me, “what’s your favourite psalm?”

I’m like.. “er.. Psalm 23?”
He said, “Can you recite it for me?”
(it was during lesson break we were chatting)
I’m like.. OH oh~ jia lat (in trouble).
(Thank God I did not say Psalm 91, it’s so long!)

The Lord is my Shepherd I shall not lack.
He makes me lie down on green pastures
____________________________ (1)
He restores my soul.
____________________________ (2)
Yea, though I walk through the valley of shadow of death,
I will fear no evil for you are with me,
your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table _________ (3) before my enemies,
You anoint my head with oil, my cup runs over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

So paiseh, incomplete.. =_=” Then he said something like,
“hor… must tell the prince guy u never keep God’s word in yr heart”
He said it in a none serious way.

(1) He leads me beside still waters
(2) He leads me on paths of righteousness for His name’s sake
(3) for me

Then he went on to say to the few of us,
“sometimes, it’s very important to keep
God’s word in your heart, you all know?”

“All scripture is … continue.. “, indicating us to complete it.
“God-breathed and useful for teaching, rebuking,
correcting and training in righteousness..” we replied.

Then he said, “somemore??”

Then we were like.. hmm.. er… what you mean somemore??
“so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.”

And that was the word, ‘hide God’s word in your heart’

And that was tutorial 3 for me.
I went back home to get Psalm 23 into me.

Tutorial 4
Today marks the 4th tutorial.

And he touched on the topic, regarding life partner again.
He told us that he met his wife at the bible study group.
If we want to find one, find one that is reliable.
Reliability = consistency, as our topic for today’s lesson is.
You think what, marriage is about sex all the time? No..
The good foundation of it, lasts on a friendship.
Sharing the same values.

And he was telling the class part of his story again.
He told us that, he used to a confectionary in Malaysia,
about 20 000 square feet. But did not make any profit from it.

Then he looked at us, and muttered this under his breath to us..
“but.. unless the Lord builds the house, the builder builds in vain.
Do you know what is written in Psalm 1?”

We shook our heads. Then he continued..

“Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked
or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers.
But his delight is in the law of the LORD,
and on his law he meditates day and night.
He is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither.
Whatever he does prospers.”

He said, “meditate on the word of God,
whatever he does, prospers, this is God’s promise.”

“Actually we think that we’re very smart all that,
it’s not true. (shakes his head). I’m not smart.
For 54 years, I believe this verse.
How does it all come? Just keep receiving grace.”

When I heard that, it warms my heart.
If I had a classification kind of thing,
he would be labelled as higly successful in my opinion.

- degree, masters, probably phd?
- registered psychologist in US, a statistician,
- own business(listed company), own confectionary
- ex-advisor in one of the world class airport, runs family service centre,
- offered to lecture all over the place
- and etc, probably more.

Yet, when he shares, he’s not proud.
He realises that it’s not him, but God who prospered him.

Meditate on the word of God, and keep receiving grace.
(hands in motion of taking/receiving)

And that was the word for today.
Meditate on the word and just keep receiving grace.

Missing the Mark.

Results for last semester was out yesterday night.
I was a little disappointed for cog neuro.
I got a credit, was hoping to get distinction.

Thank God I didn’t get a pass for my 2nd stats module.
Got a credit for it. To get a credit is grace grace for me.

Yea, but naturally, i got mad.
Mad at the fact why others got a D and I got a C for cog neuro,
just maybe about less than 5 marks away from D.
Quite ’sian’ to see constant Cs on my list.
Friends have their list full of Ds. =/

Missed the mark all the time.
Never seems to get past that C mark.
Quite irritating. And bad thoughts came flooding in.
Honestly, it made me feel like..
“Why you so stupid go and trust God.”

And other question came..
If what you want doesn’t manifest, how?
Do I keep trusting God?

Was a challenge for me, not to walk on by sight,
looking to my grades as my security. Trust God
for wisdom and favour. Trust God for qara success.

I rest my case.

Ecclesiastes 9:11
I returned and saw under the sun that -
The race is not to the swift,
Nor the battle to the strong,
Nor bread to the wise,
Nor riches to the man of understanding,
Nor favour to the man of skill;
But time and chance happen to them all.

Lord, I thank you, in my weakness,
your grace superabounds.

Wherever I lack in, Jesus adds his perfection to it.

Nothing I do can earn your love and approval.
Nothing I can do to make you love me less.

My grades do not determine who I am.
I am in Christ, accepted in the beloved,
and you are well-pleased with me.

There’s nothing else I can trust in except to trust in your grace.
Restore me for whatever is lost. Help me Lord.
Take the centre place again in my life.

Feelings: pressed, uncertain, anxious

Suicide Story

School has officially started already.
Feeling a little overwhelmed by the
workload they have given.

On top of that plus plus.
Birthday stuffs for cg and ministry.

Your grace will bring me through it all.

Just came in to blog about something I heard on the bus.

Sometimes, we feel a little dry when things start piling up.
And just when we begin to lose our focus on the Lord.
I thank God I heard this on the bus.

One man sitting behind me was sharing this with his friend…

“I have a friend. His son just committed suicide.
He’s a very nice boy. But under the influence of friends,
got into drugs. Became a drug addict. The parents love
him so much. The house also sell, the land also sell.
Everything also sell, to help him. When he found out
that the parents sold everything for him, he felt very bad.
He apologised to the parents and the siblings. The parents
love him so much, sell away everything for him.
He couldn’t take it, committed suicide. He’s a very nice boy,
but under the influence of friends.”

Upon hearing this, I teared.
It gave me hope.

The very last thing to do after his parents gave up everything
for him, was to commit suicide.

From this real life story, how much more Jesus’ love for us.
He not only gave up his rightful place for us as Sons of God through his blood.
He gave us his health through his broken body.
He gave away all his riches that we might be rich.
He gave his life for us.

The last thing we should ever do, is to commit suicide.
Giving up our lives when He has given us His life, is not honouring him.

Believing His word.

I thought that today’s message was really good.

It’s something like revelation to me.

Sometimes in christian walk, we’re often told to
go back to the bible to read and find wisdom
and stuff.

Today, a guest speaker, Rev. Col Stringer came.
He shared about the difference between

The meaning of to:
1. Believe God.
2. Believe in God.

Where most people, even believers, believe in God,
but not all believe God. They seek after signs and
wonders. They want to see God, in order to believe.
They want something supernatural, or some feelings/
sensations in order to believe God. Which I’m guilty
of it also. Many can identify with this.

e.g. Now I feel God, He is here,
Next hour I don’t, He’s not here.

Reminds me of Jean Piaget’s theory of cognitive development.

Object permanence is the understanding that objects continue
to exist even when they cannot be seen, heard, or touched.
e.g. When you cover a toy (desired object) in front of the infant.
The toy in his/her mind, literally becomes non-existent. (disappears)
The infant does not perceive the existence of the object thus
does not reach for it even if it is still at the same position
(covered over by a cloth), because he/she does not see it.

But we all need to grow up and beyond the stage of object permanece.

So what does it really mean to believe God?

How do you believe a person?
- We believe them by the words they speak.

Romans 4:3
Abraham believed God and it was credited to him as righteousness.

Romans 10:10
- With our heart, we believe
- With our mouth, we confess

Matt 8:5-10
- Roman Centurion, believing Jesus at his word.

Luke 5:1-7
- Peter’s belief in Jesus’ words, regardless of his expertise in fishing
and human understanding. (v5)

Proverbs 4:20-23
Do not let them depart from your eyes;
Keep them in the midst of your heart;
For they are life to those who find them,
And health to all their flesh.
Keep your heart with all diligence,
For out of it spring the issues of life.

What I caught for today.

If we believe someone, by their word,
We believe God, by His word.
That means we do not need Him to appear in front of us,
so that we can see him with our eyes to believe Him.
We just simply believe His word for us.
We believe what He says.

Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.
All scripture is God-breathed. (2 Tim 3:16)

God’s word speaks his heart for us.

John 1:1
In the beginning was the Word,
and the Word was with God,
and the Word was God.

John 1:14
And the Word was made flesh,
and dwelt among us,
(and we beheld his glory,
the glory as of the only begotten of the Father,)
full of grace and truth.

Jesus is God’s Word in flesh.

John 2:22
When therefore he was risen from the dead, his disciples remembered
that he had said this unto them; and they believed the scripture (G1124),
and the word (G3056) which Jesus had said.

John 7:38
He that believeth on me, as the scripture hath said,
out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water.

God shows his heart for us,
through showing us His Son (His spoken word),
and written word (scriptures, bible).
Believe God, as the scripture has said (even if we have not seen him).

Believing His word is equal to believing him.

Seeing him in scripture is like seeing Him.

CG

Today, reached home a bit late…
Reached home at about 1210am.

But was worth it. Had CG at a CGmate’s house.
Super blessed with dinner by her grandma.
And for many CG meetings to come.

Totally at home and comfortable.
God is good. Something I have never come
across before last time in my previous church.
Which is to trust God for a good place for CG.
God is good. He is faithful.

Seems like a simple thing..
Common sense to just look for any empty place.
Why not trust God…
Could have it at some dark corner or something in school.
But those who put their trust in the Lord,
shall not be put to shame. Amen.

Yea. And my mum knows about it. =)
She was alright with it.

Time flies.

It’s amazing how time passes..
Seems like it just wheeze pass..

Christmas is coming. I can’t believe it.
Things are moving fast in life,
not according to the way that I have expected.
Faster than I think.

Met up with a friend in NC on monday just to catch up.

It’s just amazing to find out that..
The 3 of us who were from the same CG,
(now in different CGs after moving up),
are called to do the SAME thing in our own CGs now.

Before that I don’t know how.
But God brought us together even before we moved up.
The 3 of us. We got no clue at all about this.. until monday.

About 2 months plus till the end of the year.
dektos! dektos!

Many things happened.. Looking from the start till now.
And it was all for good.

If not for Your grace, where would I be?
Where would I be without You here in my life.

Yesterday, mum and I were on the way home in a taxi at about 11+pm.
This uncle was speeding like nobody’s business.

We were somewhere near home, where the streets were empty.
Mum was looking out of the window. I closed my eyes to rest.
He was speeding through the road and out of no where,
he jammed the breaks.

My mum got a shock..
I opened my eyes to look. Look at the rear outside the taxi.
We looked around and saw nothing.

Anway, the driver continued to drive on.
Without saying anything…
He did not even turn back to ask if we were alright.
No nothing.

Pled the blood of Jesus over us and the taxi driver.
Prayed in the spirit…

The driver began to drive a little slower.

Thank God there wasn’t any vehicle behind the taxi.
Otherwise the consequences would be dire.
I didn’t know what happened.
Did not see anything also as my eyes were closed.

Until we alighted from the taxi, mum told me that,
initially, she thought that the driver had rammed into an animal.
But she reported seeing something white in front of the front lights
of the taxi for a moment. And it disappeared.

The taxi driver must has seen it as well.
She saw him attempting to break and pull the hand break.

I believe that God had protected us.
We got home safely. Praise God.

I thank you Lord, your blood has saved us
and protected us from all darkness and evil.

Psalm 118:17
I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord.

Perfect Offering

Finally got hold of the new church album,
at a bundle of $35, which includes the songbook.

It’s so long awaited…
I’ve been anticipating it’s release since februrary 09..
The songs are just anointed. Full of the finished work of Christ.

Love the cover.. I like the way they designed and do
the embossing.. I don’t know what you call that..
The pressed in part to give the paper some texture.

I was sort of expecting more for the DVD..
I thought that it would consist of the entire album of songs.
Nevertheless.. I still love the very first part how they intro-ed in.
I love the instrumental in the DVD also.
All in all I think it’s awesome.

It will only get better with every album. Amen. =D

Off the road..

Just came back from wedding dinner just now.
Was just thinking along the line of some stuff because
of certain words that were being said that hurt me a little..

Someone knowing where I was from (also someone I know)
said this to me or rather just making a passing comment to
the person beside.

I did not start any conversation regarding pastor until person
jokingly mentioned that,

“JP won’t be _____ (i forgot what) if I didn’t know this hillsong(HS) song title.
(Was asked to guess the name of the song.)

So just briefly said that pastor is overseas preaching at HS London.
Can catch it online or something.

“I’m not a fan of JP …(something something) .. so I don’t watch..
Sorry, don’t take any offense.”

Someone else said, “but JP has written some good books right?”

“JP’s theology is off the road”, the person said.

Didn’t say anything after that. Just kept quiet.
I WASN’T angry or what. It’s just simply *ouch*.
Felt as if like I’m someone who believes in distorted doctrine or something.

I could have said that,
whatever you believe, so be it unto you, amen.
You don’t believe in prosperity and good health,
so be it, whatever you want. You are free to believe
what you want.

But no. I did not say the ‘amen’ because you’re my brother/sister.

But in my own heart, I know what I’ve believed,
and I know where I’m heading to. I’ve checked the scriptures,
(I don’t claim to know all though).

The gospel of grace is so plainly stated in the scriptures!
You’ll be quite amazed to see it all over the bible.
Not as a topic or doctrine, but about the person of Christ.

I really do hope that one day the scales will fall off their eyes
to see Jesus in all the loveliness of His person.

If you only would, open your eyes to see, and your ears to hear.
You’ll see Jesus walking through the scriptures.

Reminds me of the movie, Narnia (Prince Caspian),
The part where Lucy saw Aslan at the cliff over the gorge.
She told the rest that she saw him. But they all didn’t see
him and did not believe what she said. They had chosen
to go by logical reasoning and human smartness/efforts
to find a way across the gorge. They had lost hope and
do not want to believe in Aslan (the greater power that
had defeated the white witch).

And it came to this scene where Susan and Peter were
asking Lucy.. “Why didn’t I see him?”

Lucy replied, “perhaps you haven’t really been looking”.

While Lucy was constantly focused and seeking for Aslan’s appearance,
the rest were seeking to solve the problem at hand.
She was conscious of Aslan more than anything else throughout, keeping that hope.

If you had the idea that being a being a believer is just about serving, routine after routine, your ability to play, your leadership, talents and your giftings, or even your efforts to please God, persevere or obey God. Attending church, sunday after
sunday, attending CG, attending every single event there is. Studying theology, going to seminars and conferences.

I’m terribly sorry that you have been greatly mistaken, and perhaps misled.

Worship is not music or praises or whatever, although it is part of it.

Worship is God providing a ram caught in a thicket. Gen 22.
God provided the ram for Abraham and Issac to sacrifice.
Who was the sacrificial ram? Jesus.

Worship is a response to God providing Jesus for us at the cross,
for the penalty of our sins. God is the initiator.

I know I’ve said this many times before.
But I’m still going to type it again anyway.

For this reason, if I leave NCC, I have no where else to go.
Seriously, there’s no other place other than here I feel like it’s home.

————————————————————————————-

Home
When there are troubles to go through
We’ll find a way to start anew
There is comfort in the knowledge
That home’s about it’s people too
So we’ll build our dreams together
Just like we’ve done before
Just like the river which brings us life
Walking through life together

This is home truly, where I know I must be
Where my dreams wait for me, where the river always flows
This is home surely, as my own heart tells me
This is where I won’t be alone, for this is where I know it’s home

DO NOT be deceived!

Hmm.. I was browsing through some websites,
and I came across this message which was lifting
1 Corinthians 6:9-10 out of context.

“Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral
nor idolaters nor adulterers nor homosexual offenders,
nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers
nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God”

Scaring people with this verse, DO NO BE DECEIVED!
- their meaning (God is love BUT, do not be deceived!)

My first reaction, fear.
So I went back to the word to check.

People are being deceived by not checking for themselves
if what the preacher says is according to the bible or not.

Refer to 1 Cor 6:7-11 (NKJV)
⁷ Now therefore, it is already an utter failure for you that you go to law against one another. Why do you not rather accept wrong? Why do you not rather let yourselves be cheated? ⁸ No, you yourselves do wrong and cheat, and you do these things to your brethren! ⁹ Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals,^[a] nor sodomites, ¹⁰ nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God. ¹¹ And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God.

That message was zoomed into V9-10.
But I find it amazing that it left out V11.

Yes, it was referring to believers..
But it’s the state in which they WERE (past tense) before the BUT.

And such were some of you. (unrighteous, fornicators, idolaters, adulteres, homosexuals, sodomites, thieves, covetous, drunkards, revilers, extortioners)

BUT (turning point…) not 1 BUT, but 3 BUTs.

BUT you were washed, G628

1. to wash off or away

BUT you were sanctified, G37

1. to render or acknowledge, or to be venerable or hallow
2. to separate from profane things and dedicate to God
   1. consecrate things to God
   2. dedicate people to God
3. to purify
   1. to cleanse externally
   2. to purify by expiation: free from the guilt of sin
   3. to purify internally by renewing of the soul

BUT you were justified, G1344

1. to render righteous or such he ought to be
2. to show, exhibit, evince, one to be righteous, such as he is and wishes himself to be considered
3. to declare, pronounce, one to be just, righteous, or such as he ought to be

How? – By my efforts of keeping myself righteous as I ought to be?

NO..

Answer: V11 – In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, and by the Spirit of our God.

By the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of God,
- we are washed by the blood of Jesus
- made holy, set apart for God
- declared righteous in Christ

Simply summed up by The Amplified Bible… (1 Cor6:11)
11And such some of you were [once]. But you were washed clean (purified by a complete atonement for sin and made free from the guilt of sin), and you were consecrated (set apart, hallowed), and you were justified [pronounced righteous, by trusting] in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the [Holy] Spirit of our God.

It was a case of who we are in Christ, not morality.

The next passage in chapter 6 goes on to talk about …
Paul said everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial.

God can forgive, but biology won’t. – Sy Rogers

It ends in v20 (AMP)..
You were bought with a price [purchased with a ^[b]preciousness and paid for, ^[c]made His own].
So then, honor God and bring glory to Him in your body.

Know that we were bought with a price.
Jesus paid the price at the cross.
We are not our own but we belong to Him.

The unrighteous do these things,
but we are not unrighteous.
We have been washed, sanctified and justified by trusting Him.
We live righteous because we are righteous in Christ. Amen.

Hungry for Love

I’ve been also feeding on podcasts for the past few days.

Love the podcast in USA, and best of all, FOC (Free of Charge)!.
- JPM
- Hillsong London
- Brian Houston
- Joel Osteen

Had been tuning into Hillsong London Podcast.
- Sermon Title: ‘You are Valuable’ by Sy Rogers

I was listening to a speaker by the name of ‘Sy Rogers’.

From what I know, he came from a gay background.
Pesecuted for his homosexuality.
He shares his life in this message.

And I love what he said..

‘Gay people don’t go to hell..
Straight people don’t go to heaven..
It’s redeemed people that go to heaven..’

The only reason why people don’t go to heaven
is because they are not reconciled to God.

People being hungry for love..

Why is he not a marxist?
Why would he give up his boyfriend?
Why would he walk away from his gay friends?
Why would he swim against the tide?
Why would he crucify his flesh?

Find out more.. You are Valuable. =)

Full Day.

Today’s one of those days that I felt like
time passed by at the right pace.

Mum had taken leave to be at home to pack the house.
I was already done with my room yesterday..
Leaving with some laundry to do.

So was helping to wash the aircon filter,
Do the laundry, vacumm and some packing.
Can’t imagine we spent the whole day,
up till about 6pm.

But it was all good.

Was a bit lazy to help, but I did it anyway.
Mum was pleased that the house is now spick and span.
And I’m glad Daddy God gave me the grace to carry through.

Went to ThaiExpress at JP for dinner. =D
Did some window shopping and bought 2 DVDs to watch.
Felt like every minute of today was well spent.

Remnants of the Past

As usual, after every exam, I would spend time packing my room.
I found this old notebook.. Maybe about a year plus ago or something.

I have dumped every single erroneous material/teaching
that I had previously…

I thought that I’ve completely cleared ALL except 1 journal.

1 journal in regards to my personal walk with God.
- Couldn’t remember that I wrote some of those stuff down also.
- Most of it, I couldn’t really remember much of the original emotion
attached to it. I guess the Lord has restored me much more that I forget.

This one was supposed to be a camp notebook.
As I was flipping through those pages again,
I saw the old days..

Days spent in meetings, evaluations and listening to sermons full of do’s and don’ts,
almost filled with leadership skills. Everything there was good.
But the most important, we missed out…

The Lord.

One sermon title written..

3 Components to enter 2008 without burning out.
1. Determination – will power, weak person with strong desire.
2. Diligence – what’s your motivation
3. Perseverence – steady persistance in following through to a cause of action

It’s all about us trying to maintain our walk with God,
maintain meditating on the bible consistently and reading
good books. When you wake up in the morning, get
your heart right with God first, don’t just jump into
getting things done. Application: discipline of the mind.

I was flipping page by page, and I saw this page with a
list of Pastor Prince’s sermons.

That was before the date which I saw in the following page,
17/11/2007

I recalled being so desperate for the word of His grace,
I went all the way to Rock bookstore and grabbed the
majority of it on this list, except for the love story of ruth
and.. good things happen to people who believe God loves
them. That was after I have already read Destined to Reign.
I didn’t pen it down or tell anyone about it except a few
whom I trusted to avoid persecution.

Funnily before I got D2R, a mentee of mine told me that her auntie
was from NCC, passed her ps prince’s D2R as a birthday present.
I was a little surprised. It wasn’t coincidence, coz not many know that
I’ve been exploring about grace. At the same time, it felt as if like,
talking abt Pastor is abit of a taboo in the community. Wanted to
get the D2R, but I feared what others would think about me.
And my sheep was an excuse for myself to buy the book,
to read it, to find out what she was reading.
In actual fact, I just wanted to know the truth.

God somehow provided me to get pastor’s resources.
I didn’t specially ask, I just have it.

When there’s always a need, God is there to provide.
I told God direct. And God used people to provide me.
Wanting to be a part of One-North, He also provided me seeds to sow.

In the same way.. I don’t know how.
But I want to trust God for a full collection of pastor’s materials. =D
More stuff to feed on. =)

Thank you Lord for the full collection in advance. Amen.

They Thought For Themselves

Adapted from ‘They Thought For Themselves, Chapter 3‘

‘The Survivor’ by Rose Price

I am a survivor of Hitler’s Holocaust. My family, which lived in a little city in Poland, was warm and caring. We looked out for one another. My relatives lived within walking distance of each other, so if it rained and you ducked into the nearest house, you were always in the home of a cousin or an aunt or uncle.

My upbringing was very Orthodox. My mother instilled in me that Judaism was life. I never knew a difference between a high holiday or a low holiday. A holiday was a holiday. Every Shabbat (Sabbath) was even celebrated as a holiday.

My mother and my grandmother would start getting ready for the Shabbat on Wednesday, baking challa (bread). On Friday they prepared the fish and the chicken soup and made the noodles. In the afternoon we would take a cholent—a one-pot dish with meat, vegetables, and potatoes—to the baker to cook.
We would take special baths and dress in our finest clothes. The table was all set in beautiful white linen and whatever silver we had.

Meal time was family time. On Friday nights we had fish. Father would come home from the synagogue and recite the Kiddish, the blessing over the wine and the challa, then he would bless the children.

Saturday morning we would go to the synagogue. After services, we would stop by the bakery and bring home the cholent. We all sat around grandmother’s table and enjoyed the Sabbath meal.

The Nazi Horror
When Hitler took power, change came quickly. The Germans invaded in September 1939. One day at school shortly after the invasion, all the Jewish students were called up to the front of the classroom. With a guard standing nearby, our teacher told us, “Don’t come back to the school anymore because you are Jews.” I was ten and one-half years old. We were all absolutely devastated.

The next thing the Germans did was throw us out of our home and force us to live in a ghetto. They took the whole town of Jews and put us on one street.

My sister, who is two years older, and I, were among the first to be sent away. We were on our way to visit our grandmother when the Germans grabbed us and put us to work in the ammunition factory.

It was a horror because we went from a warm house into freezing conditions and from a loving, hugging, kissing family to a man constantly beating us with a whip. For a while we went back to our parents in the evenings. But one day, instead of letting us return home, they marched us into the woods. That summer I had been in the woods gathering mushrooms, blueberries, and raspberries. Now I was confined to a prison camp in those same woods.

It’s unthinkable what those people did to us. It’s almost indescribable. In the morning, they woke us up when it was still dark. We had to go outside, no matter what the weather was, and line up five deep for them to count us.

We worked a full day at the factory. I operated a machine that stretched out a piece of aluminum from a quarter of an inch to the length of a rifle bullet. I had to grease it, feed it, and take away the shells.

Before the invasion, my biggest responsibilities were to go to school, learn, come home, help my mother with the housework, do some gardening, and watch out for my younger sister. Now I was being told that either I learned how to work that machine or I would die. And I had to learn quickly.

I cried for a while, until one day I just couldn’t cry anymore because I didn’t have any tears left. That happened after the city was evacuated and I knew I would never again see my parents or my family. That was my last day of crying for 25 years.

At first I would still pray. I would get up in the morning and say the Modeh Ani and during the day I would say the Shema and just pray to God. One day I prayed that God would send my mother because I was hungry and homesick. I needed a mother’s hug instead of the beatings. I wanted to take a bath because I was covered with dirt and we didn’t have soap. I prayed and nothing happened. When my prayers were not answered, I concluded that there was no God.

The Concentration Camps
I was transferred from one concentration camp to another until I was sent to Bergen-Belsen and then Dachau. It’s hard for me to believe that I lived through such horror. Such horrible, horrible things happened at Bergen-Belsen. We were tortured. We were put in a field and forced to dig sugar beets out of the almost frozen ground with our bare hands. I remember my hands bleeding badly.

We had many difficult experiences in the camps. One stands out as particularly cruel. I was working in the field one day digging up sugar beets and by then I was more like a zombie because I had been in these conditions for several years. I decided I was going to steal a sugar beet and eat it. I was determined that my belly was not going to hurt that night.

All we used to receive was a quarter-of-an-inch thick piece of bread—it was 80% sawdust—and a cup of coffee. That was our food for 24 hours. Obviously, this was barely enough food to exist on, let alone to sustain someone working in the extreme cold.

When the guard caught me, I got such a bad beating that even today when I talk about it I can still feel the cat-o’-nine tails on my back and on my face and around my body and the punishment of hanging by my hands—all because I stole a sugar beet.

The cold weather alone killed many of us because we were not dressed properly. We would have to stand in line for hours, no matter how deep the snow was, half naked and without shoes.

One time while we were lined up, we were completely un-dressed for an experiment to see how long it would take for our blood to freeze. To this day, when I am in cold weather, and my toes and fingers go completely numb, I remember that time when my body started to freeze. The only reason I survived the experiment was because several people fell on top of me and their bodies kept me warm.

I had made up my mind that I would survive the same day that I had said there was no God. When I did survive, I took full credit. Later, I realized it had to have been the Lord.

But there were days when I thought I wasn’t going to make it. When we were on our way to Dachau, our train was bombed. As we ran into the woods to get away from the train I thought to myself, That’s it. I’ve made enough bullets. Let them use the bullets on me. Death looked better than life.

One time when I was still in a camp in my own hometown, I was walking across the field with somebody and I smiled. For the offense of smiling, the Germans put me in a sewer tank for 24 hours. I had to stay on my toes to keep from drowning. I was no more than 12 years old at the time.

Another difficult time was when my sister, who was in the same camp, got typhoid fever. She was my last living family member and I didn’t think I could go on if I lost her too. The guards came in periodically to check for those who were sick. Then they would take them outside and leave them to freeze. I laid on top of my sister to protect her and when they asked for people to lift up their hands to show they were healthy, I put my hand up in place of hers.

Selected to Be Shot
Twice, I was selected to be shot. Both times when the guards unlocked the chain, I ran away. The second time I ran into a guard. I was running so hard I bounced off of him. But he didn’t see me. It could only have been God. If he had seen me, he would have shot me himself. I looked up at him and then fled into a wooded part of the camp.

When we were finally liberated in May 1945, I was full of unforgiveness for what I had been through. I hated the Germans with a passion. The unforgiveness literally poisoned my body, causing me to need 27 operations.

I was looking for somebody who would be willing to drop a bomb on Germany and Poland. I had lost all of my family except my sister and one aunt—nearly 100 relatives.

My New Life
After I was released, I came to America and got married and had children. As much as I hated God, I became active in the traditional synagogue. My children needed to learn about Judaism, but I couldn’t teach them because I was dead inside. Socially, I was the best Jew. I was active in helping to build the Hebrew school. I even worked my way up to become president of the sisterhood.

If someone had asked me back then, “Do you believe in God?,” I would have said, “No.” Even today many rabbis don’t believe in the Bible and very few believe in God. But I believed in maintaining my Jewish identity and tradition.

My Daughter Believes in Jesus
One day my teenage daughter came to me and said the worst thing I could imagine. She said, “Mommy, I believe in Jesus Christ and He is the Jewish Messiah.”

I nearly had a heart attack. I told her what Jesus Christ did to her family and why she didn’t have many aunts and uncles. The Nazi guards had told me over and over that because I killed Jesus Christ, He hated me and put me into the camps to kill me.

When I was seven or eight years old, I was hit in the head with a crucifix by a priest in Poland for the “crime” of walking on the sidewalk in front of his church.

So for my daughter to believe in Jesus Christ was death. I threw her out. I couldn’t have this enemy living in my house. When my husband went to the house where she was staying to check on her, he became a believer too. The house was used as an outreach to Jewish people.

My younger daughter was still going to a private Hebrew school. But somehow I knew that she had secretly become a Messianic believer, and I beat her for it, even though I don’t remember doing it.

After my husband accepted the Lord, he came home and started reading Proverbs 31 to me. I didn’t know what Proverbs 31 was, but when he told me he believed also, he became a traitor to me too. The rabbi couldn’t do anything with him. He was very stubborn.

I was ready to leave my family, but I couldn’t. A friend of mine, a lawyer said, “If you leave the house, the authorities will put you in jail for desertion of your minor children.”

I had lost my first family under Hitler, and now was about to lose my second family, all because of this Jesus. I was ready to meet Jesus and kill him.

I tried everything possible to reach both children. For the first time I told them about the concentration camps. I begged them. I pleaded with them to reject this Jewish enemy. For two thousand years we had been persecuted because this man was supposed to be a Messiah. I told them everything I had learned and nothing helped.

Since my husband had become a believer, he insisted that my daughter come back home. They witnessed to me constantly. I would find my Jewish Bible opened and little pieces of paper with Scriptures on it. I didn’t know they were Scriptures because I didn’t know the Bible.

I Go to the Rabbi
I ran to the rabbi. He would tell me different Scriptures with which to challenge my family. In response, they would give me five more.

At the urging of my family, I asked the rabbi about Isaiah 53. He said, “No Jew reads that, especially a Jewish woman.” So I couldn’t read it. The same with Psalm 22. There are 328 prophecies of the coming of the suffering servant Messiah. I asked the rabbi about almost all of them. Finally, the rabbi told me not to come to the synagogue anymore because I had read him Isaiah 53.

I kept yelling and screaming and crying, “Help me! I’m not going that way. What do you want from me? My family is dead because they believe in Jesus, you tell me, but my food disappears. Who is eating the food? Why do I have so much laundry? If they are all dead, then why is it? Help me!”

He just replied, “No. I can’t help you anymore.”

So I started sneaking down to the basement and reading the New Testament in a locked room. I read Matthew first and it showed me Jesus was a gentle man. He wasn’t a killer of my people, but a very gentle man. Then I started to think about what I believed.

I went to another rabbi for help, but he said, “Look, I can’t help you because I don’t read the Bible very much.”

The Millionaire
Shortly after that encounter I went to a dinner at Arthur DeMoss’ house. Mr. DeMoss was a wealthy Christian businessman who would open his home once a year as an outreach to Jewish people. He asked me if I would mind if he prayed for me. I told him, “I don’t care if you stand on your head. It’s your house.”

Instead of standing on his head, he started to pray. Jews never close their eyes in prayer, but all of a sudden I closed my eyes and said a very simple prayer: “God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, if it’s true, if He who they are saying is Your Son and You have a Son and He is really the Messiah, okay. But, Father, if He isn’t, forget that I talked to you.” That was the first prayer I had prayed since 1942. I felt the biggest stone rolling off my back. For the first time since the war, I cried and I felt so clean. I knew He was real and I made Him my Messiah.

When Holocaust survivors get angry with me today because I am a Messianic Jew, I just show love to them because I know how they feel. I’ve been there. I don’t argue with them.

Berlin Calls
One day I got a call from Sid Roth. A friend of his, a pastor from a large church in Berlin, had just called him to say, “We’re going to rent the largest coliseum in Berlin, the one that Hitler used for his meetings, and we’re looking for Messianic Jews to take part in the events we have planned.”

Sid said, “I have the perfect person,” meaning me. But when he called me, I refused.

When I left Germany I swore I would never, ever go back to that accursed land. And here he was asking me to go back to Germany. How could he? For six months I wrestled about whether to go. I asked the Lord to kill me, to take me home, but not to send me back because as soon as I started praying, the word came, “Yes, you have to go back and you have to forgive.”

I finally surrendered. I went with my husband and four other believers. Many more came later. It was, as I said, a six-month struggle. I had people pray and fast for me.

This was a big event. A number of prominent Christians were there including Pat Robertson, Demos Shakarian, and Pat Boone.
When I walked into that coliseum, the one where Hitler said the Nazis would rule the world for a thousand years, it was jam packed with young Germans. A number of them had stars of David, Jewish stars, around their neck. Israeli flags were waving.

When I saw the American leaders, some of whom I knew, and I saw the German people wearing stars of David and mezuzahs, I thought, It’s impossible. Then I thought, What am I doing here? Lord, what do you want from me? Get me out of here. I don’t want to speak German. Am I doing this right or am I telling the Germans and the world that it’s okay to go kill Jews? These thoughts tormented me until I spoke.

Confronted by Nazis
On Sunday they called me up to speak. I don’t remember saying the things that were printed. I don’t remember speaking on forgiveness. But after I finished my talk, some people came up to me who were the last people on the face of this earth that I wanted to see. They were ex-Nazis. Apparently, I had asked for any ex-Nazis to come up and be prayed for and be forgiven. I don’t remember saying it, but here they were asking me to forgive them. Could I forgive them face-to-face as I had from the podium?

That’s when I realized that I had spoken on forgiveness. One of those who had come forward was a guard from Dachau. He had been in charge of punishment. When he came and identified himself, my body shriveled up in pain as he knelt down. He was pleading with me to forgive him.

I am a believer, but people cannot comprehend what I experienced in Dachau and Bergen-Belsen. They cannot imagine the hell I went through. It was only by the grace of God that I was able to forgive those who came forward, because Rose Price could not forgive them for the atrocities I went through as a child.

As I was ready to leave Berlin, one of the ex-Nazis whom I had prayed with for forgiveness came up to me. He said that after I had prayed with him he had his first night’s sleep since the war.

Show Me the Strength
Another time I was in Germany again and I realized I was not far from Bergen-Belsen. I knew that I had to go back. Once and for all I had to bury Bergen-Belsen. I had a Swedish couple with me, Susan and Gary, and a German man named Otto—all believers.

I had to ask a guide for the location of the main gate. I didn’t recognize it because the barracks had all been burned. But I knew if they put me where the main gate had been, I could find where the barracks had stood. I was amazed that even today no grass grows where the electric wires were located. No matter how many times they plant grass, it does not grow.

The guide gave me a list of the names of those who had been at Bergen-Belsen and I found my sister’s and my name on the list. We were on the last transport out from Bergen-Belsen to Dachau. After that, all those who remained died of typhus.

I cried and I wept. At one point I was hollering at Bergen-Belsen, “You died, but I survived! I am here! I survived!”
While I was hollering, I started to pray for the salvation of the country and that the German people would learn of the Messiah’s love and forgiveness.

At one point I asked, “Lord, how can I pray that prayer at this cemetery where so much happened to me, so much that is indescribable?”

As I was praying, the German man became hysterical. I went over to him to hug him and he said, “How can you pray for us when we did that to you? My family was involved with this. We put you here. How can you? Show me the strength. Show me the strength.”

Then he asked for forgiveness and the four of us just kept on crying and praying for one another and for the German people.

You Have to Forgive
If you feel you cannot forgive someone, you cannot hate anyone more than I hated the Germans. I lost my stomach. I had 27 operations before I went to Berlin.

Hate has an address in your body. Love cannot dwell in the body with hate. When I finally gave up all the hate and love started coming in, something happened inside my body. I didn’t have pain anymore. I haven’t had an operation since 1981 because the Lord has taken all that poison out of me.

Nobody knows the pain you have gone through and nobody knows the pain I went through. But there is no excuse for hate. You have to forgive. You have to give up the hate.

It’s not even up to you to have the strength to forgive. You cannot do anything in your own power. You have to go to the Lord and the Lord will give you the strength.

Devo @ Marina Barrage

Yesterday, CG had friday devo held at Marina Barrage.

Managed to fly kites, play volley ball and frisbee.

We were walking up the spiral path with some green grass on it,
all the way to the top where people have picnic.
Reminds me of the verse, in Psalm 23.

He leads us on paths of righteousness,
round and round all the way to the top.

The weather was perfect. My friend and I prayed
that it would be cloudy(going to rain), but no rain,
windy, and without sun. It was as we have asked.
God provided it for us.

Devo was based on ps prince’s devo for the day,
about the father’s love. Worship there was
awesome, despite the presence of many other people.
Nothing else mattered. I felt the presence of Daddy God
visiting us there, in the midst of our worship.

There’s this breeze that we know it’s from him.
His presence there was just so strong.
Totally ministered and refreshed after worship.

Daddy God, we thank you for your presence with us at devo.

Before that we had bought some food from carrefour..
And we got this $5.00, abt 8/9 inch pizza. Some of us were starved,
and we just took a slice of pizza (abt palm size) each and ate it.
Remaining with only 1 piece.

It tasted really bad. It was bitter and weird.
We thought that was the original taste but we complained about it.

After finishing the slice, our CGL heard abt the complaint,
so he took the pizza and smelt it. His report was…
“I think the pizza is spoilt. Don’t eat.”

We were like… huh!?! Nevermind. We all just briefly said,
sanctify it in Jesus’ name! And we continued with our
devo all that, didn’t bother about that so much.

Today after arrow, we had dinner.
And cg mate said to me,

“Eh, I never get diarrhoea from the pizza!”

“Me too!”

Praise the Lord. No diarrhoea, not even stomachache.
Nothing. Just as normal. The Lord had protected us.

Second Chance

Have been away from the com for about near 2 weeks
except for checking emails and few games of bejewelled
on facebook.

My cog neuro exam ended today. I’ll never touch
anything related to brain again next time. Don’t
want to have anything to do with brain.

I regret picking up cog neuro. Nevertheless, it is
just some good mind exercise to think and try to understand.
Worth the school fees paid but maybe not so pratical unless
I want to work in a lab next time. To begin with, I wasn’t
really interested in cog neuro actually because of the
enormous amount of readings to do. Was more interested
in personality, which I thought was more practical also.
I bought the idea from my one of the deans that it is
important to take this subject if we wanna do clinical psy.
But I don’t forsee myself doing that next time.

God graced me to read my cog neuro notes and textbook.
Can’t imagine how 1 chapter can take up the whole day.
And I hate journal articles alot.

Cog neuro is really a challenging subject to take up.
Praise the Lord, it’s over. My brain still feel rather
cramped with all that kind of information.

No more cog neuro for life. Amen.
My friend and I agreed.

Last paper finishes on coming Monday.

We were all dumbfounded to have heard the news
regarding our ex-lecturer/tutor on the front page
of the newpaper today from our schoolmates while
we were outside the exam hall.

It would be classified as the news of the day,
or the talk of town. News spread like fire.
It was bad news.

We felt sad for him. Such a bright future he had.
He was a good lecturer and teacher who was willing
to help his students. One classmate recalled seeing
him at her church quite some time back.

Perhaps he was empty but looking for an answer.
We hope he’ll find a good church and settle in.
A church that is Jesus centred… and not..

concept, rules, motivational centred.

He needs to know the God that we know.
Pray for him.

‘Real Stuff’

Just came back about 20 minutes ago.
I am so so stunned and refreshed.
It’s my first time attending server’s meet.

It was just amazing.
I didn’t know something like
that could have ever existed.

Call me a frog in the well (chinese idiom).
I really never knew servers’ meet was so
good.

If you thought that Sunday services were
already good enough, wait till you try
servers’ meet.

Makes me feel like it’s the place where we
get the ‘real stuff’.

It’s just so very different. I can only say
that our youth ministry is different.
Set apart for Jesus. Praise the Lord.

This is where I really see the leaders
being vulnerable to share their hearts.
Where you truly get to catch the heart
of this ministry and what is it really all
about.

Indescribable.
Jaw dropping (in a good way) experience for me.

In My Secret Heart

Today’s Cyber conference at Connect’09 was
really good. I thought that it was concise and
the time spent was well maximized.

I enjoyed the praise and worship the most.

Sang quite a few songs.

And we were worshipping, I felt the Lord impress
this in my heart. He asked me,

What do you see when you look at the cross?
- It’s not just a cross and that Jesus love me,
He died for me, yea. that’s all.
(Not the head knowledge kind as I usually have)

- The song “I see grace” totally answered this
question. I see His grace for me. See His grace
for me. See Him afflicted and trialed, see Him
pierced and wounded for me. Every single stripe
He took during the passion was for my healing.
This is the only Son of God, whom God sent to die
for my sins.

We were singing ‘Arms Open Wide’ by hillsong also.
It just so strongly brought back the memories that
I had in History Maker Camp. Like God did something
for me from there, but I don’t know what yet.

Philippians 1:6
being confident of this, that he who began a good work
in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

What He started, He will also finish.
Started by grace, so will it finish by grace.

I realised that probably the feel of lack of people
in my life most probably stems from a deeper
reason inside. That is a hunger for God, a hole
that only God can fill. No one and nothing will
be able to fill me.

Worship was so good today, as I chose to look upon
the Lord. I felt liberated from every fear in my heart,
and every uncertainty in my mind. Peace came.
I had an encounter with Him.

It’s like standing directly, face to face,
before the King of kings in awe,
and it’s only between Him and me,
and nothing else mattered.

Let this be my song and prayer forever.

Where the Lord reigns in our hearts,
no other love competes,
no rival throne survives.

No fear in His perfect love. Total freedom.
Broken chains and freed hands.
My hands were freed to praise and worship God.
And that’s what I want to do with my hands.
To use them to glorify Him.

To lift them up to show that my chains have been broken.
Because my freedom comes from Him.

When you get the revelation that His love is
all you need. It breaks every single stronghold.
Just sets me free.

Perfect love casts out all fear.
Where there is no fear, strongholds cannot take root.

It is good for the heart to be established in grace.

Hebrews 13:9
Do not be carried about with various and strange doctrines.
For it is good that the heart be established by grace,
not with foods which have not profited those who have
been occupied with them.

In My Secret Heart
To keep Your lovely face
Ever before my eyes
This is my prayer
Make it my strong desire

That in my secret heart
No other love competes
No rival throne survives
And I serve only You

Caught up in the grace of God.

Was just listening to Carl Lentz (The City Church).
And the message was just so purely simple,
yet powerful. I was just taking a bus down to
grandma’s place and was thinking of some stuff.

I asked God why is it He chose me.
He said, it’s not about my ability.
He wants me to know that it all came by His grace.

It’s precisely the reason that I am weak, that’s why He chose me.

His sermon title was “Caught up in the grace of God”.

He said, if there’s one thing that you cannot fail to
understand in christianity, it is the grace of God.
If you don’t know anything else, it’s fine, but you
need to know the grace of God.

In the sermon, he went on to talk about how the
world needs to hear about the grace of God. They
are behaving in a certain way because they have
not heard about the grace of God yet.

Acts 20:24 (AMP)
But none of these things move me; neither do I esteem my life dear to myself, if only I may finish my course with joy and the ministry which I have obtained from [which was entrusted to me by] the Lord Jesus, faithfully to attest to the good news (Gospel) of God’s grace (His unmerited favor, spiritual blessing, and mercy).

We need to know that
1. God’s grace will always cover your weakness so you have no more excuse. (2 Cor 12)

The weaker we are, the bigger God is.

I have saved you,
I have redeemed you,
I have called you,
I have commissioned you.
I have anointed you,
I have placed my grace in your life,
You need to get moving.
You need to start dreaming.
You need to start living, I have graced you,
I have anointed you, when you feel weak,
that’s where I am the strongest.

Get moving,
Get dreaming,
Get living,
Get bigger because my grace is on your life.

If we struggle with focusing on our own weakness,
spend more time thinking what God’s grace has
made us. Focus on what God has made you.

If your God said you are free, you’re free.
If He says you are called, you’re called.

My God has graced me to do great things,
and I refuse to live small, I refuse to live scared,
I refuse to live in hiding, I’ve been graced by my
God and I’m living bigger.

Learn to trust the grace of God that is on your life.
God will take you out of your depth.
It will take you further.

The fact that you might be weak,
you might have your issues,
but God has graced you anyway.

“Some people live a life that doesn’t even require God, sometimes people have dreams, and it’s a great dream, but it doesn’t even matter if God shows up. And I wonder if you look at your dreams tonight, what would happen if you took God out of your dreams, if you can still do it, it’s not a God dream. It comes to a point as a Christian when you got to start realising, God, your grace is bigger, my dream, I’m going to scrape it. I need to do more than that…

That’s the call of God for so many people in this room, you find yourself in a position very soon, when people look at you and say, “Man, you shouldn’t be on that stage, you shouldn’t have that promotion, you shouldn’t have got that job, you shouldn’t be in that position of power,  you shouldn’t have that thing man, you’re just not that good.” And you’ll look to people and say, “I’m not that good my friend, but I got caught up in the grace of God and it’s taking me further, and it’s taking me further, and and it’s taking me deeper, I got caught up in the grace of God.”

Your grace has found me just as I am,
Empty handed but alive in your hands.

So that you don’t have anymore excuses.

God is waiting to bring people out of obscurity
to put them on mountain tops to tell people of
one thing, the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ.

God’s grace will always cover our weakness,
so we have no more excuses.

2. We need to realise that God’s grace is always available

We don’t have to carry about that guilt any longer.
Hebrews 4, let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God,
there we will receive His mercy and find grace
in times we needed the most.

If we don’t get caught up with the grace of God,
it’s a matter of time we get caught up in condemnation,
carrying things we are not meant to carry.

His mercies are new every morning.

Impersonality: Problem or Advantage?

Hm. Today, I attended the 1st service because
we’re having family lunch to celebrate my grandma’s
birthday. Initially, I had thought of joining my friend
for 2nd because I was told that lunch would begin at
about 3-4pm.

But I felt more peace in going for the 1st,
and also thinking that, it won’t be so rushed,
my mum and I would have time to go back
home to set up the table. So I went for 1st.

After I came out from 1st, I received a message
from mum that lunch would begin at 1pm instead.
There was some communication break down that
happened. We were mistakably told that lunch
would begin at 3-4pm. And mum was hopping mad.

As for me, praise God I didn’t choose to go for 2nd.
Imagine if I had not followed God about today,
I would have to go home by the time 2nd started,
and totally missed service today, altogether.

I bite when I miss service especially with last minute
changes. I’ll just feel really frustrated for the day.

Praise God, He knows what’s going to happen today
and led me to go for 1st service. =)

At lunch today, I have an uncle who comes from a
traditional, denominational church. He briefly asked
me, which church was I attending and asked if I my
parents still restrict me from going to church. Is it
an open thing to the family that I’m attending church?

And I told him, “I’m at new creation, and my parents
do not restrict me anymore, yep, it’s an open thing”.
He said, “Oh. It’s very big.” Then he commented something
on the line of impersonality and it kind of stopped there.

Hm.. I just find that this comment was similar to what
my cousin (from a similar backgroud with my uncle)
told me few months back.

Personally, I am the kind of person who likes to stick
with a few close friends. So, I had the same thought when
I stepped into NCC. I was a new comer then. Little approached
me and talk to me, write cards or anything. A totally different
culture from the previous church. It did add on to my pain as
time went on because I had just left the previous church.
Totally felt so alone and stripped of everything and everyone
that I called friends. And I complained. Even as months went by,
I complained, maybe even more.

As I said, no church is perfect. =)
But I am not here to criticise.
I still believe that NCC is the best in my heart.
And that, we have the best youth ministry in SG.

It’s been pass 1 year now. And as I looked back, what
I’ve been expecting for is people to surround me with
their warmth. I was expecting from man rather than
looking to God.

But if you look to the God-side of this whole thing about
impersonality. I rather that the people are genuine
(and they are) than to put on pretense, when all they
are really interested in, is not you, but numbers.
Numbers in how big their group is although they
verbally claim that numbers is not their focus.

Pretense is worse than being impersonal.
It’s like a leader saying, “I get to know these
people simply because to maintain my position
and because it is my job.” *ouch* Of course
they won’t say that outright to you.

One advantage of impersonality is that,
it really shows, what is the true component
that causes the church to hold on together,
despite of many trials and accusations.

When I came in, nothing else mattered anymore.
I really do not care about anyone or anything
that’s around me that happens in church.
I felt that I was at a point in life, I was so bare,
that I have nothing else to loose anymore except
the life I have.

I had suicidal thoughts, why not just die,
end this whole thing, there’s nothing else
in life that is worth living for anymore.
I was depressed. I don’t mean clinically,
but as what I see from my text book,
it seems to meet the DSM criteria.

Despite so so many short comings, impersonality
didn’t stop me from coming to church. It did try
to stop me, but I was so hungry for God.

Every service that I went, I felt that God was backing me up,
every single thing that pastor was preaching. Always walked
out of service feeling lighter. I’m not the only one being
persecuted. Hallelujah!

I look at service as a time to rest.
It’s one of the restful events that I always
look forward to during the whole week.
The rest of the 6 days are spent listening to sermons,
again and again and again. Praise God for the friend
who lent me the pile of sermons to listen to.

My eyes just want to see Jesus,
and my ears just want to hear Him.
And my heart is comforted by His love,
through what He has done for me on the cross.
I rest in His finished work.

And this is where I found it,
right in the ROCK auditorium.
Not that I found it, but the Lord,
in His grace and mercy, brought me here. =)

Praise the Lord! I say it to the glory of God.
NCC really lives up to it’s vision. =)
Can’t agree any less. I love and believe in that vision.

With impersonality in the church, one would say
that it is hard to have people keep coming. We
need to be more friendly and more warm to talk
to the new comers. But is this just pure outward
self-effort or does it come from the heart that
we want to impact every single one that we
meet with Jesus’ love?

And for a size of 20 000, it is quite impossible to
keep all of us coming to church by just purely
being personal. If the Jesus factor (gospel of grace)
is gone, I don’t think I will come back. It justs
shows that, Jesus is the only factor that holds us
altogether in the church. He is the only one that
keeps us going, having that oneness of heart,
mind and spirit, believing God in His love for us
together.

If the church cannot survive with impersonality,
something is really wrong. The question would
be, is Jesus being lifted up or is the “niceness” of
man being promoted in the church.

I think it’s the question of whom we are placing this
expectation in. God or Man? Even if we feel that
it is quite impersonal, it is a good thing because
it gives you a chance to trust God to bring the
right people to you and also time to grow closer
to Him when you have no one around you.
And whatever He gives to you, is surely good.

And what pastor said today is so true.
Sometimes we hope for God to do things for us,
but we never open our mouths to ask.

Trust God and wait.
I’m still trusting God to bring the right people to me. =)

Jesus through me.

This coming week marks the last week of school.
I really feel that this semester passed by especially
quickly. I have no idea why. But I really like this
pace of study.. I don’t like to rush.

One of my fears is the fear of handling people.
If you’ve read about my past, being a cgl was
a nightmare.

Tried all my best to maintain the people in the
group, even going the extra mile of going to
their homes, paying for some stuff, always
trying to meet them for a one on one session
on a weekly basis.

Yet.. All my efforts failed.
My cg even shrunk from about 6 to just 2 regulars.
That is my core and myself.

Since then I had fear to ever want to take up a group
again, or to do anything related to people. I came
to realise that, I had been looking to myself to grow
the group. And it is no surprise it shrunk. It’s not my church,
it’s Jesus’ church. It is God who gives the growth through me.

I never want to go back to that stinking self-effort
to maintain people by my own efforts. It was really
a hard lesson.

I feel and believe that God is enlarging the group.
And the more people we are handling, the more
we need to learn to rest and rest harder in Jesus
and His finished work. Makes me want to run to
Him even more because I know I can’t do it.

I really can’t do it.
I get easily stressed, and sometimes I really behave
as if I don’t have a God, even the non-believers tell
me not to worry. So pai seh. haha. But God is so
gracious. Even when I worry(sin), His grace is still
upon my life. My sins are forgiven.

When this stress thing starts to come,
I’ll confess, it’s not me, it’s Jesus through me.
I’m not the one doing it. I’m just a channel of
His blessing to His people. Even when victory
comes. Although I receive the victory, it is
He through me. There’s nothing on my part
except to rest and believe.

And base on this, I rest.
Apart from Him, I can do nothing. Amen.

It started by grace, so will it end by grace.

Had SPSS stats open book test today..
It was so-so. Hm… I didn’t really study
for it because it was a practical test.
Needs understanding rather than memorising.

Our lecturer was worried for us because our tutor
did not cover much of the impt practical stuff we
need to know for this test, after 7 weeks of lessons.

So he gave us a supplementary tutorial
on tuesday. Everyone was still as confused.
We had never come across how to do what
we needed to do today in the past 7 weeks,
except for what was taught in the supplementary class.

But praise the Lord, I managed to catch whatever
I need to for today’s test. Didn’t know how to attempt
this 6 marks question. -_-” But it’s ok. I’m happy I’m
over and done with it.

Left with a presentation tomorrow, on the most
challenging subject that I felt I have taken so far,
and a group essay.

Yep.. And I had this essay which I spent about
2 days 2 nights doing it. It was just so so hard to do.
I hate to read journal articles, but I don’t have a choice.
I just find it so hard to understand those jargons,
procedures and results that those people were writing about.
Half the time I was stuck. I didn’t know how to collate.
It started on a saturday night till the next day and then,
monday. The end of Monday was the dateline.

My partner and I had actually already found our essay sources to use.
Because it was a pair presentation, we tried to avoid overlaps in our
essay topics. So, I had to break away to do on another topic but of
the same category. That means, I have to look for other articles to
do my essay. =_=” Our lecturer restricted us to a 1000 words.
Which means, short and sweet, no beating around the bush.

My thoughts on my essay were, general, brief,
all over the place, no focus.
I wonder what kind of grade I would get.
Applied some oil and handed in the paper.

When I saw the results, I was so shocked.
I totally knew that it came by grace.
I even thought to myself, could it be possible that,
the lecturer had keyed in the wrong grade.

I got a 19/20.

Seriously surprised. I stared at it for a few minutes.
This is so not me. My norm grades would tell you that,
I’m an average student scoring mostly Credits, even in poly,
mostly Bs. I’m shocked. It’s the Lord and not me.

My classmates could testify that.

I was glad. I never had such a point before for any
essays in life. And I really find this module hard to grasp.

Exams are coming soon on about the 20+ september.
It all started with grace, so will it end in grace. Amen.

I was just browsing through blogs,
and chanced upon Stillhaventfound’s blog.

About a few weeks ago, CG was viewing these Healing
clips together. Pastor had been talking about our church
rising up as a healing centre. Praise the Lord. I want to
be part of it.

I wonder what it’ll be like when we run with revelation
of healing to everywhere we go. That is, where God
has placed us. Our schools, home, work, friends. It’s
gonna be awesome. Only believe!

Watching those few clips helped me to see what God’s
heart is like towards all people. It doesn’t matter,
who, how, when or what. It’s Jesus!

Jesus heals!

Delivered.

Remember I was ranting over this test
which was worth 30% in my previous entry?

Like 400 pages worth at least to study.
God is so good. I didn’t finish studying.
Only did complete roughly 4 chapters.
That is only half.

Despite what I had done to study, I tell you,
I was still a great way off.
(Like the prodigal son, the father saw him
while he was still a great way off, despite his
effort to find his way back home)

That morning, mum sent me to school.
I just told her directly that I never finish studying,
and I don’t know how.. She held my hand
and looked at me empathetically and said,
“don’t kan jiong (panic), and just good luck
for the test ok.”

My other 2 friends were saying..
Just leave to God already. I don’t
want to bother anymore.

I was so scared I would fail the test.
Just prayed in the spirit and rest.
Flipped through some notes during breakfast.
I was really calling God to save me from this.

When we entered the classroom, my tutorial
mates were talking and already contemplating
on dropping the module because of this test.
The majority of them.

And they were requesting that the
test be postponed. I was hoping so as
well, but it never happened.

Nevertheless, I spoke silently over the test,
claiming the shalom to guard our hearts and mind.
Then took out the anointing oil,
applied and passed some to friend.

Today, when I saw the results, I tell you,
it’s really grace. I got 22 /30. I can’t believe it.
Half the time, I was guessing the answer for this test.
I was very unsure.
I doubt I would be able to score 25/50 for it.
Other 2 friends got 21/30.

The Lord had delivered us.

Because he has set his love upon Me,
therefore I will deliver him; I will set him on high,
because he has known My name. He shall call upon Me,
and I will answer him I will be with him in trouble;
I will deliver him and honour him. [Psalm 91:14-15]

Semester

Hm.. Haven’t been here for quite awhile.
Had to study for mid-term, and it wasn’t
so good. 400+pages of txtbook for 8 chapters
is no joke. No one finished studying even
though they didn’t sleep for the night before.

Another essay due on monday and great,
haven’t started on it. Don’t really know
how to go about doing it also.

Getting a little irritated with the printer.
It just refuses to detect the black ink catridge.
Now I can’t print anything at all. =(

Seriously don’t know how I can survive through
uni. I find it hard. Lord bless me and grace me
through again.

Semester after semester.. It seems like history
is always repeating itself. The same thing happens.
I never get to finish studying the entire syllabus.

Just seems rather hopeless through all my grades.
It’s a C all the way. Never breaks through to a D,
except twice. But last semester was really horrible.
The experience of close datelines. Submitting assignments,
presentations and mid-term tests within 2 weeks,
with no breaks at all.

I was so afraid that I was going to fail one of my modules.
And I even told my mum in advance, what if I fail this
module how? She said, no choice, retake lo. Study harder.

Super stressed and tensed.
Chest pains (muscle aching).
Spent more time worrying about what needs
to be done than spending time to do them.
I couldn’t handle the stress.

I remembered the caffeine withdrawal effects
which doesn’t allow me to study well because
I felt drowsy but refused to rely on caffeine.

And the sleepless nights before examinations,
spent trying to complete the study, but never
did complete studying.

Got 3 Cs and a D for last semester.
Which I thought was reasonable grade.
Was actually hoping for 2 Cs and 2 Ds.
Would be more satisfied to get 2 Cs and 2 Ds.

Those nights before the exam, I remembered
how the Lord gave me strength to last through the
night, to the morning, the exams and then the
night again, w/o sleep (still having caffeine withdrawal).

For the subject that I got a D, I also don’t know
how I did manage to go through almost the
whole textbook. Didn’t manage to finish studying
1 or 2 chapters also.

This semester I took lesser subjects.
It seems like the semester had just started,
but is already heading towards the end.
The subjects are a little hard to follow.
Just 2 more weeks before the final study break.
I can’t believe how quickly this semester is passing by.

And again, I come back to God and say,
Lord, I really need Your grace and mercy
to pass this semester. Thank You that,
whatever it is, all things will work together
for my good because of Your grace,
Your obedience at the cross and Your sacrifice.

Even if I fail, I’m still the righteousness of God in Christ.

Revelation of His love

Hm.. You know, following last week’s devo,
which we had was, what is the difference
between trusting God and having faith in God.

And we were talking about how faith is
energised by the love of God. We talked
about looking to Jesus and the cross in
any situation.

But, just something that I typed in a recent entry
which struck me. Guess it was God.

I said, ” Faith in the grace that is already provided.
Whatever the challenge is, God has already provided the grace.
It’s not trying to psycho yourself that grace is already there.
It’s the revelation that God gives.”

I struck myself..

It came across to me this way…

We want to believe in God’s word for us in the bible.
But sometimes it’s so hard. And we start to listen to
sermons & songs, trying to read the bible – but
sometimes it can be very very dry. (Trying to believe
that God loves us. It’s not about your trying, quit it.)
So, how do you really really believe God’s love for you?

Especially when circumstances don’t look good,
we remind ourselves that God’s love for us is not
determined by our circumstances but by the
symbol of the cross.

Nothing wrong with reading the bible, listening
to songs and sermons, etc.. It’s good. But why is
it that sometimes, although we know(mind) the
word, it is still so so hard to believe?

We’re often told to look at the cross and see
Jesus’ love for us. But, just somehow we don’t
really see it with our heart. It becomes hard
to believe. We speak it but find it hard to believe.

This is where asking God for a fresh revelation
of His love for us, comes in. Keep things simple,
just open our mouths to ask God for revelation
of His love for us. There is really nothing you
can do to earn revelation. It’s all humility and
about asking God. It is God who gives you the
revelation and the faith to believe. You didn’t
have faith until God gave it to you.

To God belongs all wisdom and revelation.
The measure of faith that is in you is from God.
As long as you are a believer, there’s no such
thing as “no faith”. Even for the mustard seed
faith that God has given us, be faithful in using
it when we receive revelation and God will
cause it to increase.

As God gives us more and more revelations
of His love for us. Use the faith that rises up
to speak the word into our lives and the lives
of others.

Matthew 16:13-17
Now when Jesus went into the region of Caesarea Philippi, He asked His disciples, Who do people say that the Son of Man is?

And they answered, Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and others Jeremiah or one of the prophets.

He said to them, But who do you [yourselves] say that I am?

Simon Peter replied, You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.

Then Jesus answered him, Blessed (happy, fortunate, and to be envied) are you, Simon Bar-Jonah. For flesh and blood [men] have not revealed this to you, but My Father Who is in heaven.

It is not by flesh and blood(works & self-effort)
that we have a revelation of Jesus and the finished
work of the cross. But simply the revelation that
the Holy Spirit has given to us.

Where Faith, that is put in us by God,
meets Grace, through the revelation
that God has given us about Jesus and
His love, we can come and receive..

Ask God for fresh revelations of His love
for us, receive it and feed on it. =)

Blessed.

Just reached home not long ago. Hm.
I just feel so so so blessed I tell you.

For some time I knew it in my heart.
But I didn’t tell anyone about it.
I couldn’t believe it, God did it for me.

Touched to tears. JESUS!
May not be a big thing, but I just feel so
at the right place at the right time.
I definitely know that it is God who placed me here.
Only and completely, by His grace.

So overwhelmed by His grace and goodness,
it really touched my heart to know that God
knows the desires of our hearts.

PRAISE GOD!

You’ll never disappoint me.
I’m so happy that you gave me the place
where I have so desired to serve in.

All in You

All in You
Hope Bangkok

Verse 1:
From the past you have come to my heart
Shown your grace
Filled me more than enough
Like the rain
Falling on my life in every part

Verse 2:
Nowadays You are still the same
In your name
There is unfailing love
Overflow
From heaven above

Pre-chorus:
Can’t stop praising you
For such a great love
Can’t stop praising you
For such a great love

Chorus 1:
You’re the lover of my heart
The author of my life
The power of my soul

Jesus you’re my all
You never let me fall
You hold me in your hands

Chorus 2:
You’re the lover of my hear
The author of my life
The power of my soul

Jesus You’re my King
In You I have everything
Yes forever everything
All in You

29th July 2009

Just turned 21, 2 days ago.
That’s the 29th July.

Had mum, school mates and fellow brother
and sisters celebrate my birthday with me.

And yea, pleasantly surprised on wednesday
when char, iris, jo, jem & jane from my ex-cg
turned up at vivo. Was just walking around
with van. I was really glad.Couldn’t help but
just smiled all the way. =D Now you know why
I was smiley throughout. Thanks again if you
happen to read this..

Van, thanks for coordinating. =)
Appreciate and love you all.

Had a wonderful dinner at thaiExpress,
chocolate cake from bakerzin
(which I still have in my fridge),
and the card.

I kind of expect and didn’t expect you all to come.
So it was a 50-50 thing. Just felt like I’m kept in
suspense. Thanks for the dinner, the surprise
outside the toilet and all your prayers. I really
enjoyed myself. I thank God for you all.

School mates – Thanks for the wallet and the
time out for lunch on tuesday at swensens@PS.

And also.. Thanks to all for your birthday
wishes on Facebook, sms and etc.

The biggest gift that God could ever give to me
is His love demonstrated in Jesus. His grace,
goodness and love towards me. Sometimes I
just fail to see it, but thank God there’s no
condemnation. The second biggest gift He has
given me is New Creation Church.

Yea, I love to think back, to think of the goodness
of the Lord. Taste and see that the Lord is good!

Even from birth, my name says so.
My mum & grandma (pre-believers)
call me Jeannie, “God is gracious”.
That’s what I’m called at home.

I used to be never endingly complaining about
why I had to go through all the pain and persecution,
the feelings of rejection of having revelations about grace.

I questioned God. I said, “why is it me?
why doesn’t it happen to somebody else.
Why do I have to go through all these pain?”
The very first time I actually really blame God
for something that didn’t go well (I think).

If it wasn’t for the grace of God,
I’m the kind that would sweep everything (grace thing)
under the carpet. Would rather escape the difficulties I have
ahead and continue with life. Why go through this trouble?

By His goodness, His mercies and His grace,
He has unveiled to me who Jesus really is.
God has better plans.

He has uprooted me and planted me in NCC.
I just can’t stop talking about this God-incident
because it’s just something so close to my heart.
Having the assurance that, I am where He placed me.
His plans and His purposes for me are here.
And I’m not here by accident.

It’s a journey and a walk of faith.
Faith in the grace that is already provided.
Whatever the challenge is, God has already provided the grace.
It’s not trying to psycho yourself that grace is already there.
It’s the revelation that God gives. You know that you know
that you know. And I walk in trust, resting and not worrying.
Even if I fall, grace is there to pick me up.
I’m still the righteousness of God in Christ.

Exactly like what pastor said, “How not to reign in life?”

As I’m typing this, I’m also writting it to remind myself.
Sometimes, I just slip back into works & performance,
walk into self-condemnation and totally forget what
the Word really says.

For if by the one man’s offense death reigned through the one,
much more those who receive abundance of grace and
of the gift of righteousness will reign in life through the One,
Jesus Christ. [NKJV - Rom 5:17]

It’s by receiving the abundance of grace and
the gift of righteousness through Christ.
How can we not reign in life if it is based on Christ’s performance.
Just receive what ever Jesus has done for us.

I could talk about grace forever.
There’s no end to the depths of His grace and love.

It’s just mind-blowing.
Never fails to amaze me, how God plucked
me out from somewhere and placed me here.
How my perspective really shifted.
Whole new paradigm shift.

It’s a like the cheese factory story that pastor
Judah Smith shared on last sunday. I can’t help
but love grace so much. =)

Even the youths shall faint and be weary,
And the young men shall utterly fall,
But those who wait on the LORD
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint. [NKJV - Isaiah 40:30-31]

The Lord renews my youth like the eagles. =)
Thank you Lord!

Grace Television

Catch pastor on grace TV, Singapore Timing,

Tuesday to Saturday

2am & 8am

Why did you change church?

I really love ZONE conference today..
I felt as if I was really at hillsong church.
Worship and the presence of God is awesome.
Just enjoy myself in the presence of God.

And I love pastor Judah Smith & his message
of grace and righteousness. Sounds kind of
basic and fundamental. But it isn’t to me…
It’s the very core essence of the gospel that
is being preached.

And I can’t help but amen all the way inside.
Amen because of the revelation that is already
inside.. And it just boils in me. I love the
abundance of grace and the gift of righteousness,
can never get tired of them, in fact, I need more
and more and more of them.

The gospel of grace, is simple, yet profound.
The ‘foolish’ understand,
but the ‘wise’ can never understand it.

God resists the proud and give grace to the humble.
Something I learnt. Grace comes by revelation of
the Holy Spirit. The Spirit himself teaches us all things.

I love the simplicity of the gospel.
God uses the foolish to shame the wise.

Anyway.. back to the conference..
I had some friend who came over..
My whole project group came.
3 of them, plus another group of people
from my previous church.

It wasn’t easy to get more tickets in the last minute,
but I asked God, and He provided.

Just one question that a brother from previous
church asked me. “Why did you change church?“

And me, I didn’t ask God how to answer, just said
without thinking. I said, “because the message is
different, I came over for the message. Just felt
pressured to do things when I was over there.
Even as a leader there, you put in so much effort,
but the group seems to grow smaller. It’s when I
realised(really realised in the heart, not mind)
that it’s all about God and not me. And it’s good
to have a mentoring system, but it gets bad when
people start to rely on their mentors to grow
(riding on mentor’s faith, not having a r/s with God)..”

It wasn’t a complete answer.. And I went back to
my seat because the workshop was about to begin.

As I went back to sit down, I guess God kind of spoke
to me or corrected me. Shouldn’t have said all that I
said.

He impressed something like that on my heart.
“It’s not about what happened last time, or the message
which is preached in NCC although it is part of the reason
why you came here. There are many many reasons to say
why you are in NCC, but all those are not it. Get this straight.”

And this was the answer that was impressed in me..

“I am who I am today by the grace of God,
and I am where I am today by the grace of God.
I believe this is where God has called me to be.”

And I was like.. wow.. 2 totally different answers,
one which is of myself, and one which is of God.

And I really do believe.. it’s not about the past
or anything whatsoever. But it’s nothing but the
grace of God that puts me here, in NCC, where
I am today. Amen. =) hahha!!

God, your answer is amazing.. Really.
Simple and straightforward.

As He is so are we in this world.

Looking forward to the ZONE conference this saturday.
It’s gonna be power packed with lots of stuff to feed on,
and also the spiritual impartation. I’m excited. Most
importantly, the very presence of Daddy God.
I just can’t wait to soak myself in His presence,
in Praise and Worship. To dance before him and
enjoy his presence.

Come with an expectation.

I was so glad today.
We had some presentation worth 10% of the overall grade.
It may be something small or not worth mentioning,
but yea, I just thank Daddy God for blessing us.
I just believe that we’re favoured.
Not that the lecturer favoured us,
but that I just felt that we’re favoured.

It was a journal critique group presentation.
And we got 8.5/10. That’s a HD grade.
As usual, I’m scared stiff of presentations.
I skipped lots of points on my slides and was quite repititive
with some of them because I was really nervous.

My speech didn’t come out well. But the rest in my group spoke well.
My heart raced like crazy just in anticipation of the presentation.

So was just praying in spirit and yea,
we applied the oil on ourselves.

The first group who presented actually set a high expectation
for the rest of the groups. And lecturer said that.. Ok.. Whoever
is going to present next will be ‘jia lat’ in some sense.
He didn’t really say ‘jia lat’.. Meant something like
you need to be like their standard or better.

It’s like saying…
“Unless your righteousness exceeds the righteousness
of the pharisees, you’ll not enter the kingdom of heaven.”

Just a metaphor. Lol.

We were supposed to be second but we kind of withdrew
in fear and another group went forward.

Then friend kind of started to panic a little..
“Hey we never do this, the other group did.”
Told friend, we’ll pray and whatever is there, just let it be there.
Don’t compare with other groups.

I don’t care what the outcome will be like,
but the results will be good.
Lecturer told our class that he graded this class
better than the morning class.

Actually it really makes a major difference as to
which research article we have chosen for the
critique. Because some are full of scientific jargons,
and some were easier to understand, like ours.
Some had ethical issues and others are in a mess
because those were done decades ago.

We initially picked a paper.. Something regarding
humourous advertisements and consumer preference.
When we showed it to the lecturer 2 weeks ago,
he said that, apparently, someone has already picked
this article.. We were like.. OH MAN… =(

So we were back at finding papers again..
Something that we all may be interested in..
Friend was a little fed up because it seems like we’re
going no where, after searching article after article,
not knowing which interest to pick. So she went to
the library to surf the net, browsing through the
BBC online news. There was an article that really caught
hers and my attention.

It says, “Self-help makes you feel worse“.

So we went to dig for the paper in the online database.
We were so so happy. Lol..
1. It was short. (5 pages)
2. Understandable w/o much jargons
3. It’s a recently published paper in 2009.

And BBC kind of summarised the whole paper for you. Lol.
We didn’t copy anything from BBC. Just that it gave us a
better understanding of the paper to do our critique.

Interesting paper really.
The well and widely known positive self-help statements
found in self-help books which are making so much
money may be ineffective for people with low self-esteem.

After I read this paper,
I thank God that, I don’t have to base my self-worth on myself,
which is weak, wavering and shakable.

My self worth is based on Christ alone.
The Solid Rock.
The Beloved Son of God
The Righteous
The Holy
The Anointed
… …
.. ..
. .

.. because as He is, so are we in this world. [1 John 4:17]

“Heaven helps those who helps themselves”

Sounds familiar right? But this is not the God I know…
So what happens when even positive self-help
statements can’t even help you?

There is still hope.

I bring you good news..
You don’t have to help yourself anymore.
“Jesus helps those who cannot help themselves.”

And You laid down Your life to set me free

Lord, it really hurts.
Is history repeating itself again?
Is there something about this that I have to learn about?

*Doesn’t understand why*

[Oh You Bring - Hillsong]
Oh You bring hope to the hopeless
And light to those in the darkness
And death to life
Now I’m alive
Oh You give peace to the restless
And joy to homes that are broken
I see You now
In You I’m found

And You opened the door for me
And You laid down Your life to set me free
All that I am will serve You Lord

Oh You fill those who are empty
And rescue those in the valley
And through it all You calm my soul
Oh You find me in my weakness
And You heal the wounds of my heartache
I worship you in spirit and in truth

And You opened the door for me
And You laid down Your life to set me free
All that I am will serve You Lord
And You opened my eyes to see
All the wonder and awe of Christ in me
Jesus You’re everything I need

All honour
All glory
All praise to You

Which is more attractive: Gospel or the World?

“Why do people leave church and feel happier?”

This question had been a mystery
for me before I knew grace.
The spark of this entry actually began some
time back after I read a friend’s MSN personal message.

It said, “Now that I’ve left, I’m happier.”

I was told many times previously, by my fellow
brothers and sisters in Christ that..

The world out there is more attractive..
The worldly stuff and the fun.. People are
more attracted to it and are for the easy
way out. The christian life is difficult.

2 years ago.. I would have totally agreed,
and said.. Ya.. it’s true. We HAVE TO be
disciplined and shine for God.

That’s why we go out, begging people to
accept Christ, persuading them with
our own words. Doing everything else
to get people to church except preaching
the gospel to them.

And when people come to church,
they get bound to rules and regulations,
under pressure to do what everyone else
is doing and doing things under a sense
of obligation. It’s a HAVE TO thing so that
I can fit into this group of people.

Totally mistaken identities, unintentionally being
preached from pulpits, with preachers STILL subtly
preaching about do’s and don’ts, unknowingly
denying the work of calvary.

Like Michael Jackson.. How he substituted his need
to be loved with crowds and the talents that he had.
He had mistaken huge crowds, fame and success for love.
He was trying to earn love from people.

Look at the measure of his success…
He could have looked at it and say, I deserve to be loved.
But in actual… Did he really feel loved? No.
(talking about MJ, I really felt that his death
was so tragic after I read the article)

Similarly…

People who sincerely want to know God,
have a sense of I-HAVE-TO perform and do a
lot of things to gain God’s acceptance.
They never really have the sense of God’s love for them.
And like MJ, no matter what their measure of success is
and how much they did, they still don’t feel loved.

They know in their heads that God’s love is unconditional,
but not in their hearts.

What they are really believing is
(if they have the courage to admit and really think abt it),
God’s love for them is determined by how much they commit and obey.
Not long after, they get tired and dry.

Instead of receiving a message of faith, hope and love
from the pulpit, they receive the abundance of fear,
bondage and self-condmnation, always having the
sense of not doing enough for God. Always having
to self-evaluate and self-improve.

It’s ‘amazing’ how people people can sit through
and under this kind of ministry for so many years.
Because I gave up just after 2 years. I gave it all up
to the Lord, saying that I couldn’t take it anymore.

Some reasons could be…

1. Fear of man
2. Gratifying the flesh (trying to earn spiritual things) that is pride
in own performance because it denies Jesus’ work at the cross for them.
3. Somehow blinded to the truth
4. Just refuse to admit the truth presented before them
5. They know the real truth and want to bring it back to their home church
because they really love their home church, God places that desire in
them and gives them the grace to do so.
6. The list goes on…

Instead of being set free by the truth,
they gain bondage to the sense of
I HAVE TO BUT I DON’T WANT TO.

For some reason…

I HAVE TO go to church but I don’t want to go.
(If I don’t, I’m not accepted)

I HAVE TO evangelise but I don’t want to evangelise.
(If I don’t, I’m not one of them)

I HAVE TO serve but I don’t want to serve.
(If I don’t, how will others think of me)

Week in and week out, trying to gain love and acceptance
from man and God through their actions. It’s tiring.

No wonder they feel happier when they leave church.
I totally understand them and can identify with them.
You know what.. I would leave church too, and that
happened a year ago.

What made them leave church was not because the
world is more attractive. It was because of
RELIGIOUS SPIRITS in the church.

I’ve been looking at my blog stats..
And I find something interesting..
It just seems that almost everyday, there are 1 or 2 people
who arrive at my blog via this particular search,
to this entry, dating back to 14 May 2009 which
is still within the Top 3 posts of my blog all time.

Interested to know?

These were some of the search entries
which people came to my blog from…

not every one that calls me lord
not everyone who calls to me lord lord s
not everyone that says unto me lord lord
not everyone who calls out lord, lord
who calls me lord, lord matthew
not eeryone who calls lord lord
jesus said, many will say lord lord, but

It just tells a lot about what is going out from pulpits in churches today.
People are still searching, wandering and wondering
whether they are really saved.

If only teachers and preachers would take a break
out of their busy schedules, alone by themselves,
without rushing, to sit down and seek God,
take another look at Jesus again… and take time
to talk to God about the things they are feeding
the flock with.

If only we have eyes to see and ears to hear
who Jesus really is, you’ll never ever agree
ever again that the world out there is more
attractive than the gospel.

The gospel of grace is so so attractive,
that you don’t even need to beg people to church.
They will just come because of the beauty of Jesus.
It is not through our begging or persuasion
so that the church or CG grow in numbers.
It’s the people, not the numbers.

Cut the pretense and repent from those dead works.
Good works are works that seek to glorify God and
not our own efforts, strength and wisdom.

What is done, is done. All at the cross.
Stop preaching religion to people and
start preaching Jesus to people.

We cannot earn His love, acceptance and blessings.
Even if we tried to, it’ll never be enough.
There’s nothing you can do to repay Him.
It all came by grace.

If you say.. “then we don’t have to do anything la?”

My answer is, “ya.”

Then tell me what part did you play when Jesus died
to save the world (including you)?

He died for us not that we may go to church, evangelise,
or do something for Him. He died for us so that we gain
a relationship with God through Him.

A relationship with God that is not based on your merits or your goodness.
An unshakable relationship with the Father regardless of what you do.
A relationship with God that you are free to do anything you want.
A relationship with God where you know that you are free to fail.
A relationship with a God who loves you no matter what.
A relationship with a God who will never leave you or forsake you.
A relationship with a God who helps you even when you screw up.
A relationship with a God who never breaks His promise.
A relationship with a God who comes down to your level even if He’s doesn’t have to.
A relationship with a God who never walk out on you even if you were in the wrong.
A steady relationship that you’re so secure in that you can afford to not do anything and just relax beside God and just talk to Him as and whenever you like.
A relationship that you can be at ease with God and your conscience at peace, knowing full well that all your sins have been forgiven.
…. ….
… …
.. ..
The list goes on.

I was once blinded to the truth of the gospel of grace also.
All these are just revelation from the Holy Spirit.
Again… It is not something that can be understood
or gained by human knowledge or how much effort you
spend to study the bible, fast or pray. There’s nothing
to envy about, just ask from God.

God is so gracious. Many times, He chose to reveal His Son
to those who think they cannot understand the bible.
I have known of people who are like that, and sometimes
when I hear them share, I really “wow”, I want that revelation too.

Beacause in their weakness, God’s wisdom is made known.
God is being glorified through their weakness.
Where sin(missing the mark) increases, grace superabounds.

I didn’t do anything to get it.
I just ask God, believe and receive.

Sounds too good to be true?
This is the God I know..

All these didn’t come cheap.
It came at the price of God’s one and only Son.

You can do nothing but to just receive all that He has done by faith.
It is all done. Look at the cross again…

In Religion…

I HAVE TO go to church but I DON’T WANT TO go.
I HAVE TO evangelise but I DON’T WANT TO evangelise.
I HAVE TO serve but I DON’T WANT TO serve.

In Christ…

I DON’T HAVE TO go to church but I WANT TO go.
I DON’T HAVE TO to evangelise but I WANT TO evangelise.
I DON’T HAVE TO to serve but I WANT TO serve.

Stretching.

hm. past 12 now.
Quite a number of things happened
for the past few days.

Things that really just stepped on my feet
and made me extremely uncomfortable.
I really struggled.

Just on sunday I remembered I was fuming mad,
and I really almost walked off. Didn’t want to make
a scene. And then I let go of it..

And yesterday I was quite going mad over another thing.
And just few hours after the event,
something that has been bugging me for some time re-surfaced …

But it came all in a nice package.
Exploding together all at once.

Like the tree on the mountain top
experiencing a thunderstorm.
It was more of uncertainty & being pressed, or stretched.

And I was discouraged,
totally forgotten where I began with
(that is grace & having a sense of destiny).

Did something which I thought was meaningless,
not very myself. I did what I didn’t even agree or volunteer
to do in the very first place, but God took away the resentment
and negative feelings. That is grace.

Sometimes..
I’ll just really have to look back at some of my
blog entries that I’ve written, to encourage myself.
It wasn’t me who wrote it. It was Him through me.

Lord, even when I don’t feel like,
I thank you that all things work together for my good.

Blessed a soul today.

Just came home from dinner with mum.
Was out for the whole day.

It was Varsity’s welcome event for the
new comers. People who are coming
up from JC or Poly cluster. It was something
like an amazing race thing.

We had worship before the event.
And God’s presence was just there. =)

I just want to thank God for today.

Even if I forget today..
There’s one thing that I’ll never forget.

We had this station at Bras Basah Complex where we had
to find a non-local (tourist) and sing them a song with
smelly tou-fu in our mouths. And unless they say good
and give us 2 thumbs up, we will not pass the station.

So we approached many ang-mos (caucasians),
but many of them rejected and walked away
even before we could finish our sentence.
And some just came up with excuses.

Finally, we walked up to this black man.
I think he’s african or something,
about probably in his 50s or 60s.

He just crossed the road and he was
trying to wipe off some stain on his pants.
So he stood there.

One of our CG members approached him and said,
“Hi sir, can we sing you a song?”

“No no, I have no time. I need to rush off.” *frowning & still wiping pants*

“It won’t take much of your time, it’s just 1 minute, just 1 minute,
we’re just playing a game and we need to sing someone a song.”

There was a pause.. *Opening bag of smelly tou-fu*

*Each of us in the group pinched some smelly tou-fu from the bag*

“Hurry. I have no time.” *sour face, still wiping pants*

*And we popped it in our mouths*

“One, two, three,
May the good God bless you,
(with our hands stretched out towards him
and he looked up at all of us)
may the good God bless you,
may the good God bless you,
may the good God bless you.”
(in the happy birthday melody)

When we finished singing this to him..
I tell you.. His countenance lifted.

He looked at us, really surprised.

And he said this to us,
“That is wonderful. I used to sing this song.” *smile*

And he started singing back to us.
“May the good Lord bless & keep you,
May the good Lord bless & keep you,
May the good Lord bless & keep all you angels,
(gesturing to everyone in the CG)
May the good Lord bless & keep you.”

Then we told him to give us 2 thumbs up and say good.
Haha.. Had the whole thing video-ed because the
station masters required us to.

Oh my.. I tell you.. It really touches my heart..
I don’t know how God has used us..
Through such a simple song like that, to bless people.

I’ll never forget how his countenance lifted.
And it just brought joy to my heart.
Even now when I think of it, I smile to myself.

My Prayer

I thank You Daddy God,
you know what’s best for me.
And I know You will always give me the best.
You have already given me Jesus.

I choose to rest in you.
And I refuse to rely on myself.
You are a good God who answers all my prayers
exceedingly and abundantly above all I can
ask or ever think of.

Your grace is more than enough.
Thank You Lord, in advance, for all the good
works that you have planned for me.
I gladly take all and whatever you have for me.

I choose to trust in you,
and I know you will not disappoint me.

All I had in my heart was to say ’sorry’.

Just kind of reached home today at about 1155pm..
The reason why was because I had the privilege to
sit down and talk with the mum of a secondary school
friend, whom I used to be very close with.

As I’ve shared before in my older entries,
this friend used to be a very good friend of mine
in my secondary school days.

There was one really significant journey that
this friend has shared with me.
We both walked through a painful journey together.

I called her to attend my previous church with me
while I was in my poly days, which was about a year or 2 back.
It was quite a long story, but worth reading.

I hope you catch the manner of spirit that I was in before
the Gospel Revolution happened to me.

—————————————————————————–

When she came to church,
I became her shepherd,
being a spiritual babe in Christ,
I shepherded her the way my leader shepherded me.

I remembered my judgemental ways,
how I kind of pressed her to go for H2O bap
during her exam period.

The most significant of all..
When she couldn’t make it for service because
she thinks that she needs the time to stay at
home to study for her exams. She called me to
say, “will God punish me if I never go church for
service”.

My answer was, “why didn’t you schedule your
time properly when you know that there is
service today? you have to put God first.”

My attitude was, “I can commit more than you..
And I look down on people who cannot commit.
I am very good now because I can handle things
well.. Like studies and ministry. People (relatives)
who think that I am obsessed with ministry are
actually just people who are not committed to God.
And I don’t have to bother about what they have to say.”

And of course… I did not give her a direct yes or no.
But I kept emphasizing the part about obeying God.

And she never had an answer if God will punish her or not.

Not long later.. She left previous church..
Her parents called the people closest to her (one of my peers)
and asked what happened and what was wrong with their daughter.
And no one could give an answer to that.

Her mum called me to say.. She doesn’t want my friend
to go to previous church anymore. I was angry about it,
but I never expressed it. I thought that her mum was
like my relatives, the ‘uncommitted’ kind according to
my measurement.

But I heard that my friend sank into depression after that.
She was so afraid of getting out of the house. Seeing that
my something went wrong with my friend, I began to
tone down.. And leaned more towards the side of God’s
love for her. And I kept saying that God loved her and all that.
After that. She told me, she randomly flipped the bible,
and God spoke to her in the Old Testament. She said,
the bible said, ‘Punishment for disobedience’, and that God
will punish her sins 7 times over. And I tried to lean to
the side of God’s love and counsel her. But she wasn’t
convinced at all. And I tried to get her back to church.
She thought that because she has disobeyed God,
she’s a devil.

Not long after that, she went silent and refused to talk at all.
When I called her over the phone, all she said is ‘hello’,
and she never say anything. Throughout the phone
conversation, she was silent. Her mum told me that,
she wondered around school area until 9 plus pm then
she returned home. It came to a point that, she just
locked herself up in her own room. And her daily routine
was, wake up, eat, sleep, bathe, sleep, wake up, eat, sleep.
Spending all day lying in bed. She eventually dropped out
of school.

Her dad didn’t want me to speak to her at all.

And it came to a point, I felt that..
She is not responsive and this is not effective..
I should just concentrate on the other people I have in my CG.

My thoughts were…
“It’s ok.. People come and leave all the time..
I shouldn’t bother too much about this and leave it.”

—————————————————————————–

OK.. that was just one incident that happened to my friend,
and what I did, under lots of wrong believes about God.
About me having to put God first and be committed to God
by my own efforts. Taking delight on what I did correctly
before God and it’s always about what I did for God that made
me feel good. It wasn’t for God. It was for man.

Back to where I left, I got off the MRT at about 1030pm
and I felt like eating as I was a little hungry.

So I walk into MacDonalds where I took out my wallet.
And someone called my name. I turned back to look.
I saw my friend’s mum sitting down with her friend.

So I went towards her and she asked me how was I.
And I told her that I’m studying.. And somehow,
in my mind and heart, I felt that I hardly bump into
her and have not spoken to her for quite some time.

I decided in my heart that I didn’t want to allow the
conversation to end just right there.
I felt that I needed to talk to her.
It was a split second decision.
I guess my heart made the faster decision.

When I turned around and saw her,
it really reminded me of how much heartache and worry
I had caused them through their daughter. Many months
ago, after God revealed to me about grace, I already had
it in my heart to say ’sorry’ and apologise to my friend’s parents.

But I didn’t have the opportunity and I didn’t know
how to go about to do it. But all that I
had in my heart to do, was to say ’sorry’.

And whatever that I spoke to her tonight was just
what came from the overflow of my heart.

The first thing I said to her was that,
I have left the previous church.
God has been faithful.
God has been gracious and merciful to me.
It has been a journey for me.

And I couldn’t help it, but tears just well up in my eyes.

Just want to say sorry to you, for whatever I have done
to F (her daughter). And I couldn’t help but just broke
down. Tears just flowed freely for the moment.

And she said to me, whatever you have confessed,
God has already forgiven. It’s a journey, a learning
journey we learn from.

The rest of the conversation was just free flow.
Pure sharing of the gospel of grace for 1 hour.
And I really don’t know where all that came from.
It was a message of life and my testimony.

And she invited me to take a sit beside her as I was standing
and talking for 10 minutes. I was so favoured, her friend
(a non-believer) who was sitting there, offered to buy tea for me.
She also bought an apple pie for me.

I told her that, the message of grace is something
that I hold and cling on to very dearly. I really
thank God for pastor prince’s ministry. If not for
it I would not be here, where I am today, talking
to her. I would have been in some mental institution
if not for the message that pastor preached.

And she was just saying how fearful my friend was in
those days.

I told her that I will never never go back to the old way
of life that I once walked in. God is love and perfect love
casts out all fear. All our sins and lawless deeds, God
will remember it no more. God is not a judging God anymore.
All our sins are judged on the cross. If God is still judging
us for our sins, then Jesus came to die for nothing.

It is the goodness of God that leads us to repentance and
not by my self-effort. How did we come to know God?
Was our salvation by grace or by works. If it is by grace,
then continue our walk by grace.

What I share, I share to you in confidence, and this
confidence that is not of myself but by the grace of God.
This is not me. I know me, and I’m not like that.
This confidence is not my own, but a
confidence that comes from God.

Our trust is based on the finished work of the cross.
Then we can have that peace inside of us.
There is no condemnation and no seperation from the love
of God in Romans 8 because of what Christ has done for us on the cross.

It is no longer about the works that we do anymore,
but solely by the grace of God. We just stretch out
our hands of faith to receive what God has already done.
It is about God’s love for us. We love because He first
loved us. It’s all about knowing God more. It’s a relationship.
It’s not about what I can do but it’s about what Christ has
done for us on the cross.

It’s all about God’s love for us,
how gracious and merciful He has been towards us.

I thank God that you and uncle did not hold this against me.
Just felt that I needed to apologise to you and uncle.

I just pray that, God will drop this revelation of His love
in F and that she will not walk down the same path I once
walked. It is enough already for me to walk down this path.
I just want her to be set free by the truth.

That was roughly what I shared with her.

But I really thank the Lord for this really short and
impromptu meet up with F’s mum. I really thank God
that, despite all these things, my friend’s parents
didn’t hold it against me.

It was a time of reconciliation.

God was indeed gracious and merciful to me.
Despite the mistakes that I’ve done,
He never gives me the punishment I deserve,
and He graciously and freely gives me
the good things in life that I do not deserve.

This church that I’m in,
the plans that He has for me,
the friends that He has given me,
and the past 1 year of fulfilling life in THE ZONE.

Where I am and what I have now is
all by the goodness & the grace of God.

What ‘05/07/09′ meant to me.

Hey people.. Just came back from dinner
with the NP cg.. Haven’t been blogging for
a few days cause didn’t had the desire to.

But anyway.. God is a good God.
Today (Sunday 05/07/09 ) officially marks
my 1 full year in ARROW ministry and in
New Creation Church.

I really thank God that I went for arrow camp
at malacca. How God so graciously opened a
way for me to be there. I don’t even have to
struggle or persuade my mum to let me go.

Just realised how much I have received from
the Lord. It’s spiritual, something that you
just know that you know that you know in
your heart.

What peace and assurance! I know that I am where
God has placed me.. I see God’s hand upon my life,
I see His plans and purpose for my life, I have
the assurance that my future is in His hands
and that I do not need to qualify for anything
because it is by His grace.

I was really thinking back..
How God really led me all the way..
I saw how God led me from secondary school
days to join the girls’ brigade, to accepting Christ,
going through the poly years and then, up till
now, where I am today at New Creation.
I never would have made it without God.

God is faithful, throughout all the seasons of my life,
He has seen me and brought me through it all.

I am really thankful towards the Lord.
Throughout, He has been gracious and merciful
towards me.

You know.. I never realised the meaning of the date
today, until pastor mentioned it in sermon today
about having the spirit of Sonship. 05/07/09

05 – Grace; God’s goodness
07 – Rest; Completeness
09 – Fruit of the spirit;

I was so so so overwhelmed when I saw it’s meaning.
If today’s my official 1 year… It would mean that,
the date I joined is exactly 1 year back. That would
be, 05/07/08.

And to this day.. I really remember this date clearly because
it was really a major decision for me. And at that time,
I was really confused and filled with fear and uncertainty.
Little did I know about the significance of that date which
I made this decision.

I remember that, I told myself this.
I’m just going to leave my old and torn down legalistic life,
full of pride and self-effort and walk in this new and
living way, walk in the truth. I’m not going to turn back.
I know it was a one way thing. I will never go back to where
I came from, ever again. No turning back.

I walked into 05/07/08.

05 – grace
07 – rest and completeness
08 – new beginnings

It meant that I’ve walked into a life of grace,
rest & completeness based on the finished work of the cross,
and new beginning with the Lord..

But I really never saw the significance of that date until today.

And it so so touches my heart can..
At that time, I don’t know what sort of road it is that I’m
walking into. Even though I didn’t know what kind of decision
I was making and I was so lost, didn’t know where to go,
was all gripped with fear.. Like a lost sheep without a shepherd
wandering in the wilderness.

God still guided me safely to take this path.
He has protected me under His wings.
No evil shall befall me.

My heart overflows with the goodness and mercies of God.

I will say of the Lord,
He is my refuge and my fortress,
My God, in Him I will trust.

Ever since 05/07/08, the day that I walked
away from my old life of legalism.. The Lord
has been faithful. I just can’t stress that enough.
God has never short-changed me.

I entered the ZONE of His grace for me,
the zone of His unmerited favour upon my life,
the ZONE of His rest and completeness,
in Him I have peace and am made perfectly whole and sound,
and a totally new beginning of leaning on
His grace, rest & completeness forever.

As I found out the meaning of 05/07/08,
it is like the Lord said this to me.

“Ever since you chose to leave behind that old life,
and enter into this life of grace and rest in me. The
season of living the christian life by ‘trying’ has passed.
Now, rest and live this life in my grace and rest, forever.
Depend on my grace, and rest in my finished work.”

It was just a stunningly perfect timing kind of thing.
Don’t know how else to describe…

I have the unmerited favour of God in my life,
and the peace in my conscience that I am completely forgiven.
I am forever and totally righteous in God’s eyes.
I have peace and favour with Him.
And that God is for me and always with me wherever I go.

I just can’t help but feel so loved.
Even in my doubts and fears,
He never left me. Even when I didn’t know,
He caused me to walk into His grace and rest.

God is faithful.
I just can’t help but fall deeper in love with Him.

I am forgiven.

Tomorrow’s sort of marks another brand new semester,
and a new phase of life I’m going to walk in. Walking in
faith as I believe God has already provided the grace
to pull through and do well.

I had my last CG with my CG on last friday.
And yea, thank God for all the people who prayed
for us, people who are moving on to a new phase
of life.

God is good.

And I remember what pastor said at the beginning
of today’s service. Never let fear intimidate you.

I just kind of feel weak, had such thoughts,
how long will I be able to hold on,
if some things were to repeat itself again.

But thank God for His grace.
That’s where I know that, it is His grace that sustains me,
and it is He that is going to bring me through this.
It is also where I know, I really need God.
In my weakness, His strength is perfect.

His grace has raised me up.

And I really thank the Lord,
I am blessed because the Lord shall not impute sin.
I am forever righteous in His sight,
Forever an apple in His eyes,
Forever blameless and without spot, whiter than snow.
Forever a beloved child of God.
Forever secured in Christ.

Nothing I do will be able to seperate me from the love of Christ.
I am blessed because I am forgiven. Amen.

Specially for Us.

Kind of just reached home from watching Transformers.
Reached home at about 123oam. But it’s something that
is really rare? It’s really like the first time I’m watching
late night movie. With friends somemore, and my mum
allowed me to.

And I watched with my dear CG. The story wasn’t
really nice. Just liked the special effects that’s all.
Wasn’t an impressing show.

It’s just being there, and watching with the people that
I enjoyed. Actually the decision to watch this movie was
really last minute. And most of the theatres were booked,
leaving the 1st and 2nd rows. You all know what it is like
to sit at the 1st and 2nd row.. Strained neck and giddy
heads.. God is so so so good. At the last minute before
one of our cg mates booked the ticket for us yesterday,

Cathay opened another theatre!
I really believe God did it for us.
Specially for us to come together sit together in the theatre.
Booked about 2 rows. I feel so blessed. It was good.
And the rest of the people in the cinema
get to watch too because of us. =)

And God didn’t just stop there.
He also blessed me with a ride home,
since movie ended so late.
Friend’s dad sent us home,
all the way to the doorstep.

Yep. And just somehow felt that I’m going to meet someone
I know, probably from previous church. And I really did.
And it’s not just anyone, but, someone I used to be very
close with and share my heart with.

Just that the feel is different.

It was a really brief update about each other’s life.
And yea.. when I saw this friend, you know, I feel for them.
I don’t have that resentment or hatred inside me anymore.

That’s what the gospel does. Not any gospel, but the gospel of grace.
Just looking to Jesus, and listening to sermons that point to Him,
and not my own efforts on trying to forgive.

I did nothing.
It is how just hearing the word alone is enough.
Listen and listen and listen until all the dry leaves drop off.

Was just thinking even when bad things happened last year,
like those churchy stuff. If they didn’t happen I wouldn’t be here in NCC.
And it is not man who had caused it. But God who uses anything that
is thrown into our lives and turn it around for our good.

So.. when these things happen and it may seem like

it’s the person who caused all the problems..

There are 2 choices..

Complain and give man the glory for all the bad stuff that happened,

OR

Thank God and give God the glory because all things
work for good and that God has a plan for our lives.

When I choose to give God the glory,
it is easy to forgive them.
Because it is God, not man.
God is bigger.

Romans 8:28
And we know that all things work together for good to those
who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

ALL things work together for good.
God, I choose to give you all the glory,
whether things that happened are good or bad.
It is not man who put me here but you.

Thank You, Jesus.

Soaring Like Eagles

Six Lessons From Eagles

“They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” (Isaiah 40:31)

Have you ever wondered why Isaiah 40:31 is written the way it is?

* Why is the Eagle mentioned specifically?
* What is so special about Eagles that they have a place in the Bible?
* What is the linkage between waiting upon the Lord and renewal of strength?
* Why is it that when you mount up with wings like eagles, you do not get tired?

Read on and you will find the answer.

The eagle is a creation of God. It is the most majestic of all birds and is mentioned many times in the Bible. In fact, the eagle is mentioned 38 times, much more than the dove or other birds.

An eagle is around 90cm tall and reaches over 2m between the wings. She builds her nest on the cliff or in a high tree. The nest is so large that a human can sleep in it. It can weigh 700kg and is also comfortable.

With the basis of God’s word, we shall see what the king of birds can show us concerning truths about God, and also about Christians. May the practical lessons contained in here be of encouragement to you. God Bless.

► Lesson 1: All Baby Eagles Must Learn To Fly

High in the mountains, a baby eagle is born. Like all other babies, there are two things that baby eagles, known as eaglets, love to do: Eat and sleep. The baby eagle would spend its initial life in the comfort of the nest. Everyday, mama eagle would find food and drop it directly into the open mouths of the hungry eaglet. With a satisfied stomach, the eaglet then goes to sleep and the cycle continues when it becomes hungry again.

This goes on for a few weeks, until one day, mama eagle would just hover over the nest. This time, there is no food. After hovering a few rounds, mama eagle would make a dive into the nest and begins to shake it violently. She then takes one of her babies in her mouth and starts soaring into the skies. The baby eaglet begins to tremble, “Mama is mad! Mama is mad!” Suddenly, she drops the baby eaglet that starts to struggle. Just before the eaglet smashes against the rocks, mama eagle would swoop down and pick it up. This goes on for about five to eight times. The eaglet starts to wonder why mama is doing this. Every time it is being dropped from the sky, the eaglet would struggle by flapping its wings.

“Mama can fly. I want to fly like her too”, the eaglet says to itself.

What beautiful picture! Mama is teaching her young to fly. At about the fourteenth to fifteenth try, the eaglet begins to fly.

Relevance: Christians are like baby eagles, comfortable in the nest. They come to church once a week for food. They would wait for pastor to drop “spiritual” food into their mouths. When service is over, they would go home, “sleep” for a few days and the cycle continues, until one day, something happens and they struggle. The nest gets shaken and they don’t know what to do.

“It’s the devil! It’s the devil!” they exclaim. No, it’s not! It’s just our loving Father who allows our nest to be shaken because He wants us to grow into maturity, so that we can fly. It’s no point being an eagle that cannot fly.

The Word of God says in Exodus 19:4 that God carry the children of Israel on eagles’ wings. Here we see the eagle symbolizes God. The way mama eagle treats her young shows us how God treats His children. Just when it seems like we’re going under.. SWISH.. like mama eagle, God, comes and picks us up.

In the world, they push people upward when they are going up. But God lets us fall down to get us up. Hard times come, but after a couple of times I start to pray a little bit more. I start to read God’s word a little bit more. And suddenly I realize that the answers to my prayers are coming.

Hard times always come but I find I’m not helpless, no, I see that I can stand on God’s word. What has happened? I’ve learned to spread my wings! I’ve learned to fly. GOD carries us supernaturally through all our trials, even if we don’t feel it. Yea, who can see the wind? While mama eagle teaches her young to use their own wings, God teaches us to believe His Word and use our Faith.

► Lesson 2: Eagles Are Made For The High Places

Unlike other birds that fly in the lowlands, eagles are made to fly in the high places, out of sight of the naked human eye and out of range of the hunter’s rifle.

Relevance:
God made us to fly in the high places, free from the world’s control. A tourist to the Jurong Bird Park once commented that the eagles there looked very clean. In reply, the bird-keeper said: “When eagles are in freedom, they are the cleanest birds. But when they are in captivity, they are the dirtiest.”

God made us pure and holy to conform to the image of His Son. If Christians are in captivity, that is, being subjected to the ways of the world, we can be the “dirtiest” of all creatures. Unless we “fly” in the high places, out of the world’s control, and according to how God has made us, we’ll remain the dirtiest of creatures.

► Lesson 3: Eagles Do Not Fly, They Soar

Eagles do not fly like other birds, flapping their wings profusely and using their own strength. Instead, eagles SOAR majestically, making use of the wind currents to gain height. What makes the eagle so special is that she sits on the rock and reads the wind and when the time is perfect she takes off and soars upward with her great wings. There is a special up-going wind where the eagle rides the wind and circle higher and higher toward the sky, without effort. She just spreads her wings.

Relevance:
The wind is referred many times in the Bible as the Holy Spirit. We can learn to cooperate with the Holy Spirit and let Him lift us closer to Jesus. The eagle in this case is the Christian who is being lifted by the Holy Spirit up and closer to Jesus.

Like eagles, we should learn to ride on the current of the Holy Spirit, instead of relying on our own strength. Only then can we “gain height” to “fly” in the high places. Isaiah 40:31 talks about growing in Christ that happens when we have fellowship with Him in the Spirit.

► Lesson 4: Eagles Go Through Specific Periods of Renewal

When they are about 60 years old, eagles go through a period of renewal. An eagle would find a secret place up in the mountains. It would start to claw at its face and tear out the feathers that have been damaged over the years. As a result, it would bleed badly. The eagle would then wait patiently for the rays of the sun to heal it.

Through this, the eagle renews its strength by getting rid of the unnecessary things. Otherwise it would not be able to live till 120 years that it normally does.

Relevance:
Like eagles, Christians need to go through a renewal period sometime in our lives, to rid ourselves of unnecessary things and to wait upon the Lord. Renewal is a divine principle where God cuts off the unfruitful things in us so as to bring out the fruitful.

► Lesson 5: Eagles Get Sick, Just Like Humans

When an eagle gets sick, it does not go to the doctor. It simply finds a favourite spot in the mountains and await the rays of the sun to heal it. The sun plays a major role in the life of an eagle and as such, is a major source of healing too.

Relevance:
When we get sick, besides going to the doctor, do we also look to the Lord who plays a major role in our lives as our source of healing?

► Lesson 6: Every Eagle Has To Die

When an eagle is about to die, it will fly to its favourite spot in the mountains, wraps its wings round itself and look at the sun’s rays and dies.

Relevance:
Ideally, all Christians should die looking towards Jesus as our source of hope and comfort.

Isaiah 40:31 – “But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

– Author Unknown

Arms Open Wide

Arms Open Wide
Hillsong United 2009

VERSE 1:
Take my life I lay it down
At the cross where I am found
All I have I give to You oh God

VERSE 2:
Take my all my history
Make my call Your destiny
That I may walk in all You have for me

CHORUS:
Oh here I stand
Arms open wide
Oh I am Yours
And You are mine

VERSE 3:
Take my moments and my days
Let each breath that I take
Be ever only for You oh God

BRIDGE:
My whole life is Yours
I give it all
Surrendered to Your Name
And forever I will pray
Have Your way
Have Your way

Sense of Destiny.

Finally decided that I should come online to update.
ARROW camp has really been an awesome time for me.
And I really mean awesome. I will never exchange
anything for this experience. My life will never be
the same. PRAISE GOD! Really thank God.

I thank God for the leaders I have above me,
who really hear from God. Leaders who really
have a heart for people and walk in the leadings
of the Spirit.

At camp, I didn’t know what to expect.. Just that,
I go there, I told God that, I want to receive everything
that is there for me. Every single thing.
And be open to listen to His Word.

And it was also there that I received new direction
from God, that I’ll be moving on to a new season,
phase and level. I’ll be moving up to Varsity CG.

Although I didn’t really feel anything spectacular in camp.
It’s not about the feeling to feel God or not feel God.

I guess I really came back, and when the rubber meets
the road, that’s where it is time when things that are
imparted inside will show up.

Of course when my leader kind of confirmed what
I already knew somewhere in me abt that direction,
I didn’t feel like moving on. I know that it’s really a
challenge from God. And just felt inside that, whenever
there’s a challenge, God has His grace for that challenge,
whatever it is, He’s going to walk through it with me.
There is grace for areas where we know we need God.

On the day that my leader asked me to consider moving on,
she asked me to give her an answer at the end of the day.

And I was kind of threw it aside for awhile..
But this verse sprang up. Proverbs 3:5-6.

The things of God cannot be rationalized.
Why should I drain myself thinking,
should I move on or not move on?

There is no use trying to think or understand.
God works by faith, and we walk by faith, not sight.

So it was quite straight forward.
Didn’t frustrate myself.

I know that if I take this step of faith, there’s a grace for it.
Grace that is already supplied in that area,
even if I have not stepped into it yet.

Something that I can’t describe on the inside.
Something planted.

That I know that I know that I know that,
everywhere I walk, there is grace.
And it is not my own strength but the grace of God.
Whatever I do now, not me, but by the grace of God.
New graces.

Sense of God’s destiny for me  in my life,
I’ll never exchange for anything.

Isaiah 49:1-2
“Listen, O coastlands, to Me,
And take heed, you peoples from afar!
The LORD has called Me from the womb;
From the matrix of My mother He has made mention of My name.
And He has made My mouth like a sharp sword;
In the shadow of His hand He has hidden Me,
And made Me a polished shaft;
In His quiver He has hidden Me.”

Forever will be in my heart..

New Creation Church,
the best church in Singapore..

‘The Zone’, New Creation Church’s Youth Ministry,
the best youth ministry in Singapore..

Praise GOD! I’m in this ministry now. =D
Still amazed at how he saved and called me out
into this ministry. Thank You Daddy God!

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you,
says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil,
to give you a future and a hope.

Psalms 139:13-16
For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.

Ecclesiastes 3:11
He has made everything beautiful in its time.
He has also set eternity in the hearts of men;
yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.

On vacation..

Hmm. Exams officially ended last friday.
And have been resting so far.. Was quite
a last minute decision that my mum, aunt,
cousins and grandma are going to KL today
until friday.. Haven’t gone to M’sia since
my primary school days.

And after coming back.. There’ll be ARROW
camp on monday to friday at Melacca. Quite
alot of things lined up altogether.

Sunday’s service by Ps Brian Houston was
brilliant. Love arrow service also. Will share
again when I get back or something.

Hmm.. And then after ARROW, leaders actually
gave out this stack of itinery and form. ARROW
will be organising Israel trip for 10 days..

And after looking at the itinery, it’s really wow.
Amazing place.. Wanna go see. I won’t be in Israel
unless miracles happen, and that God opens a way
for me to be there.. It so happens to fall on school’s
mid-term holidays because of Christmas.

Need sleep..
This trip shall be a blessed family trip. Amen.
No evil, no terror, no arrow, no plague,
shall ever come near us in Jesus’ name.

Gold, Silver, Precious Stones

Hmm. Finally completed 3 papers.
Last one will be on friday.

Still contemplating whether I should
go to KL with mum over the weekend
with aunt. Then I was thinking, Brian
Houston is preaching on sunday!!
I don’t want to miss it.

But really I love Pastor Lian’s  message
on sunday. And also just glad that
friend’s sisters came here to listen
to the word with us.

Listening to pastor’s preaching on the
Urim and Thummim. We’re really blessed
to be sitting under Pastor Prince’s ministry.
Week after week after week we come on
sundays. We really don’t know what we
got.. Many people out there have never
heard of this gospel that we are hearing.

Those who drag yourselves to church,
you really don’t know what you possess!
We have this gospel which is everything.
We are blessed!!

And I especially like the part which he
said.. The will be a day of fire Where
works will be tested. And those works
that are built upon gold, silver and
precious gems will survive the fire,
and those works which are built upon
hay and straw will be burnt by the fire.

Ministries built upon gold, silver and precious stones.
The Divine Righteousness, redemption, always
causing people to see themselves as precious and
righteous in Christ, your work will stand.

Ministries built upon hay and straw,
men’s ugliness, wood represents man.
It will be burnt in the day of fire.

I’m glad God saved me out from the ministry
of hay and straw, to a ministry that is so solidly,
and firmly built upon God’s righteousness,
redemption and precious stones.

Praise the LORD!

Who else could have delivered me from my self,
except God. He really saved me alot of many
other years which will be burnt in fire if He had
not brought me out of it.

We really don’t know what we got down here..
Better treasure..

And what pastor says is very true.
Those who possess the testimony of this gospel,
no matter what people say, be it a scholar,
bible teacher, theologian, will not be able to
shake off what God has revealed to them.

They have the upper-hand over those who
know it in their heads. And I’m glad, God chose
to reveal to me His grace and His Son.
Something that no one can ever argue with me,
because I know who and what I believe in,
this experience of the richness of His grace for me.

And I’m sure that there are many more out there,
whom God has revealed himself to. I ain’t there yet
altogether, but this grace was enough to stabilise
me and lift me up from pit bottom. My utter hopelessness.

I’m anticipating the plans that God has for me in arrow camp.
I wonder who God will send to me. =)

有一天 (One Day)

有一天
Amy Sand

有一天 你若觉得失去勇气，
One day, if you feel that you’ve lost courage
有一天 你若真的想放弃，
One day, if you really feel like giving up
有一天 你若觉得没人爱你，
One day, if you feel like no one loves you
有一天 好像走到谷底
As if you’ve gone down to the deepest valleys

那一天 你要珍惜你自己，
On that day, treasure yourself
那一天 不要忘记有人爱你，
On that day, don’t forget that there’s someone who loves you
那一天 不要轻易说放弃。
On that day, don’t give up so easily

这个世界真有一位上帝，
There’s really a God out there
他爱你 他愿意帮助你，
He loves you and He’s willing to help you
茫茫人海 虽然寂寞，
Though empty and lonely in the midst of the crowd
他爱能温暖一切冷漠。
The warmth of His love surrounds you.

这个世界真有一位上帝，
There’s really a God out there
他的双手渴望紧紧拥抱你，
How He deeply yearns to embrace you tightly in His arms
漫漫长夜 陪你走过，
Through the long and lonely night, He walks by your side
他爱你 伴你一生之久。
He loves you, for all the days of your life

“Never will I leave you nor forsake you”

Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them,
for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Deuteronomy 31:8
The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you;
he will never leave you nor forsake you.
Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

Joshua 1:5
No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life.
As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.

First Receive My Grace.

Where sin increases,
grace superabounds.

I’m glad that God offers this grace,
to people who miss the mark.

Because I know what kind
of manner of person I am.

I can have hope.
And I can receive this
abundance of grace to lift me up,
and get out of the situation.

That’s why I treasure grace so much.

Where there’s grace, there’s hope.

2 Corinthians 12:8-10
⁸Three times I called upon the Lord and besought [Him] about this and begged that it might depart from me; ⁹But He said to me, My grace (My favor and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and show themselves most effective in [your] weakness. Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes, may pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me! ¹⁰So for the sake of Christ, I am well pleased and take pleasure in infirmities, insults, hardships, persecutions, perplexities and distresses; for when I am weak [in human strength], then am I [truly] strong (able, powerful in divine strength).

Few nights ago, He said to me,
you want to be like so & so?

Then, He said to me,
first receive my grace.

Dinner

Today was one of those good days that I had with mum.
Went to clementi for a walk as we haven’t been there for
like years? And the big book store is still around.

Still the same positioning and everything
as what I remember in my primary school days.

And the lift, as old as it is, never changed.
There’s always this jerk before the door opens.
The old days experience.

And just looking at the stationaries brought back
old memories. Remembered that I always use
this particular brand of 2B pencils in primary school,
the one with red and black stripes.

Mum would have them sharpened nightly and
nicely packed this metal pencil case, which I still have.

Think it’s kind of a little antique now.

And it reminded me of an occassion when my
older cousin returned from school. We were
at granny’s place. And he showed me that he
could break a pencil. And I think I joined in.

We were caught red handed by our uncle as
we were constantly checked on to see if we
were studying.

Then he punished us. Not sure if we got beaten.
But he was definitely fierce. Then he said something like,
you like to break pencils? Take all this and break now.

I remembered going home with a pencil case full
of broken pencils. And my mum was shocked to
see it. She asked why all the pencils like that.

Anyhow, we had Macs for dinner because mum
wants to collect the coca cola glasses. I was telling
her, they don’t look as good as the ones on TV, or
the one on the posters in the store.

And then was just telling her a little about school,
and what the deacons and coaches shared in career
seminar organised by church. And she thought it was good.

And everything just flowed really well.
Thank God for the grace and favour I have with mum.
Had quite a week of cold war like about 2 weeks ago,
didn’t know what exactly happened either and was
really troubled by it.

And got big papers to kill on monday and tuesday.
Don’t know how. Seems like content overload.

Time spent with mum was fruitful although short.

I lay my burdens down.

I lay my burdens down (Hillsong Preview 4)

I lay my burdens down
And rest within Your Arms
And I know the power of your redeeming grace

Safe in the habour of Your presence forever,
Peace in the refuge of your faithful love to me

Your name is holy, so Lord I bow to You
You break the chains and I’ll sing for I am free

I’m safe in the habour of Your presence forever,
Peace in the refuge of your faithful love to me

Now I surrender my heart to You O Lord
I come near to you and I will hear your voice

I’m safe in the habour of Your presence forever
Peace in the refuge of your faithful love to me

Snakes & Ladders

A: now for me.. is.. when the rubber meets the road…

what will it be.. that’s the true test and i stumble alot

B: haha..but u learn when u stumble..=)

it’s jus the journey

A: sometimes it feels like i go back to beginning where i was again

like snake and ladders u go up.. u meet the snake.. back to start

seems like no progress

B: wun b tt suay always go back to the same snake right?

u meet diff snakes. end of the day u reach the finish line

it’s jus a matter of time

A: amen.

B: if u give up..u’ll nv reach the finish line

n nv knw wat’s the best tt God has for u

A Culture of Encouragement

Just to share, something that I felt was really well shared
by Pastor Brian Houston of Hillsong Church.

Hebrews 3:13 [NIV]
But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today,
so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.

Titus 1:9 [NIV]
He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught,
so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it.

Build a culture of encouragement.
People thrive on encouragement.
The church is a house of encouragement.
And sound doctrine is encouraging. amen?

——————————————————————————————————-

Have you been to church and come out more discouraged than you entered? The bible says that we should not forsake the gathering of ourselves together, having church, fellowship, it says, “but let us encourage one another” place, where people leave feeling better than they came in. I think the bible is the most positive book, oh of course, there’s all sorts of stories in the old testament, where people were defeated, where people were killed, where there were all sorts of terrible situations, but that’s the whole point of Jesus. Jesus changed the whole course of humanity. The grace of Jesus Christ means that there’s hope in God, that now we can look forward not build on our lives on our own strength, on our own vulneribilitie, or on our own weaknesses, but we build on the grace of the Almighty God, and so from that, the bible is so easy to speak encouragement into peoples’ lives from because it’s full of answers. God has answers for every situation. – Brian Houston

A Culture of Encouragement – part 1

A Culture of Encouragement – part 2

A Culture of Encouragement – part 3
Fruits of Discouragement (2 Samuel 19:5-6)
1. It demoralises people
2. Perspective was lost
3. People feel devalued
4. Feelings under the surface will be brought to the surface

7 pillars of wisdom in terms of encouragement
1. Encouragement listens
2. Encouragement inspires
3. Encouragement gathers
4. Encouragement gives
5. Encouragement strengthens
6. Encouragement bounces
7. Encouragement is active

Snake and Ladders.

Doesn’t want to go back to the start.
Doesn’t know why and where things are creeping back again.
Feels that sense of helplessness again.
That sense of withdrawal to be quiet again.
Doesn’t want to talk about anything, or do anything.
It’s that same old thing all over again.
That same kind of pain again.
Tired and discouraged.

God.. Who’s going to help me?
I don’t like life this way.
I feel weak all over again.

Seasons Of Life

The Seasons Of Life

Through the different seasons
In life that we go through
God still walks there with us
Through good and bad times too

We don’t need to stop
And ponder why we’re here
We just need to trust in God
That He won’t leave us there

It is but for a season
That we are in this place
We need not sit and question it
Just receive His loving grace

Don’t look around at others
They can’t give you what you need
Just turn your eyes heavenward
And put your trust in thee

Hard times that you’re facing
The Lord will see you through
To bring you to a better place
That He has planned for you

We may only call on Him
When going through bad times
But when things are going well
He’s seldom on our minds

For even in the good times
We still need to look to Him
So we don’t become complacent
And let our love grow dim

So trust Him in the times ahead
Even when you do not know
That He is there beside you
For He does love you so.

© By M.S.Lowndes

“Not everyone who calls me Lord Lord..”

There’s a verse I’ve been digging for these few weeks.
It used to trouble me, alot, as to whether I’m saved
or not saved, I’ll just sweep it under the carpet.
When I hear this verse, I really sweat.

It is very often used by people to gain control and
in still fear in people, and to tell believers that they
are not certainly saved. And some would scare people,
unintentionally by saying, those are the people who
lost their first love for God. Who has never done that?

Matthew 7:21 -23 [KJV]
21 Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall
enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth
the will of my Father which is in heaven.
22 Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not
prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils?
and in thy name done many wonderful works?
23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you:
depart from me, ye that work iniquity.

Jesus said that, only the one who does the will of His
Father in heaven will enter into the kingdom.

So what is this “will of my Father”?
I wanted to get verses to back up and not just
base it on what people interpret and say.

The word ‘will’ here is the word G2307 ‘thelēma‘ which means:
1) what one wishes or has determined shall be done
a) of the purpose of God to bless mankind through Christ
b) of what God wishes to be done by us

1) commands, precepts
2) will, choice, inclination, desire, pleasure

Matthew 18:14 – Even so it is not the will of your Father which is in heaven, that one of these little ones should perish.

Matthew 26:42 - He went away again the second time, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if this cup may not pass away from me, except I drink it, thy will be done.

Luke 22:42 – Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.

John 1:12-13 – But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name: Which were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God.

John 4:34 – Jesus saith unto them, My meat is to do the will of him that sent me, and to finish his work.

John 6:38 - For I came down from heaven, not to do mine own will, but the will of him that sent me.

John 6:39 - And this is the Father’s will which hath sent me, that of all which he hath given me I should lose nothing, but should raise it up again at the last day.

John 6:40 - And this is the will of him that sent me, that every one which seeth the Son, and believeth on him, may have everlasting life: and I will raise him up at the last day.

Galatians 1:4-5 - Who gave himself for our sins, that he might deliver us from this present evil world, according to the will of God and our Father: To whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

Ephesians 1:9-13 – Having made known unto us the mystery of his will, according to his good pleasure which he hath purposed in himself: That in the dispensation of the fulness of times he might gather together in one all things in Christ, both which are in heaven, and which are on earth; even in him:

In whom also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestinated according to the purpose of him who worketh all things after the counsel of his own will: That we should be to the praise of his glory, who first trusted in Christ.

In whom ye also trusted, after that ye heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation: in whom also after that ye believed, ye were sealed with that holy Spirit of promise, Which is the earnest of our inheritance until the redemption of the purchased possession, unto the praise of his glory.

Hebrews 10:8-10 – Above when he said, Sacrifice and offering and burnt offerings and offering for sin thou wouldest not, neither hadst pleasure therein; which are offered by the law; Then said he, Lo, I come to do thy will, O God. He taketh away the first, that he may establish the second. By the which will we are sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all.

Hebrews 10:32-39 – But call to remembrance the former days, in which, after ye were illuminated, ye endured a great fight of afflictions; Partly, whilst ye were made a gazingstock both by reproaches and afflictions; and partly, whilst ye became companions of them that were so used. For ye had compassion of me in my bonds, and took joyfully the spoiling of your goods, knowing in yourselves that ye have in heaven a better and an enduring substance. Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward. For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise. For yet a little while, and he that shall come will come, and will not tarry. Now the just shall live by faith: but if any man draw back, my soul shall have no pleasure in him. But we are not of them who draw back unto perdition; but of them that believe to the saving of the soul.

1 John 5:14 – And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us:

John 9:31 – Now we know that God heareth not sinners: but if any man be a worshipper of God, and doeth his will, him he heareth. (See Matthew 8:2-3, Matthew 15:25-28, below)

The will of God is that we believe in Christ and have salvation.
Also, that we stand firm in the faith, in believing in Christ even through trials.
God’s will is that none should perish, and that whoever believes in Him
will have everlasting life. He who does the will of the Father, is to believe
that Jesus is the Christ.
a) of the purpose of God to bless mankind through Christ
b) of what God wishes to be done by us

And ‘thelēma‘ stems from the root word G2309 ‘the’-lō’ which means:
1) to will, have in mind, intend
a) to be resolved or determined, to purpose
b) to desire, to wish
c) to love

1) to like to do a thing, be fond of doing
d) to take delight in, have pleasure

Matthew 8:2-3 – And, behold, there came a leper and worshipped him, saying, Lord, if thou wilt, thou canst make me clean. And Jesus put forth his hand, and touched him, saying, I will; be thou clean. And immediately his leprosy was cleansed. (See John 9:31, above)

Matthew 15:25-28 - Then came she and worshipped him, saying, Lord, help me. But he answered and said, It is not meet to take the children’s bread, and to cast it to dogs. And she said, Truth, Lord: yet the dogs eat of the crumbs which fall from their masters’ table. Then Jesus answered and said unto her, O woman, great is thy faith: be it unto thee even as thou wilt. And her daughter was made whole from that very hour. (See John 9:31, above)

Matthew 9:13 – But go ye and learn what that meaneth, I will have mercy, and not sacrifice: for I am not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.

Matthew 15:32 -Then Jesus called his disciples unto him, and said, I have compassion on the multitude, because they continue with me now three days, and have nothing to eat: and I will not send them away fasting, lest they faint in the way.

Mark 10:51 – And Jesus answered and said unto him, What wilt thou that I should do unto thee? The blind man said unto him, Lord, that I might receive my sight. And Jesus said unto him, Go thy way; thy faith hath made thee whole. And immediately he received his sight, and followed Jesus in the way.

John 5:6-8 – When Jesus saw him lie, and knew that he had been now a long time in that case, he saith unto him, Wilt thou be made whole? The impotent man answered him, Sir, I have no man, when the water is troubled, to put me into the pool: but while I am coming, another steppeth down before me. Jesus saith unto him, Rise, take up thy bed, and walk.

John 6:11-12 – And Jesus took the loaves; and when he had given thanks, he distributed to the disciples, and the disciples to them that were set down; and likewise of the fishes as much as they would.

John 17:24 - Father, I will that they also, whom thou hast given me, be with me where I am; that they may behold my glory, which thou hast given me: for thou lovedst me before the foundation of the world.

And that whatever we ask of God, according to
His will (to bless us through Christ), he listens.

John 9:31 – Now we know that God heareth not sinners:
but if any man be a worshipper of God, and doeth his will,
him he heareth.

So what is his will? [See Matthew 8:2-3, Matthew 15:25-2]
It is just to believe in Jesus.

Ask whatever that is according to His will and believe Him.

See His heart.

He intends,
to purpose,
to desire,
to wish,
to love,
through the cross, that we be healed.

He takes delight and have pleasure that we be healed!
He wants us healed. But wilt thou be healed?

He delights in us whatever we ask of Him,
of the purpose of God to bless us through Christ.
God takes delight in blessing us not cursing.
Ask according to what He will to bless us through Christ,
and believe. He will hear.

His thoughts towards us are good.

Jeremiah 29:11 – For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

John 6:40 - And this is the will of him that sent me, that every one which seeth the Son, and believeth on him, may have everlasting life: and I will raise him up at the last day.

Matthew 7:21 -23 [KJV]
21 Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall
enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that (John 6:40).
22 Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not
prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils?
and in thy name done many wonderful works?
23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you:
depart from me, ye that work iniquity.

What is grace?

Hmm. Career Seminar by church was really fantastic.
Ya. It’s so filled with wisdom. What i’ll never hear from
the world. Best of all, it’s for free.

But I really thank God, that the ministry, deacons and
coaches really take this time to organise a career seminar
for us. It’s a public holiday when they could have spent it
away on their families. Like why bother take the trouble.
Really thank God for such leaders.

It was only like after I attended this seminar,
(quite paiseh to mention) that I realised how small
my view abt the world is. It made me feel that I really
lack a lot more wisdom. And my perspective about
work is just so no wisdom.

The advice that was given by deacons and coaches and
those who have gone out there to work, is really full of
wisdom. Don’t know how else to put it. Like questions
about how to pick a career that best suits you. How to
write a resume, what to prepare for interviews. And
also we got to talk to people working in related fields.

But I know that through out, the leaders mentioned
a lot about grace, favour and rest. And I thought to
myself.. So much mention of grace, favour and rest
again.. So what is grace? If it really depends so much
on favour, what is it about, I have to find out.

So I loaded my iPod with all the favour sermons.

One of the decons mentioned something. It’s not about
new revelation, but fresh revelation, that we know that
we have moved up to another new level.

And today’s message was really back to the source.
What is grace? What is grace really all about again?
It’s true we need to hear it over and over everyday.

Today, we celebrated Pastor Prince’s birthday in church.
I really really love pastor and his ministry.

Blessed Birthday Pastor Prince.
May God multiply your ministry 10 000 times.
May the good God bless you, always.

The only thing that keeps me in church,
is not Pastor’s good looks, style of preaching,
humourous illustrations, his professionalism,
his ability to speak well, ALTHOUGH, all these
are true and attractive.

The only thing that kept me was the message.
I really dare say, if not because of the CONTENT
that he preached, I think I wouldn’t be who I am
today, and where I am today.

And that content, is the gospel of grace,
the Christ-centred, uncompromising gospel of grace.
Solid and undiluted.

Went for 2nd today and was just travelling with
some friends to city hall. We were just talking,
and another fren wanted to know why I’m against
where I came from last time.

I told her, I’m not against the place or the people.
I’m against the religious spirits around. She’s a
working adult, catholic and she was just saying
that, initially she was very afraid of people,
christians, those that will, week after week,
call and call, msg and msg to ask her to go to church.
She’s my friend’s friend.

And she said that she was glad that my friend didn’t
do that. And that was one of the things that attracted
her to want to come and listen.

So was just sharing the things that religious things
I used to do last time before God opened my eyes
to grace.

People can say a lot of things,
talk a lot and gain a lot of
knowledge from attending church.

You do ministry for God, you attend CG,
you go for service weekly,
do you really know what you are doing?

I don’t want to just go to church every sunday,
come out of it learning about rules and regulations.
That’s like so boring.

I want to go to church to know more about who God is.

If one day (hopefully not), this church starts preaching
strange contents like what I heard last time. Good-bye.

I think I’ve learnt to be a little more careful
in terms of trusting people and especially
the things which they claim to be true.
Used to follow and go according to what people
say all the time, even if they weren’t true.

Told to submit to leadership. And if you disagree,
and not submit, they’ll say that it’s something to
do with pride issue. And being very serious about
being a christian and pleasing God, I submitted,
unknowingly. That was what I thought humility
was. You just submit regardless of what. Submitting
in fear of men labelling you as proud. I now say, it’s
pure stupidity. In my opinion, I feel that, it is better
to get out of this submission rather than later bear the
consequences of all the hurt and mistrust you feel later
towards the leadership.

I really respect Pastor Prince for his teachings on grace.
But sometimes, there are some other things which I don’t
understand, either lacking in wisdom or just some doubt
about certain scriptures. I do read through and check through
occassionally even though I’ve decided to settle here.
The only thing I could do is talk to cg mates about it and
ask God to give me the revelation.

But I think it’s true that, if you have to be constantly checking
the message every single time you go to church,
you won’t be feeding much. Did that for a few months
in previous church. Constantly on high alert,
wary of every single content. I got exhausted and drained.

Anyway, so far, life has been life-changing ever since I
chose to be open to God and to grace. Facing giants,
mountains and floods. I’m far from being there yet.
Just trusting God and learning to walk in peace and rest.

Amen. A life of peace and rest. That’s all I want.

29:11

Hm.. Just reached home from CG.
Thank God for coach’s short sharing with us.

It was short, less than 15mins, yet full of wisdom.
This message was again so timely for me.

Just a few days ago, I had to enrol for the subjects
that I am going to take for the next semester.
I was rather troubled because I do not know
what I’ll be doing next when I graduate.
I had to pick the subject,
based on what I am going to do next time.

And the advice you can get from the world out there.
Really isn’t any advice at all. All you get is being
tossed around in the waves.
Was really very very irritated over it,
and it wasn’t a good feeling at all.

And to get to somewhere in my field,
I need to at least get a masters.
And I was like.. God.. how??
I don’t even know if I can go through this.
I don’t even know if I picked the right choice,
or whether I’m going to be doing this in the future.

What I want to do, and what I am now,
it’s just too great a distance away. It’s like IMPOSSIBLE.
And I was thinking..
I don’t really know what God wants me to do also.
I was super not restful and lost.
Was like a turmoil on the inside.
And it seems like I didn’t have anyone to talk to abt this.

Just didn’t feel too good abt things.
Didn’t feel like going for cg and stuff.
But I’m really glad I went.

It’s just this “funny” thing abt cg.
Although sometimes I don’t see the point of going,
or didn’t feel like it.. My cg is not perfect. But,
God really uses imperfect people.
And God really works through the CG to us. That was how I felt.
Have never walked out of cg feeling worse than before.

Anyway, what coach shared.. Is just as simple as this.
God places the gifts and desires in us. When people go
to them, talking about their courses, how they felt that,
this wasn’t the course that they like, and they are thinking
of dropping out and such. Coach would encourage them
to stay on and be faithful. Don’t bother whether you are in
the right course, or wrong course, or is it something we
want to do or not. Whatever we have in our hands just be
faithful and do it. Because when we are faithful with the things
we have in our hands, not only studies, but other responsibilities,
God will trust us with more. From there, the vision God has
for our lives will get clearer and clearer.

1. God has ordained certain gifts in our lives
2. Be faithful, with what is in your hands
3. Take ownership of responsibility
+ being faithful with our situation, not running away from it.
4. Always be open to learn, humble yourself & grow
+ always wanting to learn new things.

But the part which spoke the most to me was about being
faithful with whatever is in my hands. Before that I had no
peace and rest at all. So what if I had head knowledge that,
my future is decided in God’s hands.

And this was what I heard inside. It is about the “now” thing.
Don’t care next time or what. Just do your best now.
Be faithful, now. And God will lead and take me
to the place wherever and whatever He has for me.
Don’t have to worry about the future. Just be faithful
with whatever you have in your hands now. And trust
God. He will. Do it as if doing for God himself.

And that really gave me hope, peace and rest.

During the cg, we all shared our aspirations if we had one.
Like what we wanna be next time. I set back and looked
around. Wow. It’s amazing. Just to sit back and see people,
as who they want to be, as if it came true.

I’m sitting with a bunch of great influencers in society.

Artiste (singer), Entrepreneur, Finance Officer, Civil Servants,
Doctor, Education Consultant, Magazine Editor, Air Crew,
Worship Leader, Film Maker, Interior Designer, Teacher,
World-Class Classical Musician, Counselling Psychologist.

God will take me through the now.
I don’t care whatever happens in the future.
And just be faithful with whatever is in my hands now.
Trust God for his favours and not worry.

Can’t stop smiling.

Don’t have lessons today. Came back to hand in my assignment in hard copy. Finally finished handing in ALL the assignments. Including the last essay which I took so long to finish. But yea, I’m glad. 20 more days to the exams. A friend who was from the same church as I was in, called me on sunday morning, and we were just talking about those old days. She said that, she’s really considering moving over after so long of not being in CG. We met about around beginning of the year to come for new cre service. But we didn’t keep in contact for few months till last week. It’s really great that she caught this revelation of grace, that it helped her to grow so much also. This friend, she doesn’t really read the bible coz she find it hard to read because of language. But she’s so filled with the revelation of who Jesus is and what He has done. It’s amazing. She got that wisdom there. One thing I do know about her is that, she talks to God a lot. And we were just laughing over the religious activities we did last time to help God grow His church. Really praise God. Who could have reveal to her about Jesus unless it is God. Really feel so blessed to be where I am now.

Was having dinner with my mum at home few days ago. And she said.. “You enjoy good life arh.. Haven’t started working already flying around. I want also don’t have.”

And then I was just thinking this silently in my mind..
“It’s God who bless me one what.”

Then unexpectedly, she really said it… something along that line.
“Your God give you one”

Then I was beaming away. =)
And then I don’t know how to respond.
I said, “waa.. ma.. you say until like that..”

Then she say, “Ya what.”

Praise the Lord. =) You know what, in the past she would start an argument using Matt 6, saying do not worry, God clothes the lily of the field and the birds of the air. She will say this to me.. You don’t need to work don’t need to do anything, your God provide you la? Your money come from your parents. bla bla..

Amazing grace.
Will never understand how amazing that grace is.

Grace Eye For the Legalistic Guy

Taken from Grace Walk Ministries website.
By Steve McVey

“Meet Pastor Joe. He’s a flaming legalist who is need of a complete makeover. His wardrobe consists of religious rags that he bought somewhere years ago while he was still in seminary. The sad thing is that he thinks they’re still stylish. Somebody needs to tell him that the Old Covenant clothes are out. That cutting edge Apostle named Paul put it like this: “Put on the Lord Jesus Christ” (Romans 13:14). Pastor Joe needs to come into the New Covenant and try on grace for size.

His closet is filled with worn out suits of self-sufficiency that don’t fit him anymore. But he still tries to squeeze into them nonetheless. He knows that they aren’t comfortable to wear, but doesn’t realize there is a better wardrobe available to those who have discovered that they can get their clothes from Abba’s closet. There, any Christian can find tailor-made garments of grace that fit every occasion. And the best part of it all is that there’s no price to pay. All the grace garments have already been paid for and are available at no cost to the recipient.

A big problem with Pastor Joe’s wardrobe is that he has influence over others whom he has caused to dress the same way. Can you remember the time in American history when men all went to work wearing “leisure suits?” This is even worse. It would be laughable if it weren’t so tragic.

I love you, Pastor Joe. I love you enough to be honest with you about your wardrobe. You need a makeover – in a bad way. Believe me when I say that I’m not judging you. I dressed the same way you do for most of my life, but I’ve found a better way. That’s why I’m motivated to share some faith-fashion tips with you that somebody shared with me at a time when I badly needed them.

I hope you aren’t offended by my analogy and the comparison I use. Truthfully, I used the words “flaming legalist” just to get your attention. It’s not intended to be an insult. I suppose that it’s my way of attempting to lighten my approach to a sensitive subject by trying to use a little humor to make a serious point. There’s just not an easy way to tell a man that how he is dressed isn’t working for him – or for those around him. “You’re ugly and your mother dresses you funny” is seldom well received by anybody of any age.

But the truth is that there are some things that you need to take off and others that you need to put on. This makeover strategy didn’t start with me. The Apostle Paul once found a group of Christians still wearing the old, out of style clothes of the Old Covenant and he plainly told them to take off some things and put on others. (Read Ephesians 2:22-24, Colossians 3:8-14.)

Many pastors only have one suit and that’s the one they always wear. Worse yet, they usually peddle to their congregations. I know because for years I was a leading distributor of this brand name.

The Rags of Religious Ritual
For years I encouraged members of my church to “do the right things.” “Moreover it is required in stewards, that a man be found faithful” was one of my favorite verses. In fact, I’d beat them over the head with it. “God knows your level of faithfulness!” I would pronounce in my best “Isaiah-woe-is-you-if-you-don’t-get-it-right” tone of voice.

My emphasis was on how people ought to look in terms of their outward behavior. “Don’t be a spiritual slacker” was the underlying theme I applied to myself and my congregation. While I would never have said it directly, I implied that if you do all the right things, the rest will sort itself out. Read your Bible, pray, come to church, give your money, witness to your neighbor, etc. Those are the foundations of Christian living, I believed.

The Garment of Grace
If you’ve read my first book, Grace Walk, you know how God finally stripped me spiritually naked after I moved to Atlanta. Once I found myself standing there before Him in my birthday suit, I was ready to put on whatever He had in His closet for me.

As things turned out, He covered me with the garment of grace. I’ve worn it all these years since. It fits so well! It is comfortable, functional and enjoyable to wear! I wouldn’t go back to the old wardrobe for anything.

Not only do I wear this Bible brand now, but I’m also a distributor of this line.   Try the garment of grace on for size. You won’t be disappointed!

Forgiveness of Sins Isn’t Basic.

I’m kind of officially submitted whatever I
have to submit for all the assignments and
presentations. Praise God.

Want to just take a little rest and continue
with the remaining essay.

It has been hard for the past few weeks.
It’s not that my group mates are not good.
They are believers. Sometimes..
the problem is, they are too good.

Too good in their school work,
I find it stressing to work with them.
It’s not that they are bad people.
I don’t mind being their friend,
except for the fact of doing group work tog,
coz they tend to put you down.

When you try to do something,
and you ask if it was necessary to include this,
sometimes they practically ignore you,
or raise their voice a little,
“you just need to do this, this, this..
I don’t care what the hell the rest is about.”

*ouch*

And other similar incidences like this had happened.

And then they say (non-directively) in general to the group,
“you just have to know that I don’t have anything against you or what.
That’s why not many people dare to talk to me.”

Does it matter what you say that when the hurt is being done?

Friend might say, “this is the way i am, if you don’t like it, so be it.”

Am not saying that friend should change this attitude.

Just want to comment that it’s actually quite intimidating.
I felt being judged. Always fearing not meeting friend’s standard.
Other than that, this friend is really ok..
Just that I have to love this friend more from a distance.

Was quite affected by it for awhile.
But my iPod is really a life saver.
I bring it everywhere I go, for most places.
And I really felt so down recently.

Too much guilt, too much condemnation from voices,
even from my own head. Seems like doom gloom.

I heard the words, “only believe” in Ps Lian’s voice.
And I know I’ve heard it preached before by Ps Lian,
somewhere in my iPod.

I’ve heard this sermon many many times last time.
But seems like one ear in, one ear out.

Anyway, still, took out my iPod and looked for that sermon.
I nearly broke down when I was listening to it
during dinner with my schoolmates. Witheld all my tears.
Faith and hope was preached into me.
I was encouraged in the Lord through the preaching.
And I started to speak forth what I believe.

It wasn’t the usual me.
I’ve never felt more faith filled than when
I wasn’t going through anything.

It was just as if the sermon was tailor made for me.
Like a just-for-me-thing.
Think it was preached a few years back.
I feel so blessed to be sitting under Ps Prince’s ministry.

Jesus alone is enough.
Jesus is my qualification.
My future is bright.
God makes everything beautiful in His time.
Whatever challenges that I face now, it is not final.
Only Jesus’ finished work is final.

—————————————————————————–

Apart from that,

I used to think that forgiveness of sins is the foundation of
a christian walk. And after that we move on to other
more mature stuff like character building, discipleship,
evangelism, and etc.

After the HS shed revelation to me about Jesus,
His grace and righteousness,

I only see it as a need to preach it in every single sermon,
but not to the extent of confessing or knowing that
I am the righteousness of God in Christ on a daily basis.

I remembered a few services back, Ps Lawrence said
something like, we need to listen/know this every day,
that our sins are forgiven and we are the righteousness
of God in Christ.

I lacked the understanding of that and so,
my response was, “really meh?“
And I didn’t make much of it or think so much of it.
But I asked God for more revelations about it.

And throughout this whole period of a few weeks.
Through all the school work and difficulties I faced,
I find all the more, I really have to know this on a
day to day basis, that my sins are forgiven and that
I am the righteousness of God in Christ.
Resting in His finished work, removing that sense
of judgement, guilt and condemnation.

I saw the need for it..
What peace and rest it brings to your heart,
therefore giving me the boldness, to enter to God’s
presence to receive mercy and grace in times of trouble.
Grace for everything that I do.

It makes me treasure Jesus so much more,
especially when I realise that I’ve failed,
His grace is always there to sustain me.
His righteousness assures me of my salvation in God.

Unless blood is shed, there can be no forgiveness of sins.
Thank God, we have a Perfect Offering who gave Himself up,
once and for all. My sins are removed for good.
And I am perfected forever in Christ.

In Christ, there’s a hope and a future.

Let us then fearlessly and confidently and boldly draw near to the throne of grace (the throne of God’s unmerited favor to us sinners), that we may receive mercy [for our failures] and find grace to help in good time for every need [appropriate help and well-timed help, coming just when we need it]. (Hebrews 4:16 Amplified)

Don’t take advantage of grace.

It’s just 2 days away from labour day.
Yes… A perfect labour day for me.
A day for me to labout into rest.
And I’m so looking forward to it after
all the assignment rushing.

God really graced me through all of it.
Somehow managed to finish 2 essays
within less than a week. Now remaining
with one last one. PTL! And I’m halfway
through.

I was talking to a few other friends who
are also believers last week in the assignment
peak period.. And one of them said.
“Now I’m in high stress mode because I haven’t
started on anything for my presentation tomorrow.
And I haven’t completed my other essay.”

Then I said, grace grace.
Only enough grace for today.

And she said, I need mercy, not grace.

And there people go again.
“You cannot take advantage of God’s grace.”

Today’s supposed to be the dateline for
the last essay I have.. And I was rushing it
yesterday at home skipping my lectures.
Inside I was hoping that I finished this,
once and for all. At the same time,
I really wished for a dateline extention.
But anyway, I took my time to do the essay.
And I’m not going to ask for an extention.

And then in the later part of the day,
my schoolmate messaged me that,
the dateline has been extended to 4th May.
Really thank God for giving me that grace
to finish the essay at my own timing.

It’s like.. you already can’t finish the thing
that you are doing. But your lecturer suddenly
said that your dateline is extended. She
gives you the grace to finish your essay.

What do you say? Uh.. I don’t deserve this
dateline extention. (Of couse you don’t when
sufficient time is already given)

Or do you say, thank you.
And make use of that grace (dateline) extention
to complete your work? If you don’t take
advantage of grace, how can it help you?
Grace is to help you and lift you up when you fall.

God’s mercy does not give you the bad that you deserve.
And His grace gives you the good you do not deserve.

How to please God?

Hmm.. I’m finally coming to the end part of my assignments.
Left with 2 essays and a presentation to go before the final
exams. By end of next thursday. Should be done.
Have the rest of the time spent on studying.

I actually feel quite pressed for this semester actually.
4 subjects a sem is quite overbearing for a trimester..
2 more trimesters to go to finish. That’s really fast.
Felt like the time is so short and yet.. everything is
finishing.

8 weeks and we’re done for a semester.. 3 weeks break,
and then…. school starts again. But I really thank God
for making me take 4 subjects this semester.. Everything
seems to fit in so well, like project mates and timing of
presentation. But sometimes working with really highly
organised groupmates can be quite stressing.

Have been burntout quite recently.. Especially mentally.
Irregular sleep hours and lots of cares. Sometimes it
really makes me scared of school. But I believe, it would
get better and better.

It’s also times like this that, learning to lean on God’s love,
has been more effective, and how rightfully the message
of righteousness and grace sets in, to give me the strength
to continue. Looking to God and constantly filling my
eargates with the WOG.

And also that.. I’m really glad that this good friend whom
I’ve known for the past 3 semesters have been coming to
service with me for the past few weeks, thinking about
settling in NCC. This friend is rare. Hardly I could find
the right people to relate to regarding spiritual things
and school work, and practically almost anything.
I really feel so blessed by God. It’s a gift that nothing can buy.

And I gladly accept it with thankfulness.

Today was one of those presentations that I felt peace
within when I spoke. I can’t speak for nuts in front of class.
I would often have butterflies in my stomach,
stomachache, quickened heart rate until what I presented
is over. And it’s quite bad because I usually cannot calm down
until it’s over. End up extremely jittery and blank and
my speech would not be well linked. The end result.
No one will know what I was talking about.
But today, I applied the oil, prayed in the spirit,
and commited this group presentation unto God.
I call it blessed and favoured. It went well.

God blessed me with another harvest that I might sow
into One-North. And I’m really glad He trusted me with
the money to sow, not even my mum knows of.
(This isn’t the first time)

And He blessed me so much, I had to pour it out on
this friend who wanted to get a NKJV bible.
I just felt like blessing her..

Me: I feel like blessing you with a proper bible with references.
YX: Don’t need lar.. I don’t want to be greedy. Don’t waste
money on me..

Me: “Wah lao.. God send Jesus to die for you on the cross…
Then you say.. God.. You send Jesus, waste…”

And I literally felt this.. That it’s a gift, it’s not because
she deserved it. Whatever happens next time,
whether this friendship is going to last or not,
I still have no regrets giving it to her. And I
wasn’t pleased with the answer.. “Waste..”.

And I was just thinking.. Now I know how God feels.
When He sends Jesus for us, and we reject and tell Him,
we are unworthy, and we don’t deserve Him.
(As if we deserved Him)

Exactly how Pastor was sharing in his sermon titled,
“The Link Between Righteousness & Health”.

But anyway.. I gave it to her. And it really pleases the
(true) giver, giving without strings attached,
that someone gladly receives the gift.

And that was how I felt God must have felt when
He gave me Jesus, the greatest gift of all.
When I received Him with gladness in my heart,
accepting that He has paid it all with His life,
for all the blessedness that I can walk in,
his abundance of grace and gift of righteousness.
It pleases God.

Old Rugged Cross

THE OLD RUGGED CROSS
On a hill far away stood an old rugged cross,
the emblem of suffering and shame;
and I love that old cross where the dearest and best
for a world of lost sinners was slain.

So I’ll cherish the old rugged cross,
till my trophies at last I lay down;
I will cling to the old rugged cross,
and exchange it some day for a crown.

O that old rugged cross, so despised by the world,
has a wondrous attraction for me;
for the dear Lamb of God left his glory above
to bear it to dark Calvary.

In that old rugged cross, stained with blood so divine,
a wondrous beauty I see,
for ’twas on that old cross Jesus suffered and died,
to pardon and sanctify me.

To that old rugged cross I will ever be true,
its shame and reproach gladly bear;
then he’ll call me some day to my home far away,
where his glory forever I’ll share.

Because of Your Blood

Isaiah 54:14
In righteousness you shall be established;
You shall be far from oppression, for you shall not fear;
And from terror, for it shall not come near you.

Isaiah 54:17
No weapon formed against you shall prosper,
And every tongue which rises against you in judgment
You shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD,
And their righteousness is from Me,” Says the LORD.

At the cross you bore my fraility and shame
You who knew no sin consumed God’s wrath for man

Because of Your blood and Your finished work
There is therefore now no condemnation

At the cross you wept the God of heaven veiled His face
So that I could rest in Your righteousness and grace

Because of Your blood and Your finished work
There is therefore now no condemnation

From the grave You rose knowing it is done
Death has been defied grace and mercy won

Because of Your blood and Your finished work
There is therefore now no condemnation

Because of Your blood and Your finished work
There is therefore now no condemnation

Because of Your blood and Your finished work
There is therefore now no condemnation

Isaiah 58:3
“Cry aloud, spare not;
Lift up your voice like a trumpet;
Tell My people their transgression,
And the house of Jacob their sins.
Yet they seek Me daily,
And delight to know My ways,
As a nation that did righteousness,
And did not forsake the ordinance of their God.
They ask of Me the ordinances of justice;
They take delight in approaching God.
‘Why have we fasted,’ they say, ‘and You have not seen?
Why have we afflicted our souls, and You take no notice?’

Isaiah 58:4
Indeed you fast for strife and debate,
And to strike with the fist of wickedness.
You will not fast as you do this day,
To make your voice heard on high.

Isaiah 58:5-6
Is it a fast that I have chosen,
A day for a man to afflict his soul?
Is it to bow down his head like a bulrush,
And to spread out sackcloth and ashes?
Would you call this a fast,
And an acceptable day to the LORD?
“ Is this not the fast that I have chosen:
To loose the bonds of wickedness,
To undo the heavy burdens,
To let the oppressed go free,
And that you break every yoke?

Isaiah 61:1-2a [Luke 4:18-20]
“The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon Me,
Because the LORD has anointed Me
To preach good tidings to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives,
And the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
To proclaim the acceptable year of the LORD,

Matthew 12:7-8
But if you had known what this means, ‘I desire mercy and not sacrifice,’
you would not have condemned the guiltless.
For the Son of Man is Lord even of the Sabbath.”

Matthew 9:13
But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy and not sacrifice.’
For I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance.”

In His presence, we can let go.

Today is yet another one of those anointed services.
I went for 2nd with a friend. It just moved my heart so much.

It began with a time of worship in the presence of God.
And Adeline was leading, ‘Before the Throne of God Above’.
It was just so so filled with Jesus and so wonderful.
Wonderful wonderful presence of God with us.

Worship was on going, And I heard this.
In God’s presence there’s liberty.
It was something like a revelation.

Where God’s presence is, there is liberty.
Liberty from bondages. (whatever binds you, disease, things, habits)

Even liberty for my inability to let go of
how I feel now abt the people in the past.

In His presence, we can let go.
And in His presence, everything has to go. (exact how I felt)

And then there comes a peace.

I was glad worship didn’t just end at communion.
I was wanting more. I didn’t have enough of worship.
Pastor came up.. And he was doing free worship. And he said,
Cast all your cares upon Jesus. God cares. God really cares
about every single thing that matters to you. Even the
hair on your head is numbered. Humanity is saying,

“God! Don’t you care? The disciples in the boat said that to Jesus.
Mary said, Lord don’t you care?” Cast all your cares on Jesus,
lift up your right hand and cast it all on Jesus. See it one by one,
casting it unto Jesus.

When I heard that, I wept.
I couldn’t help but weep.
I will not restrain myself from weeping again.

In His presence there is liberty.
In His presence there is liberty.
In His presence there is liberty.

And yes. The friend sitting beside me was weeping also.
And so we wept together. lol. Were just laughing at ourselves.
But throughout the whole service the anointing was so strong.
“I feel Jesus…. I feel Jesus…. I feel Jesus.. In this place.”

I wouldn’t mind going through this whole service again 10 more times.
And I don’t mind crying 10 more times. Even if it’s 10 more times,
it won’t be enough for me.

I watched the Lamb.
The best Resurection Sunday celebrated in a simple,
yet so filled, solid, dwelling in the thick anointing so full of Jesus.

How can I not love Him more as
I behold more and more of His beauty and glory.

And I felt Him telling me..
The reason why I feel what I feel,
is that.. I worry too much.

Jesus. In your presence, I have liberty.
Liberty and freedom from all my fears,
anxieties, sickness, diseases. In your
presence, I am free. I am freed from
every bondage.

And just to add on…
New Creation Church celebrates Easter/Easter Sunday/Resurrection Sunday,
every Sunday. So.. If you miss your easter service. Come by and join us.
We celebrate it everyweek round the year. =)

Because it’s all about the love of God and about Jesus,
knowing Him in His death and resurrection.
All year round. =)

I love this song..

Before the Throne of God Above
Before the throne of God above
I have a strong, and perfect plea
A great high Priest whose Name is Love
Who ever lives and pleads for me

My name is graven on His hands
My name is written on His heart
I know that while in heaven He stands
No tongue can big me there depart
No tongue can bid me there depart

When Satan tempts me to despair
And tells me of the guilt within
Upward I look and see Him there
Who made an end to all my sin

Because the sinless Savior died
My sinful soul is counted free
For God the just is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me
To look on Him and pardon me

Behold Him there the risen Lamb
My perfect spotless righteousness
The great unchangeable I AM
The Kind of glory and of grace

One with Himself I cannot die
My soul is purchased by His blood
My life is hid with Christ on high
With Christ my Savior and my God!
With Christ my Savior and my God!

Marvel and perish!

Acts 13: 48-41
Therefore let it be known to you, brethren, that THROUGH THIS MAN is preached to you the FORGIVENESS OF SINS; ³⁹ and BY HIM everyone who believes is justified from ALL things from which you COULD NOT BE justified by the law of Moses. ⁴⁰ Beware therefore, lest what has been spoken in the prophets come upon you:
⁴¹ ‘ Behold, you despisers,
Marvel and perish!
For I work a work in your days,
A work which you will by no means believe,
Though one were to declare it to you.’”^[i]

Galatians 1:8-9
But even if we, or an angel from heaven, preach any other gospel to you than what we have preached to you, let him be accursed. As we have said before, so now I say again, if anyone preaches any other gospel to you than what you have received, let him be accursed.

Don’t ask me, why…
Pastor Prince’s salary is that amount,
and what he does with his money…

I should be the one questioning you.
I’ve known of other things which happened,
but I have chosen not to bring it up.

Do you practice what you preach?

What pastor says is so true and it’s proven.
As the leadership goes, so does the church.

It really makes my blood boil to see people living in fear,
being threathened in terror that, whenever there’s disagreement,
between leader and member, the leader says,
“the bible says, submit to your leaders otherwise,
you are accountable to God on your own.”
Using God to threaten people. I hate it.

You preach the word of God. Yes. You do.
You take it, twist it in your own interpretation,
and you preach it to the people. Giving people
the misconception of who God is.

I’ve seen brothers and sisters refusing to listen, only listening to leaders.
I stood there screaming, warning, watching in tears, helplessly
seeing them, one by one, walking down the steep cliff,
not knowing the end of it is death.

I really hate it when people preach law+grace.
Not by what people told me that I see these things.
But through my personal experiences with the
people who were under my “care”. I’ve seen the
true effects of this ministry. It’s death.

Where Christ isn’t lifted up and exalted, in all
His glories and excellencies, don’t expect
the church to prosper and flourish.

Galatians 6:8
For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life.

Forget about bringing back morality to the church.
Just bring back Jesus Christ to the church.

There Is Therefore Now No Condemnation

For some reason, I really love this song alot.
Reminds me of how much Jesus has borne
all my weaknesses, sin, shame, pain, diseases,
at the cross, that I might have rest, shalom peace.

There Is Therefore Now No Condemnation
copyright 2009 New Creation Church

At the cross You bore
My fraility and shame
You who knew no sin
Consumed God’s wrath for man

[Chorus]
Because of Your blood
And Your finished work
There is therefore now no condemnation

At the cross You wept
The God of heaven veiled His face
So that I could rest In Your righteousness and grace

From the grave You rose
Knowing it is done
Death has been defied Grace and mercy won

—————————————————————————–

A peace that no one and nothing can ever give,
except by the Jesus’ kah-lah work on the cross.
Tetelestai, completely complete, perfectly perfect.
No one can take any part away or add anything to it.

Jesus is my peace, my health, my wholeness,
my shalom, my completeness.
He’s my justification, my sanctification.
Forever I am set a part as His people.
Forever my sins He remembers no more.
Forever blameless and righteous by His righteousness.
I am forever perfected, seated at the right hand of God in Christ.
As Christ is, at the Father’s right hand, so am I in this world. Amen.

How can I thank Him enough?
How will I not want to know Him more?
How will I not fall deeper in love with Him more?

He is the reason why I am blessed.
He is the reason I am where I am today.
He is the reason I am who I am today.

Only through the precious blood of Jesus,
do all the blessings and promises of God come.
On the finished work of Christ do I rest.

Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
[- Matthew 11:28 -]

All that matters is what He thinks.

I really thank God for pastor prince’s ministry.
And I say that, really from my heart. From
where I was, I wouldn’t have been where I am
today, sound in mind and spirit, if God had not
used this man to preach to me the message of
His Righteousness, Christ Jesus, through the
forgiveness of sins.

Was just telling my cg mates I would have been
housed at IMH a year back following those
incidents.

Friends not from NCC came to me with the news of
“Singapore church pays prince-ly sum to leader”.

One commented that, this is so worldly.
Wherever money goes, the world goes after and are
jealoused of.

Another commented that, this is an opportunity
for God to use pastor to make known the gospel,
a time for the church to shine it’s brightest in
dark times like these.

Another simply pasted the news url on my MSN
convo without any other words.

What to say?

I didn’t see the need to pray for leaders even when
I was reminded to do so in the past. I would just randomly
say, “God bless them and their family”, WITHOUT
meaning it in my heart.

Now… I really see the need to. I am so so so blessed,
and thank you God, for placing me under this ministry,
thank you pastor prince.

Your ministry has blessed me so much. I pray that God
will bless and keep you and your family, and give you
and the leaders wisdom in times such as this.

And I love what pastor shared in last sunday’s service.
He said something like…
It doesn’t matter what people call me, call me by
my first name or full name. Whom God has anointed
and appointed, who can remove.

Amen! pastor. The title carries no meaning to me at all.
What is man after all without God.
All that matters is what God thinks.

A picture of the law.

This picture was painted by a fellow schoolmate.
And I shall quote the entire mail here…
Edited to protect identity.

——————————————————-1st Email————————————-

Hi all members,

there will be a dinner and dance for all members of the society on wednesday april 1st.

Venue: A0101

Time: 5pm to 9pm

I am sure you all have seen the notice on the notice board already. Food will be provided on that day itself.

PLEASE NOTE THAT ALL MEMBERS OF THE SOCIETY ARE REQUIRED TO TURN UP FOR THIS EVENT. I DO NOT EXCEPT EXCUSES AS THIS EVENT IS VERY IMPORTANT DUE TO SOME ISSUES THAT MEMBERS HAVE EXPERIENCE AND YET TO BE SOVLED.

for those who cant make it, you have to give me a buzz at my handphone to explain it to me. However, note that if you are sick on that day, you will need to produce an MC when school starts to me. Sorry that it has to be like that as the committee has decided that it is really important to attend this. Attendance for members of the society will be marked on that day too so dont think that you can escape and that we do not know.

there will also be a line up of activities and performance by the students so dont miss the chance to see them. Prizes can also be worn for best dress too but please be comfortable in what you wear.

Yours Sincerely,

—————————————————————END————————————

My First response: Fear, Felt threathened.
My Second response: Anger, Rebellion, Turned off.

————————————————————-2nd Email——————————-

Hi members,

I may be hush in the previous email I have sent out. But its really a no choice. The committee really need everyone to turn up. I will explain more why so.

Reasons:

1) People do not receive emails from the society and when they are asked to renew, they said why should they when they have paid money and yet to receive any mail from the society at the same time people dont email and inform us they dont receive.

2) We need to know what you want to see happening in the club. My committee members go through the trouble to get contact with organizations which we call industrial visit, and the number of people turning up is very saddening. I know its personal choice but we want to know what else do u all really want, thats why it is complusory to come.

3) This is also a good chance to get to know the committee members so that if anything, at least you know who to go to and also your fellow members and know them even more.

4) We need to know if you all want to do anything that would make us feel belong as a family such as like a society shirt? or whatever ideas that you think is workable.

hence, to make it less dry, a list of performance will be up too to make it more lively.

I really want to see a stronger society and a more active society, thats why its important for all to turn up.

as for agm, reason why members who do not turn up need to pay is cos again its an important event when the committee steps down and pass on to the next batch of committee people and its good to show support and also know who they are.

if you all think that the society as now is good and dont wish to see any improvements done jest let me know, i will respect that decision of yours.

Yours Sincerely,

—————————————————————END————————————

The very 1st email corresponds to the need of abiding by the law.
The 2nd email corresponds to what the law consists of and the consequences of it.

Look at it this way.

People can come for the events for fear and because they feel threatened.
(cycle of fear)

The other way..

When people fail to come, they pay for failing and gets off.

Even if making people pay decreases their probability of failing to turn up,
it goes back to the cycle of fear again.

You can’t buy people’s hearts with money.

You don’t really actually mean it when you said whatever decision
is made will be respected. Things don’t really end there.

It’s the kind of, “if you can’t co-operate, then we’re going
to abandon you kind of thing.”

Either way, face the fact.
You’ll never win people’s hearts.

Same thing goes for the Law, ‘moral law of God’.

People obey because they are scared and afraid of God’s judgement.

The other side..

They fail, they pay their sacrifices and gets ‘free’. (Ritualistic, no r/s with God)

The law gives no ‘real’ respect/respect to free choice.

If you break it, prepare to die.

Even after you offered your sacrfices for your failures,
the voice of condemnation always exists within the conscience.

There’s no heart or love for God at all.

—————————————————————————————————

After everything is over, it’ll only be a society with lots of events
and people of the same kind. Whether you really know the person
or not, is yet another thing. There’s no real friendship or r/s going
on in the society at all, what is wanted is just perfection & things to
run strong and active. Full of politics and law.

I really do not wish that churches will run the same way
organisations are. Trying and trying but will never get there.

Not by might, not by power, but by the Spirit. Amen.

Just the Time. – Steve Green

Oh, I Want To Know You More
Steve Green

Just the time I feel that I’ve been caught in the mire of self,
Just the time I feel my mind’s been bought by worldly wealth,
That’s when the breeze begins to blow, I know the Spirit’s call,
And all my worldly wanderings just melt into His love.

CHORUS
Oh, I want to know you more,
Deep within my soul I want to know you, oh I want to know you.
To feel your heart and know your mind.
Looking in your eyes stirs up within me cries that say I want to know you.
Oh I want to know you more.

When my daily deeds ordinarily lose life and song,
My heart begins to bleed, sensitivity to Him is gone.
I’ve run the race, but set my own pace and face a shattered soul,
now the gentle arms of Jesus warm my hunger to be whole. (CHORUS)

And Oh I want to know you.
And I would give my final breath to know you in your death and resurrection.
Oh I want to know you more.
Oh I want to know you, to know you more.
Oh I want to know you more.

He has borne it all!

It’s 1.15am in the morning.
Am having a morning class tomorrow.
And I know it’s gonna be good because Jesus is with me.
The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall lack nothing.

I only need more wisdom, discernment and revelations.

Just came in here to scribble some random stuff.

I’m really blessed to have the group of friends and group
mates around me. I don’t know where else on earth can
I find them. But I give all the glory to God that He has
placed me and provided me with such an environment.

After taking psychopathology, I realise what sound minds
we have in Christ. Whatever mental illness that needs cure,
the only solution is Jesus. And even psychiatrists cannot
deny the fact that medicine cannot cure everything. There
are people who live their lives on medication that doesn’t
work for them at all. And then next they go on electric shocks.
Which only helps to keep them relaxed for a short period of time,
to relieve them of their depression.

I watched the video of an old lady, who has lived in an
asylum for 10 years. She has gone through a total of 170
electric shocks, and it still doesn’t help.

Science can say all kinds of things they want. But it’s up to
us if we want to believe science or the bible.

In science, there’s no proof.
There is only evidence of relationship.
In other words, research results arn’t fool proof.
What you discover now seems to be true,
seems to work this way, but a hundred years later,
you might just discover that what you’ve discovered,
was all wrong. And it’s common in scientific research.

BUT.. IN CHRIST, we have everything.
This is the only fool proof work that exists.

Isaiah 53 [NKJV]
¹ Who has believed our report?
And to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed?
² For He shall grow up before Him as a tender plant,
And as a root out of dry ground.
He has no form or comeliness;
And when we see Him,
There is no beauty that we should desire Him.
³ He is despised and rejected by men,
A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.
And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him;
He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.
⁴ Surely He has borne our griefs
And carried our sorrows;
Yet we esteemed Him stricken,
Smitten by God, and afflicted.
⁵ But He was wounded for our transgressions,
He was bruised for our iniquities;
The chastisement for our peace was upon Him,
And by His stripes we are healed.
⁶ All we like sheep have gone astray;
We have turned, every one, to his own way;
And the LORD has laid on Him the iniquity of us all.
⁷ He was oppressed and He was afflicted,
Yet He opened not His mouth;
He was led as a lamb to the slaughter,
And as a sheep before its shearers is silent,
So He opened not His mouth.
⁸ He was taken from prison and from judgment,
And who will declare His generation?
For He was cut off from the land of the living;
For the transgressions of My people He was stricken.
⁹ And they^[a] made His grave with the wicked—
But with the rich at His death,
Because He had done no violence,
Nor was any deceit in His mouth.
¹⁰ Yet it pleased the LORD to bruise Him;
He has put Him to grief.
When You make His soul an offering for sin,
He shall see His seed, He shall prolong His days,
And the pleasure of the LORD shall prosper in His hand.
¹¹ He shall see the labor of His soul,^[b]and be satisfied.
By His knowledge My righteous Servant shall justify many,
For He shall bear their iniquities.
¹² Therefore I will divide Him a portion with the great,
And He shall divide the spoil with the strong,
Because He poured out His soul unto death,
And He was numbered with the transgressors,
And He bore the sin of many,
And made intercession for the transgressors.

It has all been FINISHED at the cross.
The enemy has been defeated.
God is satisfied, sin has been dealt with!
Your entire debt of sin has been overpayed on the cross.
There’s no more sacrifice of sin left.
And the finished work of the cross is the sure thing,
that is unchangable, unshakable and unmoved.

Surely Jesus has borne our griefs,
Surely He has carried our sorrows!

Look at that lonely figure on the cross.
He has borne it all for your peace.
You just have to believe.
By His stripes, we are healed!

Conversation with Mum.

Just came back home not long ago from family dinner.
My mum gave a treat because it was her birthday.
And dinner was good time with a right number of people.

School time table finally stabalised.
After days of changing and switching,
it has finally reached a conclusion of
tues 10-10,  wed 10-10 and thurs 10-5.
mon and fri are project days.

I really thank God for the favours that He has given to me.
And I thank Him for the favours, wisdom and qara in the
days to come. Amen.

Today I went down to nus with a few schoolmates for
some job scope talk. This’ another clique of friends
who took the same subjects as my clique. And so
God brought us all together in this semester. It was fun
and enjoyable, just felt that it went really well with quality.

Like at least talk and know what are they like.
Love that frankness and transparency,
and I really pray that God will grant the opportunity
for me to get to know them better.

Mum had to use my com for something just now.
And she was waiting for a phone call.
Meanwhile, she turned left and saw my cabinet.
I have a shelf dedicated to pastor prince’s sermons and books,
and it occupies almost that whole square shelf.

And she asked me, “what is that ar? is it shows?“

“No…“

“Yes…“

“No.“

I didn’t know how to answer. It’s not a show,
yet it was hard for me to tell her what is that.

And I had to confess. I just told her straight that,
it was some bible stuff. And she just looked at me
with a smiling i-knew-it face.

On the inside of me, I was living to share how God had
got me out of my depression during the ‘days of babylon’,
the first half of my 2008, which for her,
were days of agony, worry and anxiety.

1st January 2008
- My Sentiments
- Life

I had to share to her and tell her about this.

I said, “you remember that hard time I had,
when I was really really confused?  These is the
only thing that helped me through my hard time.
No one was able to talk to me or help me. This
was the thing that got me out of that mess.“

“You were very very bad at that time(2007),
you changed a lot and it seemed like I have totally
lost you. You were closed up and stubborn,
refusing to listen to any of my advice that you’ve
gone down the wrong way. I see a very big difference
between you and the people who went to other churches.“

And she literally said, “at that time, I really hate the church,
I was panicking and i didn’t know what to do. I was very very angry.“
(she really hated the church, she was worried and fell sick the
so often in the shortest time.)

Then she kind of changed the subject.
Didn’t know why either.

I pressed on to say, “remember how i was that time..
no one could talk me out, and there was no one who
could help me.“

“You were very closed and stubborn and you didn’t
allow people to talk to you regarding your lifestyle last time,
people wanted to help but you refused.“

“I wasn’t stubborn on purpose. I was very confused.“

“Ya, I know.“

“I’m not saying that no one offered help to me..
It’s just that, I felt that the people who offered help to me,
couldn’t help me at all. And these are the only things which
could talk me out when there’s no one left, not even friends.
No one.“

Then, she said, “all these things are in the past already.“

Then it kind of fell silent. And she continued on her work.
I went to the living room. Amazingly, she didn’t ask what
the cost was for these investments that I’ve made. She didn’t
say anything. But now she does know that I’ve collection
of some of these stuff in my cabinet. They are my precious.

Few days back, it was my mum’s birthday, and we had a
simple dinner out at foodcourt, just the both of us.
And she was tired and stressed up. But at the same time,
that I was sharing with her about what was going on in class,
she said somethings with a little tear welling up in her eyes.

She said, “you know what, although things are not so much
working well in life, I’m just really happy that you’re one
thing in life that I don’t have to worry so much about. I’m
comforted that you know what you are doing and I just
wish that you will do well in life.”

It’s really not so much about me or whatsoever. But even
I myself, am amazed by how God can raise up a person
by Himself so well that even though time spent at home
with mum is so little. Little does she realise that Daddy God
doesn’t abandon us no matter what, and it has been Him,
who was watching over me, her, and the family all this while,
when she’s busy.

My mum is always busy with work.
She’s been running all over the place.
And it has been happening for about 10 years.
I was primary five then I guess.
The hours in the weeks have been shrinking since then.

Nowadays, I only get to see her after 12am or the weekends
(see only, let alone spend time). And an occasional dinner.
Sometimes it’s just less than 24 hours a week.

I pray that God will open her eyes to see what He has done
in my life. And that His love will be visible to her in the ways
that she can understand. Perhaps one day, she would dig
into pastor prince’s sermons on that shelf, turn on the dvd
and find Jesus there.

When I look back, all I can say is that,
God has really been good to us.

Blind Sight.

Arrow’s message on saturday was about,
rejecting the voice of condemnation and
comparison. And I thought, how true,
especially the part regarding my results,
and regarding what people say.

It really doesn’t matter, there’s always
2 sides on people’s opinions. What really
matters is what God says. Why do I care
about what people have to say all the time?
(Not talking about ignorance, but about
opinions.) And I thought, how true it is,
like only after 20 years of my life then I
learnt this fact.

They can say whatever and all they want,
but ultimately it’s really you and God.
Cannot base your growth on other people’s
experience with God, r/s with God from pulpit.

And I guess this’ what people born into Christian
families go through. Because I wasn’t born into one,
I wouldn’t know what it actually feels like. But this
was what I’m thinking.

I guess, it’s the feel of thinking, “My parents are
christians so I’m a christian, and I’m born into
this family, I go to church weekly, I go for bible
classes and sunday school, I attend a methodist
school, I do what christians do, I am water baptised.”

But one day, they grow so sick of these weekly
routines of going to church. And they felt that
something was missing out. They are sick of
basing their relationship with God on what other
people’s experience. Now, they don’t want anymore
of that. They want to experience walking with God
by themselves, getting to know God personally.
And that’s the very beginning of growth.

And I used to tell God, “hey, not fair, why do
these people get to be born into a christian family,
and I don’t.” But in actual fact, there’s no difference
actually. ALL of us were unbelievers at a point.
Just that one is more exposed to christianity and
the other not so exposed. But all have to go through
the same process of knowing God.

And I would say that sometimes for me, the same
thing does happen to myself as well. I get so farmiliar
with church, and these routines, but how come,
there’s this emptiness within. Ya. I can talk alot about
God but I’m not talking a lot to Him. Something that
I caught. It’s really true. We can talk alot about God
and know God in a third person manner through people’s
sharing, but in actual fact, we do not actually experience
Him by ourselves. And I get so sick of it. I don’t want
it anymore. I just want to experience Him and know
Him first hand, not just base on what other people say.

Faith is not blind. Sight is.
- 2 Kings 6:8-18 -

I have decided that I had to step up and move to a higher ground.
I’m not going to be tied down by the lies of the enemy.
I’ll look to the inexhaustible supplies of heaven.
In God I trust.

Lord, who is there liken unto thee,
Who else can I turn to but you.

Colours are not real?

Yesterday, in class, our italian lecturer/tutor taught us about the
EYE, in rods (black white) and cones (colour vision), how our eye sense
colour and how our brains perceive colours. And she said something
interesting. Rods only work in the dark while cones, in illumination.
Without light, there’ll be no colour.

We refer to light as having a color, corresponding to the
mixture of wavelenghts present in that electormagnetic radiation.
The reason why colour is called colour, is that we can observe an
association between the properties of electromagnetic waves
leaving an object and the color that people say they perceive.

Colours are made of of light and different wavelengths.
So we are just using colours as a term to name the
different wavelenghts that our brain perceives.

It is not the apple that is red that’s why we see red.
It’s the white light that makes what is red, red.
It is the light that gives it’s colour.

This was what she said, “in actual, there’s no colours
actually,  it’s just a perception. A world without light
is unimaginable.”

And doesn’t this comfirms what the bible says in Genesis 1.
³ And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light.
⁴ God saw that the light was good, and He separated the light from the darkness.

Now we know why it was good! Because this light is
responsible for all the colours that we see!
In some sense, these colours we see are not real,
although our brain perceives it real.
It all goes back to the light.

The white light from the sun that is resposible for
all the wonderful colours that we see.

Doesn’t this affirms,

2 Corinthians 4:18
¹⁸ while we do not look at the things which are seen,
but at the things which are not seen.
For the things which are seen are temporary,
but the things which are not seen are eternal.

Colours as wonderful they are, speaks of life,
but this is something our eyes can see and brain can perceive.
It’s eternal. We fix our eyes, not on the colours, but the LIGHT.

John 8:12 [NKJV]
¹² Then Jesus spoke to them again, saying,
“I am the light of the world.
He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness,
but have the light of life.”

Revelation 21:22-23 [NKJV]
²² But I saw no temple in it, for the Lord God Almighty and the Lamb are its temple.
²³ The city had no need of the sun or of the moon to shine in it,^[j]
for the glory^[k] of God illuminated it. The Lamb is its light.

This Sun light we see now is temporal.
Perhaps like the old testament,
the Sun is a foreshadow of the Son as the
only source of light in the new Jerusalem.

The Lamb is its light.

Next time, look around you and look at the things.
Try telling yourself that these colours ain’t really real.
I know it’s hard to believe because your brain has been
telling you for years that these colours are real.

That’s why we need faith to believe
what our eyes can’t tell us.

Real Art.

There is one particular picture that I really liked,
which has constantly reminded me about what

God has done for us
by sending His beloved Son to die for us on the cross.

And the picture would be something like this.
Abraham, Issac, the Angel and the Ram

And that picture would be,
The angel whom witheld Abraham from sacrificing his son, Issac,
and God providing a ram, caught in a thicket for us.

I would love to have this picture drawn,
painted, those old forms of art. It really
speaks a thousand words.

I really can’t forget this picture.
It has been popping into my mind quite often.

And it really touches me deep, like who are
we that God would do such a thing. We don’t
have to sacrifice. God provided the ram.
And the ram is Christ, caught in the thicket(curse) for us.
That is He, who knew no sin, became sin for us.
He became a curse on that tree.

This is also the very first mention of worship
in the bible, in terms of fearing the Lord,
as how Jesus interpret it in His
40 days fast in the desert.

Worship is not our sacrifice to God.
It is our response to God who provided
the ram caught in the thicket
for us.

And I found this, written by someone online.

Mercy withholds the knife from the heart of Isaac.
Grace provides the ram in the thicket.
Genesis 22: 11 – 14

Mercy runs to forgive the prodigal.
Grace throws a party with a robe, a ring, & a fatted calf.
Luke 15: 20 – 24

Mercy hears the cry of the theif on the cross.
Grace promises paradise that very day.
Luke 23: 39 – 43

Mercy converts Paul on the road to Damascus.
Grace calls him to be the great apostle.
Acts 9: 1 – 6, 17

Mercy closes the door to hell.
Grace opens the door to heaven.
Ephesians 2: 8 – 9

And the difference between Mercy & Grace is…….
Mercy withholds from us what we deserve.
Grace gives us what we do not deserve.
Romans 5: 20

2nd day of school.

School has been really good so far.
Enjoy seeing all my mates again.
This sem is really all about neuroscience.

The brain, the nervous system
and it’s diseases and symptoms.

2 module topic overlaps I guess.
And the we have good lecturers.
Thank God.

The freshies got their free acer laptop.
How nice. We didn’t even have when
we came in.

And yes, we met old and new friends.
One whom was also from kaplan who
knew another friend of mine. Somehow
connected to each other.

And saw like 2 other people who might
have visited ncc. One with the 2009
sovenir bag in sch, and the other was
spotted outside rock.

Small world.

Spiritual Agnosia.

Just came home from school today.
Expected a full day lesson 10 to 10.
But since the lecturers were not back yet,
we only had one lecture today.
So ZG and I went around the mall after our
lessons.

Yesterday was also results day for me.
Was a little disappointed because I was
hoping for 2 Ds and a C. But I got 3 Cs.
Kind of average, ordinary, grades.

But counting the way how I mugged for
my exams last semester, I really see how
God brought me through it all. Not that
I didn’t want to study.

But I was completely worn out coz of the
assignments and report deadlines.

I had high fever 38 degrees after eating
some laksa at the mall, and I tried to study but
I could not. And most weird of all, the fever came
and went, lasting only for one day (time I’m left with to
begin and finish studying for this paper) before this exam.

My paper was at 2pm the next day.
I got a little better and begin studying at 3am.
I studied till lecture 3 and went to sleep.
On the next morning, 8am, I’m still stuck at lecture 3,
but managed to run through everything.
And I went for my exams at 2pm.

When my mum knew about it, she was like,
“I don’t want Cs, I want Ds”. It added to my
burden. “Like you think I don’t want.”

I expected a P(pass) for my stats.
I didn’t sleep for the entire night before the exam,
because I had not finish revising.
And I was even fearful that I would fail the subject,
having to spend extra money on the sup. papers,
and my mum would be mad at me. And I didn’t
really manage to study much. Went through all
those formulas and did whatever I could.
And I rested, decided not to stress over it.
And I oiled(anointing oil) all my papers.

I was surprised I got a C. But what’s
worse is that, my clique of friends got min. Ds
for all their subjects. Like, HD, D, D and D,D, C.
-_-” Right. I was really angry with God at first and sad.
I felt lousy.

I had thoughts like, so much so of all those grace
stuff, and I became rather cynical. So much grace,
but where’s the results? I don’t see it.

But I think I heard this,
“This’ only 30 fold, and you’re now wanting to see
results. You’re walking by sight.”

But I went on to seek Him and read the D2RD,
just to keep drawing on His love for me.
Then was I reminded, that I’m God’s beloved,
I am the righteousness of God in Christ,
as He is, so am I in this world. Even if my results
are like that, by His blood, there’s no condemnation.
He who has the word of Christ, overcomes the world.

But all in all I prayed that I’ll get a larger revelation
of God’s love. And I went to sleep, feeling better by
morning.

Today school was good. Human Sensation
and Perception. Our lecturer gave an illustration,
regarding perception.

Seeing is not perceiving.

There’s this term known as Agnosia in general,
where people cannot recognize objects. That
means to say, when an object is placed in front
of them, they can see it with their eyes but they
cannot tell you what is it because they can’t
recognize it. So they are ‘object blind’.

Causes of Agnosia includes brain injury and
neurological diseases which affect the part of
the brain that is responsible for vision.

In spiritual terms. Lol. (How I view it.)

Agnosia is spiritual blindness. It is the ability to
see what Jesus has done for us on the cross,
but the inability to recognize that there’s
nothing more we can add towards the work of
the cross, that it is tetelestai [GK] (completely
complete, perfectly perfect) and that whatever
is done, it’s done and finished. NOTHING,
not even our good works, obedience to the ten
commandments can add to that work. There
is nothing else needed to be done to walk the
Christian life, but to rest in the finished work.

And that disease and injury that causes this
Agnosia is self-righteousness.
[Romans 10 to 11]

We all don’t need faith to believe that we have
failed before God. And we don’t need faith to
tell us what we have done wrong.

But we need faith to believe that,
we are the righteousness of God in Christ.

Romans 4:5-8 [NKJV]
But to him who does not work BUT believes on Him who justifies the ungodly, his faith is accounted for righteousness, ⁶ just as David also describes the blessedness of the man to whom God imputes righteousness apart from works:
⁷ “ Blessed are those whose lawless deeds are forgiven,
And whose sins are covered;
⁸ Blessed is the man to whom the LORD shall not impute sin.”

Romans 10:17 [NIV]
Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ.

The Once Unknown Path.

I turned back to look at an entry dated,

1 May 2008 entitled ‘Unknown Path‘.

I have written that based on my uncertainties,
fears of missing God’s plan for my life,
whether to leave my previous church,
or to move on to ncc.

And in wonder if the previous church is going to change
the message that is preached. And so I waited until I loose
every inch of strength to continue hanging on.
I had to move on.

A bruised reed I was, but the Lord never adds to the sorrow
that I have by breaking me. He’s as gentle as He is like a
shepherd that leads and keeps watch over His sheep.
He is the same, yesterday, today and forever.

I’ve walked into that path with many uncertainties,
unsettled heart and deep steep emotional wounds.

And now I’ve been in it for 7 coming 8 months,
I tell you, IT IS GOOD, as how I saw this entire thing,
since 1 May 2008 up till now. The pastures have never
been greener. It is as good as always.

But I’m glad the Lord healed it all.
And He’s bringing many others to realise the full gospel.

To that, we give Him all the glory. Amen.

1. Too much stuff are hidden away. Full of cover ups. No transparency.
2. The profession is hiding and the expertise is pretense.

And I hate it. I hate all these things.
I definitely have no mercy for all these nonsense.

I hate you cheats. So much yakking about obeying the law,
and following God, being like Christ, yet, you yourselves transgress it.

And worse still accusing the gospel the apostle paul preached as heresy.

So much so about teaching people about obedience to Christ,
yet you yourselves do not do it. So much so about loving God,
and loving thy neighbour as thyself, yet you cheat your fellows.

So much so about sacrificial giving yet you rob God.

I’m totally disgusted.

I guess my family was right about you from the start.

Sing [Your Love]

Was talking to a sister online yesterday,
and just found out we have so much the same sentiments,
over the things we’re going through now.

But I really believe that, whatever good or bad,
it all works out for the good of all those who love Him.

And only Daddy God knows the best for us.
And there’s always a reason and purpose
why we are going through these things now.

Therefore rejoice and be glad. He’s teaching
us new things. We don’t need anything. The
HS is our teacher. =)

Sing [Your Love]
Hillsong

Verse 1:
It used to be darkness
Without you I
I lived my life in blindness
But now I am found

Verse 2:
Found me in weakness
Broken
You came to me in kindness
And now I live

Chorus:
And I’ll sing,
sing I love you so
And I’ll sing
Because the world can’t take away
Your love

Bridge:
I’ll give my life for you Lord
For all you’ve done

Sunday 22nd Feb 2009

Hm.. It’s really true at many times,
God gives us so much things, that we took it
as it has become something so natural,
that we don’t even say thank you.

All these things happened the week after miracle seed sunday.

We’ve received letter regarding the GST package.
And mum gave me a choice to bank mine into the joint or personal acc.

I was thinking to myself. How come the harvest is like,
hmm.. like that only ar..? Then I realised that, blessings,
doesn’t only fall on me. But upon the entire house as well.

God has really been good.
Besides blessing us (the family) through a new 42″ plasma tv,
something that I have never asked for. A 22″ tv which
comes with the 42″ for my grandma. In addition to that,
an acer AOD 150 netbook for my mum.

But I feel that there’s got to be even more harvest out there,
which is on it’s way. I really wish sometimes that, I get out
there and work. Have my own money to really start
learning to manage these things.

I’m really trusting God for my results for the last semester.

I’m believing God for an outing spam with the CG,
for the coming week. It will be good. I believe.

Grant me qara Lord.
The grace and the wisdom also. Amen.

Chat Dialog.

I was refreshed after I shared these.
I really don’t remember that much that I know of in 2008.
I tried to recall what I’ve learnt from God in those hard days,
but it doesn’t work. But today, it just flowed in this sharing.

♥♥♥ says (12:24 AM):
girl
i have changed my blog
ME says (12:24 AM):
oks..
♥♥♥ says (12:24 AM):
btw, dun give to anyone
im limiting my blog
ME says (12:25 AM):
ok
why the change?
♥♥♥ says (12:25 AM):
dun wan to be qus e thing i blog.. i want complete freedom. i often found myself unable to blog my real feeling up on e blog. cos my mentor will view my blog. alot of things i dun wan her to know, but i need place to vent, so decide very long be4 i change.
ME says (12:26 AM):
oic. yr mentor looked u up?
♥♥♥ says (12:29 AM):
no la…
ME says (12:29 AM):
o
♥♥♥ says (12:29 AM):
btw X change leadership
ps A will be e senior pastor soon
ps B and family moving to US to assist in e north and south america X churches
ME says (12:30 AM):
right.. i think things will really change from now on.. just the feeling.
♥♥♥ says (12:31 AM):
ya.. alot of things are changing. i begin to hear more “grace, favour” haha
ME says (12:31 AM):
where? in X ar haha
♥♥♥ says (12:31 AM):
ya. ha!
ME says (12:31 AM):
hohoho =) that’s sure good news!
♥♥♥ says (12:31 AM):
shall see den
ME says (12:32 AM):
who preach de? ps A?
♥♥♥ says (12:32 AM):
yea
ME says (12:32 AM):
he probably caught the grace message la
♥♥♥ says (12:32 AM):
today combine services @ ()
yiwei says (12:32 AM):
no wonder hahha i saw
♥♥♥ says (12:32 AM):
announce in e service.. so shocked. ar huh. where
ME says (12:32 AM):
()
walked pass
♥♥♥ says (12:32 AM):
ic
ME says (12:32 AM):
i think pastor A went for masters in theology but i think slowly lor
♥♥♥ says (12:33 AM):
really ? haha hw u know
ME says (12:33 AM):
if X also become another grace church.. will be like ncc also. lol. ncc no. 2
♥♥♥ says (12:33 AM):
dun think so la. unless e church vision change. hahaha
ME says (12:33 AM):
it’s the same vision.. but it’s how they bring the message across. hmm ps A last time he in service say before ma. A taking masters in theology. ps A now senior pastor, i feel things will get better.. dunno le haha. i seem to have a better impression on ps A. nvm just an opinion.
♥♥♥ says (12:34 AM):
ha! ya. i love ps A. perhaps e way A preached is more relevant
ME says (12:35 AM):
hmm
♥♥♥ says (12:35 AM):
not so high up there
ME says (12:35 AM):
hopefully, A gets the grace message. amen
♥♥♥ says (12:35 AM):
ha! no comment yet
ME says (12:35 AM):
=) but i think it’ll be a miracle if they really change to grace and favour. suddenly and no more concepts and stuff this message can only be revealed by HS. we’ll know it’s God.. God will provide the message and the anointing
ME says (12:55 AM):
i think.. anyway.. this period of tough time for u, it’s a really good training ground for you. as in.. ya. u will gain much more than what you lost like those hurts and everything that you have felt.
♥♥♥ says (12:56 AM):
i know what im going thru is part of his moulding in my character and life
ME says (12:56 AM):
=) i think, this kind of training is really God’s training. He rises the people himself.
♥♥♥ says (12:57 AM):
i pray that after all these, it will make me stronger
ME says (12:57 AM):
i think u will
♥♥♥ says (12:57 AM):
and tougher
ME says (12:58 AM):
now i’m in a phase of.. hmm yea.. those hurts and past stuff are all gone. but i need to step up and out of those fears i had frm the past experiences. u know u study conditioning?
♥♥♥ says (12:59 AM):
i’ll say this is e longest training God ever gave
ME says (12:59 AM):
fear conditioning?
♥♥♥ says (12:59 AM):
lasted for nearly half a year
ME says (12:59 AM):
yes. abt the same.
♥♥♥ says (12:59 AM):
ya.. i know conditioning
ME says (12:59 AM):
ya.. its like
♥♥♥ says (12:59 AM):
human are being condition since young
ME says (12:59 AM):
all those things paired with the ministry. now u see ministry, ur CR is fear. that’s what i am facing now.
♥♥♥ says (1:02 AM):
ha! i dare to admit. i have LOSE my direction for ministry COMPLETELELY. lost until there’s no word to describe tt lost.
ME says (1:03 AM):
that’s where we know God can work. amen. coz we have totally lose confidence in the flesh, no longer about us but Him who directs us, and we just follow. the once… “faithful”, “commited” me, is no longer the same me anymore. i have lost confidence in all that. God builds his ministry upon the spirit. not by might, not by power but by the spirit it’s a great time to trust God
♥♥♥ says (1:08 AM):
ya. ps A today just said, it is when we reaches e ” I don’t know what I can do anymore”. that is e best opportunity
ME says (1:09 AM):
yes
♥♥♥ says (1:09 AM):
for us to learn to place our trust in God
ME says (1:09 AM):
its true. unless you come to that state, you’ll never be able to place complete trust in God. kill the flesh
♥♥♥ says (1:10 AM):
ya
ME says (1:10 AM):
go by the spirit
♥♥♥ says (1:10 AM):
sometime i wonder
why human always like tt
ME says (1:10 AM):
coz we’re still in the flesh?
♥♥♥ says (1:10 AM):
is e same like.. unless ur family member left you, u will nv learn to appreciate them when they are alive
ME says (1:11 AM):
unless they come to complete hopelessness, God cant intervene. coz.. one day when we get to heaven, it’s not gonna be, “Worthy is the Lamb… & me”. nothing on our part. ministry should be as what Jesus says, my yoke is easy and burden is light coz he’s the one carrying for you, not u carry his ministry, we’re only the channel.
♥♥♥ says (1:12 AM):
ya
ME says (1:12 AM):
oh mans.. lol.. didn’t intend to type out all these things.. but somehow came out but i refresh myself
♥♥♥ says (1:13 AM):
hahaha
ME says (1:13 AM):
ya.. i thought i kind of forgot it, but it came back, somehow, haha. i only understood this only after I understood what grace meant. somehow, so i was really against what they were doing at that time, until i realised truly truly come to the end.. it’s not i that build the cg or the church. it’s God, and let God be God. all these things really HS reveal somehow.. you know abt Jesus… you suddenly understand everything. lol. it’s like flip of a hand.
♥♥♥ says (1:15 AM):
ha! ya
ME says (1:15 AM):
that was my experience.
♥♥♥ says (1:16 AM):
it is only when we reach certain stage of our life.. e down time.. we begin to understand alot more of God
ME says (1:16 AM):
but it’s amazing, the more you look at the cross, the more you look to Jesus, all these things just come naturally, never say that the cross and salvation is just basic. it’s simple yet profound. haha. what i learnt
♥♥♥ says (1:17 AM):
ya
ME says (1:18 AM):
coz i realised that we always overlook the cross and start going into skills and concepts visions… not saying that this is wrong or no good. bible says, without vision, the people perish.. it’s true. but the cross is the main thing, Jesus himself. can never overlook all of these once we overlook Him, everything starts being legalistic everything will start pointing to everything else except Jesus and the finished work of the cross. people point to people, people point problem bla bla. haha. omg.. ptl. haha. where did all these things come from suddenly overflow. these things i share really frm overflow.. not frm my own supply. last time when i was still in ministry.. i always take frm my own supply.

Heart of Worship.

Today went for a show before arrow with
some sisters & brother. Watched some show
by the name of “He’s just not so into you.”

Not up to what I’ve expected to be. I thought
it would be a comedy based on a storyline.
It’s just a show with messed up relationships.

But anyway, today’s arrow was somewhat
related to the previous arrow about broken hearts.

The main message today by Pastor Benjamin was
that, loneliness is the lack of intimacy.

It’s the kind of intimacy that not even sex can satisfy.
Marriage is 2 flesh becoming 1. Can you imagine people
who have multiple sex partners. Everytime they have
sex with another, they tear their soul.

The heart and spirit are synonymous.
God has given us a new heart/spirit.
The heart is where the spirit dwells.
This new heart, is a heart of worship.
Worship that springs from the heart, not the mind.

There’s a deeper root than sexual problems or bondages.
It’s loneliness. Loneliness is a orphan spirit. Lack of
intimacy with God as our Abba, Daddy God. No sense of
Spirit of Sonship. What God wants to raise, is a generation
of worshippers who will worship in spirit and truth.
This can only be done when, there isn’t a veil.

The Tabernacle of David had no veil, and David would
just worship and dance before the Ark. The Tabernacle
of Moses had a veil over it.

Because we have that free access to God through Jesus,
we can worship God in spirit and in truth, coming before
Him just as we are, without pretense, and not in the flesh
of pretence. There is therefore now no condemnation for
those who are in Christ.

When we worship God, He gives to us.
He fills the void within.

The worship of the Lord (Fear of the Lord),
brings knowledge (street wise-ness),
skillfulness (work skills), confidence,
long life, honour & wealth.

The loveliness of God is that,
He sees through us, and knows all the nonsense that
we have done. But still, chose to love us. And He has
already done that, through sending His one and only
beloved Son, Jesus for us on the cross.

Application
Whenever this sense of loneliness creeps in,
the feeling of loneliness even when you’re around friends,
or even the feeling that, no one cares about you.
Go to the Lord in worship.
Woship Him as our Father, Daddy God.

Let Him come and fill that empty void in you.
The void in the heart which you find nothing
can satisfy by only His love for you can.
This’ the only answer that can set you free from bondage.
Amen?

20th Feb Friday 2009

The day out with mum today, ended with some bucks spent.

My 3 years with singnet had been over for months.
And we were waiting for a better offer.
So we decided that we settled for the Acer AOD150,
under the 10 Mbps promotion which ended today.

And Harvey Norman had a clearance sale.
So mum and I were just looking around,
and we ended up getting a samsung plasma 42″ TV,
which comes with a ‘free’ 22″ TV @ 1299.
This’ like the first plasma and flat screen tv we have at home.

All the tvs at home have spoiled, leaving with only 1 in the hall.
Mum wanted to give the 22″ to ah ma coz her CRT is faulty.
I would love to have one in my room though. =P

For the whole of this week, just felt that I haven’t stepped
out of house for quite some time, although I did.

Sleeping hour for me is kind of topsy turvy.
And I want to tune it back before school starts.

Impossible & Not Worth.

One sister told me over MSN yesterday,
that her friend from another church,
saw through MSN that she was listening
to Pastor Prince’s Sermon.

And her friend said,
“Your church is grace church.”

There she is, minding her own business,
here people are persecuting the message of grace again.
It’s not the message of grace that they are persecuting.
They are persecuting Christ and the complete work of the cross.

What else better to say than a good Amen?

No point arguing over this.
They’ll not be convinced then they’ll not.
And God will respect their free choice how they want to live.

People can say all kinds of things.
I rather follow the truth and receive their persecution.
You’ll never be able to please everyone and
it’s not worth going after what they are after.
They may find support in numbers.

I was nothing on my own.
Had not the Holy Spirit revealed to me
what the Gospel of Grace was really all about,
I wouldn’t be where I am today.
Should have landed in some mental centre,
spent my whole life in self-condemnation.

But to whom, God has revealed His Grace to,
we all know it & it’s through the revelation of the Holy Spirit,
so that no man may boast in anything, not even Pastor Prince.
What’s there to boast in pastor? He’s just a man after all.

We go after God and we have Him as our backing.
Therefore, STAND FIRM!

No haze..

This morning, I woke up went to the kitchen
for a cup of water. I saw the hazy landscape,
and it looked kind of weird to me. But anyway,
I went to school to pay my fees for the coming
semester.

Walked around AMK hub, looking for DIY stuff.
Then decided to go to IMM and finally found
what I was looking for. Went to Daiso to comb
for anything that I might use.

So.. satisfied that I’ve gotten whatever I wanted,
I took a bus back. And as the bus got nearer to
Batok Central, the haze got worse and I could
see tiny ashes flying around, even when it’s
few hundred metres away.

The bus couldn’t follow it’s original route,
so it went round about and continued through
another road. No wonder the weather here
was really hot these few days. It’s the kind that’s
out of the norm.

Heard some folks say that, the bush fire started
3pm yesterday and today they are still trying to
put it out. Huge amount of smoke was produced.

But thank God for fresh air at my home,
the wind didn’t blow it to my area. =)
Lets pray for heavy down pour tonight.

Miracle Seed.

I dropped my pack of seeds into the box today.
I really felt the anointing there. Jesus was there.
I will believe God for the harvest.

I remembered the first time I sowed,
I have reaped 4 times the amount for my CNY.
I didn’t know what to sow.

But Ps shared about giving 1/5 the amount back to God.
And that was my gauge. Am happy that my seeds are
in the ground now.

This’ the dektos year and I believe God’s faithful.
He’ll provide. As long as the famine goes, there
shall be food at home. Amen. =)

CG Sharing.

Just came back from CG.
Felt that it was really free and easy.

Today, we broke up in small groups to share about
each others’ experiences. The topic was based
upon last arrow’s message about broken hearts.

So it kind of requires us to dig out the past.
For me, I know that this emotional thing does
not have any hold on me anymore. Nevertheless,
I still feel the deep pain when I think about it.

And it’s the most heart breaking phase of my life thus far.
I recall the first half of 2008, where life was living hell
for me. Heart break because of major rejection.
Heart break because the things that happened to me,
are happening to other people. I didn’t want it to happen
to them. What I went through was sorrowful enough.

I tried hard, to tell them, it’s not the way to do it.
But they would not listen. I felt afflicted in my soul
to see people walking in my foot steps. Some, not
even knowing where this path that I took would
lead them to. I knew the end, but they did not.
They could have been spared the pain if they had listened.
The people suffer. It’s never about the people’s fault,
but the fault lies greatly in what is preached,
which results in what is believed and then done.

What I could only do is to stand and witness before my very eyes.
One by one, people being led to the path that I went.
There was nothing I could do to stop them.
I was heart broken. What I saw before me inflicted deep pain within.
I couldn’t bear with this pain further more because of what I saw.
I had decided that I should leave.

I’m not here to speak against specific people.
But I stand and will always do so,
against anything that obstructs the
furtherance of the Gospel of Grace.

Especially now, if I see people placing fear in others,
preaching weird stuff to others, I’ll whack the living
daylights out of them. It’s literally messing up peoples’ lives.
Do you realise that you’re actually destroying lives rather
than helping them?

Can’t you see? ARE YOU BLIND?!
People are already hurt, and what you do is to stab
deeper into their hearts, and ask them questions like,
repent(the idea of confessing sins to God), God cannot
use you, do you think you have a pride issue,
you need to love God! Sacrifice to God! God must be no. 1!

God said in Isaiah 61, a bruised reed He will not break!
and a smoldering wick He will not snuff out!

Sighs..

But I enjoyed today’s CG. =)
And I appreciate all the V-Day gifts.
Actually I holiday until I didn’t know
tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. LOL!! XD

Anyway, it’s so God planned today..
After CG, I headed home.
Kind of had some craving for McNuggets.
So I walked a little towards Mac @ interchange.

I saw a fellow NCC sister from SP.
I’ve seen her before, we’ve served in
‘Who Am I’ mime in Buskerfest last year.
But I forgot her name and never really talked to her.
I saw her many many times before Sunday service.
But I never bothered to say hi or what.

So today, I met her!
And she was walking towards my direction for the bus!
So since we’re alone, I decided to say hi to her.
And we talked from there. hahha. She still recognise
me that I was from ‘Who Am I’ mime.

I asked her where she lived.
She stays just opposite CDANS adventure camp. OMG.
I told her, I stayed 1 bus stop away from her.. LOL!
This’ so like not-by-accident.

Her name is Shi Yun, from Year 1 SP.
I think it’s amazing how God places people in our lives.
hahahhahaha.

A Note to a Friend.

Just finished having my lunch. Ate the roti prata which I bought from gombak. At the same time, meet huiling to pass her the sermon. There’s one particular sermon that I want her to hear.

Notes for this sermon can be found here.

Just want to say that, God helps those who cannot help themselves. You must be totally hopeless for God to help you. I have tried for 2 years but I give up. I ended up like a proud chicken trying to fly off the roof, ending up falling flat on the face with both wings broken. You can try if you want to. But thank God, he doesn’t even care to look at the pride and give the, serves-you-right-attitude. With great loving kindness and gentleness, He picked me up and bound my broken heart and wings. His mercy did not give me what I deserve and His grace showed me that I can depend on Him, all the days of my life. Now I’m no longer a chicken who wants to try flying by it self(but never will fly), but an eagle that soars on currents of the Holy Spirit, dependant on God and not my SELF.

If you haven’t come to the END of your SELF, the gospel that the Apostle Paul preached, is not for you. You’ll never be able to appreciate what Jesus has done on the cross until you come to a conclusion that nothing you do will be able to save you, make God forgive you (NOT EVEN THE CONFESSION OF SINS) or earn you the blessings of God, furthermore you’ll just deem it as antinomianism, because you do not really appreciate the FINISHED WORK OF THE CROSS. You know it in your mind, but there’s no rhema in the heart. You know it yourselves. Because, Jesus came to save and seek those who are lost. The GOSPEL OF GRACE is NOT meant for people who are right with God, by grace(un-earned favour) and at the same time by what they do. This’ serious matter.

On a lighter note.. Huiling handed to me this.. when I handed the sermons to her. =)

Even so it is now.

Galatians 4:21-31 [NKJV]

Two Covenants

21 Tell me, you who desire to be under the law, DO YOU NOT HEAR the law? 22 For it is written that Abraham had two sons: the one by a bondwoman, the other by a freewoman. 23 But he who was of the bondwoman was born according to the flesh, and he of the freewoman through promise, 24 which things are symbolic. For these are the^[d] two covenants: the one from Mount Sinai which gives birth to bondage, which is Hagar— 25 for this Hagar is Mount Sinai in Arabia, and corresponds to Jerusalem which now is, and is in bondage with her children— 26 but the Jerusalem above is free, which is the mother of us all. 27 For it is written:

“ Rejoice, O barren,
You who do not bear!
Break forth and shout,
You who are not in labor!
For the desolate has many more children
Than she who has a husband.”^[e]

28 Now we, brethren, as Isaac was, are children of promise.

29But, as he who was born according to the flesh then persecuted him who was born according to the Spirit, even so it is NOW.

30 Nevertheless what does the Scripture say? “Cast out the bondwoman and her son, for the son of the bondwoman shall not be heir with the son of the freewoman.”^[f] 31 So then, brethren, we are not children of the bondwoman but of the free.

I still can’t forget this… =p

Click to view available books @ Mt. Sinai Resources

Past 2 days.

The past few days have been packed for me.
Was really tired, but the time was spent
well going out. =D

Spending time with different people.
Classmates and churchmates.
It was good.

God held back the rain for us yesterday.
The skies were black but it never rained.
It wasn’t very hot. We asked God for the wind.
And there it was. =D Throughout our stay.

And I tried to fly the kite.
But it wouldn’t work.
Will definitely try it again. haha.

Went for a haircut together with YX at Boon Lay.
The new JP looks foreign. The eating place at L1
at the new wing looks so different from what
a normal mall would look like. It’s like a mini
orchard road? A lot of new shops.

Today, another sister from my previous church
came over to my home. She wanted to borrow
some sermons. We had a good time sharing
about our thoughts. Watched 2 sermons together.

I could identify how she felt regarding her current
situation. But it’s no surprise. It’s exactly how I
felt for the first half of 2008.

As under shepherds of God’s flock, we’re to feed
the sheep, not whack them. Make them lie down
and rest in God. Point them to God, not yourselves,
themselves or their own problems.

Stop that self-evaluation!
You’ll (no one!) never measure up to God’s standard.

And I handed a copy of D2R to her. =)

So.. Praise the Lord for the opportunity to share and sow! HAHA!
I think what pastor said is so true la. Benjamin Generation.
The generation of grace. UNLESS! People see the wagons
of God’s blessings over your life, they won’t believe!

I say AMEN to the the blessings of God over my life,
To the glory of God.

2 Corinthians 1:20
For no matter how many promises God has made,
they are “Yes” in Christ.
And so through him the
“Amen” is spoken by us
to the glory of God.

Whichever church you are from.
You may have a different vision/mission.
Whether you believe in
tongues/healing/prosperity/baptism by sprinkling, or not.

You know what, I don’t care.
We can be as different as the east is to the west,
but our common ground is Jesus.

There should not be any valid reason for Christ,
not to be in the center of every sermon preached.

Broken Hearts.

Today’s message at arrow that Ps Benjamin
preached about, was regarding broken hearts.
And this is what I brought back.

He mentioned that, he had fear of success in
the past, although success was what he was
trusting God for. He feared that, when he
has reached the level of success, just in a snap,
everything can be gone.

That was when he sought God and he realized
that, it was because of past experiences,
feelings of hurts and abandonment that
caused this fear of success.

But we know that, God has promised that,
He will never leave us or forsake us.

These hurts, disappointments, brokenness,
sense of rejection, and sense of being abandoned,
are the causes of us not being able to function
as we really are in Christ.

Isaiah 61 (paraphrase)
The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,
1. To bring good tidings to the poor.
2. To heal the broken hearted.

a bruised reed he will not break,
a smoldering wick he will not snuff out.

Reed’s frequently used for making instruments.
And we are all instruments of God. People would
normally use the ‘good’ reeds to form instruments,
and break the bruised reed because it doesn’t sound
as good as those made with ‘good’ reeds. That’s
what the world does. But that’s how great our God
is. A bruised reed he will not break. He sees beyond
our dysfunction and tunes us to be His instrument.

A smoldering wick he will not snuff out.
People snuff out the wick when it starts to produce
smoke. But He will not snuff us out even if we smolder
don’t give light. We’re like the wick, dipped in oil(Holy Spirit).

He does not condemn us for the behavior
we have committed. Because He sees beyond,
into the broken heart that we have.

When Jesus was pierced on his side,
blood and water flowed out.
Medical science tells us that,
water only flows out when a person dies of heart rupture.

Jesus died of a broken heart,
that we can be assuredly healed of broken hearts.
Indeed, he took all of it upon Himself.

The only thing to do is to talk to God
about the issue that you felt hurt about.
Because, before him, there’s no need for pretense.
Be honest about it before God.

Realize that Jesus is your everything.
He’s your healing and protector.
If you have no faith to believe,
Jesus is your faith. Look to Him.

A broken spirit and a contrite heart,
God will not despise. Only then,
is your heart ready for love.

Based on HIS LOVE for you according
to the scriptures and not your love
for him.

He’s our healer.
He has borne our broken hearts on the cross.
See that He has taken it away.

Happy Day.

Hmm.. Happy that I’ve done my shopping at tecman today.
Went to Jas’ home today to accompany her to game tog.
Gave up playing against the AI. It was hard.

Met Iris to go to tecman today.
But mainly was to fellowship and share.
And really thank God that it rained before that.
By the time we finished dinner, there wasn’t a drip of rain.
The ground was dry and the weather was really cooling and windy.
And sharing about life in depth rather than just the surface.
Encouraging each other in the Lord.
Really thank God for the time today. =)

haha. And she made me laugh!
Ok. Good things must share.
These are some of the funny things she said.

“The love story of Luth.”

“The Moon goes round the Earth.
The Moon stays put.
We’re in the car and we always see the moon in diff. positions.
So we’re moving around the Moon!”

Short Post.

Later in the day will be another full day for me.
Going to a friend’s home to game, then going
to tecman, and then hanging out with another sister.

Get my guitar and myself out of the house.

Just some thoughts.

I think that I’m ready to face something.
After such a long time.
To me probably it was long.
I shall make the first move.

Jesus please work this out.
Give me wisdom and favour.
Amen.

Random Meet Up.

Today, I had a good lunch with 2 sisters.
It was more of catching up about life.

We all reached Sakae @ Wheelocks late.
It was 1 plus near 2pm. We chatted till
it was Buffet time.

It has been really really long since I last
ate sushi buffet. Never intended to. But
it happened this way. So we were there
for about 3 hours.

2 people I had once been in the same
ministry with. And probably the people
whom real friendship has really been
touched on before?

It was a light hearted meet up. Where
everything was slow and relaxed,
unlike the past. I handed the D2R
to this fellow sister.

Just wish her all the best, and may
she grow more in the knowledge of
the love of Christ, as she further her
studies at australia. I pray that God
will cause the scales to fall off her eyes,
and cause her to embrace grace.

Amen.

My-Wanna-List

I wanna go to:
- Botanic Gardens (climb the tree)
- Tree Top Walk (for fun)
- Hort Park (never been there before)
- ECP (cycle)
- Sentosa (to the beach?)
- Tecman (what else?)

I wanna hang out with:
- My Auntie (when was the last time we shared?)
- My CG (when are your exams and projs gonna be over?)
- Friends (erm. classmates, old friends, people I haven’t seen for ages.)

I wanna:
- Sow to 1 North
- Get to a new level I never thought I would.
- See my family get saved.
- Grow more in grace.
- Be a channel of the gospel of grace.
- Reign in Life, live the abundant life.

I would like to:
- Play the acoustic well.
- Take up photography.
- Travel around.
- Do pottery.
- Draw/Paint.

You’ll Restore.

After the coming weekend, 2 friends are gonna fly
over to australia to study. One of them is my
former schoolmate, the other is my former
churchmate who has also left the former church.

Haven’t really got the chance to properly meet
the first one. She had joined me for the Chinese
New Year Service though.

And the second one, I haven’t seen her in months!
Since the day she left, and I left. Quite eager and
excited to meet her. We had left, mainly, for the same
reason. Her first, then me.

We didn’t know we left for the same reason until we
opened our golden mouths, on one fine dinner when
we have decided to just have dinner on ourselves,
apart from the group after the service.

That’s really months back! Like more than half a year.
We went through the same thing at the same point of time.
But no one spoke anything. She, like me, was a leader also.
I didn’t know her very well. Never really worked together
in the ministry. But we shared this common reason.

But “lucky” me to have settled down in another
shepherd’s tent already?

And I think I’m quite sure there’s a whole lot more
of them out there. Sighs. Sometimes I still feel the
sting of it.

I know the Lord can and will restore to us,
whatever that we have lost, and the years
that the swarming locust have eaten.

Living the Supernatural Life

Steve McVey’s Sunday Preaching.

Grace Walk Ministries

Nile’s Drying Up.

Wow. I’m really really excited about Miracle Seed Sunday.
God’s really up to something great.
Can’t wait for it. =D

Prospering 30 fold..
I know my 60 and 100 fold is on the way. =D

I shall only look to above.
I will not enter Egypt.
Things that can be seen are temporal.
Things unseen are eternal.

The river Nile is drying up.
(signifies WORLD’s natural providence we can see)
But we’re in the land which is watered by the dew of heaven.
(signifies GOD’s supernatural providence we can’t see)

Deuteronomy 11:10-12

By faith shall I walk and not by sight.
What a wonderful hope we have,
to have new bodies when we’re caught up in the air with Him.

Famine is a time for God to display his abundance. Amen.
And the house of God always have enough and more to spare.

As I was listening to the message today.
This phrase caught me.

“Sow during the famine” (which is now)
I was thinking, sow what? Didn’t understand it at first.
But I suddenly understood it.
It’s a privilege to be able to be part of Miracle Seed.

Something which I have in my heart to do.
To do it because I want to be part of it,
not because everyone else is doing it.

It’s not some trickster, con thing.
It’s ok if you don’t believe that God wants to prosper us.
God will respect your choice. =)

As for me, the Lord is my provider and I’ll trust and do it God’s way.
The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.

Following, after reading ROOTSS, I felt very encouraged,
as I get all the updates from there about what God is doing
in the other churches in SG.

The greatest good news of all is that, people come to catch
the grace message. Amen amen! It’s wonderful to see the
gospel of grace advancing. And that’s something that I
really wanna be part of, or should I say already part of.

*Excited*

Trusting God for more.
My providence is from above. =)

Hang out 2.

I’m so glad that I’ve got the chance to hang out
with Char and Iris today. We went to the playground
place again at town. The wind was good.

And I just enjoyed being there.
Just to sit down and listen to them talk,
to stare blankly and think about the things they said.

I felt better and more refreshed after that.
Too many days of confinement at home is not good.

Sometimes the best thing to do is to be quiet.
Be quiet and relax, not to think of anything.

Joined them for dinner somewhere between Le meridian,
(now Concorde I think), and OG. Some day we shall go
back there for the korean food beneath the hotel.

I boarded the bus to first meet Iris and then Char.
Then I realised what day it was. It’s a saturday.
And after considering the time of the day,
I wouldn’t have gone to that place at that time.

My heart was racing and my breathing was shallow.
Fears and all the pains and hurts I once had were felt again.
This time, without bitterness or hatred.

What a pity. Seriously, what a pity.

Char’s right. This really gave us a chance to realise how
blessed we are, that God chose to unveil His Son to us.
2 years is really nothing compared to Steve McVey’s 29 years.
2 years is really nothing compared to the man who was
paralysed by the pool for 38 years.

And what is 2 years compared to people who choose
to try to live by their self-righteousness all their lives,
missing the whole point of Christianity, which is to know
Christ and Him crucified.

Hang out.

Finally, 11 days after my exams,
I had a proper hang out with 2 sisters.

Was kind of choked and tired of the CNY stuff.
Too much events going on.
Am feeling much better now,
when things are slowing down a bit more.

So much so that I don’t have proper time with friends.

But you know what.
This year, so far up till now.
I have been favoured greatly.

Yesterday, I had dinner with aunt, cousin and my mum,
at my uncle’s zi char stall. And it was truly blessed.
The situation was restored on the day itself.

So today, I woke up, went down to sim lim sq with mum.
She was looking for a brother printer for my uncle.
Went to grandma’s place to rest.

Joined Char and Van for movie.
Got a free bus ride to town as the scanner wasn’t working. =D
I choose to believe it’s a favour from God.

Watched Changeling. -> Worth my $10. Based on true story.
A story of a Mother finding her lost son.

Hung out at Wheelock’s Starbucks.
Sharing about life and getting to know one another.
The time was really blessed and fruitful.
Wanted to stay even longer. But time was already 11:18pm.

Reached home at about 12:20am.
Mum’s watching ghost whisperer.
She just asked, why so late, as if talking to a friend.
She wasn’t angry or disapproving or whatever that is negative.
I’ve found favour with my mum.
This’ another benchmark I guess. Benchmark of trust. =)

I remembered, about months to a year back, when I reached home even
before the clock strikes 12, she’ll not be waiting for me in the living room
But waiting in her room, with the lights on, crying.

I’ve found favour in personal finances and family. =)
Indeed, the dektos year of the Lord,
where the free favours and salvation of the Lord,
PROFUSELY ABOUNDS.

Power of Death and Life.

Just came back home not too long ago.
Feeling rather suffocated by the things around me.
Yesterday and today was just one of those evil day.

Realised that the people around me do not really
watch their mouth as much as in the past.
I’ve been enduring as much.

Like what sup man. Don’t understand why they like
to speak bad things over peoples’ lives.
It offended me quite alot.

I reject all of it in Jesus name.
By His blood, I wipe out every evil spoken of my life.

I just couldn’t bear with it any further,
because my emotions were about to spill.
I decided to go home, walk around the mall.

I hate it when people use their anger or displeasure,
to control peoples’ actions. And when they try to
pull guilt trips. What’s worse is that they’re your
own family.

At that moment, I felt that everything was against me.
That’s where today’s devotional came in.

The power of death and life lies in the tongue.
You either use it to build up or tear down someone’s life.

Proverbs 18:21
The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.

Thoughts on CNY.

Hm.. Chinese New Year was really busy.
I feel so filled with people and events,
but I felt so deprived of hearing the word.

But anyway, the Lord has caused it to be good.
Today, we visited 4 aunties’ house plus 1, my ah ma’s.
It’s really one of those rare new years which I never
quarrelled or get angry with someone.

This season is really a time to eat and gamble.
(just for the fun of it. only during CNY).
Didn’t really play alot this year.

But I really really really treasure the time I have,
with the family and the extended family (although I’m not really
close to them) because, year in, year out, we have really good food,
great festive atmosphere and grand uncles and aunties
opening their houses up for the season.

There’s a tendency to just take things for granted,
after enjoying so many years of gathering together like that.
The third and forth gen are not as closely knitted together,
because we seldom see each other, except the ones that
we grew up with.

And it just feels so different this year. Like everyone
has already grown up. People change. And babies who
did not know how to walk are already running.

Just wish this will go on for good.
Or even better, God grant me the supply to carry on this tradition.
God favours me to be the host of such gatherings. =)

My ang bao really broke the records this year.
What I received in total was about 4 times the total amount
of what I usually get for CNY.

My aunties, uncle and cousins were shocked.
They even asked if my ah ma’s still in the right state of mind.
She’s 80+, well and alive. =)

It’s really all of the favour of God.
Nothing on my part.
dektos year. =) Amen.

Superstitions.

I used to think that my mum and relatives,
are really really “bun dang”, superstitious people.

They’ll say things like, “please ah.. your mouth,
don’t anyhow say things during CNY.”

Now I know why..
I’ve become more ’superstitious’ than they.

1 Peter 3:9-11
Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing,
because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.
For,

“Whoever would love life and see good days
must keep his tongue from evil
and his lips from deceitful speech.
He must turn from evil and do good;
he must seek peace and pursue it.

CNY is just round the midnight..
Just feels like time flew too quickly..

It was Christmas.
Then New Year came,
Now it’s Chinese New Year!

Gong xi gong xi everyone!
The house of the righteouse is full of treasures. =) Amen!

Xing1 Nian2 Quai4 Le4
Fu2 Xing1 Gao1 Zhao4
Gong1 Xi3 Fa1 Cai2
Wan4 Shi4 Ru2 Yi4
Sheng1 Ti3 Jian4 Kang1
Xing1 Xiang3 Shi4 Cheng2
…
…
…

The Chinese can only hope for these..
But we have it all in Christ! Amen!

Ephesians 1:3 [NIV]
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ.

2 Cor 1:20 [NIV]
For no matter how many promises God has made, they are “Yes” in Christ. And so through him the “Amen” is spoken by us to the glory of God.

Just say the AMEN!! =)

First CNY visit: House of God.

Today’s CNY service was totally awesome.
Totally exceeded my expectations.

At first I thought, we’re going to have a drama/play.
Okay.. Right.. Let’s see how’s it going to be..
Probably it’ll just be like the usuals like what I’ve seen in other places.

But I was wrong. Again. It blew my mind.
Ya. I’m glad that my friend came with me today.
She’s my secondary schoolmate.

I’ve enjoyed myself, alot.
Just feel so blessed to be under this roof.
Under Pastor Prince’s Ministry.

What I felt about this CNY celebration is that,
I really feel the family atmosphere,
like everyone coming together, just to enjoy and have fun,
this includes the performers and people on stage!
Just gives me the feel that that is what they really love doing.
The feeling I get is just very different.

Like it just flows. Everything just flows as it is.
No stress, no sweat about it.
It was fantastic.

Pastor Mark’s also awesome.
Although he wasn’t that fluent in english,
there’s something in him that really preaches faith into you.
A pastor who’s not afraid of people laughing at his english.
I estimated a number of 60 people came to know Jesus today.

I really wish there is 4 services for indoor. =p
Then I can re-experience the service one more time. =D
The only thing that I regret is.. to not have invited and asked
more people to come for service. But praise God anyway! =)

Shopping Spree..

Today I shop spreed with mum at Chinatown.
Spent quite alot on eating and new year stuff.
Shoes, accessories and chinese calligraphy.

Spent the whole day with mum walking around.
Ate the famous desert there. Mum was glad that
she has gotton the stuff that she was hunting for.

I was a little grumpy in the morning.
Just tired. Thought the day was going to be bad.
But I asked God to bless the time that I spend with mum.
Indeed, I have found favour with my mum.
It has been blessed.

It was really tiring, but at the end of it all, it was good.
Tomorrow’s another long day for me.

Might head to the nearby market early morn,
get the drinks, flowers, all the new year goodies.
Following that, going to friend’s house then head
down to kallang for CNY service with friend.

This’ the dektos year of the Lord. Amen.
It shall be blessed. Every single thing.

Here is Love

During my exam phase for the past few weeks,
I’ve been listening to ‘Here is Love’.
It’s NCC’s selection of 15 hymns.
Got it from tecman, actually bought it as a birthday gift.
I swopped the gift thinking that the person may not like it.

And I kept it for myself.
So was expecting kind of old old hymns.
(Erm. The impression of christian funerals?)

I was so wrong. It had far exceeded my expectation!
The music was just refreshing. It was good.
I personally enjoyed listening to it.
Listened to the entire album more than 10 times.

Just going to collect all the CDs in church.

Spring Clean.

My accomplishment for today..
Washed my clothes, hall curtains, bed sheet,
swept the floor, packed my room..

Am so so so tired now..
Got CG dinner later at Mad Jack.

Still got shopping to do and some old things to get rid.
Might go and get stuff with mum tomorrow if she’s on leave.
New year goodies..
And there’s SERVICE on Friday! PTL!
And my auntie’s coming back from China again,
for CNY. She just went back for some meetings.
This weekend is jammed packed.

“Can you stop talking about Grace?”

I’ve never been able to stop talking about grace,
since Jesus set me free.

Some people want to be healed, some don’t want to.

When I was so sick, utterly paralysed, totally blind,
completely miserable and hopeless in my own ways.
Jesus showed himself to me.

I really really encourage you to watch this video.
A really heart to heart sharing by Steve Mcvey.
His personal testimony and experience of encountering Jesus.

You can view this video here.

http://www.gracewalk.org/

PDF: Response to Antinomian Article

PDF Files

Antinomian Article : Salvation Made Easy?

Response Article : Salvation Made Easy? -  The Logical Christian (Stanly)

The Exams.

Finally, the exams are over! PTL!
Throwing all those stuff aside..
So many things which I really want to do.
Which like I’m so so deprieved of during school term.

Like finally, there’s time to breathe..
Time to meet with people and go out, chill and share about life.
Just hang out and have all the time in the world.

This sem, I was really drained and tired about school.
Times when I felt like giving up, and not doing anything,
but knowing I still have to do it.

This exam, I really see how the Lord has brought me through it.

I spent more time worrying than studying for my exams.
Just couldn’t find peace. I had this fear of not doing well.
Spent lots of time listening to the word.
And at last, I gave up hope in worrying.
Decided to just let go and study what I could and go for the exams.

But I browsed through the slides, and went for the exams.
And things that I’ve read about came out.

And for today’s paper, I only had a remainder of one day to study.
I really meant, 1 day, literally 24 hours.

I ate laksa yong tau foo for lunch and reached home
from yesterday’s paper at about 1+pm.

I was tired. I thought it was just lack of sleep.
Decided to take a nap but I kept sleeping and waking up. It was bad.
Woke up at about 6pm feeling feverish. A fever had broke out.
And it was 38 degrees. Had a little stomachache and diarrhoea.
Wonders if it’s food poisoning. No cough, no sore throat. Just fever.

I wanted to study, but I could not.
My brains were burning and there was headache settling in.
My mind was dull and had no concentration to continue.
There was a little chill in the bones.
And I went back to bed to catch some sleep.
Still I slept and woke. By the time, it was 12am.
I tried to pull myself up to study. It didn’t work out.
At last, at 1am, I got up, took the communion, and read my slides.
Read my slides up till 330am. And I decided that I needed to sleep.

Woke up in the morning at 8am.. Guess which lecture I was at?
Hmm. I was still at lecture 2-3 slides. I had a total of 8 lectures.
By then the fever had subsided to 37.3 or 37.4 degrees.
My paper is at 2-4pm. I said, God, please help me.
Just did my best ran through the whole thing.

By the time I was going to school, I was almost seeing my 100 fold.
The fever had almost subsided to nothing. An insignificant 37.1.
And I took no medication at all.

(I can’t tell you whether to take your medication or not. But if
you think you need to take medication, to be healed, please take.
God uses medication to heal also.)

Parts that I read, came out in the exam.
And for the short essay which consisted of 20 marks,
both questions were things that I have studied and remembered before,
in the previous semester. I would say that the papers were alright.
Before I even see the results, I really want to thank God in advance,
for taking me through these few days and pouring his grace upon me.

Brighter & Brighter

Yesterday, I went out with Iris to tecman,
it was the last day of the 40% sales.
We were just looking around and stuff.
And pastor’s sermons are off 20% normally.
It has all been swept off the shelf,
leaving the audio sermons, touch of His Presence,
Here is love, D2RD. The shelf is empty!

Was looking out for D2R & Health and Wholeness through the HC,
but it wasn’t there. -_-” So, practically, nothing that I was aiming at
on pastor’s shelf was there. lol.

Nevertheless, Igot 2 copies of Steve McVey’s

‘Living in the Kingdom of God Where… GRACE RULES’

So after that, I left for my grandma’s place at QT.
My aunt’s going back to china, so we had dinner,
somewhere near Gilman Hts. Quite a nice place I guess.
The prawn in pumkin sauce was really nice.
After that we went to anchorpoint to look around at the outlet stores.

Yep. Going back home, mum was telling me that,
her company had made large profits, and she’s expecting
the bonus or something to be good. Yea, really thank God,
in the midst of times like that, He has prospered the company,
and my mum gets prospered. It was good news to my ears,
not because I get prospered, but just simply because I just
want the people around be to be well and not worrisome.

As for my exams, I trust God that it shall be well.
I said, it shall be well.

And thank God, my thoat has been restored! No more pain.

The path of the righteous shines brighter and brighter.
We’ll shine in these dark times.

The people around me and I will see the wagon of blessings this year.
I will see how God prospers us in the midst of times like this.

The most fulfilling thing in life.

Meanwhile, amongst the exam blues.
Found something to rejoice about.

My eldest aunt has been coming to my home consecutively,
for 3 weeks. She’s often here for to get lunch for my ah ma.
But normally, I don’t really come out of my room,
unless I’ve got something to share.

But anyway, we’ll normally fellowship, and talk about God.
And she’ll share with me how her days was, feeding cats
at her vicinity and how she was outreaching to the people,
how God led her to places through desires to share Jesus
with them. She’s an unconditional animal lover. TOTALLY.
While I’m just a dog lover. I think she’s doing the most
fulfilling thing one can ever do, to spread the gospel.

She’s from a presbyterian background whom received
the baptism of the Holy Spirit, and from then, had
visited other churches like, Lighthouse EFC and NCC.
And she’s greatly impacted by the message that
pastor has preached through my sharing with her.

So she’s been coming for the 3rd consecutive tuesday,
to watch pastor’s series sermons. And I would join her
to watch it together with my grandma. Ah ma doesn’t
understand english. Was a disadvantage. Pray that
the HS will somehow cause her to understand what
pastor is saying.

Also, today she returned the Holy Com booklet by pastor
which I’ve lent her. And she’s also starting to take the holy
com at home herself! Praise God. haha. She said that,
so many years of taking the holy com, but the church had
never expounded the meaning of it before! Thank God
for giving her the revelation of the Holy Com.

So shall it be with the other aunties and whole family this year!
They shall see the goodness of God in my life and come to believe!
It’s really a joy to see people being set free by the gospel of grace.
I really think this is the most fulfilling thing that one can ever do in life.
Thank You Jesus.

You’re Not Alone – Meredith Andrews

You’re Not Alone

I search for love, when the night came, and it closed in, I was alone, but you found me, where I was hiding, and now I’ll never ever be same, it was the sweetest voice, that called my name sayin

You’re not alone, For I am here, let me wipe away your every fear, My love I’ve never left your side, I have seen you through the darkest night, And I’m the one that who’s loved you all your life, All of your life

You cry your self to sleep, cause the hurt is real, and the pain cuts deep, all hope seems lost, with heart ache your closest friend, and everyone else long gone, you’ve had to face the music on your own, but there is a sweeter song that calls you home, saying

You’re not alone, For I am here, let me wipe away your every tear, My love I’ve never left your side, I have seen you through the darkest nights, And I’m the one who’s love you all your life, All your life

Faithful and true… Forever, For my love will carry you…

You’re not alone, for I… I am here, let me wipe away your every fear… Oh yeah, My love I’ve never left your side, I have seen you through your darkest night,

Your darkest nights, And I’m the one that’s loved you all your life,
All of your life

You Still Be Faithful – Bob Fitts

Like the sun that rises everyday, You are so faithful. Lord, You are faithful. Like the rain that You send, And every breath that I breathe, You are so faithful, Lord

Like the rose that comes alive every spring, You are so faithful. Lord, You are faithful. Like the life that You give, to every beat of my heart, You are so faithful, Lord.

I see the cross and the price You had to pay, I see the blood that washed my sins away.

In the midst of the storm through the wind and the waves, You’ll still be faithful, You’ll still be faithful, When the stars refuse to shine and time is no more, You’ll still be faithful, You’ll still be faithful, Lord.

Holy Com

I just realised that Singapore is really such a small place.
I keep bumping into people from my previous church,
recently. Just about 2 weeks ago, I bumped into 2 at
Bugis Junction. Last week, one at the MRT control station,
and another at esplanade before Sunday service.

Small world.
Today I had my stats paper. Since it is the year when the
free favours of God profusely abounds. I ask for a credit.

Arrived early at school today, thinking that my paper
was at 0900, only to find out that it’s 1400 in the afternoon.
Didn’t see my classmates around. I thought I was the earliest. =p
I was super tired because I didn’t catch much sleep the
night before, as I was super scared of the stats paper.

So I was dozing off, reading newspapers and magazines
at the student lounge. I decided that it wasn’t such a good
place to sleep. I thought, maybe I could just spend some
time with God. Just to dwell in His presence and find
peace and rest there.

Walked out of school and there’s this mini-park near semi-detached houses,
with work out stations for the elderly. Near them was 2 villas?
What you call that? And there were benches with back rest.
Was listening to songs.

It was a perfect place to just be alone and enjoy,
without anyone else walking to and fro.
It was breezy so I just lay down and slept & woke for abt an hour.
The rest was good and I was re-charged enough to last me till now.
Hm. Anyway, I was just thinking about the message
that pastor preached on yesterday. The part which
spoke to me, is the portion which he mentioned,
30 fold, 60 fold, 100 fold.

A week before Arrow’s Men and Women Meeting (18th Dec),
I had wanted to start taking the Holy Com at home,
contemplating on getting the bread and ribena.
When pastor benjamin shared that, fatigue,
thought seems normal, can due to spiritual attack.
Trust God for physical strength and thank God for mental wellness.
And he encouraged us to take the holy communion.

That had comfirmed what I had in my heart.
And so, last weekend, I was sick.
I had a really pain and sore throat.
Lots of coughing. And my voice was going to be gone.
Lol. I told God, I told the friend in school to take the communion
at home. And now I’m like that. If I go to school with this voice,
how?

It was so bad that I could have gone further into fever.
And I was still eating chocolates. =X
But I continue to take the Holy Communion at home.
After 2 days weekends (no sch), my voice recovered by monday.
But the pain and cough was still there.
Never experienced such pain in the throat before.

And at the same time, I thought that, it wasn’t working.
The voice is back but the pain and everything is still there.
Sounds farmiliar? lol. Like how come the pain is not gone yet.
Then I kind of stopped. I heard pastor said before that it can
be an instantaneous process, and it can be gradual.
Then pastor shared on sunday that, it’s a process.
30 fold to 60 fold to 100 fold! We have to persevere on.
Don’t give up so easily. Keep taking no matter what happens.

My voice is back, but till now the pain is still there.
But I’ll still partake of it. =)

Sometimes I just feel emo about certain things.
For me, the communion is a time of going to Him, to remember Him.

Remember Jesus on the cross for us.

Jesus has borne all my diseases.
By His stripes, we are healed.
Everytime we take the communion,
do it in remembrance of Him.

Don’t wait until things happen then want to take.
Take it as much as you want to.
I also believe that this’ really gonna be the
solution to a lot of things in the end times.

First CG of 2009

Just came back from CG.
We’re really blessed to be able to CG in an air conditioned environment.
I really really enjoy coming for every caregroup.

This’ my second time playing the guitar for CG. I say it’s an honour to.
In the past, I’ve never been able to play and get into the presence.
To really be in the presence of God in worship.

When I learnt, it’s not about me, it’s not about how my guitar sound,
it’s not about the worship leader, it’s not about how nice the voice sounds,
it’s a time when everybody cast all things aside and lay down our crowns,
at His feet. I had the wrong understanding that, I, first, have to be right
with God, and I find that I’m always falling short of that. I never had that
‘right heart attitude’ before I come to God. The sense of unworthiness.
Thus, it became a barrier for me to enter into His presence. And everytime,
I had a mindset, am I able to lead the people into His presence?

It’s no longer the I, but He who’s working in the Spirit,
to minister to the people. I just felt loved and blessed,
that God used me to play for the CG.

It doesn’t even matter what you did before, who you are, or how you feel.
God is just wonderful to work in us beyond anything else. That’s how
gracious he is, to use us, regardless of what we did or who we are.
It’s completely unconditional.

But in my weakness, His strength is made perfect. Therefore, I will boast
all the more in my weaknesses so that His power may rest on me.

2 Corinthians 12:9
And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Hebrews 4:16
Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

I never saw this light of myself before. I can truly say,
that, my confidence is found in the Lord. I’m not altogether
there yet. But he delivered me in this area.

I’m just touched that He used me.
It was totally unexpected for me to play in CG,
especially when I’m not here for very long.
It’s really about learning to lean on the Lord when we serve.
I’ve never felt more relaxed in serving before.

It’s about being Jesus conscious and not self conscious.
Thank you Jesus for this opportunity.
Totally amazed and awed by Your grace and love for me.

The Preacher’s Double Curse.

Galatians 1:8-9
But even if we, or an angel from heaven, preach any other gospel to you than what we have preached to you, let him be accursed. As we have said before, so now I say again, if anyone preaches any other gospel to you than what you have received, let him be accursed.

Right.. This entry, is not aiming at anyone, or meant for pointing fingers.
But have you ever wondered why Paul went ‘crazy’ in Galatians?
He was really really mad at the Galatians.

Galatians 3:1-5
You foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you? Before your very eyes Jesus Christ was clearly portrayed as crucified. 2I would like to learn just one thing from you: Did you receive the Spirit by observing the law, or by believing what you heard? 3Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort? 4Have you suffered so much for nothing—if it really was for nothing? 5Does God give you his Spirit and work miracles among you because you observe the law, or because you believe what you heard?

I came from a church which teaches we have to please God,
(I’m not sure if they have changed yet). We need to love God,
we need to do this and that. They focused largely on fulfilling
the Great Commission. (nothing wrong with that, vision is good.)
Without vision, the people perish.

But when the focus is off God, and turns to visions and missions.
When all focus is on growing the church, and not on Jesus,
that’s where the danger lies in. When it becomes US that grow the
church, and not God (unintentionally)… For the first half of 2008.
I remembered, week in, week out, I’ve been hearing both
NCC message and attending my previous church. I got really confused.

It’s like after I’ve received revelations about the grace message,
I never saw so so so much flaws in the system before. I’ve been
there, for 2 years, but yet, I’ve found no fault in anything,
but just plainly agreeing and submitting myself under authority,
as much as possible, because it was taught that we need to submit
to our leaders and be accountable(and I respect that even till now).

That explains the reason why I felt really really hurt. For 2 years,
I’ve been with them, but when I found out that, all that I’ve ever
known is not according true. Jesus came into the picture. I have
realised that, what I’ve been doing for the past 2 years, is pure flesh.

I’ve tried really really hard to grow the group, yea, ‘pray a lot’,
‘fast a lot’, ‘evangelise a lot (in school grounds, approaching strangers)’.
What’s the end result? Nothing. In months nearing a year.
Less than 2 new comers. I’m not saying that number counts for growth.
But I’ve been labouring hard, to the extent that, my mum felt that,
I didn’t need her anymore, and that she didn’t matter. ALL that
matters was church. And church was the only thing in my life.

I tried to love God and love people as much as I can. I fail and
fall flat in the face. I failed terribly. On the outward, I was just
another hyprocrite in disguise. Evangelising because other leaders
are also doing it. Week in week out, CG preparation, mentoring session.

I’ve never felt more death than that before. Literally death. I felt
that I was not pleasing to God, there was a barrier somewhere,
I am not doing enough. And yes, the preaching.

‘You believe God, you still have to do something. Faith w/o deeds is dead.’
‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, strength,
and love your neighbour as yourself.’
‘It is better to give than to receive’
‘Commit to God, he will not short change you’
‘Love one another’
‘Show no favouritism’
‘Sacrificial love’
‘How to approach non-believers’

There’s always a BUT to everything.
There’s always some conditions attached somewhere.

‘Yes! God loves you! BUT…’
‘God is gracious, BUT He is also a holy God’
‘God is gracious, BUT we cannot be licenscious’

There’s few sermons regarding receiving from God.
Few sermons on God’s character and grace,
although God and Jesus is mentioned. E.g.

Sermons like these were unheard of till I came to NCC.
-’Jesus typified in the five offerings in Leviticus’
-’The Covenant of Law and Grace typified by Sarah and Hagar’
-’See the Father’s love for you’

I was greatly drained out, by trying to please God alone.
Greatly insecure as I see what others are doing.
There was comparison and competition within.

It’s really none of us and all of God.
What I felt is that, I literally see my 2 years of labour burnt up,
as  chaff in the fiery furnance. And It was really a new beginning,
when I realised that christianity is not about all these, but about
knowing Christ and his goodness to us. But I’ve no regrets that
those 2 years get bunt up. And I say a resounding AMEN,
to the destroyal of anything constructed out of the works of the flesh.

Philippians 3:7-9 (I could personalise this)
But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish(DUNG in greek), that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith.

Well.. Thank God, He delievered me from my self efforts.
The most horrendous thing about the preaching,
is the effects that it has on the people.

I’m just 1 of the many who felt the same way.
I’m also 1 of the many who walked out of it because I could not
bring myself to further stay on in that evironment anymore.

Every service and caregroup, it’s just so evident that,
everyone’s really tired and worn out, from school,
family, ministry. What’s worse is the preaching and
care group messages that adds to the burden.

And it broke me because having understood the grace message,
how much God yearns for us to rest in his love, how much he
yearned to embrace us. But in contrary to the revelation I had,
and which I tried to share at that time (because it just overwhelmed,
and overflow out of me, that I need to share it.), the people
are not willing to listen. After my March China trip I was just back
there, as an ordinary member because I requested for it.

Firstly because, they hold authority in high regards. And they’re
working their best to persevere and be loyal. I had all these
mentality at that time. My thought was that, leader follows God,
so what they say should be correct? I wasn’t willing to listen
to anyone else, including my mum and relatives who had
been constantly talking about this ‘commitment’ I had to the
church before I came to know about this grace message.

The preaching passed down from pastor to leader to leader,
to the people, and the people only listen to leaders.
This was one of the things that, really drove me crazy.
I was really angry that they continued in this.
Because I really feel that the people suffer. I had a lot
of things to say regarding that, but they would not hear.

And every mentoring session, there’s this atmosphere of judgement.
When a sheep comes to you already feeling very down, what do you
do? I’ll tell you what I did, I said,

- ‘Did you seek God?’
- ‘Did you do your quiet time?’
- ‘Can you come for this this this event?’
- ‘Why?’
- ‘Bible said, bla bla bla…’
- ‘How many contacts you have for this coming event?’
- ‘Are you coming for CG?’
- ‘Are you coming for service?’

There’s a why to everything. Not a concerning ‘why’.
But a ‘why’ that condemns people for their inability to commit,
or whatsoever reason. For me, there was always this,
leader-member barrier. It’s like, “I’m the leader, and you should listen?”.

And many people come and leave. I’m not saying that there’s no growth.
There is, but not in this particular group and ministry that I’m in.

I just don’t understand why, when the leaders have experienced God,
they are banging so much on growing the church,
but not feeding people with the word.

Feeding in the sense of sharing their lives and how it was with God.
Sharing about Jesus. It’s always about contacts, ministry,
and what needs to be done.

The leaders in the ‘higher levels’ are people who have experienced God.
But I don’t understand why the preaching happens in such a manner.

Why do you think there’s only a double curse set on the preaching ministry,
and not anything else and not on other ministries, in the New Covenant?

The root is the belief in Christ.
Regardless of the vision and mission.
Christ must still be the focus. But I’m not finding this in all places.

Benjamin Generation

Another 12 days to the end of exams/term.
Just looking forward to CNY.
Maybe it’s the family feel and the yummy food. Especially reunion dinner.
A time when we get to see people whom we have not seen for a year.

We’re the Benjamin Generation.
In times like this, I just can’t wait to see what God will pour out for us.
Was just watching the sermon while i was having lunch at home.

I am expecting good things, exceedingly good things to happen,
that people (family, relatives, friends)
may see that God prospered me in times like this and believe,
this is our God, believing in his goodness and mercies.

What I’ve had in mind for now.
-Israel Trip with Arrow
-Whole collection of pastor’s sermon series CD/DVD albums
-Copies of D2R to give out.

BEHOLD! MY WAGON!

Law Keeping Made Easy. 10/613

Want to know what Antinomianism really really means?
Anti – “against”
Nomos – “law”

Read on…

The whole Law is made up of 613 commandments in total.
So it’s NOT JUST the moral laws on it’s own.

MORE THAN just 10 moral laws.
The 10 commandments are just 10 categories.
The 10 commandments – http://www.jewfaq.org/10.htm
A list of the 613 Mitzvot – http://www.jewfaq.org/613.htm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/613_Mitzvot

-Obeying 10 out of 613 commandments is the real Antinomos.
Because in Deut 27:26, the Law requires us to uphold every word of it,
every single IOTA of it! 613 out of 613!

Galatians 2:16
knowing that a man is not justified by the works of the law
but by faith in Christ and not by the works of the law;
for by the works of the law no flesh shall be justified.

The LAW and the GOSPEL

http://www.carm.org/doctrine/lawgospel.htm

Don’t say that to observe the whole Law is too legalistic.
That’s what it is.

Galatians 3
For as many as are of the works of the law are under the curse; for it is written, “Cursed is everyone who does not continue in all things which are written in the book of the law, to do them.”

Romans 6:14
“For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace,”

It is one thing to say that it is not neccessary to obey God’s law,
AND ANOTHER THING to want to break God’s law.

Romans 3:10-18
10 As it is written:
“ There is none righteous, no, not one;
11 There is none who understands;
There is none who seeks after God.
12 They have all turned aside;
They have together become unprofitable;
There is none who does good, no, not one.”^[b]
13 “ Their throat is an open tomb;
With their tongues they have practiced deceit”;^[c]

“ The poison of asps is under their lips”;^[d]
14 “ Whose mouth is full of cursing and bitterness.”^[e]
15 “ Their feet are swift to shed blood;
16 Destruction and misery are in their ways;
17 And the way of peace they have not known.”^[f]
18 “ There is no fear of God before their eyes.”

Romans 3:19-26
19 Now we know that whatever the law says, it says to those who are under the law, that every mouth may be stopped, and all the world may become guilty before God. 20 Therefore by the deeds of the law no flesh will be justified in His sight, for by the law is the knowledge of sin. 21 But now the righteousness of God apart from the law is revealed, being witnessed by the Law and the Prophets, 22 even the righteousness of God, through faith in Jesus Christ, to all and on all^[a] who believe. For there is no difference; 23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 being justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, 25 whom God set forth as a propitiation by His blood, through faith, to demonstrate His righteousness, because in His forbearance God had passed over the sins that were previously committed, 26 to demonstrate at the present time His righteousness, that He might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus.

1 Timothy 1:8-11
8 But we know that the law is good if one uses it lawfully, 9 knowing this: that the law is not made for a righteous person, but for the lawless and insubordinate, for the ungodly and for sinners, for the unholy and profane, for murderers of fathers and murderers of mothers, for manslayers, 10 for fornicators, for sodomites, for kidnappers, for liars, for perjurers, and if there is any other thing that is contrary to sound doctrine, 11 according to the glorious gospel of the blessed God which was committed to my trust.

Who’s this righteous person?

Romans 4:5-8
5 But to him who does not work but believes on Him who justifies the ungodly, his faith is accounted for righteousness, 6 just as David also describes the blessedness of the man to whom God imputes righteousness apart from works:
7 “ Blessed are those whose lawless deeds are forgiven,
And whose sins are covered;
8 Blessed is the man to whom the LORD shall not impute sin.”

Galatians 1:8-9
But even if we, or an angel from heaven, preach any other gospel to you than what we have preached to you, let him be accursed. As we have said before, so now I say again, if anyone preaches any other gospel to you than what you have received, let him be accursed.

Hmm.. Something that I just realised in the bible.
Lol. God has this sense of humour.

Look at [Deuteronomy 27]
You would realise that, from v14 to v26, the people are ‘Amen-ing’ to all the curses.

And the bible just went on to Deut 28 to elaborate on WHAT are the blessings and curses.

And it starts with, “Cursed is the one…”
You’re on your own.

There’s no Amen for blessings.

In the NT, 2 Cor 1:20
For all the promises of God in Him are Yes, and in Him Amen, to the glory of God through us.

This, IN HIM, all the promises of God are Yes and Amen.

Why is it that there’s only YES and AMEN to the blessings of God, IN HIM?

Romans 8:32
He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?

Galatians 3:10-13
For as many as are of the works of the law are under the curse; for it is written, “Cursed is everyone who does not continue in all things which are written in the book of the law, to do them.” But that no one is justified by the law in the sight of God is evident, for “the just shall live by faith.” Yet the law is not of faith, but “the man who does them shall live by them.” Christ has redeemed us from the curse of the law, having become a curse for us (for it is written, “Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree”),

Deuteronomy 27:26
26 “Cursed is the man who does not uphold the words of this law by carrying them out.”
Then all the people shall say, “Amen!”

Romans 3:31
31Do we, then, nullify the law by this faith? Not at all! Rather, we uphold the law.

Matthew 5:17
17“Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them.

Grace is not Antinomos but the upholding of the Law.

Jesus fulfilled the law for us. He’s the only one who can redeem us from the curse of the law, having become a curse for us because he is able to satisfy all the requirements of the law.

When Jesus fulfilled the law for us, it’s not only the 10 commandments, but the whole law.
Therefore, we uphold the law, for the reason that it was given. 1 Timothy 1:8-11 (above)

Ephesians 1:6-8
6 to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved.
7 In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace 8 which He made to abound toward us in all wisdom and prudence,

Acts 13:37-39
37 but He whom God raised up saw no corruption. 38 Therefore let it be known to you, brethren, that through this Man is preached to you the forgiveness of sins; 39 and by Him everyone who believes is justified from all things from which you could not be justified by the law of Moses.

No pastor, church, preacher or leader is perfect.
But we have a perfect Jesus. Amen.
He’s the fine flour in the pot.
He’s the Shepherd who will keep us safe from errornous doctrines.
Doctrines can go wrong. Man will go wrong.

2 King 4:38-41
38 And Elisha returned to Gilgal, and there was a famine in the land. Now the sons of the prophets were sitting before him; and he said to his servant, “Put on the large pot, and boil stew for the sons of the prophets.” 39 So one went out into the field to gather herbs, and found a wild vine, and gathered from it a lapful of wild gourds, and came and sliced them into the pot of stew, though they did not know what they were. 40 Then they served it to the men to eat. Now it happened, as they were eating the stew, that they cried out and said, “Man of God, there is death in the pot!” And they could not eat it. So he said, “Then bring some flour.” And he put it into the pot, and said, “Serve it to the people, that they may eat.” And there was nothing harmful in the pot.

The Food that Delights both Man and God – (Grain Offering Part 3)

‘Never allow obscure passages to rob your joy away’ – pastor

It’s not a doctrine as what I frequently speak in the past.

Now…

I don’t believe in doctrines.
I believe in Jesus. =)

But ultimately, you know what?
Whether you agree to it or not, it’s your life.
No one will force you into making a decision into which you would believe and trust. But what you believe, will definitely affect your life.

Tithing my way out of poverty mindset.

It’s the first 5 days into 2009.

And God is already pouring down his free favours.

Ok I’ll share.

First thing that happened was that,
my lecturer had moderated the marks for my stats paper.
and my mates got like 1 or 2 additional marks.
But I got 5 additional marks.

Second thing is that, 2 days back,
my ah ma blessed me with the biggest ang bao,
among all others which she’s going to give out this year.
The amount is bigger than what she’s giving both my parents add together.

Thirdly, yesterday, my dad added -
double the amount in the ang bao, into my bank account!

Amazing. We can never out give God.
With that, I was able to tithe for last month, and this month,
and still have extras. Praise God.

One thing I’ll share is that, during my poly years,
I don’t like to keep taking money from account.
I’ll try my very best not to withdraw extra,
most of the time I don’t.

And I remembered that, cash is always very very tight.
But I realised that when I tithe, somehow, I’ll always
get through that month. I don’t know how.

I came to a point, I told God that cash flow for me is tight not because
my mum strictly disallow me from withdrawing,
but just because I don’t want to take more from my mum.
And God answered.

A week later, my ah ma just knocked on my door.
And I opened. She just give me $50.
I’ve never told her anything before.
She got totally no idea, whatsoever about my pocket money or anything.

I asked her what for? She just insists that I take it.
And it continued month after month after month.
And there were times she gave beyond 50.
And many times, when I’m left with $10 in my wallet,
or my wallet is empty, on that day itself, the supply comes in.
At the right time. Just nice. No lack.

Sometimes I complain about the neccesities,
‘wah.. this is so expensive, that is so expensive’.
I think to myself, “If I give to God, I only have this much left”.
But I changed to think, “God will provide”, and not worry about the thing.

Ephesians 3:20 [AMPLIFIED]
Now to Him Who, by (in consequence of) the [action of His] power that is at work within us, is able to [carry out His purpose and] do superabundantly, far over and above all that we [dare] ask or think [infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes, or dreams]–

And I remembered that beginning of 2008,
God blessed me financially. And now I’ve a small
library of pastor prince’s series cd and dvd in the cupboard.
About 16 series I guess, plus D2R, the booklets.
Holy Com, BenGen, Right Place Right Time.

All these are the extras that God has provided me to get. =)

That was the time I needed these dvds and cds so much.
My life practically relied on all that.

When I had people around me, but who could not counsel me.
When I am all alone without friends. None stood by me.
Everything which was beyond what I could handle crushed me.
Those very words in the sermon held on to my life.

I’m trusting God to be able to collect ALL the CD/DVD series.

My mum didn’t know that I invested in such things.
It was all God provided. And more to come!!

Hmm.. To add on. Last year around OCT, not too long ago,
before I went to china to visit my aunt.
Pastor encouraged us to sow into One North.

And I really wanted to be part of this whole thing.
I told God, “Can you provide me to give to One North?”
I stated the exact amount which I received from my ah ma recently.

Before the week ended, my ah ma came to me (again, I didn’t tell her anything),
and she gave me an ang bao, she said, “this amount is for you to go for your holiday”.
This’ the first time she ever give me money for holiday. She never did it before!

My ah ma’s a believer by the way.
And I opened the ang bao, it’s that exact amount.
I knew it’s for the building fund! God’s just so good.
He provided me to sow into One North! =)
May He provide me more for One North!

To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord,
the MOST BLESSED TIME when the salvation, delights,
free favours and acceptance, of God PROFUSELY ABOUNDS.

It Is Your Father’s Pleasure to Give You the Kingdom.

Luke 12:32

Fear not, little flock,
for it is your Father’s good pleasure
to give you the kingdom.

Things We Are Prone to Fear

Why does the flock of God struggle with fear? Luke 12 implies clearly that we do, and that we don’t need to. It points to at least four things that we are prone to fear.

First, in verse 4 Jesus says, “I tell you, friends, do not fear those who kill the body, and after that have no more that they can do.” So it implies that we are prone to fear death—especially death by persecution.

Second, in verse 11 Jesus says, “And when they bring you before the synagogues and the rulers and the authorities, do not be anxious how or what you are to answer or what you are to say; for the Holy Spirit will teach you in that very hour what you ought to say.” So Jesus implies that we are prone to fear public shame. We are prone to be anxious about what others will think of us if we don’t have the right thing to say.

Third, in verse 22 Jesus says, “Therefore do not be anxious about your life, what you shall eat nor about your body, what you shall put on.” So he implies that we are prone to worry about whether our basic physical needs will be met—food and drink and clothing and shelter.

Reasons Not to Fear These Things

In every case Jesus’ purpose is to give reasons why his “friends” (verse 4) and his “disciples” (verse 22)—his flock—do not need to fear these things. He wants us to be free from fear. So he says . . .

First, death is not the worst thing, hell is. And God will keep you out of hell and care for you with detailed tenderness—the hairs of your head are all numbered.

Second, he says that the Holy Spirit will teach you what to say in an hour of public testing. You will not be left alone.

And third, he says your Father knows your daily needs and is far more inclined to give you what you need than he is to feed the ravens and clothe the lilies, but look how he takes care of them!

So Jesus does not want us to fear—no fear of death, no fear of public shame, no fear of poverty and want. He wants us to see that God is the kind of God whose people do not need to fear.

The Fourth and Deepest Fear

But there is another thing we are prone to fear that goes right to the heart of God. It is perhaps the deepest fear of all and the one that may lie behind all the others. Perhaps that’s why Jesus keeps it for last. We see it in verse 32: “Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom.”

What fear is Jesus trying to eliminate here?

He is trying to eliminate the fear that God is not the kind of God who really wants to be good to his children. This is a fear that rises up in the hearts of those of us who are prone to feel that God does not want to be gracious to us, that he does not want to be generous and helpful to us. We are prone to think of God as one who is basically irked with us—ill-disposed and angry.

Sometimes even if we believe in our heads that God is good to us, we may feel in our hearts that his goodness is somehow forced or constrained, perhaps like a judge who has been maneuvered by a clever attorney into a corner on some technicality of court proceedings where he must dismiss the charges of the prisoner that he really would rather send to jail.

How Do You View the King on Palm Sunday?

Today is Palm Sunday. We picture ourselves welcoming the King into our city and into our hearts. He tries to make his intentions known by not coming on a great stallion but on a lowly donkey, meek and humble.

But I wonder how many here look upon this lowly Servant-King and feel that this is just a thin veneer, and that really beneath this lowly exterior there is a terrible power and authority which is just waiting to burst out against you if you slip in any way. I wonder how many feel that it is not really the deepest pleasure of this King’s heart to serve his people and meet their needs.

I wonder how many feel that he’s riding this donkey of lowliness as a kind of camouflage. And once he gains a foothold, he will throw off his rags, pull out his sword, and storm forth to do what he really loves to do, namely, judge and destroy. Of course, some will be saved—the few who somehow could please him. But that is not his heart’s desire. He is basically angry—always angry. And the best we can do is stay out of his way, and maybe, if we keep the rules well enough, we could sneak by him when he is in one of his temporary good moods.

Discovering the True Heart of God

This morning Jesus is at pains to help you not feel that way about God. And I want to simply spend the time we have meditating on one verse, namely, Luke 12:32, because every little piece of this verse is intended to help take away the fear that Jesus knows we struggle with, namely, that God begrudges his benefits, that he is constrained and out of character when he does nice things, that at bottom he is angry and loves to vent his anger.

Luke 12:32 is a verse about the nature of God. It’s a verse about what kind of heart God has. It’s a verse about what makes God glad—not merely about what God will do or what he has to do, but what he delights to do, what he loves to do and takes pleasure in doing.

Fear not, little flock,
for it is you Father’s good pleasure
to give you the kingdom.

“Good Pleasure”

Let’s begin with the phrase “good pleasure.” It is a verb in Greek: “to be a pleasure” or “to be pleased by.” You could translate it: “it pleased God,” or, “God chose it gladly.” One of the best places to see the meaning of the word is in Philippians where the noun form of the word is put over against its opposite.

Preaching the Gospel from “Good Will”

In Philippians, you recall, Paul is in prison in Rome. There are professing Christians who do not like Paul and there are Christians who do. Both of them begin to preach the gospel while Paul is in prison. But their motives are very different. In Philippians 1:15 Paul says, “Some indeed preach Christ from envy and rivalry, but others from good will”—or we could say, “from good pleasure.”

The word “good will” is the word we are concerned with. What is he saying? He is saying: both groups are preaching, but one group is being driven to preach not because they love Paul or because they love the preaching of the gospel, but because they hope to increase Paul’s affliction. But the other group is preaching because they really love to preach the gospel and because they love Paul. They are doing what they really love to do. It is out of “good will.” It’s out of gladness. It is their good pleasure to preach. Their heart is not divided. Preaching is not a cloak for envy or rivalry. It is a real delight.

God’s Free and Joyful Act

Now that is what Jesus means in Luke 12:32 when he says, “It is God’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom.” In other words, God is not acting in this generous way in order to cloak and hide some malicious motive. The word “good pleasure” utterly rules that out. He is not saying inside, “I will have to be generous for a while even though I don’t want to be, because what I really want to do is bring judgment on sinners.”

The Lord’s meaning is inescapable: God is acting here in freedom. He is not under constraint to do what he doesn’t really want to do. At this very point, when he gives his flock the kingdom, he is acting out his deepest delight. This is what the word means: God’s joy, his desire, his want and wish and hope and pleasure and gladness and delight is to give the kingdom to his flock.

“Fear not, little flock, it is your Father’s good pleasure—not his duty, not his necessity, not his obligation, but his pleasure—to give you the kingdom.” That is the kind of God he is.

“Your Father”

Second, let’s look at the phrase “your Father.” “Fear not, little flock, it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom.”

Jesus does not say, “It is your employer’s good pleasure to give you your salary.” He does not say, “It is your slavemaster’s good pleasure to give you your lodging.” He does not even say, “It is your King’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom.” He chooses every word in this sentence to help us get rid of the fear that God is ill-disposed to us—that he is begrudging in his generosity, or constrained in his kindness. So he calls God “your Father”.

Now, not all of us have had fathers who patterned their lives after God. And so the word “father” may not be full of peace the way Jesus means it to be. So let me try to fill the word “Father” with some of the meaning Jesus intended it to carry for you this morning. Two things:

Heirs of God’s Kingdom

First, if the King is our Father, then we are heirs of his kingdom. There is something natural about our receiving it—it’s our inheritance. In Matthew 25:34 it says that in the last day King Jesus will say, “Come, O blessed of my Father, inherit [note the word!] the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world.”

From before the world God prepared a kingdom for his children. It is theirs by the right of inheritance. And God does not begrudge his children coming into their inheritance. It is his good pleasure to give them the kingdom.

Free from Being Taxed

Second, if the King is our Father, then we are free from being taxed. In Matthew 17:25 Peter wondered if the disciples had to pay the temple tax. Jesus says, “What do you think, Simon? From whom do kings of the earth take toll or tribute? From their sons or from others?” And when he said, “From others,” Jesus said to him, “Then the sons are free.”

God does not levy taxes against his children. It is those outside the palace who feel the burden of law, not the children within. The children are free! The Fatherhood of God means freedom.

The list of implications of what it means to have God as our Father could go on—and all of them would serve to overcome the fear that God is begrudging in his kindness to us. Just the opposite is the case. He is our Father, and if we who are evil know how to give good things to our children, how much more will our Father in heaven give the kingdom to those who ask him.

“Give”

Third, consider the word “give.” “It is your Father’s good pleasure to GIVE you the kingdom.” Jesus does not say, sell you the kingdom. He does not say, trade you the kingdom. He says it is the Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom.

We have seen it again and again in this series—and O, how I hope it is sinking in—that God is a mountain spring and not a watering trough. And therefore he delights to overflow—to give, give, give! And therefore the gospel is that God does not need a bucket brigade or sweaty pumpers; he wants drinkers!! People who will get down on their faces and satisfy their thirst with his love.

He gives the kingdom! It cannot be bought or bartered for or earned in any way. There is only one way to have it, and it is the easiest way of all—the gospel way—the way of Luke 18:17, “Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.”

God is not stingy. He is not a scrooge. He is not miserly or tight-fisted or parsimonious or niggardly. He is liberal and generous and ungrudging and bountiful. It is his good pleasure to GIVE us the kingdom. (See Luke 8:10.)

“Flock”

Fourth, consider the word “flock.” “Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom.”

Look how Jesus is piling up the metaphors. God is our Father. And since he gives us a kingdom, he must be a King. And since we are his flock, he must be a Shepherd. Jesus is at pains to choose every word he can to make his point clear: God is not the kind of God who begrudges his blessings.

We are his flock. What does that mean?

It means Psalm 23!

And it means that we should remember that the good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. Begrudgingly? Under constraint? Emphatically NO! “No one takes my life from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have power to lay it down and I have power to take it again” (John 10:18).

The Father did not begrudge the gift of his Son and the Son did not begrudge the gift of his life. It is the Shepherd’s good pleasure to give the kingdom to his flock.

“Little”

Fifth, consider the word “little.” “Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom.”

Jesus is as pains to choose every word that will help us see God the way he really is. Why does he say “little flock”? I think it has two effects. First, it’s a term of affection and care. If I say to my family when they are in danger, “Don’t be afraid, little family,” what I mean is: I know you are in danger and that you are small and weak, but I will use all my power to take care of you because you are precious to me. So “little flock” carries the connotation of affection and care.

It also implies that God’s goodness to us is not dependent on our greatness. We are a little flock—little in size, little in strength, little in wisdom, little in righteousness, little in love. If God’s goodness to us depended on our greatness, we would be in big trouble. But that’s the point. It doesn’t. So we aren’t. “Fear not little flock, it is the Father’s good pleasure to give us the kingdom.”

“Kingdom”

Finally, consider the word “kingdom.” There might be one little foothold left for the feeling that God is begrudging and ill-disposed toward us. Someone might say, “OK, God is our Father and not our slavemaster; he enjoys giving instead of selling; he treats us the way a good shepherd treats his flock; he has an affection and pity toward us in our littleness. But what, after all, does he promise to give?”

What He Doesn’t Promise to Give

He doesn’t promise to give money. In fact, he says, “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God” (18:25).

He doesn’t promise popularity or fame or admiration among men. In fact, he says, “Blessed are you when men hate you, and when they exclude you and revile you, and cast out your name as evil, on account of the Son of man!” (6:22).

He doesn’t even promise security in this life. In fact, he says, “You will be delivered up even by parents and brothers and kinsmen and friends, and some of you they will put to death; you will be hated by all for my name’s sake” (21:16).

What He Does Promise to Give

What does he promise to give to his little flock—to prove once and for all that it is not only his good pleasure to give, but that it is his good pleasure to give big? He promises to give them the kingdom of God.

And what does it mean to be given the sovereign reign and rule of God?

It means simply and staggeringly and unspeakably that the omnipotent rule and authority of the King of the universe will be engaged forever and ever on behalf of the little flock of God. What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man conceived, God has prepared for those who love him (1 Corinthians 2:9). And it is the Father’s good pleasure to give it to his little flock.

Who can describe what it will be like when that saying comes to pass which Jesus spoke at the Last Supper, “As my Father has appointed a kingdom for me, so do I appoint for you that you may eat and drink at my table in my kingdom” (22:29)?

Jesus Desires to Free You from This Fear

Jesus knows that the flock of God struggles with fear. He knows that one of those fears is that God is the kind of God who is basically angry and delights most of all to judge sinners and only does good out of a sense of constraint and duty, not delight. Therefore the Lord is at pains this morning to free us from this fear by telling us the truth about God. He has chosen every word for our comfort and joy and peace.

Fear not, little flock for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom!

http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/Sermons/ByDate/1987/590_It_Is_Your_Fathers_Pleasure_to_Give_You_the_Kingdom/

Recalling My 2008.

In Chronological Order:

How my 2008 began?

http://jiaeenn29.wordpress.com/2008/01/01/my-sentiments/

JAN—Major unstability in life, in faith, in emotions.
JAN— new mobile phone.
FEB— new digital camera.
FEB—Went to China [Time of recuperation, rest and growth].
FEB — more revelations of Christ [Gospel of Grace].

—————————— Whole New Perspective of Grace —————————

Gospel Revolution

http://jiaeenn29.wordpress.com/2008/03/26/the-coming-grace-revolution/

Felt alone, the times when I totally came to the end of myself.
Times when I cried out to God a lot. Times when I was still,
greatly undecided if I should continue to stay in the previous church.
Unwilling to let go for fear of missing God’s plans.

MAR—more of me set free by His grace.
MAR—Came back from China.
MAR—Refreshed and attempts to share the Gospel of Grace.
MAR—Major distrust in people.
MAR—Tertiary Camp (Noticed certain changes)
MAR—Service(Noticed the similar changes)
MAR—Major turning point in life.
APR—Went back to church, in attempt to share.
APR—Managed to share with rh,ql,jose,xp,fel,kelly,cindy,2aunties.
MAY—Continued to share the Gospel of Grace.
MAY—Not much changes within group.
MAY—A few people whom I shared with benefitted from the message. [All glory to God, a ppl set free.]
MAY—Unstability in life, emotions, rejection, broken, the fall, irritable, no peace to remain.
MAY—In and out of service, wanted people to know that God gave them a mind to think.
JUN—Someone from the group told me something which she has seen, and I felt my objective has been met.
JUN—Still sorrowful and broken for the lack of fellowship. Irritable about people not accepting the gospel of grace.
JUN—new friends in school.
JUN—new classmates, group mates.
JUN—decision to move on.

—————————– Clear Break from First half of 2008 ————————-

Joined ARROW & NCC (never returned back to previous church again):
Broken, directionless, full of distrust in people, purposeless, lost,
hurt, angry, refusing to speak. Full of bitterness and sorrows.
Didn’t want to celebrate anything, including my birthday.

Doing new things in the attempt to erase my memory/ease the pain.
Deleted all those from previous church on MSN. Changed my room setting,
New email account & MSN, Changed blog, facebook account.
Denying the name that I had chosen for myself while I was there last time.
Using back the very name my mum named me since young.

5th JULY—1st ARROW service.
JULY—1st CG with NCC.
JULY—2nd laptop mum offered to get me since poly’s.
JULY—1st NCC service with CG.
JULY—new providence, God amazingly knew I’m left with $10 in my wallet. He provided me 10 times that amount. It may sound rather hard to believe, but, this’ not the first time. Times where my supply of cash ended, but the supply came in continuously. It just fits in nicely. No days without cash. I’m not the kind that would ask my mum for money. For me, money is just money, even if I were to have another $1million added to my pocket, it would not be much of a difference for me.

DEC—A month of celebration, especially the last 2 weeks of 2008.

Christmas Bash, Christmas @ Indoor, Countdown Dinner.

The friendships that are being built. Being better off than before.
Fellow brothers and sisters who share in the same experience of grace,
holding the same values and beliefs. Seeing a whole new way of ministry.
Seeing God grow the CG. Seeing the amazing things God has done in NCC.
Viewing the 2008 video in last service. I just feel so blessed to be part
of the gospel revolution. It’s something that I want to take part in for life.

Overall, Rom 8:28:
We are assured and know that [God being a partner in their labor] all things work together and are [fitting into a plan] for good to and for those who love God and are called according to [His] design and purpose.

The Morbid Tutorial.

Today marks the end of 2008.
In fact, we’re already 18 minutes into 2009.
Just reached home abt 1205.
But I’m kind of not satisfied that I can’t stay out longer.
Yea, and I’m really sad about it. Makes me even more deprived of late nights.
Just to sit down at town, to chill, share about the year and wishes. Basically life.
Oh man…… Couldn’t mum just make an exception for this one. Hate this.
That I may stay out later with my CG as long as I catch last bus/train.

But anyway, back to today’s tutorial..
We had our last human lifespan development tutorial.
And lifespan ends with? Death.

Right, so was the topic today.
It was a tutorial full of theories of death.
How people face death, and what care givers expect.
And it’s just so sad to see in theories that,
people just give up and accepted whatever, the come-what-may attitude.
Especially when they are believers themselves!

Our lecturer was sharing to us regarding 1 of her neighbours,
who is also very close to her, just lives beside her.
Is married, with 2 children, but her r/s with her husband was not good.

When she found out that she had contracted breast cancer 4th stage,
she was sad, angry, and soon she begin to tell God,
the logical way people would reason. I still have 2 kids,
who are so young, I can’t die now. But if I’m able to live to see
my kids grow to their teens, then I’m more ready to die.
She went through the process of dying, eventually,
she told God, I would be happy to be able to see my kid turn 13.

2 years later, on a saturday, the father celebrated the 13th birthday
with the kid. And the coming tuesday, she passed away.
Lecturer was also saying that, even at the very last minute,
the neighbour didn’t leave, until she knows that all the family
members are around her death bed. She held on, even though,
the doctor said, any time now, when she was admitted to the hospital,
on monday.

Just don’t understand why they would just accept it as it is.
They’re all believers. But it just shows that, it is true that,
whatever we say and proclaim, does come to pass.

So true as it is for the sister to say she shall live to see her boy turn 13.
And she left, a few days later.

The truth is this, God gives us the choice when to say good-bye
to the world. If you say so, it shall be.
Continue to proclaim things that are according to his word. Amen?

Blessed 2009!
We will see many many many good days ahead in life,
and we’ll love life and live to a good 120 years. Amen.

Amen? IF no one says amen, will you? Coz God’s word said so.
Jer 1:12

Bedtime Stories to begin your 2009.

Hellooo.. Just reached back home about 0.5 hrs ago.
I finished school at about 6pm today.
And the friend whom I train home with most of the time
had to meet her friend.

So I’m just left myself.
Just wasn’t feeling very good today, over my test results.
And about 2 weeks back, my stats result was bad.
Didn’t want to go home because I was just emoing
over these things. Plus all the whatever essays,
and assignments. It’s like, how does it feel when,
you get the lowest among yr own clique.
And it’s just a fearful thing for me if I don’t do well.
Coz it feels like I fail my mum and am not being a good testimony.
This’ the thing that always gets me.

Decided to just have dinner on my own, while I talked to God,
silently. While I trained back home, I just decided that maybe,
I should go catch a movie or something. Got the tickets from
the mall, and waited 1.5hrs in the library, reading some book
in the children’s section.

Watched Bedtime Stories.
Some of my thoughts about it. Just felt that, it reminded me,
about what pastor preached last sunday. Felt like the hopeless guy
in the show, who doesn’t believe in happy endings. And there,
his niece and nephew are, always saying that bedtime stories,
always end happy. And so, ‘magically’, whatever the niece and
nephew would suggest the story, the things just came to past
in this guy’s life. When the guy realised the things they spoke
in the story comes true, he starts believing and want the niece
and nephew to speak of good things in the bedtime story,
which will eventually come true in his own life.

Ain’t it similar?

Just that, the bible is the truth, the infallible Word of God,
and it’s not some cleverly fashioned fables.

When Jesus read the Isaiah scrolls in Luke 4:17-22,
he closed on the ‘vengence’ part. Refer Isaiah 61:1-7.
He didn’t mention the vengence and closed it.
Showing that God’s heart is not on vengence.

But in v17 says that,
To proclaim the acceptable year of the LORD.

-dektos (Thayer’s Definition)
Denotes the most blessed time when salvation and the
free favours of God, profusely abound.

-acceptance (Hebrew) radzon
delight, favour, acceptance

When God’s word says it, just claim and believe it.

This 2009 shall profusely abound with the
salvation and free favours of God.

The show just showed me this.

1 Peter 3:9-11
Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing,
because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. For,
“Whoever would love life
and see good days
must keep his tongue from evil
and his lips from deceitful speech.
He must turn from evil and do good;
he must seek peace and pursue it.

Whoever would love life and see good days,
must keep his tongue from evil and lips from deceitful speech.

Whatever that is said, that is not in line with God’s Word,
it is evil. Speak and it shall be. Jer 1:12.

We will see many salvations this year,
we’ll love life and see good days. Amen.
The miracle lies in the mouth.

CG Outing

Today we had our very first CG picnic at ECP.
Just heard from the people that they had never picnic before as a CG.
Everyone was just glad, spending time with each other,
cycling, eating, chatting. All was good.
Most importantly thank you Daddy God for saving the day.
He took the rain away so that we will enjoy the day and time.
Not one drop touched down despite of the heavy clouds.
It’s just so enjoyable to be among the people of God.
Where people here would share about life,
and ya we do joke and crap.
But it just seems that today just ended too quickly.
I kind of feel deprived of time with the people somehow.
Don’t know why. But I guess when my exams are over,
I’ll go on an outing spree with them.
No more China trip this time for me.
Just want to spend more time with the people.
Daddy God just caused everything to be good.
The day started about 3pm and ended at about 10pm.
It has been close to 6 months I’ve been here.
I think it may seem a rather short time,
but God has caused the friendships here to blossom.
Such an expensive gift of friendship that God has blessed me with.
Thank you Daddy for giving me these friends.
I want to spend the best & worst times with these people.

A 4th-Generation Methodist’s Response

Lol. I remembered reading the review at one point,
but I didn’t read the second part of it,
which actually caused me to be fearful and confused.
But now I found it.

But it helped me to know that, regardless of what one says,
I’m just going to stand for what I believe to be true in my heart.

A Methodish Pastor’s Review of Desitned to Reign – Part 1

http://rootss.blogspot.com/2008/07/methodist-pastors-review-of-destined-to.html

A 4th-Generation Medhodist’s Response – Part 2

Part 1 – http://rootss.blogspot.com/2008/07/methodists-review-of-destined-to-reign.html

Part 2 – http://rootss.blogspot.com/2008/07/methodists-review-of-destined-to-reign_13.html

Part 3 – http://rootss.blogspot.com/2008/07/methodists-review-of-destined-to-reign_5862.html

Part 4 – http://rootss.blogspot.com/2008/07/4th-generation-methodists-response-part.html

Part 5 – http://rootss.blogspot.com/2008/07/methodists-review-of-destined-to-reign_2578.html

The coming 2009.

Say good bye to 2008.

Thinking about it all, viewing the Christmas pictures in facebook,
I really feel so grateful to God for blessing me with Godly friends.

I was spending my time on assignment on 24th and 25th Dec.
How cool is that? hahha. but it’s ok. I thank God that I’ve my
CG to celebrate Christmas with me on the 21st after service.

And my aunt just came back from China on the 23rd.
I really want to spend more time with her.
And so we were talking. 3 consecutive days of dinner with,
my mum, grandma, 2 cousins and myself over 23, 24 and 25.

She was telling me that, I looked happier than before,
and seems like I’m happy where I am now.
I told her, ya.. I am. VERY.

And she was just saying how my perspective of things have changed,
and how worried my mum was during CNY 2008, that she actually
secretly told my aunt to keep getting me to China, so that I’ll cut
off all contact with any friends for awhile. And when I made a decision
to go, she was surprised. Because I won’t go for holidays because of
church last time. Legalistic mindset. My aunt really did some ‘heavy
investment’ on me for that whole month in china. Everyday was good food.
It’s like rich man’s life. Shopping, resting, listening to sermons, taking my
mind off matters.

Following that, I was just talking to another aunt whom I haven’t met,
since around October, over MSN. She knows a lot of what happened,
in my first half of 2008. But I was just sharing to her online because,
she asked me how was Christmas. So I showed her the photos on facebook
and she asked abt church, cg.

My cg really has a good mix of people. And I just love it the way it is.
Love the authenticity of the people and the sharing of life. So I was
just sharing to my aunt about how I’ve never seen so much new
comers in my life. haha. ALL GLORY TO GOD. I told her that, it’s amazing,
how we don’t focus on evangelism, but the church just keeps growing.
Told her that it’s God who grew the cg and not the people.
Was also sharing about, how the CG functions.

She was just commenting that, she thinks that I’ve grown well.
And I told her that, I remember the time, when there was no one,
that I could turn to in the first half of 2008. When I was all alone,
God blessed me, financially somehow, to be able to get sermons,
to listen to. Those sermons really helped me in my hard times.
And I told her that I invested alot on it. And she wants to borrow
them! =) Praise God. She told me she needs a new lifestyle. And
that we could meet once my exams are over. I told her we could
watch the sermons together at her home.
And I told her, if she has the time, she could come over to NCC,
to visit, to listen to the message.

On Christmas day, I messaged my family, a verse. No one replied. lol.
Just wanna send them the verse. Hope that there’s nothing wrong with
Singtel. Like it doesn’t jam on festive seasons. I know that times are tough.
I still have the ang pao given during the beginning of 2008 by NCC.
So I typed it out in chinese sms.
And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things,
at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.
- 2 Cor 9:8 (NIV)

First time I’m sending verses to my mum also.
Coz normally she’ll tell me, “don’t tell me anything about your God.”
Lol. Amen. Just trust God.

Yesterday, I was just feeding on WatchCelebrate.tv
Ps Peter Youngren was sharing about faith.
We all know that faith = believing + speaking.
But what kind of faith is this faith?
Is it our attempt to be a man/woman of faith?
Is it a continual attempt to keep confessing verses, and thinking positive?

It’s believing therefore we speak.
And we’ll see here that, Faith, is Jesus.
He’s the author and finisher of our faith.
He’s the only one who believes all things are possible with God.
We rest in His faith.

Find out if you have a Faith problem!
1. The Author and Finisher of Our Faith
2. Faith In Another Dimension
3. How Faith Grows

http://watchcelebrate.tv/index.php?/main/index/tv_guide/py-sermons/PY_TheAuthourAndFinisherOfOurFaith

http://watchcelebrate.tv/index.php?/main/index/tv_guide/py-sermons/PY_FaithInAnotherDimension

http://watchcelebrate.tv/index.php?/main/index/tv_guide/py-sermons/PY_HowFaithGrows

Just want to thank God for the CG that He has blessed me with.
Thank Him for turning be around and away from myself.
Thank Him for taking me to where I am today.

I look forward to a better year of 2009.
A whole new level that I would have never dreamt I would ever reach.

My Christmas Celebration

We have a reason to celebrate!

Oh mans. I’m telling you. Service was just awesome.
To me it was so totally different!

I thought there would be preaching in service,
but there was not. It’s really, “lets party!!”.
People were not only having a good time.

But we took the time to remember the Lord.
He’s the reason for this season.

I tell you, when God reveals His Son to the church,
and scales fall off our eyes, only then, there’s a reason,
a reason to celebrate.

We celebrate with singing and dancing,
that, God have brought his righteousness and salvation near!
This righteousness and salvation is everlasting by His one and only Son.

Jesus’ the greatest gift, that anyone could ever receive.
To the world which was lost, He gave all he could give,
to show us the reason to live.

And..

I’ve finally found the reason for living
It’s in giving every part of my heart to Him

Jesus, You’re my reason to live.
You’re the reason I celebrate.
Thank You Lord.

What a day.

Hm. Today started off with cabbing to school,
with my mum. She was really nice to drop me off there,
then she went off to her work place.
Even her last few minutes before being late,
she sent me off first. So it was good talking during that time.
Favour from God, in my relationship with my mum.

And there was lessons going on.
Was rather tired. Probably fatigue or something.
But anyway, went out to ikea with a friend,
was looking for christmas gift for exchange.
Ikea has lots of brilliant ideas. Love ikea.

Afterwhich, I reached home for dinner,
met a friend downstairs to pass him something.

And I was really tired after a whole day out.
It was a rather impromptu meet up with another friend,
from the other church. And she was talking to me,
telling me the happenings around.

She told me that, she’s confused, she don’t know,
whether, what they say is truth, or what I told her is.
Because they’ve been saying,

God loves you, BUT don’t take it for granted.
God loves us, BUT we also have to please God.

She asked me, why’s there so much difference.
And she didn’t understand why when we only
have 1 bible but everyone speaks a different thing.

I told her, pastor’s example.
Many chefs, common ingredient.

Although a year old christian,
she told me that she’s searching for the truth.
She really want to know.
And I got an opportunity to share with
her about imputation.

And she was saying, if this’ the case,
why are people still doing things so hard to please God.
She never heard of the verse regarding our righteousness,
as filthy rags to GOd before, and she was surprised to hear it.

And she was asking why i had left.
She still don’t understand.
I told her it was the message.
It just went on well.
Just really invited her to visit the service to listen.
She told me that, she felt that what she heard was truth.
She felt the peace when she heard that,
God loves us no matter what, he cannot and will never,
judge us for our sins for a second time because it has
been paid for throught the life of Christ.

The thing was just enjoyable.
And I felt refreshed after sharing.
Alrights. Another long day tomorrow & sunday.
Shall go for sleep. Good night.

Thank GOd for the opportunity to share abt His Son to someone.

Vulnerability.

Today, we had the men’s and women’s conference.
Started on “loving relationships”.
It was a more practical part of life we can apply to the people around us.
Second, was the communicating with grace.

Few things I have in mind now:
- vulnerability builds r/s.
- start writting affirmation cards.
- marriage is a life time of forgiveness.
- any r/s w/o forgiveness cannot progress.
- people who are impatient with themselves, are impatient with others.
they also tend to condemn themselves easily.
- loving people with God’s love and not our own strength.
- you’re not ready for a r/s, unless you solve your loneliness problem.
- be a happy yakit. just contented to be alone with the Lord, with no desire for r/s
then you’re ready. when you’re ready for it, you’ll know it. coz r/s is giving to
the other person and not drawing frm them. Their reciprocal love is just a bonus.
- because it’s the Lord’s love that you’re using to love others,
your reward is from the Lord, not others.

Hm. Have it ever happened to you before that,
when you know someone whom you don’t like not doing well in life,
you were secretly happy in your heart,
when you know that you shouldn’t be? I have.

And I was talking to a friend today who came with me to the conference.
I was just sharing to her about my thoughts abt this event.
The fact that I was secretly happy just showed that the issue
had not totally resolved in my heart, and that I was still visiting the past.

I went forward to be prayed for ,
and the service which summed up the whole conference,
just comfirmed everything.

Whatever that had gone on, probably for the past month,
the message had been the same. And I believe, that’s the
direction that God wants me to move in. I shall continue,
and run with it. Maybe this’ one of the reasons he brought
me to NCC, to look forward to the future. A place to soar to
higher grounds. I still don’t understand what it’s like to
delight so much in the Lord to the extent that we don’t
have the desire to get into r/s.

But one think I really need, is a fresh touch from God.

Life’s short.

Just heard news from a friend over MSN,
that an acquaintance’s father had passed on recently.
And shortly after the father’s passing,
their grandma followed because,
she could not take the blow.

Sometimes, I think life just sucks.
Just reminded me of Bunyan’s life.
The number of deaths of people close to him,
was 3, before the age of 30.
That includes, his mother and younger sister.
And his wife after 10 years of marriage.

Last week, my aunt shared to me that,
third aunt had secretly sneaked to church,
once in a while without the knowledge of her husband and son.

She just so happened to come just now.
And I had the opportunity to talk to her.
Because no one was at home,
except my grandma, aunt and myself.

I popped the question.
“Aunt A told me that you went to church the other time is it?”
She replied a yes and said last time, quite long ago.
Then we just randomly talked.

I had in mind to pass the sermons that I bought for my grandma
to watch to her. I didn’t expect her to be so opened to it. Because
my uncle worships thai buddhist gods. And his whole family are
not believers.

And I told her that I am attending Xing1 Zhao4 (NCC).
Said that I’ve some DVD with me, and she could watch it,
even if she don’t have the time to go to church.

She gladly accepted!! And she said she would go home and watch
when no one’s around. I passed her Pastor Mark’s Hokkien sermons.
Some of which I have watched with my grandma.
It was quite humorous and heart to heart.

I pray that she’ll be blessed by it and come to accept Christ,
by the hearing of faith.

And she added, “I’ll share with my friends to watch.”

Praise God! haha. I think it’s amazing.
I’m not very close to this aunty,
and I don’t see her very often although she lives
on the other side of my block.

And we don’t share religious views.
The most we would just exchange conversations on,
what am I doing now. Studying, etc.
(What a concerned relative would ask.)
It was my first attempt today.

Perhaps the DVD was here for a reason,
at a perfect timing like this,
God knows when she is opened to the word.
I pray that she’ll be blessed greatly with it.

The 17th Century Preacher.

Finally completed my report on this guy John Bunyan.
He was the 17th century guy that I was talking about.

The first time that I came to know about this guy,
was during a visit to SKS bookstore at river valley.
Forgot what it SKS stands for.

So, I remembered him by name.
I didn’t know what he was known for.
I only knew he was persecuted and sent to prison.

I had to do my report based on a person’s biography.
So there I was, at tecman’s biography section.
I didn’t know who else to write on.
And I was just browsing, looking for the thiness biography I can get.
Because I was left with about less than 2 weeks to complete the report.

I had actually thought of doing on Martin Luther.
But I do not understand those “chim” terms that went on with the pope and king.
I didn’t know who else to do on. And doing something based on the
Singapore Collection would be boring because,
most of my classmates (I think), would be writing about
their ah gongs and ah mas, who went through world war II,
or they would come up with make up stories.

And the fact that the lecturer mentioned many of them wrote
about the people who went through world war in Singapore.
It must be quite boring for her to read 10s or 20s of scripts of the same.

So, Bunyan came into consideration.
When I saw the book. It was thin and easy to read! Lol.
So I decided to just sweep it off the shelf. It was 123 pages. =)
And it has been an encouragement to me, and I believe also,
for those who have found their hope and righteousness in Christ alone.

At my visit to SKS, they were playing a cartoon on Bunyan’s life,
which can also be found in youtube.

Part 1 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vyj0ImmMWb8
Part 2 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fR6Ie9lEp2o
Part 3 – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zsUSbFD5cy0
Part 4 - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-jk0tKIz5qw

He’s one guy that went through the phase of trying to
attain a righteousness of his own, alike Martin Luther.

The things that he did – He :
He had this mindset that God wore a helmet of bronze.
Tried to please God and make himself acceptable before God.
Tried following all the ten commandments.
Gave up pleasures in life to earn God’s favour.

How he saw himself – He:
Thought that he pleased God as well as any man in England.
Was pleased with his spiritual progress.

What his neighbours thought of him – They:
Marvelled much to see such a great and famous alteration in his life and manners.

BUT

in his heart, he knew that he was still far away from God.

He later wrote of his spiritual journey (above), that he …

“knew not Christ, nor grace, nor faith, nor hope.”

His 2 famous works include:
1. Grace Abounding to the Chief of Sinners
2. The Pilgrim’s Progress

Grace Abounding to the Chief of Sinners
- It’s an autobiography which Bunyan had written during his prison years. He writes a lot about his struggle from the age of 21-25. Struggles including the thought of having committed the unpardonable sin. It’s a good read.

The Pilgrim’s Progress
- Another autobiography written my Bunyan while he was in prison. Haven’t read it personally. But it is said that his entire view of life and the things that he went through had been recorded inside.

http://acacia.pair.com/Acacia.John.Bunyan/Sermons.Allegories/index.html

I think there’s a lot of good stuff in this his works.
NOTE: However, do read and ‘filter’. =)

It’s in old english. May be a little difficult to read.

Shade.

Psalm 121:5 [KJV]

The LORD is thy keeper: the LORD is thy shade upon thy right hand.
צל (tsel) – Strong’s H6738

1) shadow, shade

a) shadow (on dial)

b) shadow, shade (as protection)

c) shadow (symbolic of transitoriness of life)

צ Tsade made up of :: Nun & Yod.

http://www.hebrew4christians.com/Grammar/Unit_One/Aleph-Bet/Tsade/tsade.html
http://www.hebrew4christians.com/Grammar/Unit_One/Aleph-Bet/Nun/nun.html
http://www.hebrew4christians.com/Grammar/Unit_One/Aleph-Bet/Yod/yod.html
ל Lamed made up of :: Vav & Kaf

http://www.hebrew4christians.com/Grammar/Unit_One/Aleph-Bet/Lamed/lamed.html
http://www.hebrew4christians.com/Grammar/Unit_One/Aleph-Bet/Vav/vav.html
http://www.hebrew4christians.com/Grammar/Unit_One/Aleph-Bet/Kaf/kaf.html

This’ like so cool.
Just came across all this website.
I didn’t know that hebrew words hold that much meaning.
And almost every word typifies Christ.

Packed days.

Just came back from dinner at westmall by myself.
Didin’t like the crowded place.

Today, I helped out for the BB Sharity Gift Box thing.
We were giving out vouchers at carrefour.

Although I was dead tired, I didn’t feel my heart pumping
as hard within me. I guess it was God. It’s just that my
mind’s tired, and my eyes are a little ‘poppy’.

Didn’t sleep the whole night yesterday as I was trying to
get something out for my developmental report.
So kind of literally didn’t sleep for 1 day, 11hrs?

I wish God would tell me the answers for tomorrow’s test.

I wonder how. Haven’t touch much. Oh man.
God help me!

But it’s just somehow funny how serving can make
one, more in love with the people and the ministry.
I don’t understand.

My blood-bought right.

O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
You comprehend my path and my lying dow,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.
You have hedged me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is high, I cannot attain it.
Where can I go fro Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee for You presence?
If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
If I take the wings of the morning,
And dwell in the uttermost pasrts of the sea,
Even there Your hand shall lead me,
And Your right hand shall hold me.
If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall on me,”
Even the night shall be light about me;
INdeed the darkness shall not hide from You,
But the night shines as the day;
The darkness and the light are both alike to You.
For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb.
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are YOur works,
And that my soul know very well.
My frame was not hidden from YOu,
When I was skillfilly wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
Your eye saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in YOur book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.
How precious are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!
If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;
WHen I awake, I am still with You.
Oh that YOu would slay the wicked, O God!
Depart from me, therefore, you bloodthirsty men.
For they speak against You wickedly;
YOur enemies take Your name in vain.
Do I not hate them, O Lord, who hate You?
ANd do I not loathe those who rise up against You?
I hate them with perfect hatred;
I cound them my enemies.
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties.
And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in they way everlasting.

My future is bright, it’s brilliance like the diamond.
He leads me on path of righteousness.
Whatever I’ve fallen short, He had completed all for me.

Who better than the Lord would know me in this manner?
To know You is my life.

Cause me to  hear Your lovingkindness in the morning,
For in You do I trust;

The Life of a Seventeenth Century Man

After I finish my lifespan developmental assignment,
I’ll probably blog about a seventeenth century guy.

I was inspired after I ran through one of the books he wrote.
And I think I’m going to attempt to finish reading his works,
when I have the time, and blog about his life and my thoughts.

Just don’t like to think so much over those theories.
2500 words essay.

But I pray that this assignment which I do will touch the
heart of the lecturer and inspire the lecturer to read about
his life.

What I wanted very much.

Hm. Sometimes, I’ve been thinking a lot.
Just find that, what I wanted very much,
but just felt that I don’t measure up.

Will hear some voices telling me, you’re not like so and so.
And I think to myself, “you see them? you’re not like them.”

I just don’t know how I can fit into that.
Guess that Steve Mcvey’s entry was a timely one.

“Are You Qualified?”

And was just listening to Peter Youngren’s message today.
Talked about God not using the qualified.

But anyway. Talking about Christmas,
I’m hoping to get my cousins and schoolmates for Christmas Bash on 20th.
And am hoping to get friends to come for Men’s & Women’s Conference 18th.

I believe that it’s good investment, to just plant seeds into people’s hearts.
Doesn’t matter who comes, just get someone, and plant a seed.
Regardless of believer or not.

Hoping to get 3 cousins and few friends for Christmas.
And 4 friends for Men’s & Women’s Conference.

I pray that God will use me for His message of grace.
I want to be part of something that holds an eternal value.

You Are The God Who Loves

I just love this song.

by N.A. – Copyright © 2008 New Creation Church
CCLI #N.A.

[Verse 1]
Saviour of the undeserving
You have beckoned me with love
You designed all heaven’s glory
Yet You came, restored my worth

[Verse 2]
Majesty stripped of all honour
Man of sorrows on that tree
The God who fashioned nature’s wonders
Yet You stooped to rescue me

[Pre-chorus]
This is love – spoken through Your brokenness
This is grace – crowning me with righteousness

[Chorus]
You are the God who loves
You are the God who gives
Salvation, favour,victory as I stand and see

You are the God I love
You are the God I give
All honour, glory, adoration for eternity

Sunday

Yesterday, I went down to suntec early to meet 2 friends, A & B.
Both whom I got to know through ministry last time.

A has been attending NCC on sundays.
And now neither here nor there.
Not so planted over there as before.

And B, joined in for last week’s service as well
as this week’s. Am just glad that this friend has been
opened to the gospel (though she’s a believer).

Guess that B has also been facing that kind of religiousity
and is really tired about it. So I joined them for lunch,
and we’re just talking casually.

Walked around suntec.

A told me that, “you know what? I come here, really
because of the message, it’s not about pastor prince.
It’s for the word. It’s the truth.”

Hm. I really think this’ so true.
I identify with what she says and understand what she means.

And A & B mentioned something about hearing people
saying that the people say that NCC is obsessed with pastor prince.

Lol. -_-”

That statement she just made, lots of accusers will stand up and say to her,
“You’re obsessed to the extent you don’t even know how obsessed you are.”
I came across a few brothers and sisters, who told me that,
“You’re causing division.”
“I know. You’re trying to pull people over to NCC.”
I said, “whatever.”

It’s like totally the same kind of remarks.

Going to church to see Jesus lifted up,
they say that, you’re obsessed with pastor.
Inviting people to church to hear the message,
not even persuading or pressurising them,
they say that, you’re trying to ’steal’ sheep.
Tell them the truth and they say you’re imbalanced.

And they’ll be around to keep telling and scaring others,
that it’s heresy, prosperity gospel, health and wealth gospel,
when they haven’t really heard of it themselves.

Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness sake,
for theirs is the Kingdom of heaven.
I only know that the gospel that I hear, is the truth.
They can say lots of things about us.
But God will defend those who preach the gospel of His Son.

O my God, I trust, lean on, rely on, and am confident in You.
Let me not be put to shame or [my hope in You] be disappointed;
let not my enemies triumph over me. [Psalm 25:2 AMP]

Those who trust in the Lord, will never be put to shame.

Worship.

What is worship? (Arrow 06/12/08) – Pastor Daniel

Worship is giving a life unto the Lord.
-worship apart from Christ, is nothing.
-in Christ, all things are held together.

# 1 Samuel 23:24-28
- Context of Saul trying to kill David.
- David in great distress, under attack.

David was encircled by enemies and nearly died,
until Saul was called back because the Philistines
invaded the land.

# Psalm 17:9  (Look Up: Reference)
- David probably wrote this psalm during this time
of distress. v9 – deadly enemies (Saul)

These were the things that came out of David’s spirit.
⁸Keep me as the apple of the eye, hide me under the shadow of thy wings,
⁹From the wicked that oppress me, from my deadly enemies, who compass me about.

David took the place of the beloved (apple of the eye). God’s beloved.
-When there was great pressure, David sought God.
-When the enemy comes like a flood (stress), worship is a place of deliverance.
-All of us have our own pressures and God knows and cares.

# 1 Samuel 30:1-20
- David in Ziglag, came back home and found the whole town burnt.
- It’s like coming back home to find your whole house robbed,
or your parents gone for good, no one is left.
- Situations when we think that there’s no help left.
- We cry until there’s no tears left.

v4 – So David and his men wept aloud until they had no strength left to weep.

*God can restore to us the years that the locust have eaten,
and give us much more.

v6 – But David strengthened himself in the Lord his God.

How do we encourage ourselves in God? (v7)
- David (Beloved), Abiathar (Father of Abundance)
- Bring the Ephod (breastplate: power of love)

Encourage ourselves in the Lord by boasting in His love for us.

v8 – David inquired of the LORD, saying, “Shall I pursue this band?
Shall I overtake them?” And He said to him, “Pursue, for you will
surely overtake them, and you will surely rescue all.”

David was restored all things, not some or most or a little.
But all things. Some things that we lost, that we don’t even know,
God will also restore those things.

v18 – And David recovered all that the Amalekites had carried away:
and David rescued his two wives.

David recovered all.

v20 – So David had captured all the sheep and the cattle which the
people drove ahead of the other livestock, and they said, “This is David’s spoil.”

and received much more.

Worship brings restoration.

God will deliver and restore in worship.

But what exactly is worship?

Shacah שׁחה   (Hebrew) -> Kneel, prostrate oneself.
Prokuneo  (Greek) -> Kiss toward.

There’s a significance in every first mentioned word in the bible.
And the first mention of ‘worship’ is found in Genesis.

# Genesis 22:5-14
- Abraham to sacrifice Issac as burnt offering on Mt. Moriah.

Abraham said to his young men, “Stay here with the donkey, and I and the lad will go over there; and we will worship and return to you.” Abraham took the wood of the burnt offering and laid it on Isaac his son, and he took in his hand the fire and the knife. So the two of them walked on together. Isaac spoke to Abraham his father and said, “My father!” And he said, “Here I am, my son.” And he said, “Behold, the fire and the wood, but where is the lamb for the burnt offering?” Abraham said, “God will provide for Himself the lamb for the burnt offering, my son.” So the two of them walked on together. Then they came to the place of which God had told him; and Abraham built the altar there and arranged the wood, and bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood. Abraham stretched out his hand and took the knife to slay his son. But the angel of the LORD called to him from heaven and said, “Abraham, Abraham!” And he said, “Here I am.” He said, “Do not stretch out your hand against the lad, and do nothing to him; for now I know that you fear God, since you have not withheld your son, your only son, from Me.” Then Abraham raised his eyes and looked, and behold, behind him a ram caught in the thicket by his horns; and Abraham went and took the ram and offered him up for a burnt offering in the place of his son. Abraham called the name of that place The LORD Will Provide, as it is said to this day, “In the mount of the LORD it will be provided.”

- Many people think that worship is sacrficing to God, we must give something precious away to God, like how abraham “sacrificed” his son.

The thing is that, the story didn’t end at Abraham sacrificed his son.
Issac did not die. So means, he wasn’t sacrificed. It’s not about self-sacrifice.

shacah שׁחה (Hebrew) : worship.

ה (Heh) ח (Cheth) שׁ (Shin)

Each hebrew word, there’s a picture to each.

ה (Heh) – Grace
ח (Cheth) – Fence
שׁ (Shin) – God’s name

So what’s the picture of worship?

God giving Grace(Jesus) to be caught in a Fence of thorns for us.

True worship is not about self-sacrificing,
but our response to the ram (Jesus) caught in the thicket for us.

Arrow

Pastor Daniel shared a great message today at arrow.
Shall type tomorrow or something after I get back home from 4th.

Really thank God for these shepherds, preachers of grace.
It was a fantastic message regarding worship.
And I believe that it will set you free.

God’s a good God.

A day with mum.

Today I actually woke up at about 8plus am.
And I found out that my mum hasn’t gotton to work.
She was just coughing really really badly.

And she told me to call her boss to say that she’s having fever.
After that I got worried. She’s a real workaholic.
If she doesn’t go to work because she’s sick,
it means that she’s very sick.

Because she has been late for work the past few days,
she decided not to go today. Actually was supposed to
meet a friend at 10am at NP library. But I went to the doctor
with her at the family clinic. It’s been long since I last
stepped into clinics. Was just worried over my mum.
Then she told me that, she only wanted the MC.
But it didn’t help me reduce that worry,
so I decided to just stay at home.
Didn’t really feel like going out after that.

Initially I was quite impatient because this crashed
with my plan of going to school to meet my classmate.
I was quite frustrated. But anyway, after the visit to
the clinic, we went back home and slept till 11plus.

And my mum was just surprised that I didn’t go meet my friend,
as normally I would have gone.

So anyway, we decided to go out for lunch, and it was just
normal sharing. About the family and I shared about school,
school mates, school work. Went to IMM. And we’re just talking.
Did shopping for groceries. Totaled to about 89+.

All the vege, fruits, maggi, bed sheet, etc.
Yeps, and finally got my line recontracted.
Now it’s unlimited SMSes!! Lol.
I don’t cross my sms & talk time limits.
And my mum got the 6500 slide phone.
I thought that it was a good pick.
But I shall make full use of this added advantage.
Hmm. All in all, I guess today’s a good break for her.
The time spent was fruitful, since we don’t really
see or talk to each other much during the weekdays.
Just thank God that she stayed at home to rest.
Alrights. That’s almost makes up my day.
Going to meet my friend at BPP at 2030.
Didn’t get a chance to meet this friend,
since the time she came back from aussie,
like a month ago. How time flies.

Stats.

Hmm. Today’s stats test was horrid. It was kind of screwed.
I think I will get a just pass grade. (I hope I pass.)
And all those terms they make difficult to confuse us.
Information that we don’t need was given to us.

My clique had different answers,
different interpretation of the questions.
Whether was it 2 tailed or 1 tailed,
independant or dependant.
And all those weird formulas.

There were 1 mark MCQ we got stuck for 10mins.

Didn’t manage to touch the last quest.
Wonder what is it going to be like.
We’re the first tutorial in this week to take this test.
There’s another tutorial taking it tomorrow.

Oh well. We’ll see how things go.
Probably get it in the next or following tutorial.

Was really tired today. Coz I couldn’t sleep last night.
Finally collected 8 points for my research participation.
2 more to go..

Stayed in school to ramage the shelves of the library.
Printed all the theories needed.

Can’t imagine why so much referencing is needed for
a 2500 words MAX life span development essay.
Need to have at least 10 references, based on 2 theories.

I was just thinking of changing books again..
Should I? Whose biography shall I use?

I wanted to do on Martin Luther.
But it was kind of hard. All those chim religious terms.
The pope, persecutions, sessions of trials. -_-”

Don’t know how am I going to apply the
theories to his life. Found a book in the cupboard,
charles spurgeon. Or should I just do on,
“Tuesdays with Morrie”

It was raining heavily in the afternoon.
But YX and I managed to escape the rain and get to the bus stop.
Boarded 167 to National Library. It was my first time to really
step into the books section of the library.
Think the number of books there is just so overwhelming.
It makes you feel so intimidated.

Got a row of shelf for the topic you are looking for.
The photocopying price per page is daylight robbery.
And so I was looking for Erickson’s psychoanalysis on Martin Luther.
But the book wasn’t there. Nevermind. I came across the entire
shelf of church history, theology. bla bla bla. It’s just so much.
It’s rather interesting if we have the time to sit and leisurely read.

Don’t quite understand how people in the world can write
so much about topics like politics, sociology, psychology,
social science. Can’t imagine reading 4 volumes on Feminism.
I thought what was stated in textbook was long enough.

Last, yx tried to get her specs fixed, we went for dinner,
and just decided that I should go cut my hair.

I once said to her, “my hair feels like a hay stack”.
She said, “thank God there’s no horse around”. LOL.

Oks. Assignment starts tomorrow.
I am not going to do anything for the rest of tonight.

Charles Spurgeon – Morning Devotional

“There is no spot in thee.”
Song of Solomon 4:7

Having pronounced his Church positively full of beauty, our Lord confirms his praise by a precious negative, “There is no spot in thee.” As if the thought occurred to the Bridegroom that the carping world would insinuate that he had only mentioned her comely parts, and had purposely omitted those features which were deformed or defiled, he sums up all by declaring her universally and entirely fair, and utterly devoid of stain. A spot may soon be removed, and is the very least thing that can disfigure beauty, but even from this little blemish the believer is delivered in his Lord’s sight. If he had said there is no hideous scar, no horrible deformity, no deadly ulcer, we might even then have marvelled; but when he testifies that she is free from the slightest spot, all these other forms of defilement are included, and the depth of wonder is increased. If he had but promised to remove all spots by-and-by, we should have had eternal reason for joy; but when he speaks of it as already done, who can restrain the most intense emotions of satisfaction and delight? O my soul, here is marrow and fatness for thee; eat thy full, and be satisfied with royal dainties.

Christ Jesus has no quarrel with his spouse. She often wanders from him, and grieves his Holy Spirit, but he does not allow her faults to affect his love. He sometimes chides, but it is always in the tenderest manner, with the kindest intentions: it is “my love” even then. There is no remembrance of our follies, he does not cherish ill thoughts of us, but he pardons and loves as well after the offence as before it. It is well for us it is so, for if Jesus were as mindful of injuries as we are, how could he commune with us? Many a time a believer will put himself out of humour with the Lord for some slight turn in providence, but our precious Husband knows our silly hearts too well to take any offence at our ill manners.

The New John Gill Exposition of the Entire Bible

Psalms 121:1

I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills…
Not to the hills and mountains in Judea, looking about to see if the inhabitants of them, or any bodies of men, appeared upon them to his help in distress; rather to the hills of Moriah and Zion, where the ark of God, the symbol of his presence, was, and to whom he looked for assistance and deliverance: or to heaven, the holy hill of the Lord, and to him that dwelleth there; see (Psalms 3:2) (123:1) . The lifting up of the eyes is a prayer gesture, (John 11:41) (17:1) ; and is expressive of boldness and confidence in prayer, and of hope and expectation of help and salvation, (Job 11:15) (Ezekiel 18:6) ; when, on the contrary, persons abashed and ashamed, hopeless and helpless, cannot look up, or lift up their eyes or face to God, (Ezra 9:6) (Psalms 40:12) (Luke 18:13) . Some read the words, “I will lift up mine eyes upon the hills” ^F6; standing there and looking up to the heavens, and God in the heavens; who is the most High over all the earth, higher than the highest, and above all gods. Others render them interrogatively, “shall I lift up mine eyes to the hills?”

My help [cometh] from the Lord, which made heaven and earth.
] Who helps his people out of the hands of all their enemies, and out of all their troubles and afflictions; he helps them in the performance of duty, in the exercise of grace, in bearing the cross, in fighting the Lord’s battles, and on in their journey; he helps them to all blessings, temporal and spiritual; to all needful supplies of grace here, and glory hereafter; and this help he gives is quick and present, suitable and seasonable, is sufficient, and sometimes with, and sometimes without means; and they have great encouragement to expect it from him, since he is able to give it, being the Maker of heaven and earth; for what is it that he cannot do, who has made both them? And besides, he has promised to help them, and he is faithful that has promised; he has laid help on Christ for them, and set up a throne of grace, where they may hope to find grace and mercy, to help them in time of need; and they have had past experiences of his help and salvation. Arama connects this with the preceding psalm, and interprets this help of help from an evil tongue.

Psalms 121:2

My help [cometh] from the Lord, which made heaven and earth.
] Who helps his people out of the hands of all their enemies, and out of all their troubles and afflictions; he helps them in the performance of duty, in the exercise of grace, in bearing the cross, in fighting the Lord’s battles, and on in their journey; he helps them to all blessings, temporal and spiritual; to all needful supplies of grace here, and glory hereafter; and this help he gives is quick and present, suitable and seasonable, is sufficient, and sometimes with, and sometimes without means; and they have great encouragement to expect it from him, since he is able to give it, being the Maker of heaven and earth; for what is it that he cannot do, who has made both them? And besides, he has promised to help them, and he is faithful that has promised; he has laid help on Christ for them, and set up a throne of grace, where they may hope to find grace and mercy, to help them in time of need; and they have had past experiences of his help and salvation. Arama connects this with the preceding psalm, and interprets this help of help from an evil tongue.

Psalms 121:3

He wilt not suffer thy foot to be moved…
This is either an address of the psalmist to his own soul; or to any other good man, his friend and acquaintance, assuring of stability, and of final perseverance in grace to glory. The Lord keeps the feet of his saints from falling: he will not suffer them to be moved out of the spiritual estate in which they stand; nor off of the Foundation and Rock of ages, on which their feet are set, and their goings established; nor out of the house of God, where they are as pillars; nor out of his ways, where he upholds their goings; moved in some sense they may be, yet not “greatly moved”; their feet may be “almost” gone, and their steps “well nigh” slipped, and yet shall not fall finally and totally, or so as to perish; see (Psalms 62:2) (73:2) (37:24) ;

he that keepeth thee will not slumber;
neither angels nor men are the keepers of the saints, but the Lord himself; he is the keeper of every individual saint, of every regenerate person, of everyone of his sheep, of every member of his church; he keeps them by his power, he preserves them by his grace, he holds them with his right hand; guides them by his counsel, keeps their feet from falling, and brings them safe to glory: and a watchful keeper he is, he does not so much as slumber; he keeps them night and day, lest any harm them, (Isaiah 27:3) . Gussetius reads the whole as a prayer, “let him not suffer [thy foot]“, &c. “let not thy keeper slumber” ^F9; to which the answer follows.

Psalms 121:4

Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor
sleep.
] He that kept Israel or Jacob, when asleep, and appeared to him in a dream, and promised to keep him in all places, and did; who found his posterity in the wilderness, and kept them as the apple of his eye: he keeps his spiritual Israel, whom he has chosen, redeemed, and calls; and he that is in general their keeper, is the keeper of every particular believer, who may promise themselves the utmost safety under his care; since, though he may sometimes seem to sleep, when he withdraws his gracious presence, defers help, and does not arise so soon to the assistance of his people as they wish for and expect; yet does not in reality sleep, nor is any ways negligent of them; no, not so much as slumber, nor is in the least indifferent about them, and careless of them; see (Genesis 28:15) (Deuteronomy 32:10) (Psalms 44:23) . So Homer ^F11 represents Jupiter as not held by sleep, while other gods and men slept all night; and hence Milton ^F12 has the phrase of “the unsleeping eyes of God”: but the Phrygians had a notion that their god slept in winter, and was awake in summer ^F13.

Psalms 121:5

The Lord [is] thy keeper…
This explains more fully who it is that keeps Israel and particular believers, and confirms the same; not a creature, but the Lord; the Word of the Lord, as the Targum, in (Psalms 121:7) : Christ, the Word and Wisdom of God; who is the keeper of his people by the designation of his Father, who has put them into his hands to be kept by him; and by their full will and consent, who commit the keeping of their souls to him; for which he is abundantly qualified, being able as the mighty God; faithful to him that has appointed him; tender and compassionate to those under his care, whom he keeps as the apple of his eye; and diligent and constant, for he keeps them night and day, lest any hurt them: he keeps them as they are his flock, made his care and charge; as they are the vineyard of the Lord of hosts; as they are a city, which, unless the Lord keeps, the watchmen watch in vain; as they are his body and members of it, and as they are his jewels and peculiar treasure: these he keeps in the love of God; in his own hands; in the covenant of grace; in an estate of grace; and in his own ways, safe to his kingdom and glory;

the Lord [is] thy shade upon thy right hand;
he is at the right hand of his people, to hold their right hand; to teach them to go, lead them into communion with himself, and hold them up safe; and to strengthen their right hand, assist them in working, without whom they can do nothing; and to counsel and direct them, and to protect and defend them against all their enemies. So a shadow signifies defence; see (Numbers 14:9) (Ecclesiastes 7:12) ; and such great personages are to others; in which sense Virgil ^F14 uses the word “shadow”; and much more true is this of God himself. And he is like the shadow of a great rock in a weary land; or of a spreading tree, which is a protection from heat, and very reviving and refreshing; see (Isaiah 32:2) (Song of Solomon 2:3) . The allusion may be to the pillar of cloud by day, which guided and guarded the Israelites in the wilderness, and was a shadow from the heat, (Isaiah 4:5,6) (25:4,5) ; as Christ is from the heat of a fiery law, the flaming sword of justice, the wrath of God, and the fiery darts of Satan.

Psalms 121:6

The sun shall not smite thee by day…
With its rays, which it shoots forth like darts, and which fly swiftly, and pierce and hurt: hence Apollo, the same with the sun, is represented with a bow and arrows ^F15; so the rays of the sun seem to be called in (Habakkuk 2:11) ;

nor the moon by night;
this clause should be supplied, as a learned man

Psalms 121:7

Thee Lord shall preserve them from all evil…
The Word of the Lord, as the Targum. Not from the evil of affliction, though from that as a penal evil; or as a real one, it being made to work for good: but from the evil of sin; not from the being or commission of it; but from its dominion and damning power, or from a final and total falling away by it: and from the evil of the world; not from tribulation in it, nor from the reproach or persecution of it; but from the wickedness and lusts that are in it, and from the wicked men of it, their power, rage, and fury: and from the evil one, Satan; not from his temptations, but from sinking under them, and perishing by them; see (John 17:12,15) ;

he shall preserve thy soul:
he preserves the bodies of his people, oftentimes from diseases and disasters, and from death, till the appointed time comes; and then he preserves their dust in the grave, and raises it up at the last day; but more especially their souls, the redemption and salvation of which he undertook, and has effected; and which are preserved by him safe to his coming, kingdom, and glory.

Psalms 121:8

The Lord shall preserve thy going out, and thy coming in…
In transacting all the business of life, in going in and out about it; in all ways, works, and conversation; in journeying and travelling; in all affairs, civil and religious; and not only preserve, but prosper in all, (Psalms 1:3) ; the Lord blessing him, coming in and going out, (Deuteronomy 28:6) ; and such, with the poet ^F24, are said to go with a good or prosperous foot. And such persons, in the Punic language, are called Namphanians, as Austin observes ^F25; who says the word signifies a man of a good foot: and the word seems to be the contraction of (wmep Men) , which signifies “his good” or “pleasant foot” ^F26; and so one that, wherever he comes and goes, things prosper with him, and with those that are in connection with him: such an one was Jacob in the house of Laban, whom the Lord blessed, as he says, “since my coming”, or at “my foot”, (See Gill on 30:30); and such a foot Joseph had wherever he went, (Genesis 39:5,23) . Arama interprets it of a man’s going out into the air of this world, and of his entrance into the world to come. The Targum is,

“the Lord will keep thy going out to business, and thy coming in to study in the law.”

from this time forth, and even for evermore;
for the Lord not only preserves his people in life and at death, but in heaven, to all eternity; in the utmost safety and peace from all molestations by men or devils, and from their wrath and malice: not only his purpose and decree, but his power and providence, are the vast gulf between the one and the other; by means of which the wicked cease from troubling, and the weary are at rest, (Luke 16:26) (Job 3:17) .

What is an umbrella?

I remembered a time, rather long ago,
during one of the prayer meetings.
I think it was like November 2007.

Because we were told to excercise our gift of prophecy,
thus we are to partner someone whom we don’t know,
in that setting. It was a congregation meeting.

So this adult lady, she paired with me.
And I so so clearly remembered what she told me.
She said, she saw a picture of an umbrella and she
thinks it’s protection. She also asked if it meant
anything to me. I said I don’t know.
That was all I remembered.

My thought was this, how can an umbrella protect?
Over what? Why is it umbrella for protection?

I went home pondering over what that meaning was,
and the following week, my aunt came on weekly visit to my home,
and she said this without me saying anything at all,
“God says he will protect you”.

At that time, I was still thinking,
hmm.. protect me from what? (In actual now I still don’t know)
Maybe coz of that entire grace revolution thing that happened to me?
Or is it the difficult times like now, whatever the world goes through?

Hmm. But anyway, I was kind of stressed up like about the 24th Nov.
Just over life and school work. Couldn’t find peace.
And I found a psalm which comforted me.
Psalm 121. So I decided to put it up as the blog facade.

And I went on to dig about the meaning using e-sword.
The word like shade in verse 5.

The word shade in v5 means: shadow, shade, protection

This’ what Matthew Henry says.

4. He not only protects those whom he is the keeper of, but
he refreshes them: He is their shade. The comparison has
a great deal of gracious condescension in it;
the eternal Being who is infinite substance is what he is in
order that he may speak sensible comfort to his people,
promises to be their umbra – their shadow,
to keep as close to them as the shadow does to the body,
and to shelter them from the scorching heat,
as the shadow of a great rock in a weary land, Isa 32:2.

Under this shadow they may sit with delight and assurance,
Son 2:3. 5. He is always near to his people
for their protection and refreshment, and never at a distance;
he is their keeper and shade on their right hand;
so that he is never far to seek.

The right hand is the working hand;
let them but turn themselves dexterously to their duty,
and they shall find God ready to them,
to assist them and give them success, Psa 16:8.

The above context refers to the people in those middle eastern
places. The weather is so so so hot, that it’s hot enough to
let them appreciate shade. It’s like us singaporeans who
cannot live without fan or aircon.

The word “umbra” caught me.
And so it reminded me of the umbrella.

dictionary.com says that umbra is:
1. shade; shadow.

Origin: 1590–1600; < L: shade, shadow

Wikipedia:
The word umbrella is from the Latin word umbra,
which in turn derives from the Ancient Greek ómbros (όμβρος).
Its meaning is shade or shadow.

Umbrella is another synonym for the term parasol, which was first used as a protection against the scorching heat of the sun, “para” meaning stop or shield and “sol” meaning sun. The word “umbrella” has evolved from the Latin “umbella” (and “umbel” is a flat-topped rounded flower) or “umbra,” meaning “shaded.”

Hmmm.. Yea. still wondering what it means that,
“The Lord is your shade at your right hand.”

And just so so so happened that,
the name of the lady who prayed for me,
is Grace.

Christmas without Jesus is no christmas at all.

Hm. Today I went down to NP to do some studying.
Reached there about 10+ am went back about 7pm.

Got my report printed.
Studied my Stats test this thurs. Haven’t finished revising though.
How great it would be to score full marks for it. 35%
Don’t know how well the whole cohort will do,
coz the lecturer is really really good.
Seems as if everyone understood well.

I guess I’ll just have to take 1 thing at a time.
Get over and done with stats,
complete the biography thing in few days.
Study for psy intro test,
Start my stats report.
celebrate CHRISTMAS!!
complete stats report.
It shall be well. amen! And I will not stress over it. =)

Hmm. I really think Christmas is one of the major major
holidays to be celebrated. There’s just so much meaning
in Christmas. Sometimes I see the world celebrating
Christmas, with their log cakes, ham, champagne,
turkey, wine, presents, christmas trees. Hm.. Few
weeks back, my classmates and I received an email
from the society. And it says, let’s have a christmas party.
And we were like, “what are they celebrating about?”.

It’s nice to have a party, log cakes, ham, champagne,
turkey, wine, presents, christmas trees. And Orchard
road, well decorated with christmas ornaments,
and great to have friends around too.

Christmas without Jesus is really no christmas at all.

I can’t imagine a setting of family and friends,
with all that yummy food on the table and games to play,
but without Jesus in the house. Then there’s no point
in celebrating at all.

Imagine this.
Nice decor, nice food, nice people, nice place, nice activities.
But God has not sent His Son yet. That’s like so sad.

How wonderful it is to celebrate Jesus
together with the family of God.
I wonder what it would be like.

Hmm. Just came home not long ago.
Like 1244 with mum. Came back frm the kopitiam. lol.
Feel really sleepy now. And there’s school again tmr!
9-7. -_-”

Think this month is going to be really hectic for me.
I don’t know how I’m going to go through it man.
But it shall all be past soon.

Got

Stats test coming 4th dec,
Psy intro test on 10+dec,
Life Span Dev report due on 17th dec based on biography,
Stats report due on 29th dec,
And another report due on jan. =_=”

I pray that God will give me the perseverance to complete
everything properly. God give me wisdom!! Grace grace!!
Jesus help me! Lol. yea. seriously screaming out to God for help.

Guess I gonna just stay home and do stuff this whole week.
Not gonna step out of the house except for school.
This was like what happened last sem.
Can’t afford to get out coz of all these reports.
Get caffeinated for consecutive few weeks.
No outings except for church.

By the grace of God, I will make it through. lol.
I shall do well.
Amen, amen, amen.

He who has ears, let Him hear!

Kind of re-activated my old blog which another sister from another church
has linked me since last time. Not really re-activated. But just use of the link
as a channel to hand down the gospel of grace.

The grace life has been exciting and adventurous for me. =)

It’s no longer about disputing over theological issues or whatever.
It’s about Jesus. This’ what the bible says.

He who has ears, let Him hear!

Be blessed. It’s good news.

.

Steve McVey on New Day Ministries

Day 1 – http://www.newday.org/ontheair/popupmov.php?program=33471
Day 2 – http://www.newday.org/ontheair/popupmov.php?program=33472
Day 3 – http://www.newday.org/ontheair/popupmov.php?program=33473
Day 4 – http://www.newday.org/ontheair/popupmov.php?program=33474
Day 5 – http://www.newday.org/ontheair/popupmov.php?program=33475

Peter Youngren on Celebrate.tv

Expository Study on Book of Galatians.

Grace Manifesto Series

Part 1 – The Seduction
http://watchcelebrate.tv/index.php?/main/index/tv_guide/py-sermons/08-04-13_am_PY_GM1_TheSeduction

Part 2 – The Conviction
http://watchcelebrate.tv/index.php?/main/index/tv_guide/py-sermons/08-04-27_am_PY_GM2_TheConviction

Part 3 – Who Has Bewitched You
http://watchcelebrate.tv/index.php?/main/index/tv_guide/py-sermons/08-05-11_am_PY_GM3_WhoHasBewitchedYou

Part 4 – The Futility of Legalism
http://watchcelebrate.tv/index.php?/main/index/tv_guide/py-sermons/08-06-11_am_PY_GM4_TheFutilityOfLegalism

Part 5 - Are You A Child or an Heir
http://watchcelebrate.tv/index.php?/main/index/tv_guide/py-sermons/08-06-08_am_PY_GM5_AreYouAChildOrAnHeir

Part 6 – Cast Out The Other Woman
http://watchcelebrate.tv/index.php?/main/index/tv_guide/py-sermons/08-06-15_am_PY_GM6_CastOutTheOtherWoman

Part 7 – Your Liberty
http://watchcelebrate.tv/index.php?/main/index/tv_guide/py-sermons/08-07-20_am_PY_GM7_YourLiberty

Part 8 – Walk in the Spirit
http://watchcelebrate.tv/index.php?/main/index/tv_guide/py-sermons/08-08-03_am_PY_GM8_WalkInTheSpirit

The wonder of songs.

Think that, worship songs have been saving me from
lots of trouble the last few days.
The songs in church are just so Christ focused.
Sometimes just listening to them does wonders to your soul.
Times of ‘downcastedness’ and when sermons don’t work sometimes.
This’ when songs come in to remind me of my Saviour’s love for me.
When all else fades away.
That out of sudden emptiness.
Sometimes we think that friends can fill that empty space.
We call them out to be with them.
But at the very moment we meet them,
we realise that, something is still very out of place.
Even the very presence of friends can never fill that void in you.

That’s when I turn to the Lord, saying.

Jesus You’re my Lord,
Jesus You’re my God,
You’re the lifter of my head,
The glory of my life,
You are the saviour of my soul.

and really thank Him for His faithfulness,
despite our unfaithfulness towards Him.

And that He’s always there to lift us up again when we fall.
Thank God for that grace. Thank Him that, we’re crowned
with His righteousness. Thank Him that, we are forever
righteous not because of what we do, but because of
Jesus who took our place on the cross.

Thank God that we are forever made right before His holiness.
And that we can have this free access to Him.
That the forgiveness of sins will give us the boldness to
come before the throne of grace.

I’ll just leave this blog for a few more days so
that more can come and read this testi of mine.

Ripped this off someone’s blog while I was reading.
Perhaps it serves as a reminder to me.

Jeremiah 29:11 (Amplified Bible)
11For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome.

An enemy multiplies kisses.

Warning: This following post contains “severely disturbing” content. Please read with care and caution.

READ, at your own expense. =)

Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses. [Proverbs 27:6]

Have I therefore become your enemy because I tell you the truth?  [Galatians 4:16]

The title of this entry would be…. Hm.. I’m not sure myself.
But yea, today was the last CG of 2008! Sighs. It’s like so fast la.

Hm.. Destiny was the topic today, but what was the question
that was given to think about was, how was this entire year
for us? We were asked to share, but there’re just too many
people within the group.

So, it just brought me back to the very beginning of the year.
The one time that I really felt like I’m the one saying Gal 4:16
in sentence, was the time when I was sharing to them about
what I found out the true gospel really was. And I just
want to say Proverbs 27:6 to them.

I’m not sure, but I guess, during my china trip in the
beginning of the year, that was when I was spending
solid time with God, and that was when I got a lot of
assurance and new revelations from the scriptures abt this gospel.

That entire one month was definitely and even better than
the whole 2 years of ministry I had there, put together.

This year is one year that I’ve seen God working a lot in my life.
It was a significant break to the old covenant,
and an introduction to the new covenant.

And thus this year is being seperated into 2 portions.
The first half was filled with a lot of emotions.
I kind of struggled a lot because I didn’t have anyone
to walk with me in the new covenant.

It’s like talking and living with a bunch of pharisees and seducees.
It’s really mixture that they believe.  I recalled on one of the bible
lessons that I attended when I first joined them (2yrs back),
was based entirely on the blessings and curses for disobedience.

They went through Deut 28 verse by verse.
Needless to say, it just brought a lot of fear to me.
And it is very based on a performance wheel.

It may sound exaggerating, but I think I was near depressed,
or depressed over this entire thing, that it was affecting me
a lot. What manner of state was I before I decided to give up
leadership there. This is something that I have never shared openly
before about. But I’ll just type it here. So, don’t mind the long
entry. =) Otherwise you can choose not to read.

Before one my shepherd went to China for her studies for 1 semester,
refer to the entry entitled, “The Visit”.
http://jiaeenn29.wordpress.com/2008/11/09/the-visit/

She gave me a book by BLACKABY, “Putting a face on grace”.

Following that, we had cg for a few months as an entire
cluster (unit). That was when I kind of started to feel so
dead. I was struggling with lots of things. There was
re-structuring within the group, and lots of them are
non-school people. Group was about 7-8 people plus myself.

Thus I was taking a group to myself. Remember, I was
very very legalistic. Lots of wrong doing, that’s it,
You’re out. I don’t even bother to talk to my sheep.
And I know what people hate me to do, and I deliberately
do it. I knew what it is like, to keep asking someone,
if they are coming to church or not, but you do not
care about their life at all. People hate it.

Meeting up with people weekly, became a chore.
It’s like a responsibility, something you die die must do.
At the end of the week/month, I kind of “reported” what
I had done, updates on contacts(people we’re evangelising on).
And again, if things are not well(most of the time they’re not),
the leaders will keep probing, why, why, why, and lots of self-evaluation is involved.
(The truth is, everytime I self-evaluate, I find myself never ever measure up to that standard)
The answer to myself is that, I never put in enough effort,
I never seek God hard enough, I never commit enough.
It’s always, “I never”, because they said, “don’t blame others for your faults”.

And I myself am very confused, as to whether I’m saved
or not. Felt really hyprocritical. E.g. Bible says we got to love people,
and love God. Nothing wrong with that. Just that, most of the time,
I find myself struggling and never hitting the mark.
Even if I don’t love, it’s really pure pretence to be loving on the outside.
So behind this, you actually see many wearing masks.
(I didn’t see it until I saw grace.)

Legalism creates a very false atmosphere.

Well, soon enough, month after month,
people started to leave the CG and church.
And yes, I was still searching for the missing link in my life.
I felt very very dry and empty. Felt like I was dying.
I can’t and didn’t know what was lacking.

I began to think of what is the meaning of life.
I wake up feeling like a dead corpse walking around.
Sometimes I wished I was better off dead.

But yea, soon, my cg remained with only 2 regulars.
Yep. Sounds pathetic ain’t it? Is it surprising or what?
Ok. yes. And I didn’t like this particular sheep of mine,
because I felt that she could not commit as much as
I did. (2 regulars, that is, me and her.) You know what
I told her? We’ll work together to put the cg together
again. (It never worked out, it wasn’t because of her.)
It’s just purely the work of the flesh.

Following that, it was so bad to the extent that,
we just joined in the other cg of the same unit weekly,
since then. After that, I found that, my leader started
to meet me on a less frequent basis. I recalled one meeting,
only the other 2 CGLs were called to meet her. I wasn’t
involved. I admit that I envied them. Like why were they
called and not me. And why is my cg like that and theirs,
not as pathetic as mine. I felt really upset and disappointed.

It was only until around this point that,
when I started school, october 2007,
that larry started to share to me the message abt grace.
(I guess, it’s the way I’ve been stressing my way through ministry,
and he has witnessed it.)

I was so so fearful of the message.
I was fearful because, I have been told that,
NCC preaches prosperity gospel, the preaching of grace,
is cheap grace, and it’s not balanced.
And few weeks after that, senior pastor preached about false teachings,
in the book of Timothy. And he mentioned some people like,
benny hinn, kenneth copeland. I still remembered,
during the service it self, some of my peers turned back
and gave me a, this-message-is-for-you kind of look.

Larry asked me this question and I could not answer it.
“How are you made right with God?”

And I thought it through until I was very very confused.
I just threw it aside.

So, I literally shut my ears when larry was sharing to me.
He was like saying, “I call my cgl to speak to you”.
And I said, “No no”.

He was quite insistant, but in the end he did not la.
Ryan was there, and he said something like, “Larry, if
people don’t want to hear about the gospel,
don’t force it through.”

And that statement left me curious about it.
So anyway, lunch after lunch in school,
sharing after sharing. That is where, that book,
“Putting a face on grace” came in.
I never thought of picking up that book to read.
It was just put aside with the other books on the shelf.
This happened like months later.

And I gained a glimpse of what grace is from that book.
At that time, D2R was just released. So I dropped by rock,
to read the chapter about misconceptions about grace,
and I began to correspond it against “a face on grace”,
(bought from that church’s bookstore). I do not think
that it’s cheap grace.

And so, I went online to listen to pastor’s sermon.
The very first sermon that I heard. Jesus feeds the 5000.
I felt there was peace within and I felt liberated.
Not long after that, Ryan passed me his hard disk
to load the audio sermons so that I could listen to them.

And so, I was listening to them at the same time as
I was doing my final year project in that project room.
The more I listened, the more liberated I felt. Really
set free. At first I thought that larry talk too much
about grace already. When I tuned in the sermons,
I understood better. It was more of christ-centred.

Controversial passages in the bible started to unfold
before me. And like a jigsaw puzzle, verses start to
fix together, revelation of grace as the base, and
more and more revelations start to build up.
It’s really revelation upon revelation.

And I even knew about the revelation even before
I listened to what pastor said in the audio sermons,
after I understood what grace was. The central
plan of God is the redemption.

I felt like I have found a pot of gold.
It is GOOD NEWS. It just overflowed out of me
so much so, that I just want to share to others,
so that they will be set free as well.
People were afraid and they were confused as I was,
at that time. But it all didn’t go well.

I felt really rejected and sad.
Beginning of the year, I was just attending NCC main.
At that time I was attending saturday services in that church.
Haven’t join arrow at that time. But I already felt very
rejected. And I felt very stressed because what leaders say,
carry weight, and so I tried to submit. I see preaching of
mixture every week to the extent that I was very confused & sick of it.
I decided to tell my leader over MSN in january that,

“I think I need to leave church for awhile.”

And she asked, “How come?”.

I just plainly said, “the grace thing”.
And I think I went off after that.
Not sure what I did.

And I went to China, march 2008 for a month.
Just kind of abandoned ship. Only informed them,
few hours before I boarded the plane.
It was a break that I really needed.
I was totally emotionally drained.
I was going berserk. Almost depressed.
Could break down anytime, but I find no one to talk to.
I shared to my aunt once and when she saw me, she got worried.
Just got really bad headaches.

So after the trip, I was so much more refreshed.
I went there with some of pastor’s audio CDs and my laptop.
The thing that I knew was, before I come back to SG,
I need to make a decision. Sweep this whole thing under the carpet,
and go with what people say, or, stand and stick with the truth of God.

I came back, wanting to share with people even more.
So I created this list of people. Managed to meet
quite a few of them. But you know what,
still, not very receptive to grace.
And was accused of wanting to split the church.
I was affected after I heard that. So I shared lesser.

And I felt very very frustrated over it. I attended CG. CG taught about,
“Loving the Lord with all yr heart, soul, mind, strength again”.
I was like.. Ok.. I only approached one of my fellow leaders last time,
to talk about this issue. And she begin to become really mad at me.
She said, “I know you have alot of things to say. Don’t understand..
bla bla bla… … .. .”. I just could not tolerate all these mixture any
more after I know what I’ve went through, that I have to say something.

Kind of forced myself to attend the tertiary camp also, because I thought
that, I wanted to prove to them some things. Wanted to be as
scandalous as Jesus was. Lol. During one of the P&W.
The pastor said, let’s kneel before God, you don’t have to
feel obliged to kneel. Those who want to kneel, kneel.

I was scared dead, but I don’t care. I stood throughout.
(AGAIN, nothing against kneeling.)

I kind of peeped frm the left to the right.
People started to go on their knees. And some people,
looked to the left and right, and they kneeled.
At the end of it, remained a hand full out of about 200
who did not kneel. Did it on purpose.

But anyway, I heard some change in the word lingo of leaders.
And the common word was grace. But still they’re preaching
lots of dos and donts and concepts out of the bible. It was
mixture.

And so I contemplated on leaving church.
But what held me back was this.
Some one actually prophesied, (now I think it’s anyhow),
that me and some other people in this unit are going to
bring up this unit again.

And I was so so afraid of missing God’s plan for me.
SO, I was clinging on to that church in tears.
So again, I set another time to make a decision.
After I finished poly, now it’s the time for uni.
I wanted to make a clean break.

Make a decision to break from the past.
New phase of life. I cannot allow this thing to affect my life
further on. So that’s July 5th, my very first Arrow service.
School had started for a week then.

I was still extremely unsure then, whether I should be coming
to NCC or not. But there I was at CG, and it was my first
exposure to NCC’s CG. I felt that, although it’s not like,
everyone come and crowd around you kind of thing.
It was a totally different experience from the other church.

The difference is this.

People give you small gifts when you come in. They’re nice,
and friendly. They write cards for you on your first or second
visit. Everyone starts asking about you and your life.
And after few more months, these things fade away.
They come to you, talking about rising up to be a leader,
rising up to take a CG, serving in ministry, and so on.

At NCC CG, People at the start are not so “sociable”. Lol. BUT,
feel comfortable with the genuinity, allow things to flow naturally.
Like allowing time to slowly build up the relationship, rather than
rushing through to get to know the person for accountability’s sake.
It’s more friendship based rather than ministry based.
And I hope I still can say the same thing even up till
a year or 2 later.

But anyway, I left that church with alot of resentment, bitterness and hurts.
A lot of fear, a lot of mistrust for leaders, pastors and others. I felt betrayed.

Even when I was in this new setting, I was still thinking about the ‘what-ifs’.
I still didn’t understand why God chose me to go through this and not
someone else. At the same time, I am glad I went through it.
I still couldn’t get past all these things that were before me.

I found it hard for me to stay in the the CG because of the
difference in church culture. You don’t have a shepherd anymore.
God is your shepherd. And my mind was trying to take all the
old stuff and place it on the new. Means taking the bad experiences
of the past and force it on the new ones.

Found it hard to really trust people at first.

The change of email was to just get rid of all those in that church
who knew my msn, so that I wouldn’t see their MSN and be affected.
But anyway, I re-added them on my new MSN (this address).

And Jolene told me this, “you move on to a new environment,
not to run away from the past, but to head towards the future.”

When I moved to NCC, I felt that I was stripped bare.
I have got nothing left, since church was my life at that time.
I was still as confused, what is the will of God in my life,
I still don’t know what is it.

I even thought to myself, what am I doing here in NCC?
I don’t know. Maybe I shouldn’t have moved?

But as school started in July 2008, God has blessed me with
a new group of friends/classmates in school. All my project
mates are believers. There’s one whom I’m particularly close with.
It’s those kind of friends that can share about anything.
Talk about God, sermons, what pastor preached abt.
Just sharing about life on the way home.

School’s tough, but thank God for these friends to
help me along the way.

And now, church, NPA. I’m really glad to be in this CG.
Believe that, CG is like a second family, the people that
are supposed to be one of the closest people we have
in our hearts. I enjoyed the time that I’ve spent with
all of you. It’s the first time that I served in such a different
manner. I never saw serving in such a light before.
Something that is light hearted, just enjoy myself to the full,
use the time and the event to get to know more people & fellowship.
The ‘who am i’ was really an experience for me as well.
Buskerfest was a memorable one for me.
Wish we could do the whole thing all over again.
Perhaps it’s from a grace view of serving.
It is extremely different from the legalistic point of view.

Another area was, family, I have more time to spend at home.
Dinnering with my mum and she’s not as strict as before
regarding church. Believe that she’s getting closer and
closer to salvation each day.

I’m just happy at where I am now.
As for what God has in stall for me, I don’t know.
It’s His responsibility to place me there.
So I just do whatever I have to and enjoy where I am now.

I’m blessed to be in a church that preaches Christ in
every message.

I see these as areas of restoration that God has bring about in my life.
It’s really much more than what I’ve ever gotten in the past,
in terms of quality. It is to the extent that the restoration
causes the hurt, bitterness and resentment to fade away,
sometimes even forgetting what you have felt in the past.

I would have summarised the first half of 2008 as bad (painful),
the 2nd half as exceedingly great. What I’ve gone through,
I came out gaining so much more. Especially all the
revelations that were unveiled to me.

Last but not least, haha.
I hope you all have benefitted from this. =D
Lol. Hope it doesn’t bore you to sleep. =)

I never regret coming to NCC.

I love Arrow & NPA
I look forward to another year with you all.

Screwed my life.

Well, the title here relates to this video by Steve Mcvey.
It’s kind of good.

SO what happens if you screw your life?
Does this means an abortion of plans in your life,
and you would have to go with God’s ‘Plan B’?

Check out this video.

http://www.newday.org/ontheair/popupmov.php?program=33472

Hm. Reached home like 730 just now.
I was in school discussing research papers regarding a presentation.
Hm. Kind of enjoying myself with the people.
Good laughs and discussions.
The Lord has really blessed me with friends.

And the research papers are just so so complicated.
It’s like you got to literally read through them,
5 to 6 times before you understand them.
And alot of the times I don’t get it.
I tell God, Jesus is my wisdom. Lol. and I start reading.
There’s this thing called statistics,
what they call, “behavioural sciences”.
Again, thank God for friends.

And someone asked the lecturer,
why do we have to do these stats stuff?
She said, “because it’s sciences, people want prove,
something to prove it empirically”.

Don’t know why. People like to start with 1 hypotheses,
prove it, and if it is not proven why, come up with
another 2 experiments. And when they don’t see it
working, they go back to the first one again.
Kind of dumb. But lol. haha.

They don’t seem that they know they have been going in circles.

Can you imagine, studying all these crazy phenomenons?
Trying to improve peoples’ lives via psychology.
Hm. Just glad that I’ve people of sound mind around me.
And we’ll talk abt all these things during lunch and
occassionally whisper across lessons regarding the theories.

Yea. Too much statistics, logics and theories.
The sad thing is, the field of psychology,
will never be able to come up with one final grand theory,
that is able to solve all aspects of life.
And my mates and I know that it’s Jesus they’re looking for.

Was just browsing around blogs,
see people squabble over theological issues.
Kind of quite ’sian’ over it.
I need to learn to get used to it.
Although I won’t say that I’m not shaken when I read it sometimes.

What do I get from here then?

The gospel is foolishness to all who do not believe.
He who has ears let him hear!
Kind of no point arguing and no point forcing it down people’s throat.
Why cast the pearls to swine to be trampled on?

God doesn’t work by logic and human wisdom.
I don’t want to be someone so….

Full of knowledge and information,
But a bankrupt in revelation.

We preach Christ crucified,
the wisdom and power of God. =)

Grace Manifesto.

Hello. Hm. I’ve been exploring sites.
Kind of checked out on Peter Youngren’s Site.
View the whole list of programs here. =)

http://watchcelebrate.tv/Video_List/fullList/py-sermons

Watching Grace Manifesto.
It’s something like an expository study on the book of Galatians.
Am enjoying it. Think there’s 8 parts to it. Verse by verse.
I hope that this series haven’t runned out at Rock. =D

Loved what he preached on Sunday.
Being scandalous towards religiousity.
And I kind of enjoy doing it. =p
I love to challenge that.

This was just one statement he made.

Even if you fail 0.01% in the law,
which means you obeyed God according to the law 99.99%,
you know what you get? You get 100% cursed,
according to the law. =)

Was having lessons today, and I received a message frm Davine.
It said, “hey, XX coming NCC tis sun. Praise God!”

The joy that I felt was overwhelming. I was super happy.
Yea, really praise God that this person is open towards the
message of grace. Perhaps this person would come to listen,
and bring back what was unveiled to where she came from.

Omg. I tell you, I’m so excited that this person is coming.
Just happy about the fact that she’s opened to the message.
But most of all, I felt comforted once again.

It’s really not about how well pastor preach,
or how funny or how charismatic he is.
But it’s the preaching of Christ crucified.
Messages that are Christ-centred.

You’ll never remain the same when you keep seeing Christ unveiled.
The ministry that unveils Christ.

Destiny.

Just came back not long ago from city hall.
Actually I really enjoyed myself when we were
doing all the stuff for buskerfest.

It just feels so none legalistic compared to
all those things that I’ve done in the past.
It’s just people, coming together to know people,
and at the same time, enjoying the entire event,
the preparation and the fellowship.

The hand mime thing was really fun and also
an experience for me. I only knew, my heart
was racing like mad when we were behind the stage.

But yea, I was nervous. And I guess the rest were
as well. But God caused the whole thing to be good.
We did for dare and arrow. As the performance finished,
all I could see was bright light and a sea of faces.

Lol. and what I could see during the performance itself,
was that, those facing the audience had purple faces.
It’s as purple as a grape sweet because of the UV light.
I don’t mind doing it again. Imagine if we have a mime
ministry

Ps Lian preached about destiny.
How to know we’re in the will of God?
What is the will of God?

That we live the abundant life and reign over all areas
in our lives. The only thing that we can do to see His
plan come to past in our lives, is to only believe,
and keep trusting in Him. And it’s about standing firm
in the word despite contrary circumstances. Many things
can happen. But the main thing here is, “what do you believe?”.
The things that you see or you choose to believe God’s word.

Keep delighting in the Lord (Spending time in His presence)
despite circumstances/responsibilities/demands.
Especially as students, God is using every demand
to prepare us for kingship.

Be restful, be happy.
Refuse to be stressed,
don’t sweat over work.
Do whatever you have to,
then trust in God’s favour and wisdom.

Don’t take short circuits to desires,
but instead, do whatever that is in your hands first(demands).
Keep delighting in the Lord.

Yeps. Thank God for great preachers. =)

I consider all these rubbish that I may gain Christ.
Philippians 3

Buskerfest.

Hellos. Just came in to do a last minute, short blogging.
Today I went for dinner with my mum at IMM.

She suggested to go to swensens for dinner.
I was like, yay. =) haha. But there was a long queue.
So we decided to stroll in the mall and come back at a later time.

And when we came back,
there was abt 3 grps of people in front of us.
And I was confessing favour because,
the whole swensens was filled with people.
And all the cushion seats are being taken.

When it came to our turn to enter,
the lady led us to the red cushion seats.
And I was delighted. =D haha. XD

The seat was emptied when there was still 2 grps
of people waiting before us. And my mum was
saying. Very good we got the comfortable seats.
And I said to her, “I prayed for it ok”.

Haha. She never really said anything. lol. =)
She just looked at me with a little surprised expression?
I don’t know what it was. haha. She’s not a believer.

Kind of ate a lot.
The bill ended up like 76 something,
for just the both of us.

And she mentioned, eat first, don’t think abt tmr.
Don’t know what is going to happen in the future.
Hm. Ya, I think it’s very true la.

But pray and claim that the whole household will be saved,
in Jesus’ name.

After eating, she told me,
let’s come and eat like that once a month.
Just the two of us.

I thought it was rare that she came up with somehting like that.
Maybe she felt the need to, after I’ve been telling her last time.

Otherwise, we would often be eating with my grandma,
and 2 other cousins. The situation has been like that,
down through the years. And personally, it just felt like
I am sharing my mum with my cousins up till my poly years.
I’m not saying that my mum’s not good or not responsible.
She just worries too much sometimes, to the extent of
setting others first, so much before self, which I don’t even do.

Hm. I think I’ve gained so much more after those trials
and struggles that I’ve been through since the grace revolution.
Perhaps, this’ another part that, God is restoring to my life.
First was church, second, my social circle and the friends around me,
third family, and I don’t know what else in time to come.

But I’m really anticipating this saturday’s arrow service alot,
because I heard from deaconess tina during the prayer meet,
that it was about ‘destiny’, by pastor lian.

So it kind of catches me.
Really anticipating, what God will speak through pastor lian.

Psalm 139, Jer 29:11

Today, I went for arrow production after school.
Yep, I didn’t expect to be blessed by the prayer meeting.
But it was good. Just felt God’s presence so strongly there.
And I was touched by His presence.

Took the train home with vanessa,
and I was just sharing about how I came to NCC,
how I made my decision and the things that happened
before I came.

And I think back to realise that,
I didn’t mention much of the hurts and resentments
that I used to feel so much in the past.

I think God has already healed and wiped out those wounds.
Yep. And I was just sharing again,
how happy I am to be where I am now.

Really so blessed la.
When we have lost some things, God will restore it back to us,
many times more, not only with quantity but quality.
It’s really quality. In such a way that you forgot about
all the bad things in the past.

Thank You Lord for all You have for me.
I receive it by grace.

He’s able,
He’s able,
I know He’s able,
I know my God is able to carry me through.

He heals the broken hearted,
and sets the captives free,
He caused the lame to walk again,
and caused the blind to see.

He’s able,
He’s able,
I know He’s able,
I know my Lord is able to carry me through.

————————————–

With Christ in the vessel,
we can smile at the storm,
smile at the storm,
smile at the storm,

With Christ in the vessel,
we can smile at the storm,
as we are sailing home.

Sailing, sailing home,
Sailing , sailing home,

With Christ in the vessel,
we can smile at the storm,
as we are sailing home.

————————————–

My God is so big,
so strong and so mighty,
there’s nothing my God cannot do for me.

My God is so big,
so strong and so mighty,
there’s nothing that He cannot do.

————————————–

Jesus loves me, this I know,
for the bible tells me so,
little ones whom Him belong,
they are weak but He is strong.

Yes, Jesus loves me,
Yes, Jesus loves me,
Yes, Jesus loves me,
The bible tells me so.

————————————–

I walk by faith,
each step by faith,
to live by faith,
I put my trust in You.

Every step I take,
is a step of faith.
No weapon formed against me shall prosper.

Every prayer I make,
is a prayer of faith,
and if my God is for me,
then who can be against me.

————————————–

I was taking a train back home,
and I was standing near a christian family of 3.
There’s this little boy of about age 4, playing with his father.
And his father sang the first 2 songs on the above with him.

And I was just simply cheered up by his sing along.
Maybe that’s the thing about children that can
make up people’s day.

The last 3 songs were just add-ons from my secondary school days.
The days when I was first exposed to christianity through the
girls’ brigade. Girl’s brigade in school was my little
believers’ community.

I remember the days when we had BBGB cg at someone’s condo
after school. I thought that it was quite cool. Morning devotions
every saturday followed by badge work and whatever there is.

That’s where my guitar which I secretly bought came about in
sec 2, together with my NIV bible. Yea. It has been 6 years
with me. I still remembered that I hid the guitar in the closet,
for fear that my mum would discover.

But anyway, she found out, so, she was angry for awhile,
after that she was alright. That was when I started to learn
some of it from a friend, and have not progressed much,
till now.

Am really glad to have it with me.
It’s just an easy to learn, play and maintain instrument.

Jasmine’s coming back frm aussie tomorrow.
Glad that she’s back. =)
We can go out and dine. =D

Ordinary day.

Hm. Today I forgot that, afternoon and evening class was cancelled.
But yea, thank God for it. YX and I met ZG on the bus.

And the skies were gloomy grey,
predicting a really heavy pour.

Really prayed that it wouldn’t rain.
Otherwise we wouldn’t be able to get to school.
We’ll be drenched.

Few minutes after being arriving at school,
the rain just poured down.
It was so heavy such that I have never seen.
In such cases, umbrellas are useless.

So we got to class dry. =D
So yea, after school, we dropped by the arcade after lunch.
Yea. so like kids. lol. Then went back home.

As usual, I took a leisure walk round the mall.
And some how I think that bookstores are taking such a time
as this to sell books on success and prosperity.
And it’s not just one book. It’s a few of them.
Who can predict what can happend in the future?
Even the experts are taken by surprise by the sudden down turn.

Just think that whatever the world can offer can be dumped
into the thrash can. The solution to the world’s problem
is Christ in the church.

Got back home at abt 3+pm.
Joined mum for dinner at the mall at 6pm.

So yea. that was my day today.

Sleepy.

Hm. Tomorrow’s already the 3rd week of school.
Kind of can’t believe it. Time really flies.
And not so looking forward because.
Monday = Heavy day.
I have lessons from 9am – 7pm.

Am really tired.
Actually wanted to come home early after service,
to watch some sermons before I sleep.
I went to ah ma’s place after service supposedly to collect
something home. But, I find my mum still doing some
admin work there. So I had to wait until she finish some of it.
And It ended like about 1120pm.

Just reached home not long ago.
And it’s already 1219am.
I think I really need to sleep now.

After going to X yesterday, and going for service today.
I just think that I’m so so blessed to be in NCC.
And I hope I will say the same or even better a year or 2 later.

I just like and love the very fact that,
NCC’s a church that preaches the pure gospel,
and the messages revolve around Christ and the finished work.

Thank God for NCC.

The Visit

Yesterday, when I woke up, this friend asked if she could
come over to my home for awhile. I said ok. And she came.
She was my secondary school best friend and the very same
friend that went to my previous church with me.

Anyway, she left that church and her brother brought her to
X Church months later. She has been in X about the same
time I’m in NCC, perhaps a little longer. So I decided to visit
X yesterday. Just curious what is it like to be in X.
I’ve never went to X before. So I went with her.

There was an external pastor who was invited to preach,
whom, according to them, specialises in preaching
about church and evangelism in the marketplace.
Which is what X is very into, Marketplace evangelism.

The verse that was centered upon was(rephrase),
For Christ came to save THAT which was lost.

THAT – means, everything. Not only souls, but the market place.
The whole household will be saved, also means, the whole school,
workplace.

Hmm.. Something along that line.
Then he continued to share many testimonies and revivals.
In prisons, schools and so on. Then he mentioned that,
there’s demonic stronghold everywhere. And christians,
need to take up authority to declare that the kingdom of
God has come into this school/workplace/nation.

Then the most amazing part was to find out that,
the Governer, Arnold Swhzerneiger(don’t know how to spell)
accepted Christ. Hm. There was a story behind this.
But I’m not clear of it. Quite cool.

So that kind of sums up the whole service.
Was talking about being anointed for business.

Hm. At the end of the service, I felt that the
entire focus is on marketplace evangelism.

Just felt that, nothing was added to me after the service.
And, the pastor mentioned, “the one and only thing that
kills faith, is when you don’t work. Because, faith without
works is dead.”

Hm. yea. It was an experience for me. I guess. =)

Anyway, my view is that, market place evangelism,
will overflow out of us, the more we see Jesus,
the more we sit at His feet and the more we behold His beauty.
Maybe we can check out on, Steve Mcvey’s Grace in the Marketplace.

Hmm.. If Ps. Prince’s and Steve Mcvey’s books are ‘too grace’ for you.
Can try out this book, by Henry Blackaby, “A Face on Grace.”
It was the very first book that gave me some glimpse of how grace
can be applied in EVERY area of life. It’s manifold.

This was the very first, book about grace,
that my ex-leader bought from my previous church’s bookstore
and gave to me before she left for her trip to china,
that impacted me. And I cross referenced it to what
another friend told me in NCC.

There was a short story about this book in my life.
I remembered that, at that time, I met my leader for mentoring.
And she was asking me how was the group and the people.
As much as I look forward to every mentoring session,
i also feared much because of the updates I had to give.

And so, I told her that the group was not doing very well.
We’ve people scattered all over the place,
and this person is not doing well, that person is bla bla bla.
And she asked me why? This was the most fear gripping part.
I didn’t know how to answer. Then she went on to ask me,
‘how’s your walk with God?’. And I told her, it wasn’t good.
By then I was already damned scared. And I felt really
condemned regarding how the entire group was.

At that time, I was doing whatever I could for ministry.
I did my best, whatever I could for church. I reached
home at nearly 10 plus everyday from monday to saturday.
Sunday was spent at home. And my mum was complaining,
and making a lot of noise regarding, “what am I doing in school,
how come so late? how come everyday?”. My mum thought that,
I don’t need her anymore and she began to break down emotionally.
My aunt was troubled. And she came to talk to me over this.
But yet, I refused to listen. I thought that, THIS, is real commitment,
and uncompromising to God. I even thought this to myself,
that my aunt and her family are not committed,
and they think that I’m obsessed with church.
I thought that, THIS WAS serving God.

Let me state down the time taken in hours/week for me.
6 hrs = 2 * (no. of mentees you have)
2 hrs meeting with mentor
2 hrs leaders meeting
2 hrs service
2 hrs cg
2 hrs cg preparation
16_hours_minimum

Hm. That’s like the minimum already.
On top of that, you have school work.
When school finishes like 4 or 6pm, plus traveling time.
And many times, there was evangelism involved within campus,
because there were special services, or other programs going on.

That was life before.
And I keep thinking to myself, what must have gone wrong?
What’s wrong? I just “don’t feel right with God”. And,
“did I really do my best?”. I felt miserable.
There was a lot of self-examination involved.

Like, are you walking right with God?
Is your heart attitude and motive right?
And the times that I don’t I felt very condemned.
And there were times when I felt I couldn’t sense God,
I was very very lost. I went to approach people to talk to me.
The very first question they will ask is, “Did you seek God
with all your heart? Because in the bible it says, when you
seek with all your heart then you will find Him. Did you talk
to God, It’s always, DID YOU DO SOMETHING.”

I felt a barrier between God and me.
I felt really hypocritical.
And there’s this sermon that keeps emphaisizing on,
“Loving God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength.”
On top of that, there’s a lot of mis-interpretion of verses.
A lot of misconception about God.

If I were to think back.
Omg. I can’t believe I’m teaching my cg all the wrong things.

Yeps. So that’s where this book “A Face on Grace” by Henry Blackaby
came about. I couldn’t find the missing link. And when I read it,
I felt liberated, hence, the very beginning of the gospel revolution,
in my own life. =)

Accepted in the Beloved

Just came back from my CG not long ago.
Feeling the joy and peace all over.

I guess, things are just different.
I’m just glad at the opportunity that God has given me to play for CG.

Although I was initially nervous,
and scared abt whether I’m playing right or wrong,
and whether, I am able to play or not.

But it’s really all about God.
I guess I quite enjoyed the whole thing. =)

I used to play in CG with this mindset.
My heart must be right with God. If my heart is not right with God,
it affects me and I can’t enter His presence.
Will I be able to lead the people into His presence?
What if I play wrong? What will people say?
How will I affect the whole worship atmosphere?

But now, it’s a different. The bible says,
come boldly before the throne of grace.
Come as we are, to God, just to focus on Him.
Don’t bother if we’re leading people into worship or what,
just focus on Him and keep looking towards Him.

Just come before God and surrender.

I love today’s message about identity.
It’s really about who we are in Christ.

Matt 3:16-17
2 Peter 1:16-19

I am totally and fully accepted in the Beloved.

Hm. Sometimes, just looking at the D2RD(not even flipping it),
just reminds me of how much the Lord cares for me.

Hm. Today there’s stats tutorial again.
And the stuff were just getting harder to do.
But the lecturer was clear and patient with us.

Yeps. We did normal distribution.
But thank God for good classmates as well.

Hmm.

I just took back my LB essay from the office today.
And I was stunned to see the result!
-_-” I can really say, I felt that I did many last minute change on that one.
And in the end, I was really tired, so I just submit whatever I have.
And I got a 79/100! It was surprisingly better than my
mem and cog essay, 74/100. lol.

I guess I didn’t do well for the exam.
But yea, I didn’t expect to do well for that LB essay.
I thought I would just pass. lol.

And just so happen that,
my group mates got 2Ds, close to 3Ds each for last sem.
I got a pathetic 1 close to 2. =_=”
When will I strike 4Ds? hahha. Oks. 4 Distinctions.

Right place, right time.

Just came back not long ago from suntec.
Was helping in arrow productions.
I guess, it wasn’t too bad, seriously.
Like to do the painting.
Got to know few more people.

After school, I went to clementi to get textbook together with ZG and YX.
But there were only 2 left! We needed 5 for all of us.

Hmm.. It’s ok. Got to make another trip down on saturday or sunday.
Life span & Human development.

Hm. But anyway, today’s Human Development Tutorial was interesting.
Hm. Here are some questions that made me understand about something better.

1. What has been the happiest/most dreaded period of you life so far? Why?
- What is the worst/best age for a person to be in?

The happiest/saddest period of life, based on the Ecological Model,
depends largely on where are you in life and what happens,
at that point of time.

For example, you can be 50, married with 3 kids to support in the house.
If, one day recession strikes, and you get retrenched. This would be
one of the most dreaded period in your life.

You can be a student and when recession hits,
it doesn’t really affect you greatly because you are studying,
although you may be affected indirectly.

There may be bad things going on around the world,
but we find that we are not very affected by it.

Where we are in life and what is happening at that period of time
is really important. Realised that, it’s about right place, right time.

That God really puts us at where we are now,
and at the right time where we will be blessed and protected in times of trouble.

2. Do you dread any age period in your life so far? Why?
No. I thank the Lord for what I’ve gone through in the past.
Although there may be times when I really hated what had happened.

I still believe Romans 8:28

And we know that all things work for good to those who love God,
to those who are the called according to His purpose.

I find it really true, when we’re lost,
and don’t know where to move,
we wait upon the Lord for more directions.

Sometimes it’s our impatience that spoils it all,
when we decide to take things into our own hands and do something.

Ok. good night. Got to go.
Class at 9am tmr.

Results are out.

Hm. I was talking to my aunty today,
and I came back to my room,
I saw 4 smses.

But 1 from YX, caused my heart rate to accelerate.
My results are out for the previous semester.

So I was clicking away to the results page.
I got 3 Cs and a D.

For mem and cog, I missed by 1.3 marks for a D. =(
73.7% -_-” YX got 74.87% and got a D!
Felt a little disappointed with what I got.
But nevermind.

Don’t like Cs. I want Ds.

But yea, this’ a sem which we went through with grace.
Really God’s grace. I know it’s super rush and flustered.
Yeps. This sem will be even better.

I remember this subject, LB.
Even my report, I was so so tired of changing,
I decided to leave it as it is and hand it in.
It wasn’t a something very well done to me.
And my presentation sucks.
It was filled with stammerings because I was nervous.
It even consisted of a wrong theory.
Tutorial questions that are assessed,
we tried to do, and when we didn’t know how to do it,
we had a kind soul who helped us out quite a bit.
The last minute study I had the night before.
From 7pm to 4.30am. Chapter 4-10.
Reading of the textbook.
And the notes that YX showed me in the bus,
and what I suspected would come out, came out. Lol.
I wanted to go for the exam without reading the textbook,
just with the help of powerpoint slides.
But I still went on to read the txtbk. Thank God.
God really brought me through this one.
Not only got a P, but got a C.

=))) I’m blessed.

Accepted in the Beloved – We have the forgiveness of sins.

[Matthew 3:16-17]

Following is taken from Matthew Henry Commentary.

1. Lo! the heavens were opened unto him, so as to discover something above and beyond the starry firmament, at least, to him. This was, (1.) To encourage him to go on in his undertaking, with the prospect of the glory and joy that were set before him. Heaven is opened to receive him, when he has finished the work he is now entering upon. (2.) To encourage us to receive him, and submit to him. Note, In and through Jesus Christ, the heavens are opened to the children of men. Sin shut up heaven, put a stop to all friendly intercourse between God and man; but now Christ has opened the kingdom of heaven to all believers. Divine light and love are darted down upon the children of men, and we have boldness to enter into the holiest. We have receipts of mercy from God, we make returns of duty to God, and all by Jesus Christ, who is the ladder that had its foot on earth and its top in heaven, by whom alone it is that we have any comfortable correspondence with God, or any hope of getting to heaven at last. The heavens were opened when Christ was baptized, to teach us, that when we duly attend on God’s ordinances, we may expect communion with him, and communications from him.

2. He saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove, or as a dove, and coming or lighting upon him. Christ saw it (Mark 1:10), and John saw it (John 1:33, John 1:34), and it is probable that all the standers-by saw it; for this was intended to be his public inauguration. Observe,

(1.) See here how God owns our Lord Jesus; This is my beloved Son. Observe, [1.] The relation he stood in to him; He is my Son. Jesus Christ is the Son of God, by eternal generation, as he was begotten of the Father before all the worlds (Col 1:15; Heb 1:3); and by supernatural conception; he was therefore called the Son of God, because he was conceived by the power of the Holy Ghost (Luk 1:35); yet this is not all; he is the Son of God by special designation to the work and office of the world’s Redeemer. He was sanctified and sealed, and sent upon that errand, brought up with the Father for it (Pro 8:30), appointed to it; I will make him my First-born, Psalm 89:27. [2.] The affection the Father had for him; He is my beloved Son; his dear Son, the Son of his love (Col 1:13); he has lain in his bosom from all eternity (John 1:18), had been always his delight (Pro_8:30), but particularly as Mediator, and in undertaking the work of man’s salvation, he was his beloved Son. He is my Elect, in whom my soul delights. See Isa 42:1. Because he consented to the covenant of redemption, and delighted to do that will of God, therefore the Father loved him. John 10:17; John 3:35. Behold, then, behold, and wonder, what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that he should deliver up him that was the Son of his love, to suffer and die for those that were the generation of his wrath; nay, and that he therefore loved him, because he laid down his life for the sheep! Now know we that he loved us, seeing he has not withheld his Son, his only Son, his Isaac whom he loved, but gave him to be a sacrifice for our sin.

(2.) See here how ready he is to own us in him: He is my beloved Son, not only with whom, but in whom, I am well pleased. He is pleased with all that are in him, and are united to him by faith. Hitherto God had been displeased with the children of men, but now his anger is turned away, and he has made us accepted in the Beloved, Eph 1:6. Let all the world take notice, that this is the Peace-maker, the Days-man, who has laid his hand upon us both, and that there is no coming to God as a Father, but by him as Mediator, John 14:6. In him our spiritual sacrifices are acceptable, for his the Altar that sanctifies every gift, 1Pe 2:5. Out of Christ, God is a consuming Fire, but, in Christ, a reconciled Father. This is the sum of the whole gospel; it is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that God has declared, by a voice from heaven, that Jesus Christ is his beloved Son, in whom he is well pleased, with which we must by faith cheerfully concur, and say, that he is our beloved Saviour, in whom we are well pleased.

As He iS, sO aRe We IN thIs WoRLd. [1 John 4:17]

Legalism.

I was just browsing through rootss website.
And since pastor talked a little about Mt. Zion and Sinai today,
I saw this post entitled, Mt. Sinai Resources.

Here is what it says.

“Just the other day, I happened to come across a bookshop located near my office called Mt Zion Book and Gifts Centre.

With apologies to them, I was wondering whether those who embrace legalism should set up a bookshop and call it Mt Sinai Bookstore.

Such a store can then carry bestselling titles like the ones you see on the right

1. Get Right or Get Left
You better get your life right with God or else He will leave you behind when the rapture happens.

2. Beware – Your Sins will Find You Out
Be not deceived; God is not mocked. Whatever sin one sows, he will surely reap destruction, even to the third and fourth generations.

3. Unfinished Business
The work of the cross is not quite finished because you still have to work out your salvation with fear and trembling…

4. The Wrath of a Righteous God
There are just too many Christians who do not take God seriously. Yes, God is love but don’t forget that He is also a holy, righteous and jealous God. Take Him lightly and be prepared to be consumed by His wrath, like what happened to the Israelites.

5. Salvation is NOT guaranteed
Jesus said that not everyone who called Him Lord would enter the kingdom of heaven. That goes to show that you cannot be too presumptuous and can lose your salvation if you are not careful.

6. Greater Expectations
Those who say that the Law no longer applies must have conveniently ignored what Jesus said about our righteousness having to exceed that of the pharisees and the scribes.

Who wants to sign up as a member? The first 6 to do so will get a 6% discount on these 6 books…”

Lol. I sure had a good laugh on this one.
Super funny larrrrrr…..

Second week of school.

Hm. Just got back not too long ago.
Today’s service was good.
Just love new covenant preaching.

Thank God for pastor prince’s ministry.
One big fish I caught today was the part about.

Forgiveness of sins.

Many people have been saying,
“how can you preach like that, if you preach like that,
then people will go out and sin anyhow.”

Referring to the teaching of all our sins are forgiven,
our sins, past, present, future, God remembers no more.

It was about this passage, refer to Luke 7:36-50.

Scholars say that this prostitute is infamous in town.
But there is something about Jesus that draws her to Him.

She must have known how much she was forgiven,
to have gone to the pharisee’s home weep at Jesus’
feet, kissed his feet and anoint his feet with perfume.

Her love for God came from the consciousness of
how much she was being forgiven.

This’ the new covenant way of loving God.
As the sum of the law is to love the Lord.

It’s really true we got to preach the truth.
We cannot afford to preach half-truth for the sake of 1 or 2 out there,
who would “anyhow sin”.

The gift of forgiveness of sins had set this sinner free.
Same thing for the gift of no condemnation.
The truth always sets people free.

He who has ears to hear, let him hear!

Hm. yea.
I think it’s a very simple but powerful truth to apply.
I’m gonna need it for life, not just at the point of salvation.
How about you? Gonna get today’s sermon. =)

Hm. On other stuff. I guess I think too much.

When we were all sitted in service today,
I sat down, and I was thinking to myself.
I was looking at the auditorium,
the people who are sitted in front of me.
I look to the left and the right, I see my beloved CG members.
I see my own people around me.
Got that warm feeling just to be sitted among them.
Just got this family and warm feeling.
Familiar faces that I have seen for few months.

I think I’m quite happy where I am now.
Just want to go there continue feeding,
and get to know the people better.

Another “coincidence”?

Alrights. Just finished my supper.

Today, there was arrow service.
I felt that the message that pastor benjamin preached,
was very timely for me. I thought I needed that.

It was something which I haven’t overcome yet.

The messaged was mainly about, identity in Christ,
Don’t let the world tell you what is your identity.

About our righteousness in Christ.
And something that I really needed to sink into the heart.
It did set me free. Wished I had this message to listen to,
over and over, again and again.

Fear of men is really a snare to the feet. It’s true!
I pray that God will deliver me from the fear of men,
to have boldness in the day of judgment.

Beginning to get a little revelation about righteousness.

Hm. After service, I went to Jeremiah’s home to celebrate his birthday.
It was with the family, uncles, aunties and cousins.
Quite a lot of people there.

The only people that I’m familiar with were,
Jeremiah and liqiang. So, we just hang around in the house.
Talked about life and sit around.
Not noting the time, I took a glance at my cell phone,
and it says, “10:22pm”.

I had to leave. It’s like super late. It’s at SENG KANG. -_-”
But yea, for a friend’s birthday.

At first I was thinking of taking a train straight to queenstown,
my grandma’s place. But I just decided to alight at Dhoby Ghaut (DG)
to take a bus instead as I thought that it would be a faster way
to reach.

So I alighted, walked out. Was thinking of which way to walk,
decided to walk out by the NE Line, because there were many
people walking towards the RED Line. And I don’t like crowds.

I always walked the underpass to Park Mall’s bus stop.
And I don’t like to use the traffic light there,
coz i prefer to walk in aircon places.

You know what, I walked via the underpass,
and it says that, the link to dhoby ghaut Xchange is closed
temporary for some construction I guess.
I was like, crapp.. =_=”"

So I went up via the staircase to Xzone (arcade) and LAN shop nearby.
And I tried another exit. The door was locked. -_-”
So I had no choice, but to go up the escalator from the arcade.
Then walk out of the station to the traffic light on the side of DG MRT.

So there I was at the traffic light,
hoping not to see anyone that I know.
And so I thought I would be at a better position if I stood nearer to the road.

Lo, and behold, while I stood at that “better position” and was staring blankly
at the opposite side of the pedestrian, waiting for the traffic light to turn green,
I caught sight of a hand movement.
Someone waved at me.

I blinked my eyes in unbelief, and took a closer look.
I saw my ex-church mates.
The care leaders whom were once my peers.
3 of them and another 1 or 2 member(s).

I was like.. surprised again. A neutral one.
Haven’t seen them for months since I had decided
to drop out of service in July 08.

Now it’s Nov 08. Like about coming 4 months.
5 Nov marks my 4th month in NCC with the Arrow and the CG.

It’s the first time I bump on them in 4 months.
But the feel within was pretty good.
It was a sudden *snap*, felt a little warm.

So I crossed over and they stayed.
Just randomly exchanged a few sentences,
and I went off for my bus.
I didn’t have a very big reaction.
But am just surprised to meet them on the street.

When I was on the bus,
I just thought through what had just happened.
I felt that maybe I should have just joined them for awhile,
like 15 to 20mins before taking a bus back,
since no one is home yet.

But I wasn’t thinking so much.
I didn’t have much to say as well.
So I just went off for my bus.

Reached my grandma’s place at 11.34pm.
So I had to wait outside the door.
But I had 30mins to think about all these things.
Lol. But I just prayed that God will allow me to stay in NCC.

The things that happen this week just seem divinely appointed.
And I’m still thinking through all these things.

Destined to Reign Devotional

OKs. Remember, about few posts back,
this post called ‘Yesterday’.
I mentioned that I was pleasantly surprised by the Lord.

Hmm. It actually went a way back to the last day of my china trip last week.
I stumbled upon this brother’s blog I don’t know if I got there via blogpastor. haha.
But it happened while I was searching for something regarding NCC or NCC’s official website.
Because I was using www.google.com.cn, I can’t find it.

But anyway, I saw his blog so I went in and was reading about recent comments
made by others regarding pastor and NCC on straits time forum.
And I was encouraged. Even people who are not from NCC are defending NCC.
I felt like it was God defending us, and those who are preaching the Gospel of grace.
There’s this comforting feeling within for me.

And especially after reading what this brother has written to the straits time.
I really felt that God had defended me. But I wasn’t ostracised or anything.
I just felt that the whole thing took too long to solve, and it seems like no
one bothers whether the gospel is preached or not. In addition to that, I
was extremely affected, especially when God opened my eyes and gave
you a revelation of the gospel. As much as I want to share so much of these,
it didn’t turn out well. I find my peers constantly talking about balancing
law and grace.

And I personally heard one said that it’s NCC preaches cheap grace.
Prosperity gospel. I heard another brother telling me in person,
that the leaders were told to pass another message down about NCC
to the congregation (I don’t know when it happened).

I wouldn’t say it’s the entire church’s fault,
but maybe it’s just one particular portion of the church which I will not say.
I was really shaken and confused. Everyday for near 6 months,
I lived in fear and valleys. It took me months to decide whether to leave church,
as my thoughts were influenced by the people around me.

But anyway, I left, because I couldn’t take it anymore.
I couldn’t take the stress and the rejection that I felt.
The other thing that I couldn’t bear to continue looking at was,
I felt that people’s lives are being ruined.
Young lives ruined by religion.

What spurred me to keep sharing about grace was,
what I was in my poly years,
I didn’t want it to happen again to other people.
It’s pains me to see.

I felt like I was depressed, can just break down just at the mention of them.
What made things worse was, I was was attending both church services,
while I was still contemplating on leaving.

A friend once told me, it’s a very good test of who your real friends really are.
And I agree to that.

I felt that it was an issue that needed to be raised,
not of any equal to disputes such as,
whether water baptism should be done by sprinkling or immersion,
or whether some believers believe in the baptism of the Holy Spirt or not.

But you know what, I really want to thank God for allowing me to go through these,
early in life, so that I have more time later in life to continue with this gospel.
Although these shakings occurred, I remembered on the service when I was
away in china, pastor preached something about shaking. When shaking happens,
God wants to shake out whatever that is not supposed to be there so that,
what is supposed to be there remains. And I thought, maybe this was one of
it that I’ve experienced not too long ago.

Oks. I side tracked.
That’s a little more about myself.

On further reading, I realised that it’s the same blog (ROOTSS) I came across months back.
But months back, I came across his blog while I was searching for something on youtube.
I found his video. The one about giving away 25 copies of D2R.
And so, I went to his blog through youtube.

Found out about what he was going through was a little similar to what I was
experiencing then. His blog was a source of encouragement to me at that
point of time and I believe even now as many are reading.
Knowing that I’m not the only one experiencing it.

So I linked his blog to mine that was like around 22-23 Oct.
Then 2 or 3 days later, I went to read his blog.
I was surprised to see my blog mentioned.

On the 28th Oct, I saw the comment that He dropped on my blog.
That he felt led by the Lord to bless me with a copy of
Destined to Reign Devotional(D2DD).

I was so so happy la. I felt so blessed and cared for by the Lord.
That He would use someone that I do not know to bless me with
this spiritual bread. I was so excited. Feeling so much mixed
feelings inside. It is something that is rare and special to me.

And following that he left a comment on facebook regarding
my status, the verse. He found it so “coincidental”.
Lol. We all know that nothing is conincidental with God.

Jeremiah 29:11 which he had also quoted on the D2DD which
he is blessing me with.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord,
“plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to giver you hope and a future.
NIV

I was thus excited.
And I couldn’t sleep.
I couldn’t stop smiling.

So this morning, there wasn’t any lessons going on.
I woke up at 10 41. Was very tempted to go down to the letterbox,
to dig into the pigeon hole for any note by post office because
I don’t have the keys. Just in case I missed opening the door while
I was still asleep. But I didn’t la. Lol.

So I spent the day waiting for the book to come.
And I waited. 3pm the door bell rang. Peeped through the door hole.
It was the post lady!! It’s here. hahha.

Lol. I felt like a kid on christmas day.
Excited to open her presents.

I was soooooo happy. Lol.

Yea. Really thank God for this D2RD.
God has provided me with enough to get nearly all the series of pastor’s sermons.
Hm. Those were my source of food and encouragements.
Everytime I watch the DVDs or listen to the message,
I see Jesus preached.

It was really my source of support during those pit bottom months,
as there were no other persons that I could talk about these issues.

Ever since I left the other shepherd’s tent and came to NCC.
I felt like I was stripped to practically nothing left.
But now, I find like minded brothers and sisters.
In school I’m blessed with reliable friends.
This is really a blessing from God.
It’s not easy to find friends outside already.
And I really thank God for these friends.

Oks. It’s a really long entry.
I shall log off now. =)

For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
I will praise You, for I am
fearfully and wonderfully made;
My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.
- Psalm 139:13-16

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord
Forever. – Psalm 23:6 [NKJV]

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord,
thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.
- Jeremiah 29:11 [NKJV]

Bless by God through a brother.

The facade behind Halloween.

Hmm. Today is 31st October 2008.

What day is today??

If your answer was, HALLOWEEN.
WRONG!

Behind this Halloween facade that has been placed on this date,
It is actually Martin Luther’s Reformation Day.

Check it out, 31st Oct 1517.

They day when Martin Luther nailed 95 theses on the church door.
He was a monk, theologian and known as The father of Protestanism.

It has something to do with the doctrine of justification.
Sola fide – Latin: by faith alone.

Taken from Wikipedia.
Sola fide (Latin: by faith alone), also historically known as the doctrine of justification by faith, is a doctrine that distinguishes most Protestant denominations from Catholicism, Eastern Christianity, and most Restorationist in Christianity.

The doctrine of sola fide or “faith alone” asserts that it solely is on the basis of God’s grace through the believer’s faith alone that believers are forgiven their transgressions of the Law of God. The opposite position, that believers are forgiven solely on the basis of any good works is called Legalism. Catholicism, Eastern Christianity and Mormonism hold that a combination of faith and good works are required for salvation.

Historically, the concept of sola fide was the basis for Martin Luther’s challenging of the Roman Catholic practice of indulgences for penance, and for that reason it is called the material cause of the Protestant Reformation, while the doctrine of sola scriptura is considered the formal cause. It is one of the five solas of the Reformation.

From 1510 to 1520, Luther lectured on the Psalms, the books of Hebrews, Romans, and Galatians. As he studied these portions of the Bible, he came to view the use of terms such as penance and righteousness by the Roman Catholic Church in new ways. He became convinced that the church was corrupt in their ways and had lost sight of what he saw as several of the central truths of Christianity, the most important of which, for Luther, was the doctrine of justification — God’s act of declaring a sinner righteous — by faith alone through God’s grace. He began to teach that salvation or redemption is a gift of God’s grace, attainable only through faith in Jesus as the messiah.

Luther came to understand justification as entirely the work of God. Against the teaching of his day that the righteous acts of believers are performed in cooperation with God, Luther wrote that Christians receive such righteousness entirely from outside themselves; that righteousness not only comes from Christ but actually is the righteousness of Christ, imputed to Christians (rather than infused into them) through faith.^[43] “That is why faith alone makes someone just and fulfills the law,” he wrote. “Faith is that which brings the Holy Spirit through the merits of Christ.”^[44] Faith, for Luther, was a gift from God. He explained his concept of “justification” in the Smalcald Articles:

The first and chief article is this: Jesus Christ, our God and Lord, died for our sins and was raised again for our justification (Romans 3:24-25). He alone is the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world (John 1:29), and God has laid on Him the iniquity of us all (Isaiah 53:6). All have sinned and are justified freely, without their own works and merits, by His grace, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, in His blood (Romans 3:23-25). This is necessary to believe. This cannot be otherwise acquired or grasped by any work, law or merit. Therefore, it is clear and certain that this faith alone justifies us … Nothing of this article can be yielded or surrendered, even though heaven and earth and everything else falls (Mark 13:31).^[45]

Oks. Happy reading. Can go read up more for yourselves.

Surfing the net.

Just surfing the web just now.
Yar. Just decided to pop by this church’s website which I was once in.

It was linked to the main organisation.
Was looking for the website few months ago.
Then I realised that, the orgranisation seemed to have changed it’s name.

So was once again reading through the statement of faith.
The vision, the mission, affliates and other things.

Was looking at it in the perspective of what I know now.
I just say, it’s complicated.

Just don’t understand why people like to make salvation so hard.
So many conditions, this and that.

But reading it brings fear to my heart.
But yet, I know that these things are not of faith.

I think if these conditions were really true, no one would survive.
Being a christian would be impossible.

And all the time we are failing.
Really thank God for His abundance of grace and gift of righteousness.

Yesterday.

Yesterday marks my first day of school.
It’s a new trimester. It was a stats lecture.
It wasn’t very tough.
Our lecturer managed to explain things very clearly to us.
Really God bless.

After school, I took my breakfast cum lunch and dinner
at the Mac just next to bras basah complex, beside Odeon towers,
then dropped by tecman with ZG, didn’t find those CDs that I wanted to get.
So I got 2 other mini-books by Ps Prince entitled,

Right Place Right Time &
The Benjamin Generation

Yeps. Then we were talking about somethings.
Hm. No offence, but just that, that topic can be really sensitive and offensive.

Just got this thing against half-truths.
I guess people didn’t really intentionally preached them.
But am just so so against it after all those things I went through.
You know, it’s like, when you have a structure,
and teachings are passed down from
pastors to overseers to leaders to assistant leaders to members.

Sometimes it can truths can become very diluted.
Even if the exact teaching is passed down,
I think we also have to check with our own bibles occassionally,
and not just take in and chew up everything that people say.

But yea, I realised that there was this thing in me.
I got a little affected after I said those things to ZG.
Kind of felt bad when I said it and made ZG feel attacked.
Was judgemental I guess. Didn’t control my mouth well this time.
Yea, that kind of feeling like I touched death.
But thank God, ZG didn’t hold it against me.
If I have nothing good to say, I should have kept quiet.

After that, I was supposed to go for dinner with CG at serangoon.
But was kind of tired and I felt bad about what I said.

So I went back home.
Went online to check my email.
And I was pleasantly surprised by the Lord.
And I’ll share about this another time.

School today was good.
Did our first stats tutorial.
And it was something like what I did in my first sem in poly.
Those stuff about, Variance, Standard Deviation, Sample, Population,
Sum of Squares, Mean, Mode, Median, Percentile.

It was explained so much clearer now.
Actually, when I was in poly, I don’t even know what is the use of stats.
Didn’t even use it at all. It was computing maths.

But it helped me to understand my lesson alot more today.
Didn’t know what was sample and population for then.

After school, we went to Meridian (now known as Concorde Hotel),
for the Korean food. Kind of missed that place.
Then we parted our ways.
Was tired. Woke at 7am today for school.

Hmm. I got my school timetable already.
Don’t know what is this sem going to be like.
Feel like working for 1 day per week for some income.
Don’t know what sort of Job to look for also.

Don’t like to keep taking money from my mum.
Wanna earn some money for expenses and future oversea trips.

Was kind of tired yesterday.
Went down to the stall to help.
Was washing dishes with my cousin.

It’s not an easy job coz it actually trains your thigh muscles,
your butt, and your back muscles a lot.
Haven’t been excercising for really really long.
So muscle aches, just for few hours of washing.

Lol. washing 5-6 big buckets full of dishes.
But we were a little slow because we wanted the dishes clean.
Actually that was what I did in the weekends before I decided
to join NCC’s arrow or CG, while I was still having holidays.

Working at the coffee shop helps you to actually know,
how dirty the stuff there really is. People who never worked
there, will never know. But, it’s really an experience la for those
few months. This’ my uncle’s stall.

You get to see your little rat and crockroah friends. =p
But we rid them by using detergent. Best not to stay in flats,
with a coffee shop or food centre directly beneath.

Got school on tomorrow and friday.
Thursday, gotta get some internet stuff done in singtel.
Don’t really feel prepared for school yet. But it’s already here.

There is enough grace for today.
Probably drop by tecman tomorrow with YX and ZG after sch.
Wanna get some CDs. People who spend $20 NETT and above.
Can get 1 year membership FOC.

Ya. Need to get a birthday present also.
Don’t know what to get. Still thinking through.

Surely!

Goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life.
Amen. This is the message that I brought home today from service.

Hm. Just recalling.
A lot of times God uses songs to speak to me.
Think it was few days back.
Coz I remember that I haven’t been using my MP3 for quite some time.
Only charged it like after I came back from my trip.
So was listening to it before while I was on the way to NP.
It was a song by hillsong. Forgot which song.

But the chorus went something like that:
His mercies are new every morning.
His mercies are new every day.
His mercies are new every morning.
His mercies are beautifully new everyday.

And this very same verse just came to me.
Surely! Goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever! [Psalm 23].

Last few day’s devotional really spoke to me.
It’s like when you’re down, and then you saw the devotional title.
There’s assurance. Knowing that God has a plan.
And what ever God has in his plan was in the very beginning,
even before we existed.

For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
ANd skillfully wrought in  the lowest parts of the earth.
Your eyes saw my substance,
being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.     [Psalm 139: 13-16]

Random.
Yeps. Sometimes the best thing to do, is just forgive and let God do the rest.
Forgiving to the extent that I neither feel hurt or bitter over that certain thing.
It’s the true kind of forgiveness. That I can mention the event without
feeling bitter or hurt at all. I want to offer that kind of forgiveness.

I rest in the finished work.

CG, the family of God.

Today’s CG was about Righteousness.
It was regarding what was being preached last arrow by Ps Gabriel.

Hmm. I think it’s something new to me.
Something for me to explore.
Still don’t really grasp the thing about Righteousness yet.

But yea. Soon.

AM tired. Wanna sleep now. Nights.

Thoughts for the past 2 weeks.

Hmm. I was a little worried about my results this semester.
Couldn’t deny the fact. It really did worry me, on the line of
passing or failing. But back to the topic.

For the past 2 weeks.
I think it really was not easy to live,
without a com. It means no internet.
No songs, no sermons, no bible, no MSN.

I left the house and realised that,
I forgot to bring my bible!! -_-”

It’s wasn’t good la.
It’s like, after 2 or 3 days.
The battery died.
Started to become very emo.
All the negative thoughts start flowing in.
It was really bad.

Maybe all these while, what I’ve been thinking about,
is still the past. I refer it to betrayal by good friends.
I felt betrayed. But I remembered how Jesus was
betrayed by Judas, one of the 12, and how everyone
left him. And when He rose, how did He manage to
forgive all of them. I just ponder over it.

And I’m learning to let go of it.
Decided not to hold on to it.
And I don’t feel good talking about them.

I also thought of the good things in life now, how long
will it last. The people, church, everything.

I admit that, I still feel very unsure about alot of things.
I began to think of life as purposeless.
I began to take the past and relate it to the future.
Taking old templates of people I have met before
to fit people whom I haven’t really found out who they are.

I dont even know why i am in NCC and I don’t even know
what I am doing. I dont know what i want also.
Up till now I won’t say that I’m totally sure of the decision,
that I made to come to NCC.  Nothing wrong with NCC.
Just that, I find myself so unsure of the future.

Until the 22nd Oct. Yesterday, I managed to come online,
because my aunt had to go down to another place in Hainan.
So I had the com to myself for the whole day. 7am – 7pm.
MSN. And I saw Jas online. Spoke to her and I was more
relieved. We were just randomly chatting.

After which, someone else, A, came to talk to me on MSN.
Haven’t talked to this friend for a very very long time already.
We were talking about life and it led on to a topic on another
friend, B, whom A and i was very very close to last time.

But A and i were not friends. It’s a really long long story.
A kind of dropped out when A was in secondary school.
Due to other issues, i don’t associate with A. B was my
close friend. There was a time when I brought B to church
(not NCC). And B was under my care. And something
really bad happened. For some reason B just didn’t want
to carry on studying and kept quiet. B had an extremely
wrong opinion about God. And what I said to counsel B
was mixture.

I met up with B somewhere last month, and I saw that B
had recovered and is in another church. Not only growing,
but was also doing well at B’s level. Found a job that is
quite well paid for that level. And B’s happy with what
B’s doing now.

In between all these events that happened, or maybe before that,
B and i brought A to church(not NCC). That’s another story.
But for some reason, A left church.

So I told A that B’s doing well. Upon reading what I typed,
A responded that A does not want to go to that church.
‘Then were?’, I asked. B said, NCC. I was surprised. So I asked
B, why NCC, why not some other church. (A knows I’m in NCC.)
A replied that it is more grace based as compared to the other
church. That church talks alot about law.

I was so so so amazed like how A knew abt the thing abt law and grace.
A shared that A’s ‘godbrother’ shared with A about pastor’s
sermons. And A told me that A has learnt many things although
A has not been attending church for very very long,
since that time she left church, like last year july august?
Was so stunned ok!! And really happy for A, that A finally found the way out.
That is not based on law but grace. I’m just super happy for A.
This is not something that I would have expected.

How I felt was like, the whole heaven rejoices when one sinner repents.

This joy is really amazing. So the next day came and I shared with Jas about this.
I was just so so happy. lol. We went into deeper stuff. It was really good.
After sharing to Jas about A, it led on to other topic about Holy Com.
The sharing was good.

And I really enjoyed it. Yea.
Fellowship is really important.
Don’t get isolated.

Hmm. And surfing the net for something led me to this ROOTSS website.
And I was reading one of the few posts of this diary entry.
Then did I realise that this was the guy whose blog I’ve read 10 months ago.

Brief Background: This guy by the name of Malcolm, when I read his blog,
10 months back, that was around december. It was the thing about leaving
church. The church which did not approve of him sharing the gospel of
grace to the people. And even after consulting the pastor(s), they disapprove
the materials in NCC. Sermons and such I guess. And because of that, his
cell was dissolved, and he was removed from leadership. Up till now, when
I read his latest few entries, I found out that he has chosen to stay put in
that church coz God asked him to. And for 9 months he has been trying to
meet up with his pastor to talk about this issue.

I identify with him. Just remembered dec 2007, about that time, was the
time that I gave up. I wasn’t removed from leadership I guess.
I just left. This man here, I SALUTE.

http://rootss.blogspot.com/2007_03_01_archive.html – Malcolm Loh

Am amazed by such things. =)
Oks. It’s already 4:12am.
Need to sleep. Nights. =)

Back!

Yea. I’m back like finally. 2 weeks off internet and msn.
Can’t imagine that.

The trip was good.
Just that this time round I probably lacked alot of other things.
Sermons and bible that I didn’t bring along.
But I found bible in the hotel at hong kong.
It was the NT. Good News Translation (2nd Edition).

Would say that it helped me quite a lot.

During the trip, arrived at Haikou on the 10th.
Went around to the malls on the 11th.
Ate Jap food, Korean food and Dim Sum.
The price was cheaper compared to SG.
All paid by my auntie.

Attended my aunt’s colleague’s wedding.
Their houses don’t have lifts.
So we had to walk up to the 8th floor and walk down.
The wedding traditions are rather similar.
Just that, the newly weds are not made fun of.
Instead, the bestman and the bridesmaid become the victims.

But the best man was short and not sporting.
So we quit. There wasn’t much fun.

But the restaurant that we went to was one of the
high end ones in haikou according to my aunt.
The seafood was good.

Following the 13th, flew over to Macau with my aunt and cousin.
Met my mum, granny and 2 other cousins.
Didn’t really explore the place.
But it’s one place where you will be able to see many western
architectures. Used to be under the portugese.
Took a peep at the casino.
All my 3 cousins are below 18, so can’t enter.

Just remembered, we went to Venetian also.
This’ a 5/6 star hotel. It’s really very very nice la.
Like that place. I wanna stay there next time if I go.
There’s this small little river within the building where there’s
this boat man who will row the boat, while u enjoy the flow down the river.
And this boat man sings as well. ahha.

We went to Hong Kong, 14th, the next day via ferry.
Ate quite nice wanton noodles. Love it.
Ferrying for 1 hour.

Stayed at Jordan, some hotel called West Hotel.
That’s where my cousins found the bible.
So I decided to keep it.

Then we rested till evening, went for dinner,
and went for a walk at Nu3 Ren2 Jie1, direct translation,
‘Women’s Street’. But I didn’t do much shopping.
Just walking up and down the aisle.

It’s something like pasir malam.
But more large scale.
And they sell better stuffs.
Alot of things that can be seen in china town.
Those scented candle stuff.
And those stuff hanging on top of the door.
Like a pole attached to many strings with shells,
Like those you see in minitoons.
I tried to search for miniature mahjong set.
There is. But there are no animals.
The mahjong there is a little different.
They don’t play animals.

Next day, we went to Yau Ma Tei to eat the porridge
that we ate in the previous trip we came to Hong Kong.
Was not bad. Althought it didn’t taste as good as the
previous time that we came.

Went to the peak, Sun Dang.
The highest point where we get the whole view of Hong Kong.
We didn’t want to pay to go to the top.

So we went into Bubba Gump, http://www.bubbagump.com/.
A western restaurant owned by Benjamin Bufford.
Went there just to get the good view.
Also ordered beverages and potatoes. Food is yummy. haha.
My aunt said he’s some famous guy regarding a movie or a childhood show.
Just nice when we were there.
He was there.

And they were taking some photos for advertising.
Halloween’s coming. 31st October.
Day of Reformation that the Lutherans celebrate yearly is here.
Martin Luther who reformed the catholic church to form the protestants.

Anyway, after that, we went back to the hotel.
When to Nu3 Ren2 Jie1 for the second time.
Cousin bought her stuff and a pair of nike shoes.
Went to the hotel. Packed everything.

On the 16th, we headed back to Macau.
My mum and grandma did some last minute shopping.
They got that almond biscuit.
We got to take a picture of St. Paul’s Ruins.
Found out that it’s a catholic church which collapse,
leaving only the facade of the building.
And in the inner room, there’s this rock or marble,
which the people believe that the founder is being buried in.
Didn’t know where was the other door to get to the museum.
So we missed out on other things like the cruxifix and all those other art stuff.

Then my mum, grandma and cousins left for SG.
My aunt and I went to the Whynn Casino after that.
That was like around 7pm or 8pm?
And it lasted like overnight?
Ate the wanton noodles in the casino.
It was fantastic. Very very nice.
Playing jackpot makes me feel like a Skinner pigeon.

But was an experience for me.
We didn’t even sleeped in the hotel we booked.
It went on till 6.20am the next day, 17th.

So we went back to the hotel, got our baggages,
booked out of the hotel, took a taxi to macau’s
checkpoint. Walked over to Zhuhai. It is something
like the causeway between SG and M’sia.

So we got to the zhuhai’s airport,
got someone to check in the baggages for us.
And we just fell asleep on the sofa till the time for boarding.
Took the domestic flight back the haikou.
And my vein on the forehead hurt like crap.
Felt like it was bursting. It was the pressure.

Went to sleep the moment we reached my aunt’s home.
The following few days were all watching korean and chinese
drama series. Aunt treat her clients to a really top end
seafood restaurant and she took me along.
The seaview was great. But I didn’t talk much.
Coz most of the time I couldn’t catch what the chinese
were saying. Maybe it’s the accent.

The sweetest prawn I have ever eaten.
Seriously the seafood was really really really good.

And that was my trip this time. for 2 weeks.
Come to think of it and look back.
I think I’m really blessed although initially
I didn’t really enjoy myself this time round
compared to the one month plus that I had
earlier in 2008.

Maybe it’s just lack of a com.
I didn’t bring my com along.

Shall continue to post about other things in the next post.

He’s coming back again.

Today’s sermon was on revelations.
I think it’s amazing.

Jesus is coming back again.

Pastor preached about the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse.
He also mentioned the way we’ll be protected.

These 4 horsemen are:
White with crown and bow – False doctrine
Red with great sword         – War, terrorism
Black                                  – Famine
Slimy Green – Sickness, Diseases, Death

Just feels like we’re gonna live to see the end.
Just a comment.

Arrow

Today’s Oct 5th.
It marks my 3rd month in NCC.

Hmm.. haha. I think it has been amazing.
One think I really liked about arrow is that,
there’s this ministering time,
pastor never rushes through the service,
but rather, move according to the spirit.

Take the time not to rush through worship,
taking time to minister and pray for the people.
God’s really great.
I was just so moved and touched by the words that were spoken.
Pastor said this, words in italics are paraphrased.
God wants to say to everyone of you here,
you don’t have to throw away your dreams,
your dreams are not dashed. Whatever plans
and giftings in your life, God will not revoke.
There will be no abortion of plans.

Upon hearing that, I couldn’t help but teared.
Just felt the anointing in the place.
And I just teared. After which I felt better.

You know, upon leaving the past,
I’ve been thinking, “oh no, WHAT IF, His plans
for me is there, not here, bla bla”.

And over dinner Jo mentioned that,
it really doesn’t matter where you are now,
though it may not be the thing that you want to do,
helping your leader to bridge the gap leads to the
fulfilment of your dreams/vision.

That was exactly the sermon I heard about a month
back or so. Called ‘Bridging the frustration gap’ by
Pastor Gary Clark – think he’s from hillsong london.
Points alike to what Jo mentioned.

He shared the process of how his dream of pastoring
one of the famous city’s church got fulfilled. Something
along that line.

Sometimes we ask ourselves, what is God’s vision/dream
for us in life. We don’t know how to answer, and there’s alot
of fear and uncertainties. How do we know we’re not
walking in God’s plan when we don’t know the vision or dream?

Hmmm. Yea. Sometimes we just fear unnecessarily, and I’m
one of those who waver. Lol. Praise God that He’s not a God
who picks someone else when you waver.

Give thanks to the Lord,

His love endures forever.

Oks. Just got back home about an hour or so ago.

And my dad came back shortly after that.
He told me that, his diabetes is recovering.
And he kept thanking me for prayers.
I told him it’s God.

In august on, this year, he had to live on insulin jabs.
And he told me just now this was what the doctor said,
“I’ve never seen a patient recovering so quickly.”

My dad still has to continue taking jabs,
doctor wanted to make sure.
But the doctor told him that it is now safe for him
to go for eye laser treatment.
He could not go because of the seriousness of diabetes.

But anyway, I told him, when he has recovered,
get a medical report out to certify that he’s free from diabetes.

My father is an unbeliever. He told me that it’s a miracle.
I believe that God has caused him to see his wonders.

2 more papers.

Got 2 more papers to go,
one on a monday and the last one on a tuesday.

Finished today’s paper.
Was reading the text book yesterday coz it is MCQ exam.
And found out that, writing can be a way of releasing stress.

And it was talking a lot about social support.
Everywhere in life, sickness or stress.
This is really the main thing that matters a lot regardless of age.

Was reading this part which says,
an increasing number of people are living alone,
and future researches can be done on online buddying.
Talking to a stranger online for social support.

But anyway, random. Change of topic.
There’s really so so so many other things to look forward to afted exams.

Mans. I can’t wait for this sem to be over!
I want to go out! Hang out and stuff.
And I can’t wait for the new sem to start,
because I’m taking 1 subject less.

Tomorrow there’s arrow.
Wonder what will be showned in service.
It’s the Israel service. *really interested*

Hm. also, contemplating on what to do on the 7th, 8th and 9th.
Tues, Wed, Thurs. Just some plans in mind.

Wanna:
-CG dinner.
-Pack my TORNADO aftermath room.
-Spend a night @ clarke quay.
-Dim sum @ chinatown.
-Shop for (Ba gua and other goodies).

Haven’t really had a good outing since school started,
really just to relax and have fun,
without anything in the back of the head.

Times of slowing down.
This sem is too much rush.
Slowing down means, more time to relax,
more time to think through things.

WIll be going for 1st service on sunday.

5 days to the end.

This’ the really high stress period.
I know I’m not supposed to be stressed.
But just anxieties within that’s all.

Can’t wait to just finish all the papers.

Still contemplating what to do with what the Lord provided me.
I think it’s amazing. Got so many things I want to do.
But since I asked for that purpose, I shall put that as priority first.

Lol. It’s really tempting to keep it to myself.
Considering the holiday.

And I shall continue to believe and trust in Daddy God.

Was just touring through a website and I just read something,
that I’ve been wondering. I don’t really know which materials I
can trust. NOT all materials are safe to read. And I wouldn’t
recommand someone books that I am unsure of.

But anyway, I read it.
And there was something that caught me.

Don’t know for whatever reason this appeared there.
But I’ve never heard of movements like these before
(that’s because I don’t read up on church history).

Since it caught my attention to parts of my past,
I decided to do a search on it.

And this was what I found.
Which might be interesting to read.

Apostles and Prophets Movement.
http://www.the-tribulation-network.com/denemcgriff/Apostasy/recognizing_deception_and_apostasy_chapter_10.htm

The Shepherding Movement
http://www.eskimo.com/~scoleman/index.html

1:44pm

Today’s already tuesday. Got another paper on friday.
We didn’t expect yesterday’s paper to be easy.
I guess we all studied too hard for it. lol.

But anyway, the 2 major papers are on the 6th and 7th.
Memory and cognition, learning and behaviour.

So yesterday after exams, I went home.
Was watching sermon, but ended up sleeping.
Woke up and met ZG at the MRT.
Headed down to Lavender.
XP’s grandpa passed away.

It’s really all the ex-old-NP alumni people.
Either moved to adults or not very involved in NP.
There were 5 of us. VC, KK, ZG, JO and myself.
I guess it was kind of cool.
It was a not so legalistic kind of feeling there,
just to talk as friends and not over some churchy stuff.

Love the old bunch of people.
After visiting the wake, some of them wanted to eat.
So, KK brought us to clarke quay and intro-ed us to Nectaria.
The food that is quite nice, but rather ex.
But I really like the night lightings.

Just feels like I’m out in a foreign land.
Walking along those streets of bars reminded me of someone.
Hm. First time to clarke quay in the night.
Makes me feel so ’sua gu’.
But I like the ambience.

Wanna go there again. Maybe after exams or something.
Find people to go with, hang out and talk about life.

Realised that my shirt smelled a little of beer.
And I didn’t even enter any of those bars, just along the aisle.

It was a rare meet up with the alumni.
Don’t mind meeting them again.

What I heard today.

The person on the left and right have no idea what’s happening. But the heavens are opened to you. You’re about to get some rain now. The heavens are opened to you. Has there been anyone the heavens open to that person? Matthew 3:16. And behold the heavens were opened to him. And the reason I put it in bold because many of us miss this. All the heavens are opened to him. Some people now are getting the revelation. The heavens are opened to you. Now, whatever this rain is, we must get it before we leave this place. We’ll be the head and not the tail, we’ll be above only and not beneath. It will cause us to lend to many instead of borrowing borrowing. What’s this rain here?

In Deuteronomy 32, let my teaching drop as the rain. My speech as the dew, as rain drops on the tender earth as showers on the grass. Clouds carry hundreds, hundreds and hundreds of tonnes of water. When it rains, water just come down, “blab”, can you imagine hundreds of tonnes of water dropping on us, just “blab” not as rain drops. But God allows a transformation to happen. There’s a mixture with the sediments and becomes drops of rain by the time it lands. God’s wisdom is so concentrated. If God releases His wisdom like that, none of us can receive.

The devil’s always trying to move us out from sitting still in Christ.
Always this tactic, “if you are the beloved of God, do this, do that”.
But we know we are, we don’t have to prove to anyone.

If some one is redeeming us, what is our place?
What posture do we take up?

Look at story of Ruth.
Boaz a kinsman redeemer.

Boaz a type of Jesus. Must have these 3 qualities as a redeemer.
-belongs to naomi’s family.
-very rich
-must be willing

Naomi said, “sit still my daughter until you know how the matter will turn out,
for the man will not rest until he has concluded the matter this day.”

What ever that is not right, SIT STILL.
We are far above everything.
Notice that when Ruth SIT STILL, Boaz was at work.
That is when we are in Christ. Sit Still.

Many people think that, let’s say, this line here is the finishing line. Many people think christian life is like this. You receive Christ, in church, born again, whatever, alright, the more you obey, the more you give, the more you devote yourself, the more you sacrifice, and hopefully one day, as you obey enough, you’ll come to the finishing line where there’s all the reward and all the blessings are there. And the million dollar prize is here. And we all have to everyday do our very best to reach that finishing line. This is not christianity. This is religion.

Christianity begins like this, the moment you accept Jesus Christ, God takes you and puts you on the finishing line, God gives you the world cup and the million dollar prize and you are complete in Christ already. And now God says turn around, you are already a winner, you’re far above everything else, now walk out of your position in this life. Walk like the rich person you are. And everything that is not right will be made right because you are right.

God doesn’t say, understand and then you are able to sit. God says, sit still first, until you know how the matter will fall out. Sit still, by faith. Sit still, by faith, Sit still first, until you know how the matter will turn out. Man does the opposite. But God says, rest first by faith and then you will know how it will turn out.

When we are sitting still, the Lord will not sit still. He will not rest until He finished whatever is not right in your life. Don’t think for 1 moment I’m referring to a lazy passive life. No. It’s the most active posture you can ever take, to sit still in faith because you know the Lord is working.

The moment we try to do something to prove what we are, we fall from grace. And by doing that, we’re stepping out from our sitting still position. Sit still.

God’s really good la.
I got a good grade for my individual report for memcog.
Am rather amazed.
Was really anxious when my friend told me that the results were out.
Stomache and stuff.
But I got 74.6/100

Haha. Grace!

Went out with jo today for dinner.
Yeps, quite enjoyed the time spent.
Guess it was really good sharing.
Was refreshed to see that faith in her.
I’m just so filled with joy.

She really reminded me to always look at the Lord.
Doesn’t matter what I do or not do now.
Even if I’m confused or what, just continue to look to the Lord.
Really thank God for jo. Think she’s really wise.

Like what pastor benjamin said in service.
Don’t worry what plan, this or that,
just continue to feed on His love.

Really thank God for pastor benjamin.
And pastor prince’s ministry.

Share more grace to people. =)
People get set free.
I wanna be part of the gospel revolution.

Oh well. what do I say here?

Have been trying out food I haven’t tried below my block.
Eating Ban Mian now. Just taking a break from reading.
Listening to Westlife CDs. And whatever CDs I bought back from CN.
Will get more CDs. I love Jay Chou songs as well.

Counting down 15 days.
Hm. Counting down 3 days, then 3 days, then 4 days then 1 day.

I’ll miss the people here.
Church and classmates.

Just kind of bored now.
God give me the right words to speak.
Only the words that that are needed to be said.
And wisdom to be led by the spirit.
Words and expressions maybe deceiving,
but I all I ask is for the spirit of wisdom.

Thank you, Lord.

Ain’t that a kick in a head.

Guess this’ a really nice album.
At least to me. Westlife. all the oddie songs.
It’s really nice. Like the music.

Sometimes life can really be ________.
But I still stand what I believe.

Definitely many many thoughts.
But sometimes if I closely listen and examine them.
I find that it’s all illogical.

All those worries and cares.
How crazy life can be.
And the screw ups that we brought about ourselves.
Guess it’s just enough.

Sometimes, just can’t help but think,
what’s the point of continuing in life.
It’s just like everything is meaningless.
Just putting this here.

Obviously won’t be saying that out to my mum.
Her thoughts will go wild.

Just kind of sick of studying.
My sleep hours has been topsy turvy.
Really bad. Affecting my life.

Dedicated to an old friend.

Have been looking through my old email.
And it really brought back alot of things in mind.

The day that I stepped into and left that place.
The past is still rather well preserved.

Just felt like opening it up to all.
Maybe not all. But some.
Don’t even know if they have the time to read it.
But maybe it’s not such a nice thing to do also.

But those who want can ask from me.
User:
Pass:

I’m just not so much of a verbal person nowadays.
Just lost of words to say. Not that I am unsure if I should share.
But it’s just the effects of keeping silent for a long time.

Met up with an old friend last sunday after service.
Not really that old. But it was great to be able to work with her.
Guess that our ministry lasted for about 1 year or so?
She was my shepherd, leader and friend, one whom I still respect.

And we parted for some time. You went to china and came back.
Then I went during the earlier part of the year.
It has been great to share our different perspectives.
And for about 7 months I haven’t seen you.

If you’re reading this now, just want to say that,
our friendship did exceeded beyond ministry.
It really takes time for someone to see a leader as a friend.
And I did manage to for your case. See you as a friend
enough to freely share my thoughts and perspectives.
To freely share things that are deep.

It’s really like tasting of old wine.
I guess that these are just some of the few words I would use,
to describe ministry: since the day i was in till the day i left.
fun, stressful, tiring, burnt out, insane, neurotic.
I know that there are many things that are done in the past,
that shouldn’t be. But it’s alright. We all learn from it.

But nevertheless, I enjoyed because through these craziness,
I got to know you. And like you told me, “if you could re-live
it again, you would still do the same things, without any changes.”
One thing I really liked about you, is your openess to perspectives.
As usual, you got that listening ear, slow to speak, quick to listen.

I recall the days:
The 6hr CTM held at shaw centre Mac (with that bodiless picture)
The impromptu meet up at NP library.
The walk away at Marina Loft.
The many many shepherdings in school & at town. KAP.
The treetop walk.
The conflicts (in general).
The many late night calls.
The cards written.
CGs at Millenia Walk.
Centrepoint Mac.
Choleric Plannings. Specific and detailed plans.
CTMs where no one spoke. (Test your patience, LoL)

I think we really went through a lot.
And who would have thought that we would have a total
shift in perspective and end up somewhere else.
Hmm…. *Heaves a huge breath out*

Thanks for all the time that were spent together. =)
Those were the times that I really enjoyed myself.

Withdrawal entry.

Hm.
Ever encountered people who just feel like withdrawing?
Withdrawing from everything and everyone else.
Not wanting to bother or care about anything.
Just withdraw from everything.

I just think that it’s weird.

How deep the Father’s love for us.

How deep the Father’s love for us
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the Chosen One
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the man upon a cross
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will nost boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

Lunch with squirrel.

Today, we went off early from class as presentations were being done.
Went to the arcade with YX and ZG.

After which YX left, had lunch with ZG.
Shared some things with her which I don’t know if I should share.
But I just shared anyway. It’s nothing really private.
Just my thoughts about certain things.

But it was good.
At least now I know I’m not the only one that face this.

Had a good time talking to Jas in aussie over MSN also.
Thank God for technology. Guess that it’s one of the most
indept conversations I ever had with her.

Tmr marks the end of my semster 1 study at JCU.
How quickly time flies. Will hand in all my assignments tomorrow.

Grace, Grace to it.

Whatever I have in my hands now, I say,
“Grace, grace to it.”

Lord, count me in.
Count me in the advancing of the gospel of grace.

Today, I received my test marks.
And I was utterly amazed when I got it.
I got 30/40. The highest in class was 32/40.

My good friend and another person got 32.
I remembered what I said after the test the other day.
I knew I changed a lot of answers.
I felt that I chanced upon quite alot of questions.

And I literally said, “it feels like I’ve just committed suicide.”

Lol. Nevermind that.
That’s why I’m so so amazed.
It’s a miracle. Got 30 marks.

I’ll speak of Your grace and love forever.

By His Stripes We are healed.

Hm. This weekend was really great.
Finished rushing my HealthPsy assignment at Saturday 5am.
After that I went to Kallang to meet my CG.

It is mid-autumn celebration for NCC’s Hokkien/Mandarin service.

So we went there to pack mooncakes.
It was a great experience for me.

We prayed and anointed the place with oil.
When the doors were opened at the entrance,
I stood and observed.

Old people, grannies, grandpas, aunties and uncles,
started streaming in. It’s a really heart warming sight.
A sight that makes your eye a little watery.
So old, yet still in love with God.

And the singers really did a good job.
Although it’s a hokkien/mandarin service,
I quite enjoyed it and the songs were very ministering.

When I see how worship songs were sang,
and I saw how ps mark was preaching to the people.
I heard what the leaders were saying.
I really see their love for the old people,
every single one of them.

My dad messaged me yesterday also that,
he went for his health check. And he told me that
his diabetes is recovering tremendously.

Yea, really praise God for it.
The previous time he messaged me about this was Aug 12 entry.
This’ the second time he message me something
such as this. He will be moved to believe God.
An unbeliever being healed by God.

Also went for my cousins’ birthdays at LTA clubhouse.
Dinner was fantastic. The facilities there are good.
Mahjong room, pool tables, ktv and food.

Pray that they will grow strong in the grace of God.
They will walk in the wisdom and favour of God. Amen.

I really love my CG.

2 months.

Haven’t really been blogging much here.
Just came in to fill up some blanks.

Past few days haven’t been going well for me.
Don’t know why.

But just don’t feel too good.

Don’t know what sup.
Had stomachache.
Probably stress.

But yea. I completed much of my stuff.
And I’m pretty much on track.
By the grace of God.

I really thank God for the people he has placed around me.
It has been 2 months. =)

You’re my strong tower.

Hello. Yea, I was so happy today, KH came for service.
Pastor cleared certain doubts regarding ’sin offering’.

And I was just so so so glad that she came to listen.
Probably it’s like the most appropriate message for her.

And I was blessed too.
I used to think that praying for leaders is a chore.
Now I don’t. I see even more reasons to pray for leaders.

Well, yea, why I came in here to blog,
actually I wanted to vent some emotions here.

Life isn’t really a smooth going road.
For the past few days, I’ve been facing things,
ever since friday’s CG.

And I knew that was my weakest point.
The area in my life that is most vulnerable to attacks.
Yea, indeed, I felt just so pressed and persecuted.

But I really thank God for a message that my aunt sent me,
earlier during the week.

“For Thou has been a shelter for me (you, mum and family),
and a strong tower from the enemy.” – Psalms 61:3

What reason do I have to mourn over the current situation,
when God has already promised his protection. It’s like
how pastor described Peter. Whether there’s wind or no wind,
focus is still on Jesus when we step out of the boat.

Does the wind give us a reason to look somewhere else
other than to Christ?

And I thought to myself, it’s just some minor rocking of
the boat. But when the King is in the boat. What can happen?

When the King’s in the boat,
no amout of rocking, wind or storm,
will be able to do anything.

We can laugh at life. Amen?

Haven’t been blogging for past few days.
Just a quick one here. Don’t think I’ll be blogging
so much in the next 2 weeks as school’s getting
busier, work is piling up.

Next week I have 1 presentation and 1 report due,
and a test on monday.

The following week, I have another 2 essays to be
handed in. I don’t know how I’m going to go through
this, but grace. I know His grace is sufficient for me.

So I’ll be using a lot of time on this.
It’s a really tight schedule.

On the other side, I really thank God that,
I’m able to complete 1 chapter of study before CG.
Seems rather long, but, I really studied this chapter
well. Will test myself and move on to the next chapter
tonight.

For me, the usual is that, I’ll be panicking away.
But I just study my best and put my trust in the Lord.
It’s really a difference, I don’t panic as I used to in school.
But still learning to trust God even more as I do my best.

After today’s CG, I just felt really great, although,
sometimes I felt that I haven’t really captured the revelation yet,
one day, when I look back at the notes, I’ll get it.
Just felt that sometimes, it’s like the more you know,
the more you don’t know.

I was facing the dilemma of going to fort canning tonight,
and going to CG. But somehow, I just chose to stay with
CG. I’ve that curiousness to want to go, to find out how
they’re doing, just wanna see. But then, I was nevertheless,
blessed to have gone to CG. It’s already a blessing itself
to be among the people of God.

Watched a sermon yesterday, and am blessed by it.
Think that, sermons have many parts, in the sense that,
HS uses pastor to speak. And during times in life when
you listen to it once, you capture something, the second
time you listen to it, you capture something else,
depending on what you’re going through in life.

I think it’s really true, to not worry about things in life,
take things one at a time, and just laugh at life.
Why be worry and be sorrowful?

This is the day that the LORD has made, we will rejoice and be glad in it.
It’s a new day that God has made,
my past does not predict my future.

We’re pressed but not crushed,
persecuted but not abandoned,
struck down but not destroyed.
We’re blessed beyond the curse and His promise will endure.
His joy’s gonna be my strength.

It’s just like being in my own family.
This is the family of God.

I’ll rejoice in the LORD in all circumstances.

Ask me what is playing ’see-saw’, and I’ll tell you.

http://www.bible.org/qa.php?topic_id=65&qa_id=3

People, stop playing see-saw.

Sin Offering

I really thank God for today’s sermon again.
This weekend’s sermon was really good.
Thank God for pastors. NCC is really a fine dinning place. =)

The messages this week really spoke a lot to me.
When pastor talked about not playing “see-saw” again.
No more see-saw for me, not even the thought of it.

As I was worshipping, I had this thought in mind.

“No matter how much a person may love you,
you’ll find no one who would die for you like Jesus did.”

It’s true.

And then, “Greater love has no one than this,
that he lay down his life for his friends.” -John 15:13

It’s really all at the cross.
Everything’s found at the cross.

Lord, I thank you for all the wonderful people You’ve placed around me,
but let me always always be reminded of you first and dwell only in Your love.

Let everything that I see, hear, think, speak, do, remind me about You.

Regarding somethings.

Looking at my calender, there sits 23rd August.
And, it’s an empty slot.

And I really wonder. Again, wondering.

Nevermind, not worth mentioning.
I’ll just skip it.

You’ll know what I mean when you know what I’m writing about.

Just came back not long ago from dinner.
I always enjoyed myself when i’m out.
Sometimes I wished this would just go on.
It’s like heaven on earth.

And I wonder how long this would last.

I need to learn to open my mouth again.
Lord, open my mouth to speak the right things.

Things are just getting along better.

Lol. Random, one thing I want to get after I finish JCU,
is to speak like an auzzie. Lol. I think it’s cool.

Just for fun kind of thought.
They talk really fast.

About something else.
Yes, I felt obligated to, that’s why I felt bad.
Now I know I don’t have to oblige all the time.

Thanks. Even if it’s a lecture on it,
I would gladly receive it. But I really embrace it,
after months of not receiving anything from anyone.

Few last things before sleep.

One thing embarassing today.

I went to get subway meatball for dinner today.
I don’t know what went wrong with my head.

We were supposed to state the length of the bread right?

When asked, I said, “1 INCH”.

And the guy looked at me, I at him.
That happened for like 1 second.

Then I realised I said something wrongly.
Wanted to say 1 foot. Then he corrected me foot long u mean?

Find it rather embarassing.
But nevermind.

One thing I want to thank God for today:

I had my 10 MCQ again as usual.
1 more to go. =D

Predicting a 9/10.
Spent quite some time trying to decipher the ‘greek’ txtbk.
3 chapters and 1 lecture. And I really thank God that,
even there were some points i didn’t quite understand,
but i just so happen to be reading it so many times,
until i farmiliarise with the question.

Will do my LB report tomorrow.
Then go for dinner with the group.

Second Chance.

I kept going back to the previous thought,
it’s the “what if” kind of thoughts.

Just reminded of what pastor said as I typed it out.
Don’t think about the “what ifs”, but ask God what’s
the next step. Nevermind if take the wrong step.
Just move on. I never ever want to go back
to my past life again.

Yea, just caught deep in thoughts again.

Sometimes just felt that I keep failing God,
(i know we fail all the time.)
and I’m so far from perfect as how Jesus is perfect.
Thoughts, speech, action.

It’s just something which keeps hitting on me now.
Totally disgusted by self.

Sometimes it just feels like you screw up so bad that,
“all of God’s grace is being used up.”,
“No more grace left.”,

but thank God that bible says His grace superabounds.
And that’s the bonus plus plus of it all.
You feel so thankful for the new grace given.

There is more than enough grace,

How pastor describes superabounding grace,
“abundance of grace, on top of that, some more grace.”

Where the trespass/sin increases, there grace superabounds.

I think this came after watching “Tuesdays with Morrie” – Mitch Albom,
on Hallmark channel during tutorial, screened by lecturer.

I love that show so much. It made me think.
It’s a really heart warming show.

I loved what Morrie said,

“Are you at peace with yourself?”
“Ambitions, Fame, Career, everyone’s going after it. Is this what you really want?”

I was pondering upon this two questions.
Actually, I don’t really know what I want.
And I don’t know what’s for me.
I feel kind of lost again.
Maybe it’s that inner thing again.

I feel quite confused again over teachings.
Want to just re-establish it from the start again.
Good firm start from the bottom.
An unshakable foundation founded in Christ.

Holy Spirit, lead me, show me.
God, show me a bigger and greater revelation of Your Son.

Second Chance – In the Valley by the Sea

You called my name
Reached out Your hand
Restored my life
And I was redeemed
The moment You entered my life

Amazing grace
Christ gave that day
My life was changed
When from my shoulders
Fell the weight of my sin

So it’s with everything I am
I reach out for Your hand
The hope for change
The second chance I’ve gained

On You I throw my life
Casting all my fears aside
How could greater love than this
Ever possibly exist

Consume my thoughts
As I rest in You
I’m now in love
With a Saviour
Bearing the marks of His love

So I’ll wait upon You now
With my hands released to You
Where a little faith’s enough
To see mountains lift and move

And I’ll wait upon You now
Dedicated to Your will
To this love that will remain
A love that never fails

Healing.

I just came in here to write about some stuff.
I am quite surprised about.

Well, if you have read one of the posts out here,
probably like a week back or so. Erm. 3rd August.

A week ago, I discovered a box of alcohol swipes in the fridge.
I was thinking, what was that for. But it immediately led me to
link it with syringes. And later that night upon the discovery,
my mum and I comfirmed with my dad that, he needed to live on
insulin injections.

To me, although I am not close to my dad. It still kind of affects
somehow. I was determined to go to pray and ask God to heal him.
And so I went to church last sunday. Just felt led to message him,
that I’m going to pray for him in church. I didn’t know if he knows
what is the holy communion. So I just told him, that I will be praying
for him in church, which in actual I took the holy communion on
behalf of him. It’s an odd thing for me to do this.

Today, he went for his medical check up. He messaged me that,
his diabetes & blood pressure improved miraculously near to recovery.

I was expecting it to happen. Of course I do waver in whether i would
happen. Went home to comfirm with him what the doctor said. And
he said that he took the jab before seeing the doctor. So I was wondering,
if the blood sugar level went down because of insulin or what. But,
the other thing was that, his blood pressure just dropped into the
healthy range, which it usually didn’t.

But I believe that, the fact that my dad said it’s a miracle,
is the fact that the Holy Spirit or God has done some work there.
And more shall come.

I am a new creation.

U know, I heard Him today.
I was really refreshed in worship today.

The songs reminded me of my human-ness.
And how a gracious, faithful and loving God still continued to love me,
even though the many times I failed Him.

Even though the many times I failed His expectations.
I was burdened by something.

And I think I heard Him.
Surrendering everything to Him isn’t running away.

Trying to run away from something, is still trying to do something.
And that’s why it’s so troubling. When I stood there, neither working for,
nor running away from, but choose to surrender to Him.

There the peace comes.

And yes, I will continue to pray.

I am the righteousness of God in Christ.
I am totally forgiven, totally cleansed.
I am in Christ.
Today, God does not look at me to judge me,
but He looks at Christ to judge me.
As He is, so am I in this world.
There is now therefore no condemnation for all those who are in Christ.

I am a new creation.

Family Dinner.

Yea, forgot to update this one. I wished I brought my camera along.
I ate with the group at bt. merah ABC market yesterday.

And we ordered dishes and rice kind of thing,
which so resembled a family dinner. 8 people in all.

Just brings back that warm feeling I haven’t come across for years,
excluding CNY gatherings. But it’s a really different experience with friends.
Think I never ate something like that with so many friends before.
I love every CNY. Best season to stuff yourself. =X

It’s that kind of warm nostalgic feeling.
But yea, it reminded me of them.
Sometimes I just find myself missing them,
but it’s not so a strong “missing”.

But if you were to ask this classmate of mine.
I guess she would tell you I’ve ceased to complain so much about them already.
Not that I suppress it. But just that, a replacement/exchange has taken place
probably. Just felt really glad to be around new people.

Just find myself more different than before,
when I used to be showing everything on my face.
Not about masking. But, it is more like I felt more joy,
more cheerful, more carefree. I don’t know? Maybe the people
in my clique are more accepting?

Sometimes I think that I’ve been a really sucky friend,
and it makes me want to withdraw from people who
are so different. But that’s not the case.

I still struggle with certain thought lines.
But I’m sure things will get better as I’m grounded more and more in Christ.

I would say that, transitional phase in life is one heap of a stressing thing.
Transit from community to community,
and transit from poly to uni is one heaven-of-a-climb.

Instead of a smooth ride which I kind of anticipate,
I do face challenges even in the new place.
Perhaps it’s a even greater challenge than what I’ve faced before.

And it’s now right in my face.
I’ll just let it be and watch God.
My focus is Christ.

I hate stress.

I’ve been thinking through the night,
and even for the whole day today.
Yep. About that.

But I shall not place in here what about that.

Sometimes I just wonder.

Was late for lessons today by half an hour.
The whole tutorial was about stress.
And I went home with subway meatball.
Miss meatballs. =)

And I turned on to a sermon called,
“Rest is Holy Spirit Directed Activity”.
It’s kind of the third or forth time I’m listening to it.
But, oh well. Was just thinking.
Still not so sure how it really works.
And the facts that pastor mentioned about stress are true.
I think I could listen to that again before exams for revision. Lol.

Today I went to class, and had my MC presentation.
That is memory and cognition. Was really nervous,
but I thought what I needed to say I said, and afterall,
it’s over, so just forget about how well we did as a whole
group. And our group name is JOY. haha. I only knew my
heart was racing and my brain was throbing as if it was
pumping like my heart.

Found out that friend’s going to attend church with her
auntie. Good for her. Now we got a whole project group
of believers. =p

Then Tsemin gave us back the quiz papers. And I was right.
Denise made a mistake in entering marks. I got 10. =D
Was really glad.

Nevertheless, felt rather stressed up for these 2 days.
But it shall not last. I’ll just do what I have to.

5th week of school.

It’s amazing really.
Things just got better.
Somehow I just felt so much better than before.

Today had the usual 10am-10pm lessons.
Tomorrow I have a memory and cognition test.
10 short MCQs.

And after all these, a free wednesday for study and rest.

Today after lesson, a friend and classmate asked me
which church I’m from. And then we talked while waiting
for yx in the toilet. If she asked means there’s some
interest there in church or God.

It’s quite cool. She’s a free-thinker.
We shared with her as we walked to the bus stop.

Then went home with yx.
Really enjoyed the time of fellowship with her..
Shared many things. Views on beliefs.

Travelling time is always fellowship. haha.

Thank God for today.
Tomorrow will be as blessed or even better. Amen.

Need to go read up my notes now. =)

You know, there’s no turning back once we made a decision.
And I just want to say that, I feel really blessed by God to be
where I am now.

Just want to mix around and know more people.

I don’t really know what to put here.
After arrow on saturday, actually joined my aunt for my cousin’s
band concert because I haven’t spoken to her for quite some time.

So was supper at ABC food centre at bt. merah.
And I shared a little about what’s going on in life now.
School and church. It was good.

I always look towards the weekends.
Just love it. Guess, going to church is the only thing
that can keep me sane.

I really thank God, again, for the people around.
And also for the leaders and pastors.

It’s indeed fine dining at NCC.
I go there to be fed, go there not to learn concepts or theories,
but to know more about 1 person. And His name is JESUS.

I was listening to pastor’s sermon about being spirit-led.
And yes, it helped me understood a whole lot.
One thing I learnt for the past few weeks is that,
just pray, use the oil, whatever it is.

Although sometimes it seems that nothing is happening,
we don’t see the results immediately, there are things that
are really going on in the spirit realm.

What ever it is, just pray.
During the holy com, i messaged my dad that I’m going to
pray for his healing. And then I took the holy com. Pray that,
God will do a miracle in our lives as a family. Thank you God.

Used the oil on my house. sprinkled on corridor, rooms and
idols. Then the week after that, my mum saw the oil and said,
“who gave you the oil? if u’re not using it, I’m going to pass it
to ah ma.”.

It made me realise this whole thing.
And I gave it away and went to get another bottle of it. =)

And so, today, I went for service.
Just love to listen to the word.

After service ended, went to dine at subway with the group.
Ate Carl’s Jr. Charred Boiled Chicken Salad. =D Very nice.
Went back with Jing Yi. Shared quite some things.

And then went to the stall to look for my mum, to help out a little.
On the way there, had to walk some distance.
I just felt so loved and blessed by God to be among the people.

I find that I’m just really glad to be where I am now.
Thank God for this family.

the best is yet to be.

And I’m 20 yrs and 1 day old.

This year’s birthday is kind of different.
Actually didn’t plan to go anywhere,
or spend it with anyone.

But just somehow after school.
Just decided not to go back home.
Wanted to go tecman to check how much discount I could get.

So in total what I got was,
Israel V2, This is our God, Saviour King,
at good bargain.

Like, 42.50, 21.9, 12.9

And the new Destined to Reign – Devotionals are there already.
Love the classic design of the book. =)

And friend got me a pencil case I wanted and needed.
Mine’s spoiled. lol.

Well, it’s a rather unusual birthday because,
I didn’t plan to spend it with any friends.
But ended up spending it with a classmate I know for a month.

But it has been great.
Shared about school, lessons, family, and God.

It’s really a good week I had after so long,
that I really want to thank God for.

And, the best is yet to be. Amen.

Last day of my 19th.

Today marks the last day of my 19th year.
And the beginning of a 20th year in 10 minutes.

I can’t imagine how much time flies.
I’ve been around this earth for 2 decades. Lol.
And there’re people who are already in church for 2 decades.

It’s still a young me within.
Don’t feel that grown up yet. A year more to be an adult.
Hopefully by then I will be ready and more matured to face the world.

Today was the first day of school reopen.
We were at the new campus.
I sort of just finished class.
Thought that I haven’t blog. Just how I felt.

I really thank God that today,
I felt so much better than the night before.
I was troubled. But I sought God.
I didn’t hear him, but I talked to him.

I couldn’t sleep. Tossed in bed for 2 hours.
And then went online to check some stuff.
3 am, and I guess I slept around there,
exhausted from all the emotions.

I woke this morning and went to school.
I just want to thank God for sustaining me through
9 hours of lesson.

Today’s lessons are just simply 10 to 10.
It’s amazing I never fell asleep in any of the classes.

And I was listening really attentively in Learning and Behaviour.
It brought back days in my childhood as our lecturer was sharing
his. And it led me to think about my cousins, and also think
about God.

After the lesson, I really come out, knowing what is going on.
And really thank God for who He is. If man is good towards his son,
how much more our Daddy in heaven. I see His love for me,
and it made me think of others, the past hurts.

But, God is love.
Love is patient,
Love is long suffering.

This time round I really meant what I said here.
God’s love, He’s patient, He’s long suffering,
He’s willing to wait for them,
to love them into repentance.

Lord, I’m caught in not knowing what to do about this.
And I don’t know how.

Has the time of salvation come yet?
Has the time of healing arrived?

I believe that you work miracles in our lives.

At the end of the day.

U know, I really feel so blessed again today,
I really mean blessed.

Today we had EVO outing.
It’s a school thingy, can almost equal it to a club.
At first I didn’t really think of turning up.

But in the end, went with zhige,
bowling and pool were on the house. haha.
Just that I think sponsored by school or
something because it was a social event.
We were at Marina Square from 2pm-9pm.
First time I spent such a long time in a mall,
just having fun alone.

So we did not have to pay a single cent,
except for our own dinner.

Played 3 games of bowling, pooled till everyone
was bored, and had dinner at SPAGEDDIES.

I made new friends, and I really thank God I stayed
through the whole day.

The EVO people;
Cherrie, Eugene, Tricia, Rebecca, Steff

Kimberly, Michelle, Yewei, Jiehui, Angela, Serena,
Peter, one more, forgot the name

Zhige, Myself, Max

Guess that it was a little alike orientation but better.

At the end of the day, I still want to thank my Daddy God for
giving me all things to enjoy. Lord I really thank you for placing
these people in my life.

thank you so much.

Random entry

You know, sometimes after awhile that you’ve been quiet,
expressing yourself may seem a little tough.

Few days back, was just thinking this to myself,
“What is there in life left for me to live for?”.
Was kind of caught in emotions again and stuff.

Today’s a brand new day, and I’m not going to bring
up those stuff again. Moving ahead with things,
life seems better.

I got my new friends around me,
and new people in church.

Realised that I haven’t been spending much time with mum,
and I really pray that this saturday will be fully used for it.

Friends and family really matter a lot to me.
Sometimes, I realised that I neglected God who gave me
all these to enjoy in life.

Hm. Random entry. Not going to continue writting.

Long time since I had fun.

Today’s already the second day of the holidays.

It’s really so long since I last went to someone’s home to have fun.
Really have fun, and just have a good laugh.

It just feels good to be in a company of friends again,
and I really thank God for that.

Thank God for the people He has placed around me now.
Realised that all are believers except one.
It’s kind of a little like cross church CG. haha.
It’s just a simple meet up which turned out to be so much fun.
Does every meet up need to have an agenda behind it?

Went to Jeanette’s place together with Zhige, Adora, Yi Xing and Hui Xin.
We were discussing about our group project, and yesterday we had a
really filling lunch prepared by her mum. Beehoon and curry. =)

Rather than going home, I stayed on, thought that I might be meeting utan.
Meanwhile I tried looking for articles, and zhige was playing with a shooting
game. Then I joined in. Tried the Jap nintendo, Wii. Really helps you to
sweat it out. It’s really cool la. Had a good time laughing at each other.

I really feel so blessed today by the company I had.
I pray also that God will use me to bless each one of them.
I want to know each of them more also.

Now thursday we’re going for bowling social event.

Then Saturday, tree top walk, church event.
I finally have a chance of going back there.
Am so excited. I just love that place. God, please schedule your rain
another day ok? Thanks alot! Bless the trip, time and fellowship. =D

Thank you for today Jesus.

The battle is the Lord’s.

Today’s service and yesterday’s was really awesome.
I really love the new song which we learnt,

Hide me in the shelter.

It’s really true to remain in peace in God.
When we lay down everything before Him,
he will give us His peace in exchange.

I’ve learnt to lay it down and not pick it up,
although sometimes I may, but I will rest in You, Lord.

“Why fight when God fights for you.”

Sometimes the answer is just found in resting in His love,
boasting in His love, and allowing His power to defend you.

It’s very true.
Don’t bother, and don’t be bothered also.
Rest and allow Him to fight your battle.

Shalemim -> Offering of Peaces.

Peace to every area of your life.

Sometimes I just felt so fulfilled to share the gospel to people.
To see their eyes being unveiled to Jesus and the gospel,
is a very fulfilling thing for me.

I’m glad that more people are getting more impacted
by the message.

Today, a brother of mine visited church with me.
I thank God that he’s blessed and wants to hear more.
Yesterday night was also a half an hour’s sharing to another sister.

I just can’t help but feel so fulfilled when
I share more about grace to them.

Just felt this way that, there are many leaders rising up all around,
and the gospel is going forth to the ends of the earth.

Just felt so.
It’s just so end times generation feeling.

Sometimes, yea, I still wonder if I would go back there again.
It’s like I felt that I wanna be here and I don’t want to move away anymore.
Just a thought that often comes back to me.
Choice between 2 places.

We move to a new environment not to run away from the past,
but to run towards the future.

Just want to thank God for placing me wherever I am now.
A place where I can look forward and towards a better future.

Live the dream.

This week hasn’t really been smooth going for me emotionally,
but yea, time again, God really speaks to me using sermons.

Monday was really bla, somehow, kept going back to the past.
Just can’t help it but go back to the past. U all know it, once
there’s bitterness, hurt, and pain, we start being judgemental
and critical against others again.

And in addition to that, was the workload in school.
Not the work load, but the study load. It’s like, I’m so afraid
that I couldn’t do well enough to achieve, so afraid that I
might disappoint my mum. When we have to strife, strain, stress,
and fight using their self-effort, that is when sin is found.

So I just listened to a sermon called, “Rest in His righteousness and reign”.
Hm, it’s really about resting in God’s un-earned, unmerited favour.
Not about how smart your brain is, or how much you studied.

“That means, don’t need to do anything la?”

I don’t mean that, do whatever you have to, but don’t trust in your hardwork.
You work hard but you trust totally in God’s favour regardless of circumstances.

It was a whole lot of help and relief for me. God, I trust in Your favour.
I know I will do well not because of my hardwork,
but because of your favour on me.
I rest and let go. Jesus is my wisdom, Jesus is my qualification.

And by wednesday, I was already hopping mad about some stuff.
Over that same old issue which I’ve been stuck on for months.

And then, I listened to the sermon again on thursday.
It’s really important to learn how to rest in God.

Still held in the thought of hurts,
I went to city hall after school yesterday.
And was just walking around, went to Times bookstore,
and since I had nothing to do, I went there to just look
around, decided to pick up Joel Osteen’s book.

And I was reading it. It spoke so much to me.
Read through 2 Chapters.

First chapter talked a little bit more about how Lakewood
church was formed, about how John Osteen, Joel’s father,
left the church he started because he discovered who God
really is and began to preach on that. People started to
protest, and after that John was so discouraged and upset,
he knew he had to leave.

If John had not left, remained in his hurts, discouragements,
and not move on. Guess, there won’t be any existance of Lakewood church.
Sometimes, God has to stir things up to make us move somewhere else.

But wherever we are, what we do, God’s the one that placed the
potential in us in the very beginning before we were born.
What people say do not determine our potential.

Whatever it is, pursue that dream, don’t let it die.
Allow God to ressurect the dream.

Sometimes the environment cannot contain the dream,
just like we need the right environment to plant a seed.

E.g. when we start planting a tree in a pot,
it will come to a time when the pot cannot contain the
root anymore. We need to remove the pot and plant
it somewhere else.

Go with the dream, but if the dream can’t start unless
you close the door of the past totally shut.
Press on ahead.

It’s like some government buildings that we enter,
for security purposes, there’s this 2 door thing.
The second door will not open unless the first is
tightly shut.

It’s not the change of environment that will cause the
circumstances to change. But it’s really alot about
the changing of the mind. Don’t listen to those negative
things that people are telling you. In the sense that,
they pull you down from your dream.

Remain in peace and God will work.
Don’t let anyone steal the peace from you.
Not worth it losing the peace.

I’m shutting the door of the past for good.
I’m not bringing it up again.

I really wanna thank God for this week,
guess that a lot is about resting in God.
Allowing God to fight my battles.
Rest in His peace.

You Deserve – Hillsong

What is this love given to us
That saved my life through selfless sacrifice
Although we fail the cross prevails
Forgiveness stands
You take me back again

You’ve shown me life
You’ve opened my eyes
So I give You my praise
Yeah I give You my all
You’ve shown me life
You’ve opened my eyes
To the truth that there’s no greater love

Now in the darkness God’s light shines
Christ forever glorified
So come on come on sing out to God
Now with all we’ve got
We live for You our God

Salvation’s strong in Christ alone
The Saviour King alone in victory
I step aside give You my life
For You to move do what You want to do

I can’t imagine a life without You without You
‘Cause it’s all for You
Yeah it’s all for You
God

Shout Unto God – Hillsong United

The enemy has been defeated
And death couldn’t hold you down
We’re gonna lift our voice in victory
We’re gonna make your praises loud

The enemy has been defeated
(shout unto god with a voice of triumph)

And death couldn’t hold you down
(shout unto god with a voice of praise)

We’re gonna lift our voice in victory
(shout unto god with a voice of triumph)

We’re gonna make your praises loud
(we lift your name up, we lift your name up)

Shout unto god with a voice of triumph
Shout unto god with a voice of praise
Shout unto god with a voice of triumph
We lift your name up, we lift your name up

THIS IS OUR GOD – Hillsong 17th Album.

1.	Your Name High
2.	Run
3.	Desert Song
4.	This Is Our God
5.	He Is Lord
6.	High And Lifted Up
7.	Stronger
8.	Healer
9.	You Are Here
10.	You Deserve
11.	Across The Earth
12.	Where We Belong
13.	Sing To The Lord
14.	You’ll Come
15.	Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus
16.	With Everything
17.	*Track List Is Subject To Change Before Street Date

You are here (The Same Power) – Hillsong Live

There is a love that I know
Shed for the weak and the broken heart
My shepherd and king
I find you within me
For you are here

Carried the cross for the world
Gathered the lost & the fatherless
My shepherd and king
I find you within me
For you are here
My lord forever

You are here, in this place
You are here, by your mercy
I draw near, in my heart
Take your place, You are here

Your word is divine on the earth
Your glory resounds in the universe
My shepherd and king
I find you within me
For you are here
My lord forever

You are here
The same power that conquered the grave
Lives in me
Lives in me

Your love that rescued the earth
Lives in me
Lives in me

—————————————————

Jesus, You’re my Shepherd King,
You’re the only one that came to bind my broken heart,
You’re the only one that came to seek for the lost me.
Thank You Jesus.

PEOPLE!! THIS IS OUR GOD!!
OPEN YOUR EYES! OPEN YOUR HEARTS!!

Hm.

God just works wonders in every way,
beyond your expectations.

I didn’t have any expectations actually.
I expected nothing. There’s nothing in which,
I could really place my hope on.

What was the first half year of 2008 for me?
In Chronological Order:

JAN—Major unstability in life, in faith, in emotions.
JAN— new mobile phone.
FEB— new digital camera.
FEB—Went to China [Time of recuperation, rest and growth].
FEB — more revelations of Christ [Gospel of Grace].
MAR—more of me set free by His grace.
MAR—Came back from China.
MAR—Refreshed and attempts to share the Gospel of Grace.
MAR—Major distrust in people.
MAR—Tertiary Camp (Noticed certain changes)
MAR—Service(Noticed the similar changes)
MAR—Major turning point in life.
APR—Went back to church, in attempt to share.
APR—Managed to share with rh,ql,jose,xp,fel,kelly,cindy,2aunties.
MAY—Continued to share the Gospel of Grace.
MAY—Not much changes within group.
MAY—A few people whom I shared with benefitted from the message. [All glory to God, a ppl set free.]
MAY—Unstability in life, emotions, rejection, broken, the fall, irritable, no peace to remain.
MAY—In and out of service, wanted people to know that God gave them a mind to think.
JUN—Someone from the group told me something which she has seen, and I felt my objective has been met.
JUN—Still sorrowful and broken for the lack of fellowship. Irritable about people not accepting the gospel of grace.
JUN—new friends in school.
JUN—new classmates, group mates.
JUN—decision to move on.
5th JULY—1st YA with new church.
11th JULY—1st CG with new church.
12th JULY—2nd laptop mum offered to get me since poly’s.
13th JULY—1st service with the people.
14th JULY—new providence, God amazingly knew I’m left with $10 in my wallet. He provided me 10 times that amount. It may sound rather hard to believe, but, this’ not the first time. Times where my supply of cash ended, but the supply came in continuously. It just fits in nicely. No days without cash. I’m not the kind that would ask my mum for money. For me, money is just money, even if I were to have another $1million added to my pocket, it would not be much of a difference for me.

The only thing that I want is,
not just the pure head knowledge of God, BUT..

Let Him kiss me with the kisses of His mouth!
I want to experience His love first hand, myself.
It’s the only thing that I need and want.

When the appropriate time comes,
I would really like to visit Israel one day, or perhaps many days.
It’s going to be better that touring any other places in the world.

I’m still recovering from those traumatic experiences.
But I’m really grateful for all these things that He has blessed me with.
Of those, I really treasure is the new church and the friends.

I have been rather stressed up with school.
Just seems that there’s an overwhelming lot to study.

So I decided not to do anything.
Just sat down and listened to a sermon,
talking about Rest in Righteousness and Reign.

Yea, I wanna experience God’s unmerited favour.
Jesus, show me a bigger revelation of your unmerited favour.

You are my qualifications,
You are my help,
You are my covering,
You are my deliverer,
You are my righteousness,
You are my providence,
You are my healing.

Continue to work hard, but my trust should never
be in the flesh of self-effort of earning something.
My confidence is not in my hardwork, but based on
God’s perfect, unearned, unmerited favour. Amen.

Lord I rest. I rest in You. I rest in You. I rest in You.
I shall not labour.
You are my peace.
In You my soul finds rest.

Reveal to me a bigger revelation of Your unmerited favour.

12 hour day.

Just got lots of thoughts on my mind.

Today’s lesson for Exploring Psy 1.
Had both lecture and tutorial today.

Tutorial we were dealing with the article,
whether psychology is a science or art.
Research methods, processes.

IVs DVs, Experiment or Correlational Studies.

Research methods:
-Observation
-Experiments
-something.

Things to consider when dealing with theories:
-Does it fall under nominal fallacy?
-Can it just be described or there is an explaination for things.
-Can it be replicated?

Operational something. Hm.

Lecture we dealt with Personality,
Sigmund Freud’s psychodynamics.

Roger’s focus on something.
Maslow’s hierachy of needs. (Very true and interesting)
Schools of thoughts, theories, sets of hypotheses.

Ego, Super-Ego and Id. (Sigmund Freud)

Learning and Behaviour
-Classical Conditioning(Pavlov’s)
*UR = CR

-Evaluative Conditioning
*UR /= CR
Total opposites.

Alrights. Guess that’s all the stuff.
Actually it’s more. It’s a whole chunk of it.
Today’s lesson is like 10 to 10.
But it’s rather cool to have lessons at night.
It’s more cooling and quiet where the class is quieter.

Yea, and I reached home at 11pm. I kind of enjoyed it.
So here i am blogging. Felt rather exhausted actually,
but nevertheless, a good day.

Start the day with the Lord,
Walk through it with Him,
and end it with Him.

Even after 2 whole weeks of uni,
I still find it rather hard to adapt.

I can’t adjust well.
So much of changes, and just felt like things are piling up.

Yea, but on the brighter side,
mum offered me to get a new laptop,
and so I did, for a really good deal.

acer 5920G @ $1712 - U.P. $1798

But I got a hard disk instead of the printer
and an optical mouse,
which the dealer wanted to give free.

In the end, my mum paid, $1812 for all these.

-Laptop
-Laptop Carrying Case
-160GB WD hard disk
-Microsoft Office 2007

It was a pretty good bargain.
Really thank God for it.

And my mum had a windfall,
so that further cuts down the price of the laptop.

The beloved of God are blessed.

Gospel of Grace.

http://www.mindspring.com/~mamcgee/grace_gospel.html

Check this out for people who want to know more.
And check out the FAQs as well.

Well, study of psychology has turned me more into a mugger.
Although, adjusting from poly to uni life isn’t as smooth.

I just can’t really adapt well. But I trust God that,
He will take me through this semester as I do well,
in my studies to glorify him.

Get to know more people and just enjoy them.
Enjoy their company and, “how about sharing the gospel?”.
you may question.

“I strongly believe that God makes everything beautiful in His time.”

It’s not those wishy washy kind of sharing with no substance,
knowing people just for the sake of it. No-no.

It’s also something new for me to change and adapt to as
compared with what I did in the past.

I’m not interested in the theory of the gospel,
but I’m interested to know people more as friends,
to treat them as humans, not just force the gospel
down their throats.

I think it’s utter foolishness.

It’s a brand new start of everything.
And yes, certain things I studied,
related back to some really bad past experiences,
which helped me to understand some theories better.

But the bringing back of these foul thoughts,
is really harmful.

Some how there’s some really really strong associations
with the theories and these experiences.

It’s sometimes alike having,
Post-Traumatic-Disorder,
from my perspective.

God, deliver me from it.
I need to break that association in my mind.

And it felt, as if I had a relapse again.
A relapse and fits of emotions, that caused me to weep when I’m alone.
All my fears and failures.

The sense of helplessness, being unloved, thinking
of issues within the family and situations that are
around me. It’s altogether too heavy for me to carry.
I’m crushed under the weight of it all.

Worries in life, tangled with uncertainties.

A broken spirit, a contrite heart and an afflicted soul, is all I have.
I have nothing to give and nothing else you can take from me.

Psalm 121
I lift up my eyes to the hills–
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip–
he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD watches over you–
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day, not the moon by night.
The LORD will keep you from all harm–
he will watch over your life;
the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.

I love what is being written (in red) in the Straits Time today.
I will just type that portion here, quoted by Justice Tay Yong Kwang:

“MY HEART hurts for you that so young a man will have to spend some of the best years of his life in prison and have to undergo so many strokes of the cane, but I trust that you understand a deterrent sentence is unavoidable in the circumstances.

Dave, you have had a very hard life. I hope that this unfortunate and traumatic wrong turn in you life will make you more mature and a whole lot wiser and that you will spend the next few years reconstructing your young life.

I hope that you will pursue your studies, listen to good advice from counselors and learn many skills while in prison and that, upon your release, you will have a life full of meaning and purpose to honour the memory of your grandmother and your beloved younger brother.

It has been written, ‘To everything there is a season’. There was a time when you loved, there came a time when you hated. There was a time when you felt you wanted to kill, now is the time for you to heal. There was a time you were broken down, now is the time to build yourself up. There was a time when you were at war in your being, now is the time to restore peace within.”

The One Thing – Daily Devotional

Righteousness Is Not Right Doing But Right Being

Romans 4:5
5But to him who does not work but believes on Him who justifies the ungodly, his faith is accounted for righteousness,

What do you think righteousness is about? Something you do or something you are? Right doing or right being?

The Bible tells us that after Jesus’ sacrifice at the cross, God imputes righteousness not to those who strive to obey the law (Galatians 2:16), but to anyone who simply believes in His Son. Because Christ took our sins and gave us His righteousness (2 Corinthians 5:21), the moment we believe in Him, God treats us as righteous apart from our works or obedience. (Romans 4:5–8) This is new-covenant righteousness — a righteousness that comes by faith and not works.

You are not righteous because of how morally upright you are. You are not righteous because you exercise self-control. You are not righteous because you read 10 chapters of the Bible daily. You are not righteous because you feel righteous. But you are the very righteousness of God in Christ solely because the sacrifice of Jesus made you so. When you believe this, your faith is accounted for righteousness.

And this is what God wants you to use your faith for. If you are righteous by your deeds, you don’t need faith. You also don’t need faith to know that you still sin. But you need faith to believe and declare that you are the righteousness of God in Christ, in the midst of your struggles with temptation and sin.

For example, when you feel lousy because you have just shouted at your wife, God wants you to exercise faith to see yourself still righteous in the midst of that failure. This living revelation that you are still righteous will give you the strength to love your wife and reconcile things with her.

But the devil may remind you of your foul temper and question your integrity: “How dare you call yourself righteous when you just did that!” Just ignore his lies and boldly declare,” I am not righteous because of what I have done or not done. I am righteous only because of the blood and finished work of Jesus at the cross!”

Grounding in love.

Grounding in love.

It’s ok, because He still loves me.
Your grace is always super abandant in every aspect of weakness in life.

I want to thank God in advance for the new start that he has given me.
It’s like He gave me another chance to ‘re-do’ my tertiary life again.

Yea, and my thoughts are more or less decided.
New start, new environment.

I will just summarize it like that:

f rg v  th m, l t g   nd g v  mys lf  n th r  ch nc .
forgive them, let go and give myself another chance.

Give them a chance, and give myself a chance.

Give time to ground myself, change so I can forgive them.

Give myself a chance to know God more,
give them a chance to learn from the mistake.

Lord, i cast my cares on you.
I place this entire thing into your hands.
I shall not worry or think of it again.

Dreamland.

Thoughts not worth reading.

Had weird dreams last 2 nights, or afternoon?

I dreamed that I met Pastor ABC on some high-way,
then we kind of stopped the vehicle to talk about something.

Something that I had never brought up to Pastor E before personally.
So I felt that it was a good chance now, to share, one to one.
And Pastor ABC said, “you see, all these things have to be balanced.. …”

Then I thought to myself, “I think, just forget the whole thing. They will
never make a change just because of 1 person. – Exactly just like what
Pastor QRS told me before.”

And I woke up… Could that be one message for me?

———————————————————–

This is something ridiculous.

I dreamed that I was in a battle field with some others, in full uniform,
including boots sack and helmet. We’re running like crazy, guess there
was an air raid, and one of the comrades got struck and died.

This is what we do for every comrade who fell.
We had to take an egg, toss it high and it lands near or on the corpse,
surprisingly not with a splat, but lands fixed on the spot, then ends with
a mini-explosion, which shine like a ray of light upwards and that’s all.
Something like a “shooting star” which shoots upward from the ground,
and disappears.

The end.

The biggest Revolt ever.

Long since last blog.

Hm. I went for NC service myself on Sunday.
And it’s getting more packed than ever that they have
to open up more overflow rooms.
And sermon was something regarding shepherd and sheep.
About being a shepherd that feeds sheep,
not whack sheep with your staff.

Staff is for whacking wolves and anything that threatens the flock.
We don’t shoot fiery darts from the pulpit.

It’s 490 years since the reformation (Martin Luther) and
people squabbling with the issue over righteousness.
And in bible prophecy 490 is the number of completion.

It’s amazing. Reformation happened on 31st October 1517.

31st is the day of reformation and it is also Halloween.

1 5 1 7
+   4 9  0
2 0 0 7
The teaching of righteousness is revived in the church.
A righteousness that is by faith.
Justification by faith.

What is justification by faith or righteousness by faith?
God’s act of declaring a sinner righteous — by faith alone through God’s grace

The Reformation began when a German named Martin Luther criticized the power and practices of the Catholic Church. In 1517 he listed 95 grievances against the Catholic Church and nailed them to the door of the church in Wittenburg.

Monastic and Academic Life
Luther dedicated himself to monastic life, devoting himself to fasts, long hours in prayer, pilgrimage, and frequent confession. Luther tried to please God through this dedication, but it only increased his awareness of his own sinfulness. He would later remark, “If anyone could have gained heaven as a monk, then I would indeed have been among them.” Luther described this period of his life as one of deep spiritual despair. He said, “I lost touch with Christ the Savior and Comforter, and made of him the jailor and hangman of my poor soul.“
I went through part of that, trying to please God,
and it is true, the more I try, the more sin-conscious I am.
So, seriously, don’t try it again this way.

And as I look, I partake of this nailing of grievances on the church door.
The righteousness of faith has to be preached in the church.

Unless they come to know that it is nothing of them but all of
Christ by faith that we gained this righteousness, they will
never break out of this cycle.

Anyway, back to the sermon. This was a bit of a side-track.

Psalm 23.

He is the good shepherd.
How do we tell if we are sitting under the teaching of God
appointed leaders?

When the sheep(people) are/will NO LONGER:
1. be afraid
2. be terrified
3. be missing

What does a shepherd(leader) do when the sheep/lamb(people)
does not have any produce?
-Slap the sheep? (Using the bible, whacking people using God’s word to instill fear.)
-Feed the sheep? (Using the bible, continue feeding them, using God’s word to encourage.)

For goodness sake! It’s just a lamb!
What is the point of slapping the lamb and
hitting it when it does not produce.
“Permanent no milk.”

Feed, feed, feed! Feed them!
When did Jesus ever say, WHACK them?

or

“Shepherds! If you don’t see your sheep producing,
smack them, whack them, whatever you can do! Just
whack till the fruits come! Force them, push them.”

NO!  But..

He said, “feed my sheep”.
It’s always feeding and never whacking.

Of course there are times where people need to be
corrected. When leaders approach them privately, in gentleness,
lovingly, but firmly tell them the truth. Although it may hurt and
no one wants to hear anything bad.

But ever heard of this proverb?
“And enemy multiplies kisses.”

Be a man in the home,
A lion towards the devil,
An ox(servant) towards the flock.

Oks. I’ll just stop here.
I’ve been blessed just to type down this entire chunk.
Hope that you will be just as blessed to receive it.

Super-abounding grace.

Today’s one kind of a journey to town. Yea, one great surprise.
And I wouldn’t deem it as something ordinary.
Probably something unplanned in the natural,
and planned in the supernatural.

Never mind about the thing.

Anyway, I was listening to Ps Prince’s sermon with my aunt.
It talked about the covenant of grace and law.
And my application, I would not pen down here. =)

The other sermon which spoke to me was that,

Where sin increases, grace super abounds.
It’s just so true in life, especially in my current situation.
Where things are in a helpless stage or in its state of weakness,
only there, God’s abundant grace can super abound.

In my weakness, there’s nothing I can do but to believe You.

super abound – abundance of grace and on top of that add more grace.

I choose to trust You Lord.
Where sin/weakness/lack increases, there Your grace super abounds.
You are able to turn situations around, for the good of all those who
love you. I will not wait for it to be evident, before I believe, same thing
goes for believing right, in who you are. Thank you. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Proclaim Your loving kindness in the day,
and Your faithfulness at night.

—————————————————————–

“Who do you say I am?”

All that You say You are, I believe.

Anointed Ants.

In the day I will sing of your loving kindness,
in the night I shall declare Your faithfulness.
[Psalm 92]

Well, was supposed to be at NC with my friends.
I reached at 1045am and the queue is already so long.
The auditorium was so packed that I had to sit on the floor.

Hmm. But yea, my friends can’t make it in the end.
And amazingly, my loving God sent me company,
within 5 to 10 minutes of waiting, Steffie came out
of nowhere, and I signaled to her. And I finally had
someone to talk to. Yea, I thank God for the company.

It’s really something totally unplanned.
Yep and I was supposed to meet another friend after service.
And he was late because he just woke up.

So I decided to just get into and for the service a 2nd time.
So I went through it twice. And I got what I didn’t catch in
the previous service.

I enjoyed the praise and worship.

Got my anointing oil with some ants in it.
It’s ok. Cleared them out. It’s not the oil.
It’s the prayer of faith.

And I came out just in time to meet my friend.
And everything went well.

I’ve come to terms with certain things,
and there’s no need for further explanation.
I’ve decided and that’s it. FULL STOP.

Hmm. Just came in to do last minute blogging before I retreat
for a rest in bed.

Sometimes I really think it this way,

Why the trouble? I should have moved on.
But have been kept from calling “it” trouble.

After all, the Lord never forced me to do it.

Yea, I just literally felt that, it’s unfinished business.
Just thought that I could just jump into it and give it a last kick.

Make it or break it.
After that, I’ll just leave.

Unfinished business in there which keeps me.
Can’t just leave like that.

Maybe it’s really a training ground,
where during the hearing of controversial teachings,
and yet able to keep focused on God,
holding firm to the faith, in full reliance on God.

Just watching Paul Baloche’s CD.
Got hold of it from someone else quite long ago.
Forgot about it until quite recently.

Inspired to really brush up my guitar skills.
Yea, but I was thinking this to myself.
If I were to get hold of this new skill sets,
would I use it for myself or dedicate it fully to God,
who freely give all good gifts.

Lord, I want to use this guitar skills for you.
All these I freely receive from you, I use it for you.
A musician who is set apart for you.

Lord, I cast my cares on you.
All these things shall not be my focus.
Only you. You know what’s in me.
You know what keeps beating in my heart.
It’s too much for me to carry.

I receive your healing.
I thank you for the abundance of grace,
and the gift of righteousness that Jesus gave up for me.

By your grace, you’ve called me your own.
I’m righteous not by works, but the blood of Jesus.
I am the righteousness of God in Christ.

A thousand may fall on my side,
and ten thousands on my right,
but none shall come near me.
You made me clean.
You made me clean.

Nothing but your blood.
I’m righteous and holy because of You.

Hmm, I’ve completed Harry Potter 7.
Mans, I really love the whole fantasy form 1-7.
It has been an enjoyable journey with J.K. Rowling.

I wish it never ended. Haha. But like what the last sentence
of the novel concluded, “all is well”.

Can’t imagine if a wizarding world like that actually ever existed.

Hmm. Well, anyway, back on life.
There are some things which I am getting rather impatient about.
I just can’t wait.

Yea, need persevere in being patient.
Have that tendency to jump into things and dive straight in.

I shall continue to wait on God.

The Opportunity.

Yes, and I’m back again to blog what I haven’t completed.
Well, it all happened on a sunday night.

Reached home and I was really tired after helping out there.
She (not my aunt) was kind of troubled, and she started to share with me,
about family feuds in the past, things where the younger generation do
not have any idea about.

Conversation that is so full of hurts and stress, insecurity.
And yes, I really wish that I could just say this to her,
“trust God, have faith in Him.” But I could not.

But yea, I sincerely told her that, I really have somethings to tell
her, but always she would just snap at me this, “don’t tell me
anything about your God. I will never never become one.”

Yea, it was a long talk of about an hour plus through the midnight.
From 12 plus to about 1 plus am. I just couldn’t help, but ended of
with this,

“I really think you need some rest, and maybe you could just come
to church, sit down and listen. Don’t have to do anything, just listen,
and rest.”

She wasn’t that against it, it was the first time I talked to her about
this that she did not even rebut. She had deeper concerns.

And after that she wanted to sleep.
I hugged her and I ended off, telling her something about God.

“God is not just some god up there, He is a God that is always nearby.”

After saying that, I felt a deep thankfulness that is in my heart,
“God is indeed a God that is always nearby.”,

and I can’t help but wept after I finished speaking those last words…

Out of thankfulness that He’s a God nearby and never far away..
and the opportunity to share about Him with the woman whom
I love very much and treasure a lot, my mum.

It’s a miracle. I never shared any aspect about God with her before,
although we may quarrel in the past over some God-thing. And
this’ the first time I shared about a God near by, trust God, don’t
worry. Also the very first time I hear that tinge of uncertainty, in
her own claim of never becoming a christian. She even said, I could
be right.

Really thank God for allowing me to share to her.

They’re opening up!!

Heys, just came in to blog about 2 significant things here.
Things that I really want to thank God for.

Well, God’s always been providing me and blessing me
with cash. Whatever I wanted or needed, he’s always there,
to provide me.

On Saturday, I went over to my aunt’s place for her to sign
my JCU student contract before I could make my submission.

So I ended up there, talking to her and sharing to her about
the grace of God. Since I was a little tired, I decided to just
talk to her about certain things that I saw and felt. And I’m
glad that she benefited from what I told her. After that she
was more at ease and at peace, to sleep when she said she
couldn’t sleep all night.

And my uncle asked if I’m going to whichever church on sunday.
So I said that I’m not so sure. Thus they invited me over to their
church on sunday, and I went.

Although I felt the urge to go for NC’s service (don’t know why),
but I decided to accept the invitation to show acceptance towards them,
that they will know they’re accepted and faith is never separated by
denominations.

Well, it’s a church that I would say, is not so modern and not so
traditional, unlike the charismatic churches who believe in the
empowerment/enablement of the Holy Spirit.

Although, I would comment that, the service is not as vibrant,
it’s the kind of as you may call it, “hymnal, quiet, peaceful” music,
without the loud beats of drums and clanging of cymbals.

Although, they may be conservative in this certain manner,
you would be surprised how much they actually value the grace of God,
as compared to modernized churches. They’re no more the kind of
legalistic and conservative churches as what people think of traditional (a bit)
churches are right now. They’re opening up! Praise God!

Even to the idea of believing in the baptism of the Holy Spirit,
as some churches do not.

I went through the whole service with them from praise to benediction.
At first, yes, I was a little distracted by certain things like the sound itself.
But I chose to focus on God once again.

And yes, I was filled again during worship. I have some things I want to
share about benediction that I’ve read in a book while in my aunt’s home.
But I’ll save that for another entry.

Seriously, when different denominations come together, we have to
acknowledge the differences and really lay them aside. The differences
in style of worship, songs that are chosen, the way holy communion is
led. But all goes back to the main-stream, which is the focus on God,
not on rules and traditions without meaning(what to do, what not to do)
passed down by generations.

Got 2 verses which flowed through my head at that time.

Just these words appeared,
-every mouth silenced before God
-creator who is forever praised

Now we know that whatever the law says, it says to those who are under the law, so that every mouth may be silenced and the whole world held accountable to God. [Rom 3:19]

They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen. [Rom 1:25]

Hmm. Just what I managed to search from IBS.

And the sermon was about breaking traditions, not for the sake of breaking,
but, because it does not have any meaning anymore and it’s outwardly, like
the pharisees, not the inwardly, the heart. About not compromising your
believe in God. That’s what I got out of the sermon.

And after this visit, I really think that, charismatics and pentecostal churches,
do have their edge that these churches are only just beginning to expound on.
We do have a sharper edge because of the baptism in the HS. The enablement
of God. Treasure and love the HS seriously. It’s really a gift and a privilege
to receive the HS from God.

Don’t wait until your leaders find out any truth, then pass it on to the rest.
Receive it for yourself FIRST-HANDED from God. =)

Trust God and just walk with Him. Wait for no one.
Go all out and expound on the deepest truths that
you can ever draw from God.

I desire the deep truths of God and the things of God.
The coming weekend is going to be even more exciting.

God, I can’t wait for you to pour that down on me.
I receive it and thank you in advance for it in your name. Amen.

And this is only just one of the things that I want to thank God for.
Will continue to write the next entry maybe tomorrow or so.

Loves,
Jiaeenn

Jesus My Splendour

Jesus You are my splendour,
You’ve adorned me and brought me to Your throne,
You’ve crowned me with glory and honour.
Cos You’ve placed me in Your worth.

My righteousness, holiness,
I’ve found in You my sacrifice,
Just as You are so am I,
I’m justified, sanctified,
I live my life for Your honour,
I am the child of the Lord, Most High.

In You I Live

I will sing of You always,
Of your goodness and your grace,
and the wonders of your love for me.

I’ll declare your glory Lord,
That you died and rose again,
Now in you I stand justified.

All of my hope is in You Lord,
In the saving power of Your blood.

You’re my righteousness, my deliverer,
I am free and alive, cos’ You live in me,
I will shout my praise, unto You my King.
You’re my Jesus, in You I live.

Your words specially for her.

God wants to bless you, increase your love for Him.
God wants to tell you, that he loves you very very very much.
He wants to pour out his love all over you.
Not the spirit of condemnation but of love.

He’s going to break the chains of spirit of discouragement
and disbelief in receiving spiritual gifts. He is going to break
all the lies of satan in your personal life.

Everything you need, he has already given to you.

He knows that you are very tired.
He wants to strengthen you, so that you can be to
your full potential.

God wants to heal you emotionally. He wants to give you
healing and he will provide you financially.

My Ideal Room.

Well, the past 2 days were spent meeting up with an old friend,
as well as clearing some rubbish from my room.

Mum’s gonna get me a new book rack, and yes, I really need that.
One with doors. Spare the trouble of dusty shelves.

Time was spent on rearranging the furnishing in my room.
I thought it looked quite alright now. It’s like after a while,
you get so sick and tired of the old arrangement, after sticking
through with it for the whole of my poly life.

Yea, don’t want to be reminded of those days ever again.

So nearly my entire room setting has changed, everything,
except the wardrobe and the colour of the wall.
How about a lime bright geen, or an orange, red or yellow?
Bright colours I should paint.

Of course, it’s even better to get a flat TV on the wall,
with surround sound speakers, disc player, to watch
movies/sermons, hi-fi set for playing music, a sofa bed instead
of the regular bed, where the room can be as a guest room
in the day and a bedroom at night, and a quiet mini-library,
where I could enjoy personal times of solitude reading.
Now one side of the room looks like an office, that’s the
study. The other side looks like the bedroom, and the third
side looks a little like a mini-library.

It’s like another “bomb” to get all those stuff.
Hi-fi set,
Flat screened TV,
Disc player with surround sound speakers,
Sofa-bed.

I really like a flexible room. =p But all those are just
my wants.

A room where it can be anything to suit that moment.
A multi-purpose room. Everything except the toilet
and the kitchen. lol. Perhaps one day I’ll have that room.

Good News – written by me. =)

Well, with days of nothing to scribble in here,
there were some things that came to me which,
I would want to really thank God for.

Firstly, I got offered by JCUS and I was still rather uncertain about some things. I stopped at just that, elated to receive the letter. What came in later was that, I found another friend whom I’ve crossed in poly, who also got into JCUS. And I didn’t expected anything further than this. I thought that I might just have to start from scratch, since I studied nothing in relations to the current subject that I’m about to take up. To my surprise, I peeled opened the envelop and pulled out the letter which revealed to me that I have also an equal advance standing of 8 subjects with that friend. I never expected anyone to be in the same route which I have taken. So it’s kind of a surprise for me. It also settles what I’m about to do next. I was really glad for the relief that was given me. Yea, and I really prayed that God would supply me with a scholarship if He would. Though it wasn’t a scholarship that I’ve gotten, someone agreed to sponsor a five digit sum. If it was a gift, I would gladly receive it with thanksgiving, I know that it’s God that provides. If it’s just ‘another kind of transaction of returns’, I would not want to have it, not even a quarter of a cent.

Secondly, it’s this another of this old friend of mine, which some of you might know. Yea, she has recovered to a right state of mind. Although she’s not going to consider studying again, she’s going out there to work. She and her brother has been attending CHC’s services and fellowship since 3months. It’s great to hear good news like that, that she’s recovered from all the misconceptions and lies that used to chain her, and I believe that she’s in good hands of her spiritual leaders after I conversed with her. I managed to meet her up and talk to her. It was different from before after months of no news and no contact. Perhaps, everyone has grown up and starting to behave like they should as a young adult. No more kiddish conversations like last time during the old secondary school days. Talks about life. I believe that, this whole entire experience that put her and me through this whole thing, was a really great and important learning point that has charted a different route I chose to take to follow the truth always. It was really a turning point of my entire perspective about this whole relationship with God. Yea, and it took me 2 years of my life. Life’s short eh? Imagine, 2 out of 82. Pretty “big portion” of time. Kind of. Come to think of it, 2 years is really a lot of time.

Thirdly, I went for tertiary service today. It talked about ‘how to build each other up’. It’s a good news I heard and identified somethings that I’ve observed myself. Sermons are getting better each week, just my personal thought. One day the sermons will come up to the full and overflowing measure of grace and the Spirit of truth of God that will mend hearts, meets needs, knit the hearts of the people together and seeing miracles happening in the midst of the preaching the gospel of grace and Christ is unveiled to the lost. His loveliness, his beauty and his perfection. It shall come to past. Amen. A church flowing with the grace and truth of Christ, it shall come forth. Forcefully preaching the gospel of grace more strongly, in greater measure than the former, despite persecution from other legalistic leaders. I will proclaim it till it comes to past.

Not by might, nor power, chariots or horses, but by the Spirit of God.

I felt really filled during praise alone.
I was really thankful that, despite this 2 years of crap that I’ve gone through, God didn’t just end it as it is. He gave me another few more years to start again. It’s really like another new sheet of paper for me. And I was thankful for this another chance to ‘re-do’ life again, though I screwed really bad for the past 2 years plus. It’s another brand new chapter where I can start afresh again. God’s good. And I was just so thankful and touched somehow that I felt washed over by God’s grace and mercy. I was filled within, focus re-adjusted back. Nothing else mattered. All I knew was, I started to see value in Christ again. I began to see Him as a person again. I never want to loose sight of Him again. It’s horrible. Yes, I really thank God for giving me this new life. A life that’s to the fullest with the abundance of grace and gift of righteousness.

I remember every Holy Communion this:

The bread:
His stripes, for my healing.
His body, for my wholeness.

The cup:
His blood, for my forgiveness.
His blood, for the new covenant.

His life, for my righteousness and holiness before God.

There is nothing that I could offer Him.

The lyrics speak of what I wanted to express.

In Your Freedom

I search for You God of strength
I bow to You in my brokenness
And no other King could have so humbly come
To save my soul and heal my heart

I have nothing more than all You offer me
There is nothing else that’s of worth to me

And I love You Lord
You rescued me
You are all that I want
You’re all that I need

I pray to You God of peace
I rest in You my cares released

I have nothing more than all You offer me
There is nothing else that’s of worth to me

And I love You Lord
You rescued me
You are all that I want
You’re all that I need

In Your freedom I will live
In Your freedom I will live
I offer devotion, I offer devotion

Well, have been half through reading J.K. Rowlings’,
7th book, ‘Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows’.
I love her writing style.

To-Do-List
+Purchase a gift.
+Return grad attire.
+Pack my room.

Basically nothing to write about here.
I’ll not betray myself to others.

Hear the GOOD news!!

Well, I was looking for people who might be online,
who possessed the recently taken photo on graduation day.

Turned out to be reading other people’s blogs.
I felt it was really uplifting to read these 2 blogs on my list.
Clarence’s and Larry’s. Sounds like some brand name. =p
It’s not what you say, like it’s RELIGIOUS. Everything is GOD.
But it really tells of life’s story.

Wait till you come to that bottomless pit in life,
will you then experience that helplessness, loneliness,
the depression, mental oppression.

You will have no where to turn to except Jesus himself.
It’s really good news which points to God.
I need to hear more good news,
and I know exactly where to find them.

I need uplifting from God.
Lift me above all my present circumstances.

I really, truly think that, a life without God is plain.
You get all those shit in life with no one to walk beside you.

Not even people who are closest to you.
None can understand you perfectly.

All those heartaches for nothing, jealousy, envy,
selfish, judging of others.

Basically nothing to say.
Nothing to say, nothing to share, and nothing to comment on.

I want to hear, nothing but the truth.
Nothing but the good news.

When life becomes pointless at all.

whenever things are not with a joyous spirit and soul
its never the Word
its never God

there must be a joy inside
trials and cirumstances there may be
God will prevail
let God lead the way

always remember that His ways are supernatural
it doesnt really have to make sense
but we all know the end result
it shall be good

honestly
i had a tough trial too
i thought everything was over
i was so disappointed in everything
i was at the lowest point of life

but I chose to believe in Him
I chose to confess only the right stuff and not the bad ones
i Chose to SEE myself IN CHRIST, which means im ALREADY victorious

and u know what?
everything changed in just one night
Thats how Good God is if u believe

goodnight
ive work tmr
hope it speaks to you.

sometimes, patience do pay off
things may not be well
things may not even make any sense anymore
but u know what?
continue praise Jesus
continue seeking Him
He will make a way.

Graduation

Today’s another of those days out with Jas.
Yea, she’s leaving on 22nd June.

I’ll miss this friend of mine.
My aunt actually drove us to Chinese Garden
to take some grad pictures. RP and NP grad attire.
Quite cool.

6 years of friendship. Hahaha.
And you got me a Billabong HP strap.
Thanks. Although it’s not that as some others
might say, “expensive”.

But really, greatly appreciated. =)
I guess friendships are just like that as what I perceive.

Beginning years friendship not valued as much
- gifts are more expensive the earlier the years.

Older years friendship highly valued highly
- gifts are less and less expensive as the friendship gets more and more valued.

Hmm. It may not be how you see it.
But this’ sometimes the way I see friendship.
It really depends.

Well, how do I explain that?
Kind of doesn’t makes any sense?

Gifts are more expensive in the beginning to
express the significance of the friendship.
As the friendship ages, you will really know it.

Sometimes, you don’t have to speak a word,
and your friend just knows it all. After all those years,
you friend gives you a small gift, it’s the heart
that really matters. There’s trust and thus,
no necessity to get something expensive to express
it’s significance. The heart speaks it all.

Yea, and 2 aunties, ahma, and 2 cousins,
turned up for my graduation on 27th May.
Yes, that’s already a blessing, and my aunt was really nice,
to get a bouquet of roses for me.
The only one out of 470+ ICT graduates.

Then my aunt dropped us at city hall.
So we went to eat at the food junction.
Strolled in and out of stores. The GSS.

Marina Square, then went back to that usual place.
Yea, my legs hurt like crap. Haha. But nevermind.

Blood.

What’s it like, to have your hit your own head,
repetitively against the wall till your skull cracks,
and eventually breaks, producing warm, greasy,
scarlet liquid out of your head. That’s blood.

I wonder what’s it like. Yea I know.
Sounds gruesome and suicidal.
Sometimes I really hate my life.

God, I need people who have your wisdom,
to counsel me in your grace and truth.
I’ve got nothing to offer. All I have is a speck.

Feeling pretty hopeless about everything in life.
That’s why sometimes I really hate my life.

Well, sitting in a well-lit environment now, listening to
the rhythmic snores of deep sleep.

Today I want to thank God, really, for the wonderful,
dinner with my maternal family. Great food, great prawns.
Prawns the size of your hand literally. What’s the best,
is, the gathering itself other than the food.

I really love this kind of gatherings, where people, really gather
about to talk about things in life. Like where to go after poly and
how’s everyone doing. Even aunties are like my friends. Yea, I really
do share my life with them.

We can just be open and frank, without having to worry that they
might stab you in the back or look down on you. People who aren’t
even christians who love the family more than how christians love
their family. We’re just talking about life, purely for the sake of
finding out more about each other. No pin-pointing, no judgement.

It’s really a blessing from God to be set in a family.
Yes, and at the end of the day, it’s my hard-earned $20 again.

It’s been great. On the other hand, yea, I know there’s some
stuff that I’m just being rebellious over. I just refuse to bow
down to it and the idea, although I know what I should do.

And to think again, I guess God said this to me,
“What if you are never going to see him again tomorrow?
“What if you are never going to see him again tomorrow?
“What if you are never going to see him again tomorrow?

It was repetitive. I was quietened, stilled and silenced in my heart.
My outward expression of resentment slowly withdrew from my face.
Yea, it kind of tamed me down when I heard the voice.
It’s really true. They won’t be here forever on this earth,
and what if they left without knowing God? Was once
again reminded about life, is a speck in eternity, it’s just
for now, it’s not going to be forever.

Yes, I shall go to sleep now. Good night.

PicturePress VS WordPress

Mans.. I wanted to load some pictures here.
But.. WORDY doesn’t allow me to paste some pics in here.

How about someone coming up with a brilliant idea of PicturePress.
A creative visual journal of life for the day… Haha. It’ll be cool.

I love all these things. Photo Art.

Went out with Xue today.
There wasn’t much sharing done today.

Just pure hanging out and having fun,
appreciating each other’s company.

It’s really cool. Enjoyed the time.
I never had such fun before, out with a friend.

I get fascinated with little little things. =)
That’s me. And little things like this,
makes things more memorable for me.

Although it’s simple, it really brings joy to the heart.

21st May

How I write my diary entries.

Cool. The very first thing I do is,
login to wordpress, click on new post,
and begin writing about my day,
ending the entry by randomly selecting some things
in the day that might be significant or anything that
might catch and… PRESTO. My title is born from of
the entry itself.

Today’s Vesak day. Well, spent the day at home,
helping out with some stuff for nearly the whole
day, and it was a little tiring.

Today, I also ate the most horrible Tom Yam
Bee Hoon soup I ever tasted so far. Extreme
sour and spicy. My cousin finished like 2 cans
of drinks when he’s only half done with the bowl
of soup.

Hmm. Also had some really “sour” spells in me.
Couldn’t help it. I know it sucks, but it’s really
the flesh.

Last Sat, I managed to stay out late with my mum’s
approval. It may sound like a small thing and
a matter which many would deem as insignificant.
But to me, it’s a benchmark and it really meant something.

It’s the first time ever in life, I went home so late,
she did not show any signs of unhappiness, or
said anything or what. Everything went totally well.

As each day passes by, I know that salvation is
drawing nearer and nearer than ever.

Few more days to my graduation.
I was reminded of one of my friend’s birthday,
one whom I haven’t kept in touch for very long.

21st May.

A too ‘graceful’ entry.

Where sin increases, grace super abounds!

Yea, I know I might have my head hunted down for this
entry, as I keep talking about grace. That’s why the
entry name is called, “A too ‘GRACEFUL’ entry.”

Haha. I went for NCC’s service today.
Finally after some time, I’m able to stay focused in P&W.
It was really good. Yea I would say that, for the times that
I joined corporate worship in the congregation, I was
extremely disturbed by certain thoughts that kept
flowing through my mind.

Yes, I was indeed refreshed by the grace message that,
I first heard the first time I heard about grace. Although,
it may seem as a easy peasy fundamental foundation of
christianity, it’s not as easily understood and applied as
opposed to what many people have commented.

Yes, really thank God for that super abounding grace
in my life. And I do strongly believe deeply in this
grace that is given to me. I will come to Him freely
and accept it with thanksgiving in my heart.

I also went for saturday’s tertiary service at Hope.
It was an ESS. I felt that although it was a simple
message brought across, it did touch on God’s
character as a God who does not judge or condemn,
also, it focuses widely on what Jesus has finished
for us. Really, thank God. It was one of those
sermons that spoke life and breathe life into the
people.
And we see many people come to know God,
when the gospel is being preached. =)

I went to my usual place I had to every night,
and there’s this worker there also. She’s from
China and she’s working for my uncle. I felt
the open-ness in her heart and I really did
considered sharing to her before. She didn’t
know I attended church.

She asked me what I did yesterday, so I plainly
told her that I went to church with my friends.
And she seems rather interested. She kind of
commented that, “church talks a lot about
principles right? should get my daughter(P6 kid)
down one day to just sit and listen.”

I was so so tempted to continue talking about it,
and probably share to her more about Jesus,
since she did not really believed in anything.
She went to a catholic mass before, but nothing
much. I wonder how I should approach her about
Jesus.

I wanna preach Jesus in my life.
I wanna have a heart for the gospel,
not just any other gospel, but the gospel of grace, the gospel of Christ,
which the apostle paul preached about in his ministry.

There’s nothing more worth than preaching the gospel of grace.

One heart is all i have.

It’s great to see the people around you change when they
hear about grace. CAUTION: It is EXTREMELY revolutionary.
All the aunties and friends who have heard it and caught
the revelation of it. Praise God? haha. =) You’ll realise the
difference.

It’s a fact I can’t deny. Even my life changed. Haha.

As I was going for service last saturday, thoughts of
intimidations and fear kept fluctuating in my mind.
Yes, and I really thank God for this gift of no condemnation.
I had this in mind as I was walking towards Nexus.

The scripture about Mary Magdalene standing face to face
with Jesus. When Jesus firmly, but, gently and lovingly looked
at her downcast face, he spoke these words of grace to her.

“Woman, has no one condemned you? Where are your accusers?”

I felt more assured at least, although I wasn’t very comfortable.

And today I shared to my mum this really weird dream I had,
two days back.

Weird Dream
It’s this coffin in my bedroom, on the floor. With my already
deceased relative. My aunt’s father which is my grand uncle?
In actual, he passed on like years back.

But so happen that the coffin is not closed, and I saw that,
his body was stiffen and his face pale as sheet. This thought
has never really came across in my mind before, that’s why
it’s weird to me.

I rose him back to life in Jesus’ name. I was so amazed and
happy that I was so excited to tell my aunt the good news,
that her father was alive again. The feel is just so amazing.

Yea. I couldn’t imagine that I rose him back from the dead.

And then with my mum around the house. I ran to her and
told her the good news first and I said this to her in my dream,
“Mum, see! I told you that my God is real!”.

-end-

Haha. yea, that was the dream. lol.
And then I went on to another dream, which I shall not
continue to type in here. =)

Need some sleep. Good nights peeeps. =)

Well well, what to blog.
Just felt that this thing in life is really driving me nuts.

My cousin’s at my home sound asleep. Tomorrow is
her last day of examinations. Listening Comprehension.
10am. We planned to wake at about 7am then go off for
some breakfast at MAC or something then head down to
QTN, then to school.

I’m feeling rather uncomfortable with some other stuff.
And some stuff I need to do which I don’t really feel
good and comfortable stepping out to do it.

Lord, how do I do it?

Then David said to the Philistine, “… I come to you in the
name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel
whom you have defied.” [1 Samuel 17:45]

Like you said, “Where are my Davids who will believe the new covenant?”

Here I am, Lord.
No more that small, intimidated and easily crushed grasshopper.

I want to be that David who will rise up to kill that Goliath,
and any forms of Goliath. I want to be that David who believes
in the new covenant. Grant me success in what I’m called to do,
because I trust in you. If it’s not me you’ve called to kill this
Goliath here, then please direct me somewhere else.

Please guide me in your truth. I don’t want to know
about anything else except the truth. Give me wisdom
and discernment to discern any forms of teaching as
well as to think and act. No more lies or half truths.

God, you hold my future in your hands.
Before you made me, you’ve known me.
Please show me what’s ahead of me so I can move on.
I don’t really know what’s for me.

On the lighter side, there’s this devotional that is very
very good, and something that I would approve and
deem as sound truth. And I would like to recommend it.

It’s “My Utmost For His Highest” by Oswald Chambers.
It’s really good. Get it if you can. Don’t think that it is
that expensive. Around like $9.90 for the book of a
year’s devotion.

Just came back roughly an hour ago.
Was thinking about what to blog down here.

Today was a long day for me.
I had mothers’ day lunch at my home,
together with my paternal family.

Food was great.

It was also some time where,
some dark and dirty little secrets are being revealed,
to certain people.
Well, I just kind of felt everything,
at least, was being made clear of.

And even at least they hear it and understood
the situation.

The other thing that made me stressed was
the questioning of what I’m going to do about
my future. I would really shun this question.

It’s already a tension within me for not getting
into whatever. Now this’ really added tension,
especially with successful people around.
There’s a competition to do well.

But I don’t really know what I really want to do,
would enjoy to and would do well in. So I can’t
state my interest.

Really don’t know what’s ahead.
But, really, it’s good to know that you have
believer relatives who are well off in their golden years,
who would really bother to talk to and pray for you,
including sharing of life, because God’s the focus.
It’s really good sharing of experience.

God, is my miracle on the way yet?

Hmm. Today, is like the number ?? mothers’ day,
that we’re all celebrating at my home. What did I
observe for the day.

Other auntie with more opened heart to the gospel I guess.
And my aunt “unknowingly”, conveniently shared a
very relevant testimony over the lunch table to my mum,
about answered prayers. Something which I felt that it
would manage to convince my mum a little. It just
flows so naturally. Didn’t even plan for it.

All I have to do is just believe God.
Believe in His character and trust in His goodness.
Back to fundamental basics, which I always forget.

Shall go sleep now.

Just as I prayed.

You answered.

Just as last week’s message at NC which spoke to me,
I decided to go back to Hope.

So I told God this, if you want me to go back on sat,
definitely you’ve to get someone to do my job,
otherwise, I can’t just leave it like that as it is.

Then today, someone came to free me from my job.
And I heard that the search had gone for 2 weeks for this person.
And I was that substitute for the time being.

Coz of some fellas that were playing boycott games.
How cunning the world can get. The game of craftiness and
slashing each other to gain dominion and see the other
person crumble and kow tow at their feet.

Hmm.. Guess I won’t be going for service at NC tmr.
It’s gonna be held at SIS. So I’ll just have a good rest,
and lunch’s gonna be great tomorrow.

God’s good. God’s good. God’s good.

Praise Him despite my circumstances.
I’m contented with what I have.

The child He loves, holds and embraces in His bosom,
all the while, never letting go for once…

Thank you for loving me.
Thank you for the tetelestai work at calvary.

Let your embrace always fall upon me,
and my trust always be upon you.
I can’t deny the grace that you’ve given to me in my life.

I pray that my family and relatives will come to see
God’s goodness and that my light will continue
to shine for Jesus.

NOT YET.

WARNING: For those who do not want to be stumbled,
or think that being negative is just a person out of
control of emotions and that the person should just
really hide it without revealing it anyhow to anyone,
I think this warning is for you. DON’T READ ON IF YOU
THINK IT’S going to affect you. Why bother? You can
just continue with your own affairs and keep everything
to yourself. I’m sorry, but, I’m real, and I can’t help it.
God made me this real. So if you’re not interested in
real stuff, seriously, BACK-OFF and click the ‘[X]‘ button
on your browser. This site does not suit you.

I saw this poster in popular and wanted to buy it.
But on second thoughts, I think I should drop by another
day for it. This really comforted me in some measure.
It’ll be placed at the last portion of this entry.

Meanwhile, I’ll blog about my day.

Today I went out with Jasmine to NEC notebook repair
center then went to stroll about in town area. Shared
certain views, talked about the coming plans. I’ll really
miss this friend of mine.

Was kind of despairing the whole day out because of
certain issues. Sorry that I looked a little bored, not
that I wasn’t happy to spend time out going to shops
that I have not much interest in, but, really, I was
upset, so I decided to just keep quiet and not say
much. But really, thanks a lot for your company.
Very much appreciated.

Feelings for the day:
Upset & Tired: Coz of mum
Weary: Coz of some issues (life)
Disappointed: Coz of people and some plans.
Frustrated: Coz of some unplanned plans.
Anxious: Coz of many uncertainties.
Hopelessness: Coz I am practically alone and helpless.

Sentiments at current:
Doubts: About a number of things.
Distrust: In people’s actions, doings, personality, character,
words, authority, credibility.
Lost of Hope: In many things.

NOT YET
Sometimes I ask this question, “My Lord, is this Your will?”.
It’s then I hear You answer me,”My precious child… be still.”

Sometimes I feel frustrated cause I think I know what’s best.
It’s then I hear You say to me, “My Busy Child… just rest.”

Sometimes I feel so lonely and I think I’d like a mate.
Your still small voice gets oh so close and says, “My Child… please be patient”.

I know the plans I have for you, the wondrous things you’ll see.
if you can just be patient, Child, and put your trust in Me.

I’ve plans to draw you closer. I’ve plans ot help you grow.
There’s much I do you cannot see and much you do not know.

But know this, Child… I LOVE YOU. You are precious unto Me.
Before I formed you in the womb, I planned your destiny.

I’ve something very special I hope for you to learn.
The gifts I wish to give to you are gifts you cannot earn.

They come without a price tag, but not without a cost;
At Calvary, I gave My son, so You would not be lost.

Rest Child, and do not be weary of doing what is good.
I promise I’ll come back for you just like I said I would.

Your name is written on My palm, I never could forget;
Therefore, do not be discouraged when My answer is… NOT YET.

I shall rejoice.

Hmm. Well. just got news from NTU.
I got rejected. =( Honestly speaking,
I’m quite sad about it, because it really
meant something to me.

I can’t bear to see how my mum would
react. I really pray that this would not
be something that would add on to her
burdens.

I’m keeping it from her for the night.
Till I find a good time to release it.

Maybe there’s a bigger reason to rejoice.
There’re certain things that God
allowed and disallowed to happen
because He knows what is best for me.

Perhaps there’s something that He really
wants me to know before all these things
come.

Though there are many uncertainties,
concerns, doubts and anxiety, I don’t want them
to be the center of my focus.

Life can be really practical, logical and cruel,
where people slash each other by stepping on
each others’ heads to gain something.

I will not allow my laughter to die.
I’ll continue to trust in you.

You’re the only one that I can trust and look to.
You’ll provide. You’ll hear me. You will.

I trust in you.

Went out to IKEA with xp yesterday.
Didn’t really blog because I was a little tired.

Well, I guess that some stuff were pretty clear.
I’m glad and I thank God that I can find people,
who can really really identify with me.

Well, I went to school today to try on the grad attire.
I took an XS. zz. It looks a little long. After which,
I stayed in the library to read some books.

I read one of John Ortberg’s books.
It was talking something about discipline and discipleship.
Pretty well written about what is a discipline and what is not.
Well written is because I find that the points are relevant,
and agreeable, although certain things I would like to dig up
a little more before I can agree with. I guess it really clears
up certain distortions about disciplines.

I suddenly recalled the title.
It’s, “The life you would want to live”,
something along that line.

And I read this part about abraham,
where he had to sacrifice his son issac.

People could sympathize with you,
but one thing is this.

You’re on your own to Mt. Moriah, the mountain where
he knew he had to sacrifice issac as God asked him to.

No one could walk in the place of abraham on his behalf.
This place is a place of obedience by faith, with confusions,
doubts, disappointment, laughter-die, loneliness. Could be
a mix of all these emotions. After all he’s just another ordinary
created being with a soul.

It made me think about testings.
The other book that is good was written by rick foster i think.
Forgot the title but rather thick. It has some of those good points there,
like one of those preachers of the early centuries, e.g. Charles Spurgeon.

After some thoughts and thinking aloud,
I decided that I should just walk away from there.
Although I very much wanted to just stay and find rest & peace,
guess that the message I got is rather clear.

Walking back to plant the miracle seed in that desert.
God please provide me to do this.

My strength is not found anywhere but in you.
I’ve seen my weaknesses and limitations.
I declare to place my full reliance on you.

Every time every situation,
Let my eyes look to you.
You’re my hope and my provider.

Your hands are never too short to save.
Jesus save me and deliver me from intimidation.
Make me stand against Goliath as David did.

That shepherd boy whom you made king,
He trusted you with all his heart.
What made him bold and courageous?
Wasn’t it his faith in you.

It wasn’t the sling nor the stone,
It was your strength in his swing,
like hands in glove.

In you I place my trust.
Walk with me with my hand in yours.

What are you doing here, Elijah?

Well, these few days have been physically tiring.
Went for service at NC last sunday.

Senior Pastor of Paradise Community Adelaide Australia,
Ashley Evans came over to preach.

His sermon topic was about authority.
One really good teaching and it really spoke to me,
to stand up in the face of intimidation.

power vs authority.
It was a message on dominion and place of influence.

It’s not really a sermon, but a message of life,
that he experienced that led him to come up with
a series of teachings on this topic.
Something he said in